That Time The Pink Panther Reincarnated As …

A little while ago Sunny dropped a package at Pinkie’s castle. Hastily wrapped up with some kelp and in the sand near Pinkie’s private beach and flight dock he spelled… Is this okay?! In seashells on the beach. Pinkie opened the package and examined it. It was a story about an already fictional character going on an adventure. The Princess was reminded of her own Dragon Ball stories, or the brainstorm of what would have happened if Ash was a girl. However this was even more adorably retro! So not only was Sunny allowed to post this story! She would really hope she would see more of these posts in the future! So please enjoy this brand new adventure of an old familiar face!

You absolutely must watch and listen to the theme first. Badum badum…badum…badum badum badum bababa baaaaaaaaa dadadada…

The Pink Panther was having a casual stroll down the street, when a glint of gold caught his eye. There – it was a lamp! Rather like the lamp from Alladin’s Tale. Very well then, thought Pink, I shall give it a rub. 

Rather than a genie, the lamp produced a smarmy ad voice touting the advantages of taking a job as a lamp genie! Intrigued, Pink climbed on into the lamp and soon re-emerged dressed as a genie. He approached a number of people offering them wishes, but no one seemed to believe him. The last grouch kicked the lamp – with Pink still in it – out into the street. Still in the lamp Pink ducked and dodged as best he could but a big delivery van came roaring seemingly from nowhere and SPLAT the lamp was totally flattened. Pink had a moment of utter shock as his world became flat, and then he passed out. 

He wasn’t sure how much later he awoke. He was in a rather grand bedroom with rich appointments, sprawled over a bed with satin sheets but strangely enough, he was still wearing his genie outfit. Even stranger, he realized, sitting bolt upright and catching a full view of himself in a mirror across from the bed – he was… he was a woman? A human woman? He stared at himself in the mirror. The only thing that looked faintly familiar were his golden eyes, and that damn genie outfit. Only now instead of hanging fashionably loose over his slender pink silhouette, it was bulgingly full with a lush female body. Long, pink curls cascaded from her head down her back and sides. He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. So did the reflection. Undeniably him. Her. It was all most confusing. 

A man appeared at the doorway, wearing nothing but a towel and a smirk. “Well. Made yourself comfortable, have you? The costume is great but I’m afraid there’s a bit too much of it. I hope you brought your own music? I’d like for you to dance for me and strip slowly.” The man approached, dropping his towel to display an impressive expanse of belly covered in a coarse coat of hair, which continued down his legs and arms and probably his back as well.

Pink shrieked like a girl – well, what else? – and jumped up off the bed to run around it, putting the bed between himself and the man. Glancing over his shoulder he saw a sliding glass door that opened into a small balcony. The lights of a vast city spread below. Strange sights, a ferris wheel, a huge roman sort of villa, a smaller version of the Eiffel Tower picked out in lights, a pyramid! Where was he? When was he!? 

“Frisky, eh? Well, I don’t mind a bit of play. Now come here you little genie!” The man rolled up off the bed and crouched, then made a dash towards Pink. Pink squealed again and teetered on ridiculously high heels to the balcony. He peered over the railing to see a glorious pool surrounded by lounge chairs and a tiki bar. There was also a raised dais where a strangely attired man leapt around from side to side, shouting on a mic now and then. Lights flashed and whirled and dozens of beautiful women of all ages danced, drank, and swam attired in tiny swim suits and formal gowns.  Every thing sparkled. Pink found himself dazzled and when he could hear the man panting behind him he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and threw himself over the railing. 

A mighty splash. Screams. And then laughter as the crowd decided it must be some sort of stunt. Especially as Pink was quite unharmed as he began to swim with all the dignity he could muster towards the side of the pool. As he pulled himself out he looked down and realized that he might as well be naked as the see through harem costume molded itself to his ridiculously luscious curves. 

Girls all around him started to pull and push and undulate against him. One bold lass even grabbed his face and dared to kiss. With tongue! Staggered, Pink ducked his head as if shy and raced for the bar. Once he was safely seated on the barstool, he spun himself towards the bartender, who was wearing a dark blue suit. 

“What can I get for you, darling?”

Pink hesitated. He was quite sure he had no pockets in this outfit. He gulped. She gulped. Confusing.

The bartender made a dismissive wave, “Don’t worry about money. All included. Just give me a room number and I’ll put it on the check.”

Pink thought about it. Then held up two fingers. The bartender eyed him.

“Don’t talk much do you?”

Pink shook his head. And held up 3 fingers. 

The bartender chuckled, and poured out a shot glass from a bottle labeled “3 Fingers Tequila” and shoved it across the bar. With a delighted smile, Pink raised the glass to his lips and swallowed. For a moment he thought his throat might actually be on fire. He puffed some breath at the bartender to see if flames shot out. The bartender gave him a funny look, then refilled the glass.  Pink felt a delicious soothing warmth fill his belly, despite the breeze and his wet clothing. The second shot went down much smoother.

Ten shots later…

Pink staggered around the crowd, giggling and stumbling but as much of the crowd was doing the same, no one seemed to mind. The strange man on the raised dias stopped the horrific loud but rhythmic noise and spoke for a few minutes but the words hardly made sense to Pink whether because of a language gap or the excessive amount of system in his, eh, her system, well. 

A bouncy blond woman grabbed Pink by the arm. “You’re just the kind of girl we’re looking for! Do you want to be famous and be able to tell all your friends to watch for you on the MTV broadcast?” she asked cheerily. 

Always agreeable, Pink nodded. 

“Great!” she gushed as she handed him a white t-shirt. “Put this on.” 

Hoping it might be a little warmer than the frail wisp of top to the genie costume, Pink quickly peeled that off and pulled on the t-shirt. Oh! It was warmer!

The perky woman pushed and pulled and herded him and among a group of giggly girls also wearing white t-shirts, towards the raised platform. She lined them all up on top of the platform, to the cheers of the audience. One by one she went down the line asking for their names, ages, and hometown until she got to Pink, who just smiled and shrugged. She said, “Oh a shy one!” into the mic, but leaned in and asked, “You ARE over 21, right?” Pink nodded vigorously. Although really, he wasn’t sure at the moment. 

The woman stepped away and then suddenly from nowhere and everywhere water began hitting the girls on the platform! Most of them squealed with delight and began to dance around, pulling their shirts down to show off their breasts and jumping up and down to accentuate how perky they were. Pink stood stock still in shock for a moment, but then began to scrabble up the curtains behind him to get away from the water! He had quite enough of being wet today, and the t-shirt was almost warm compared to the genie outfit! 

Burly men in black suits came running at him. Pink scrabbled harder and jumped, landing on the top of the dias with the weird man and those tables and things. There was an almighty crash as the whole thing went over. The lights went out. The music stopped. The water continued to fall, but the screams were less of delight than of fear. Pink ran through the darkness until he found a door. He opened it to find lights and a hallway that he ran down as fast as he could stumble in the golden high heels. At the end was an elevator so Pink jumped inside and hit all the buttons, and then sat down on the floor to take those wretched heels off his suffering feet. He was still struggling with the straps when the elevator began to stop at every floor and open for a moment.

On one floor two men dressed in sparkly white suits stepped on, accompanied by a white tiger.

When they stepped off another man with black wavy hair in another spangled white suit – a jumpsuit – got on. He peered at Pink sitting on the floor rubbing his feet. “Don’t tell anyone you saw me honey” he said in a sultry tone before he got off at another floor. 

Then six blue men got on the elevator. Pink stood and looked around at them. They looked back. He smiled. They smiled back. It looked very strange with their blue faces to see such white teeth. Pink shrugged. They shrugged and smiled. They looked around at each other and nodded. When the elevator opened again, a blue man took each of Pink’s elbows and escorted him off the elevator!

They took him down long dim halls and down some stairs. He could vaguely hear applause, laughter, and bursts of music now and then through the thin walls. The blue men took him into a room with mirrors and tables down one side and all sorts of clothes on racks on the other. A couple of the men handed him a dark blue skin tight outfit. The fabric was strange to Pink’s touch, but it looked nice and cozy so he slipped into it and gave the men a grateful smile and a nod before he walked to the door. 

Suddenly, one of the men blocked his way, and kindly but firmly directed Pink to a chair. Well. Really. S/he was rather tired. Pink sat. The blue men bustled about until someone outside banged on the door and said “Two minutes”. That’s when two of the men took Pink by the elbows again and they all rushed up a narrow hall, up a few steps, and out onto a stage! The blue men bowed and the audience clapped and Pink stood dumbstruck by the spotlight. 

The blue men began rushing about and as they did, one or two of them would herd Pink this way or that way until it was clear Pink was part of the act but he had no idea, uh, she had no idea, oh dear. There was a row of drums in a big circle and as Pink ran from one to the next each time s/he touched a drum suddenly a blue man came to life behind it and as they performed a drum roll colored liquid and light of some kind shot up into the air. It was dazzling and beautiful and more than a little scary for Pink! Finally the men danced and whirled Pink until they whirled her right off the stage. She stumbled down the stairs and sat at the bottom as the audience applauded. Her head was still spinning. Where on earth was she? Surely this wasn’t any heaven Pink had ever heard of.

Pink heard music again. But this song was strangely compelling. It drew her from the stairs, down another hallway, and through a door that led back into the lush white and gold rooms filled with people. People of all ages, dressed in all sorts of clothes and colors, but they all seemed to be attached to machine that dinged and booped and pinged and spun wheels and flashed lights and shouted out nonsense phrases like “I’ll be back” and “I’d like to buy a vowel” and now and then there was the sound of coins falling and everyone would yell at once. Still, Pink could hear the music and she followed it until she finally found a door that led outside.

She walked down a long elevated outdoor hall, like a Greek palace, over a garden and water until she somehow came out onto a dingy city street. Lights and noise assaulted her as people pushed and shoved past laughing and carrying drinks and pointing at all the lights. 

And the lights! Big lights, small lights, lights that flashed and seemed to run one after another and change colors. Names in lights, pictures in lights, entire little movies on some signs. A fountain gushed in time to music and lights and people oohed and ahhed and still Pink could hear the faint strains of the haunting song that had drawn her outside.

She walked down the street, her eyes filled with wonder – as indeed were those of many alongside her. A big double decker bus whooshed past her and puffed to a stop. Pink could hear the music somehow inside. She stepped up and a man stepping out handed her a yellow card, saying “there’s a few hours left to this pass. You can use it.” as he smiled and walked away.

Pink held out the yellow card and the bus driver pointed at a strange machine. Someone reached past her and ran their little card through the slot. There was a beep and the bus driver nodded and they went and sat down. Pink slid her card through the slot and the machine beeped and the bus driver nodded and said, “Move on back, hon, other people need to get on.”

Wandering towards the back Pink heard the music again. A young-ish man with shaggy blond hair nodded in time to music. He wore a yellow shirt, and yellow shorts, and a yellow hat. He was as sunny yellow as Pink was pink! Pink sat down beside him and he smiled and nodded. She nodded back and saw then the wires going into his ears from a box in his hand. The music was coming from there. Pink looked intently at the box, and the young man smiled and took one of the wires out of his ear, offering it to Pink. She tucked a pink curl behind one ear and put the little thing in her ear.

She heard, “Welcome to the new age, to the new age, welcome to the new age, to the new age…” Her golden eyes flew open wide and she looked at the young fellow in yellow. He grinned and patted her on the knee. 

“It’s going to be okay, Pink. You’ll see.” 

Pink blinked, nodded, and for the first time since the truck hit the lamp, relaxed.