Anime Over Explained: Pinkie Tries to Make Sense of Anime

Hey Island Guests, did you know anime could be weird? I know! Surprising right?! Most things anime characters do we can justify trough weird explanations , divine powers , a demon hiding inside a character, an altered world or just plain old aliens. So to an extend we can still believe Soda Can’s fighting each other to proof which can is the strongest… yet there are some things in anime we should not look to far into. Today we will be doing exactly that last thing?! Why? Because it seemed like fun.

The Toast Run

Ah yes, grabbing a slice of toast and covering it with jam, then shoving it into your mouth and eat it as you run. If this happened in real life our streets would be littered with jam covered bread because so many of us arrive late at things. I bet there would be plenty of ants too with all the jam on the sidewalks.  First of all when you bite on toast like that eventually it will get soggy and break off. Why not just hold the toast as you run?! I mean sure you need your arms to sling your backpack on… but after that they just keep running with the toast in the mouth. Technically I guess they are less wind resistant this way?  But not really! Instead of holding it “vertically” allowing the toast to be a windblade it is hold horizontally.. as a windshield.. catching a lot of wind..slowing  you down.

Let’s also not forget that you should not run for a while after eating, you might explode or something! Holding the toast in your mouth means you fully have to breath through your nose and will running way more exhausting reducing the chance of you ever making it in time drastically. A yoghurt breaker would make a lot more sense as your item of choice. Now of course yoghurt isn’t as popular in Japan but neither is toast. In fact they rarely have breakfast with bread right? So why do they all suddenly have bread on the shelf? I bet it is kinda stale and that’s why they have to toast it, but why would they all have red jam.. doesn’t anyone ever put peanut butter on it or apricot jam? The ultimate run food I would say is a banana. It kinda curves like a sword and we so loads of anime characters be super fast with swords.  Also it could provide some fan service for those who want it and it’s so much healthier… and faster.

So here is my biggest gripe with this trope. It’s toast!  Usually a character finds out they overslept and that they are late and they rush out of the house with a piece of toast in their mouth.. how did that bread get toasted? Do they toast it the night before?  Just in case they are late? Or will they actually wait for the toaster to produce their crisped up slice of bread. Neither make sense, people don’t assume they are going to be late, even though they always are and usually characters are SO late there really is no room for toast making. The only way I can imagine this making sense is if they sell individually wrapped toast slices in Japan.. like as in how Oreos are packaged they have jam toast sandwiches. That kind of sounds gross and we never see them buy such things when doing grocery shopping. Please explain in the comments if you DO understand what is going on because I can not wrap my head around this.

Anime Boobs

Being as innocent and grey-sexual as I am I was always puzzled by the drawn boobs and their appeal to people. Surrogates I guess? Yet girls are really weird about their boobs in Japan.. it is a subject that they discuss regularly. Why? If I known a girl for three years now I would never say stuff like “Oh I forgot how big Senpai’s boobs are” Most anime girls who fawn over each others “rack” have known each other for a long time. So that makes no sense to me?! Did any of you girl readers do that in high school?  I mean maybe once I could get, not that I find it particularly interesting (and I am into women) but sure I can believe Cup-Envy would be a thing.

For some reasons these fleshly assets are the talk of the town in anime. I think I talked more about tits (the bird)  than I talked about tits (the boobs)  simply on account that there is more to tell about. Yet what really doesn’t make sense to me is the scaling of these things. Like you think Power Scaling in Dragon Ball is off.. man the size girls attribute to their chest is way worse. I have seen Keijo characters with boobs so huge, that when these characters are grandma they will   look like quadrupeds,  which they call C cups. If a woman has a D-cup there is not a single shirt in the entire country of japan that fits them anymore and if they ever would have an E-Cup Luke Skywalker would mistake them for moons, only to be corrected by Obi Wan.

So here is the weird thing, clearly those cup sizes they know are all wrong. What they call a C is definitely not that.. so how in a country/world so obsessed by boobs they size them wrong?! How are there so many big chested characters, but no shirts or bras to support them. Clearly they are unaware of the problems large chested women can endure dooming all young teen girls to chronic back problems later in their life. Except for a few rare occasions mother characters also never have big  chests.. so where is the genetic sense in this?! Do all anime girls inherit chest size from their fathers family trees? Clearly they lack the science and it seems very weird that in worlds like this.. no one would study them.

Naming Your Attacks

Now this is a trope that to a certain level I CAN understand. People do name their rifle as well. Just if I take out my gun and kill an assailant I do not yell out “Go Popcorn shoot them dead”  Obviously because they know what I would be doing but also because it would be very distracting to my focus. What is even weirder that the trope in its current form isn’t even an anime thing. It’s a Street Fighter II thing. While Goku and Kenshiro did name their finishing moves, it mainly was used on a finisher or at least big attack. They don’t yell ki blast.  Yet nowadays every attack has a name. Just look at Naruto.  If someone yelled Sexy No Jutsu in my ear.. I’d probably realise it was a trick!  It was Tiger Uppercut, Sonic Boom and Tatsumaki Sempukyaku that set the standard for this. Yes yes.. I know I left the most popular two of the franchise out,  but you can point them out in the comments if you can!

 

So now we have an anime trope that isn’t even really an anime trope. For full disclosure this trope to me does not apply to magic. Some spells need verbal components I get that I am talking techniques that would not actually require it. Like anything in Naruto really, or Goku’s Kamehameha. The first time he uses this technique in the sub he doesn’t yell out the attack he just grunts to gather energy and releases it with a Haaaa. Showing verbal is in fact not needed.  Frieza’s Emperor’s death beam also proves you do not need to shout attacks. Even if shouting a technique name is needed.. why not name it Poq or Wuv that would be a LOT faster and you would be unbeatable. Sure it doesn’t have the ring to it that Makankōsappō has to it but you’d be dead before you could kankosappo  so I wouldn’t even know your attacks have cooler names. Poq is OP!

Speaking of names, what’s up with those. Galick Gun?! It’s literally named after Garlic? Why!Garlick already was a thing in Dragon Ball. Why name your attack after some legendary surfing dude? Blue Kill Thing.. or Pink Death Ray are way more descriptive.  Luckily Piccolo did it right naming his attack Demon’s Penetrating Killing Light Gun. That was pretty descriptive. Stil would be defeated by my Poq attack though. Naruto fares a bit better. Rasengan means something like Spiraling Sphere and Chidori also had a naming story for it’s sound and such. Since these attacks have to be delivered to their opponent.. they would probably be prepared for your attack anyway, especially if they can read seals but I’d imagine “I’m gonna blow your head off” would be more satisfying to say then Spiral Sage Sphere.

Being Popular for Weird reasons

A very common trait in anime can be , being popular for very weird reasons. As if the writers have some deep trauma they have to compensate and make their old club cool. In an anime about Go , they make Shogi a popular game?!  Really playing Shogi makes you cool?! This trope is often placed on the Student Council President as well. While I will admit some charisma is needed for the part these are usually the biggest overachievers in school, at least the ones that dare to open their mouth. Have you ever found that guy who does extra work for school credit cool?! Obviously their ambition can be attractive but how would a sixteen year old schoolgirl be into an uptight boy who loves rules and regulations?! One I can get ..but usually the entire school flocks out for these type of fellows.

Harem anime often do this even worse. Yuki Rito is good example. While this may sound bitter, nice people finish last in love. While you can KEEP a girl or boy by being nice to them, realistically that is NOT the way to get them. You have to be bold , cheeky or fun.  Being nice is not a realistic hook, it CAN happen but not on the scale it happens in anime. Yuki is a former soccer player that now helps with the creation of Manga and he is very good and horticulture. That should NOT get you a Harem at least it would not in this world.

Anime Schoolgirl seem hardwired to  fall hard for positive traits. Jotaro is the delinquent and Kakyoin is the more studious boy and the latter would be more popular in the anime. In our world Jojo would be swimming in girls. Funnily enough Naruto is the one series that deals with this quite well again. Sakura falls for the bad apple and keeps doing so despite Naruto’s effort.. the geeky girl goes for him. Still most anime girls seem to be so goody good  that they all want someone extremely respectable. That might be a cultural thing yet still to me it is weird and somewhat surreal.

In this case I’d say anime makes more sense then reality though because obviously it is way easier to see a future with a respectable person than with Fonzie. I would have so become a band geek if it had gotten me a girl! But alas! Perhaps if I turn Tsundere I will have more luck in this world! They are popular in both worlds.. even though being mistreated would not seem sexy to me.  But with that said! Subscribe and like if you haven’t already! You BAKA! Oh yeah.. I am gonna hook up tonight!