Cowboys, Giant Robots and a Pink Dame! Pinkie plays Wild Guns

Hear Ye Hear Ye  Princess Pinkie has returned with a new gaming post!

Salutations my loyal subjects and island guests. As you might know I love retro games and especially the SNES era of gaming.   I have done a fair few reviews in the past! Recently with Covid rules becoming a bit more lentient I have been meeting with a friend to play some cool SNES Co-Op titles using my Nintendo Switch Online subscription.  Today I will talk to you about a game we recently beat! A game that is about shouting cowboys and giant robots. Steampunk meets Cyberpunk in the SNES cult classic. Wild Guns!

Clint and Annie’s date at the Saloon

Wild Guns - Wikipedia

Wild Guns was one of those SNES titles that saw a very diverse release date. Released in Japan in August 1994, the US in  July 1995 and finally in Europe due October 30 1996 Wild Arms is a classic game in the very obscure shooting gallery genre.  While the game has an incredibly arcade feel Natsume developed and published it exclusively for SNES. It would not be until 2016 and later that a “remaster” was released on anything else but a Nintendo platform. But nowadays a four player variant of this game with new characters and new stages is also available for pc and playstation 4. Of course the updated version is also available on Nintendo Switch. Wild Guns Reloaded is available on steam for around 13 euro. While I would love to play as a dog on a drone (which is an reloaded exclusive character)  I will talk about  the  base game.. because if you pay for Nintendo Switch online it’s free!

I have no idea what the story is of this game! I don’t remember if I skipped it or if I needed a manual to read it .. but   in the base game you play Clint .. a gruff classical looking cowboy or Annie a blonde in a pink dress and a fancy hat! Guess which one I insisted on being!   Each character comes with four colour variations which also change your crosshair. I played better as Blue Annie then Pink Annie because  I lost track of my crosshair less! White Annie I found unplayable.. but that might just be me!  The game has  6  stages of which the majority consists of 3 parts.  In the end you have to defeat.. some chinese/japanese looking guy. The stages and subsections are pretty varied and most enemies are unique to each stage.. though the classic SNES colour variants show up. The game features 3 difficulties and a versus mode, so there is some replayability. 

SNES Longplay [243] Wild Guns (a) - YouTube

My friend and me started at the normal difficulty, which had Clint and Annie already die quite a bit. The first stage is themed after a saloon. With the first part being a shootout against cowboys outside the saloon with enemies shooting at your from windows or behind barrels. It was pretty neat and the cowboy vibe clearly can be felt.  The way this game work  is basically as follows. The first two subsections of a stage you fight against a clock, you have to survive against an onslaught of enemies until the timer runs out after which you face a mini boss.  If you score enough points you can earn more lives , better weapons and screen wiping bombs to make the rest of the stage easier, so you always have to balance how much risk you take killing people versus. Risking how much you want to upgrade versus how much you want to live. Which is easier said then done.. because this game comes at you , guns blazing.

After you have survived against your first wave of cowboys you have to face a giant robot cowboy with machine gun arms which  tries to mow you down remorseley. Luckily Clint and Annie have some sort of spider sense and they will tell the player to watch out and make them dodge when projectiles fly their way. In their jump they are also near invisible. If you listen to your character you have a good chance to survive , and with a bit of learning you can take down this first mini boss pretty easily. Clint and Annie beat this stage after only one game over. The second bout of this stage takes place inside the saloon!  This one is already a bit more tricky, not only do bullets fly your way, there is also dynamite to deal with.   Which limits in what directions you can block.  Jumping into an explosion will end up getting you killed and if you do not kill enemies quickly they will keep piling up turning the game into a true bullet hell.  

Wild Guns: Reloaded adds an adorable dog who controls a machine-gun drone  to its chaotic roster | TechnoBuffalo

It took us two attempts.. but when we found out we can use a Lasso to stun dynamite throwers, while the other would gun them down  we cleaned out the saloon and took down the wimpy Miniboss.  The final area of this stage put us on the roof of the Saloon where we take down a Mecha equipped with a missile system that rains death from above.. and gatling guns that sweep half the screen.  Playing smart we saved up a lot of our bombs which made short work of the boss. Clint and Annie finish their date at the saloon after dying only like 40 times (21 times Annie and 19 times Clint) ! Hey I have been on worse dates!

Crazy Cowboys

Amazon.com: Wild Guns - Nintendo Super NES: Video Games

After this the game lets you pick one of four stages,  A goldmine, a train,  a canyon and an arms depot.  Each stage pits you against a crazy mix of cowboys and robots.  Each stage gives you a point total which you can see as bounty for taking down the boss. Not every stage has the same bounty and of course the stages with the higher bounty offer higher difficulty! Yet bounties also go up if you beat a stage, so if you are interested in score there are some tactics to have fun with… for me bullet riddled Annie, we just decided to play the stages from high to low! Only to give on medium difficulty after 4 attempts of desolation canyon. We really wanted to beat the game and play through it and despite having unlimited continues that keep track of which stages you beat, having to do all three subsections of a stage on 3 life each.  Now Normal is a doable difficulty but we did not have enough practice time.. and due to the world state we can’t play this as often as we would like.. so we would just try easy mode, hoping the game would not insult us at the end.

It gave us a perfect insight at what difficulty would do. The higher the difficulty the higher the health pool of enemies is  and thus how smaller your window to dodge becomes. This will also result in you having more enemies on screen to deal with at the same time, as you can’t kill everyone quick enough to keep your screen rather clear.  The higher the difficulty the more likely enemies are to use their special abilities, like drones throwing their own lasso or one of those deaths from above missile barrages. All in all easy was a lot more manageable, though still not  very easy. There is a lot on the screen to manage. Powerups, your dodge notifications, enemy placement, the placement of your crosshair and the missiles falling from the sky , powerups and ground traps.  Funnily I discovered that me and my friend struggled with different things. He kept getting hit by traps and missiles while I failed to see a notification of a bullet.  Which helped us get a flow where we warned each other of one of those. 

Voyeurism – Wild Guns | Games and Junk

The single player mode of this game as such is a bit tricky, there is so much happening I am convinced you will always have a weakness and there is no one to polish it out, and it is not as fun either. The action is a bit repetitive, even though all stages offer a pretty diversive, way of approaching things. The mine has enemies as tiny dots in the distance, the  train has enemies zipping past and changing positions, the canyon has a lot of enemies that can stun! So each stage is different in how you approach it .. but it is all very samey in it’s pacing, which is  why you really need a friend for this.  Competing for the higher score is also a  lot more fun than getting a highscore in some random list.  The set high scores are super easy to beat.  We beat the game and already set the high score.. while we actually did pretty terrible.  So just beating high scores by yourself would not be fun at all! Maybe if you beat the game once or twice to beat your personal best.. but with how many games we have access to nowadays , no one will do that.  So it really is a game for two.

This also helps with the game’s biggest appeal. Finding out what craziness is next. The enemies are really crazy and most bosses are really fun!  There is one really boring flame tank thing but there are also some bizarre bosses that are super fun to learn and face.  The mid stage bosses are fairly fun as well, though unfortunately these are the ones that are reused the most. In a way there are some similarities with Cowboy Bebop ..but without the break. Think Bebop meet’s Gurren Lagann, while graphically reminding me a bit off Final Fight mixed with Metal Slug.  That feeling and craziness is also the biggest appeal. You don’t play this game for the challenge , you might not even play it to beat it every single time you play it for the fun, in a similar way why you play Pacman or Tetriis.  There is just something fundamentally fun about this game. 

Wild Guns - Retro of the Week

That same appeal is unfortunately also it’s biggest downfall.  Because it has that arcade appeal it’s linear/level based setting makes it less repeatable than it’s competitors.  Where you can play a Pacman a bit every day, this you will put down for a fair while after you beat it. It feels more like a beat em up with guns. However where  Beat Em ups let you play another character that does really play differently as the other, here it doesn’t feel that way. Because you walk on a 2d plain instead of a 2.5d plan your actions are much more set and because enemies target you in specific ways , knowing how they will  react will get you past them each time. At least in Beat ‘m ups they will move slightly differently.  This makes Wild Guns a perfect game to beat once a year with a friend. I really like this game a lot but I also don’t want to play it again any time soon, maybe I want to get the reloaded version someday so I can play the dog on a drone trough the extra stages! Now  I just need to hope the Dog on a drone comes with a pink skin!

Wild Guns Reloaded no Steam

Did you ever play Wild Guns?! Do you have a favourite arcade like title? What character would you play? I have so many questions for you I might have to sleep on it! In the meantime you can already babble in the comments! Because remember, Friendship is Magic but Dreams are even more wonderful! Oyasumi.

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Pink Princess Uniduck Tagging the Rainbow! Tagging Stories With Colour Challenge!

Hear ye hear ye! Princess Pinkie has returned with a new Geeky Lifestyle and Blog-tag post

Greetings my loyal subjects and guests, Meg from A Geeky Gal tagged me for the Tagging Stories with Colour Challenge.  Be sure to check her blog out if you haven’t already! She is amazing!  Truly an inspiration to the blogging and vlogging community!   Her let’s plays on YouTube are very entertaining, she has cute doggo’s AND she can decorate her house very well! By the rules of this  tag I have to fear her superiority.. so I HAVE to make this post worst then hers…luckily I think I can do that. I think I was also tagged by Anime Rants for this a long time ago..or someone else tagged me , but back then I was going trough major burnout and writers anxiety… so whomever tagged me in this before! I am very grateful and let me know it was you so I can pay you some tribute as well!

The Rules

  1. Share your favorite stories—movies/books/anime/manga/drama/songs/games—by classifying them on these seven colors’ traits (listed below).
  2. Send this challenge invitation to at least one of your friends. Let them fear your superiority, as you—decide their fate.
  3. Link back to the original post here! And, enjoy!
  • red: passionate, exciting, invigorating
  • blue: peaceful, calming
  • pink: romantic, caring
  • orange: warm, motivating
  • black: mysterious, thrilling
  • green: fresh, unexpected
  • white: random

The Colours

Since I do movies, games, anime and stories on my blog I will feature them all in here. Pokémon is an odd one to place as it isn’t really known for it’s storytelling. I would place Pokémon Snap under blue, but it really doesn’t have a story and I haven’t progressed enough in New Pokémon Snap to tell you much about that story. Shadows of Almia is a funny and light story which I could place under white… but I talked about that in my previous post. So let’s focus on more story driven stuff for this one and I might do this one especially for Pokémon if I ever get tagged in it again.

Red is for Mirai Nikki

Passion at least in the lustful sense is an emotion I am severely lacking! I am passionate about things… but I don’t think we are talking about that kind of passion. So today I am talking about Future Diary.  I think the series is exciting as well but the story from Yuno’s perspective is one of passion. It’s not a romantic series by any means but the lenghts Yuno goes trough for her Yuki is certainly some kind of passion! Sakura Trick is another very passionate anime.. but a bit too slurpy for me.  Since I do not really relate passion to the physical , the actions of Yuno to me embody trough passion.. overly much so but passion non the less. She is willing to bend reality itself for her to be with the man *cough*  she is passionate about.  There isn’t even that much  connection throughout their entire time together.. but sometimes the heart just wants what it wants and that to me is why this story is definitely red.. the blood helps a lot as well, and made me fantasise about a yandere girlfriend! 

Blue is for Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley Secrets You May Not Have Found Yet - Page 5

So I know that Stardew Valley might not really be relaxing for it’s story! Yet sometimes.. the true story is the one we create ourselves.  So while I could say that the story about Stardew Valley is the story about a kid, inheriting their grandpa’s farm and they have three years to save  some pear like alien creatures called the Jumino’s in order to prevent your grandfather’s spirit being eternally everlasting disappointed in you, that is not the true blue story of the game. The true story is about you…or your proxy moving to a rural place.. building a farm back up, and finding your happiness in this new little lifestyle. Stardew Valley is that game I can play when I am super sick and lack the strength to do anything else. Stardew Valley is me living a life without worries, a blissful state of being. Me romancing Abby, who apprantely is very stinky… or Lea , the artist who punches her old love in the face because she likes me better. It’s about me helping my neighbour make some jam by giving him 3 apples I kept in a crate for 4 years.  Stardew Valley lets you be who you want to be.. if you don’t want to be a farmer you could be a dapper adventurer…if you don’t like working the land you could just have some cows… or become a full time fisherman!  It’s about something we have lost.. a bit of simplicity and it will always calm me down.

Pink is for Bloom into You

Floral Symbolism in Bloom Into You

The biggest problem with romance is .. it is over romanticized.. which is weird.. and sounds close to me saying that pink is too pink… But it is true.. the idea most of us have about romance is way to fairytale esque it’s. Love is great.. but it is not the beginning or the end of anything. One anime which got that wonderfully well was the anime Bloom into You.  A girl discovers she isn’t romantically attracted to anyone and feels alien. When she discovers a girl who is like her, that girl falls head over heels in love with her and lusts for her. While our protagonist doesn’t really mind most times and does appreciate this person… she can not feel that amazing feeling we all describe as love… yet trough the little things we do see her care for this other person, we see her struggle with expectations versus reality but trough it all there is this connection that shines through.. and I do think that is true romance and love.

It isn’t about candle light dinners, it isn’t about roses between your teeth. True romance is knowing things aren’t perfect.. but knowing that this other person makes it good enough!  To be it is a perfect pink as well.. it’s not the red of passion..but the cooled down version! Also this series has my main anime waifu… so how could I not mention it.

Orange is for School of Rock

School Of Rock! - School of Rock fondo de pantalla (25392514) - fanpop

I love Jack Black, not in the Pink or the Red form .. but in the Orange form!  He is extremely typecast, and he basically just plays himself. When School of Rock first came out I thought , this is going to be a super generic movie. In many ways it is.. but is something warms my heart and motivates me. It is movies like this… This one in particular. It’s about finding skills outside what is conventionally acceptable, it is about having fun in what you do and it is about being you even if it’s a bit odd.  Too me , being kicked out of his own band for being to much him  didn’t just provide Jack a lesson to learn.. it also  showed it was a place where he was not appreciated. While by the end he did  leave the spotlight to his kids rather than himself.. it doesn’t matter anymore because they already appreciate him as their teacher. That to me is what is motivating.. sometimes we are forced to move down a different life path, but that doesn’t destroy everything! Sometimes changing lanes allows us to find what we are looking for in unexpected places. That sounds like an orange story to me!

Black is for Layers of Fear

Layers of Fear Is A Splendid Haunted House Devoid Of Chills | Time

Horror lends itself perfectly for mystery and thrills, and many games lends themselves perfectly for exploring this. The Silent Hill series has some very good examples like with Silent Hill 2.  Yet there is a strength in experiencing this all in first person! I love these types of horror , where you solve a mystery through your own eyes. Few horror games impressed me as much as Layers of Fear,a very artsy game in more than one way, where the house you traverse is constantly shifting , you do not trust your own senses, did you really misremember or are the game playing tricks with you. Building up this sense of dementia to a grande conclusion that is great yet very subtly told through hints you find yourself. If you do not figure out enough, the mystery will consume you. While the story itself isn’t all that earth-shattering sometimes a story doesn’t have to be. Sometimes what matters is HOW you tell a story and it can completely shift how we experience it.. and because of how we experience it in this game I opted to make it my choice for Black.

Green is for Kyousougiga

Kyousougiga–Anime Early Impressions – FunBlog

In essence Kyousougiga is a story about family!  A very strange family! It is a story about how everyone is so different from each other that they often drift apart. It’s also about classic buddhist mythology and Alice in Wonderland blended all together in a very strange mix. There series has some action elements but also some weird slice  of life’ish mentality. It’s also an Isekai with buddhist mechas and two episodes that are kind of a travelling show with real  people, voice actors showing you all locations they used in order for the mythos to make sense or be appreciated more.  So it’s super strange and silly while deep and philosophical at the same time. There is very little rhyme or reason to the plot and there is no 3 act structure here. Not even the Kabuki 7 style structure. This tells a tale whose episode 0 begins at episode 4 then moves chroniclogically back up, makes some twists and it ends with a girl falling trough all sorts of worlds while her mother kisses her kinda in a way a mother should not kiss her daughter. Well it doesn’t end there stuff happens in between..but in the end all that matters is that family finds it way back together again.. and this was a very interesting way of telling us this.

White is for Curse of Strahd/Ravenloft.

Mists of Ravenloft | Curse of Strahd Campaign | Obsidian Portal

I am not a big book reader anymore, I want a broader experience and though I love making things up and imagining a fantasy world before my very own eyes, books don’t always do it anymore for me.. but there is a kind-of-book-like medium , that I reallly like. That is D&D , both homebrew as well as modules.  One of the most iconic D&D stories is. Curse of Strahd.  Otherwise known by the name of Ravenloft. It is this D&D module that actually serves as the inspiration for the Castlevania video game series.  I had the pleasure of playing trough it once, and the characters that are there, the side stories and the twists and turns truely were amazing.  In Ravenloft , a group of Roma, known ast the Vistani task you with defeating an evil in the great country of Barovia.. a nation you find yourself trapped in with endless mist. By finding relics and traversing the region you discover the secrets behind Strahd and his castle and of one of the coolest vampire campagins ever! I love vampire stories and because of the D&D format the story is yours to give shape.. like a blank sheet of paper.. Which is white! 

The Tags

And that my loyal subjects are the colours of the rainbow!   Now I have to tag a minimum of one person, but do a few! 


Iniksbane is the first person I will tag. His website has featured me a great many times! I used to do this with my sunday posts  but do summaries anymore..because I heard people might not be wished to be associated with bloggers at times. Though  in honesty chronic migraines and large energy dips made it tricky for me to constantly browse the blogosphere anyway. I read a lot, but I might hurt people by thinking someone’s post is better than another. What I am saying is.. I really respect what he does, and even though I can’t do it myself anymore I want to show I respect him as a writer and think he can turn this tag into a clever story! So even if I can’t repay his kindness directly, maybe this will help.

SushiRainbow is a website that deserves more love! It has a lot of very personal style updates and that is actually my favourite style! I don’t interact with Sushi enough because when I read their posts it’s always on mobile and WordPress won’t let me interact on there properly! Same goes for a few other people, the ones that are part of my morning routine. I guess I gotten my life long dream, Sushi for breakfast.. anyway with Rainbow in the name, how could I not tag them.

SpaceWhales is a blog WordPress won’t let me follow without e-mail subscribing. I thought I subscribed but you know how techy stuff works! I haven’t seen much blog tags from them before, so I wonder if they take them on but I would like to give it a try!

Winst0lf is an amazing blogger that loves video game stories and I think he can turn this tag into something neat that is a bit less on the anime side of things! He deserves it and he comes over to shuffleboard on Paradise very regularly…the only problem is he always brings along Barry Manilow! So maybe by giving him this tag we can talk less about Copa Cabanna and more about his answers!

Naja is someone who I just know will nail the pink and the red colour… but are there Otome games that follow the other colours! I am curious! Of course she could go with a different route and answer those questions with anime or other stories…but then I will forever be left to wonder if there are those who meet the colour requirements.. so I challenge her to a special version of this tag with otome games only! Of course is free to ignore the challenge, but it would be a fun way to see the tag be used.

Olive Unicorn shall be my final tag! She is a make-up blogger that is pretty geeky herself! So I would really love to see her take on this. Maybe it will help a few new people connect more and we can expand our community a bit beyond just staying in our niche! Olive often has fairly similar tastes , except she looks quite a bit better in bright make up! Yet I would love to see more of the person behind the make up! What stories touch her! That would be a neat thing to behold.

FPMV: "PFUDOR" GIF | Gfycat

Tag done! Princess fatigued! Time for you guys to make yourself heard about my picks in the comments! What is your favourite colour, would you like to see a pokémon edition of this tag? I’d love to talk to you about these because remember! Friendship is Magic! But dreams are even more wonderful! Oyasumi!  *Quack*

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sadness

POSTCARDS FROM PARADISE

Recently I’ve been traveling off the island quite a bit. The pools have maintained their chlorine freshness with the help of my faithful companion, Cookie. For a few fish and cigarettes a day he doesn’t mind cleaning out the filters and even performs a little Sea Lion show for the guests in the afternoon.

So on these long turbulent flights back home to try to take my mind off of Monsoon season I usually comb through the movie section aboard each flight. Most flights have the same movies and almost all of them are bullshit. They know it and you know it. But what are you going to do? Not watch them? Stare at the suspicious guy two rows over for eleven hours? Sleep? HA! Right.

But on a red eye back to Paradise from Siberia West I found myself basically alone in the cabin with drink in hand and my headphones plugged into the auxiliary jack. I had found an old favorite. A movie that I fell in love with so many years ago. (A movie I actually paid for on Pay-Per-View back in the day). The feudal Chinese fantasy, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Let’s spend this space celebrating Ang Lee’s cinematic achievement, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon based on the novel of the same name written by Chinese author, Wang Dulu.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is actually book four of five in Dulu’s Crane-Iron Series. Crane-Iron being named after the first characters in the first and last installments of the series. The series’ five novels chronicle the struggles of four generations of youxia (simplified Chinese: 游侠; traditional Chinese: 遊俠), often translated as wandering heroes. Each novel contains elements which link it with the others. (Wikipedia)

He did not write the novel for it to become this game

Wang is not only considered a pioneer of the modern wuxia genre but a writer that perfected it. Wuxia is a genre of Chinese fiction that literally translates to, “Martial Heroes”. Usually blending fantasy with martial arts and romance – characters are often from lower social classes and are driven by chivalry or righteousness.

Born Wang Baoxiang 王葆祥 in Beijing 1909 he was said to have written as many as fifty novels between 1931 and 1949. Thirty six of those novels being wuxia novels. Sadly after the Chinese civil war Wang was denounced as “reactionary literarti” by the ruling Communist party and sentenced to hard farm labor where he would die from an unknown illness.

Wang’s legacy in the west was cemented by Taiwanese screenwriter and Director Ang Lee’s adaption of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Ang Lee OBS is a cinematic powerhouse. Born in Pingtung County, Southern Taiwan he was educated in both Taiwan and the United States. His works have found international acclaim and he is a critically and commercially celebrated writer and director. His notable works include: Life of Pi, Sense and Sensibility, Hulk, and Brokeback Mountain. Aside from winning a multitude of awards he has also been awarded the Order of Brilliant Star – the second highest civilian award bestowed on citizens by the Government of Taiwan.

He did not direct the movie for it to become this game.

In 1995 the LA Times named one man, “The coolest actor in the world”. It wasn’t Samuel L Jackson or Speed Star, Keanu Reeves. It was the face of Gun-Fu. Total-stoic-badass-John Woo-regular, Chow Yun-Fat.

Chow Yun-Fat did not come from nothing to be in this game

Born in Pok Liu island, British Hong Kong, Chow Yun-Fat SBS was raised by his mother Chan Lai -Fong, a cleaning lady and vegetable farmer and his father Chow Yung-Wan who worked on a Shell oil tanker. He grew up in a farming community with no electricity waking up early each morning to help his mother sell herbal jelly and work in the fields during the afternoons.

At 17, he took odd jobs to help the family any way he could. It was around this time his actor-trainee application was accepted by the local television station. He was signed to a three year contract and made his acting debut in 1980. Working his way through TV as a rising star and heart throb and on to the silver screen with John Woo Chow Yun- Fat has carved himself an extraordinary career. Even being awarded the Silver Bauhinia Star – the second highest rank star in the honors system of Hong Kong. Awarded to those who have taken a leading part in public affair or voluntary work for a long period of time.

Starring alongside Chow Yun-Fat in the film is the dazzling, Michelle Yeoh PSM. Ranked the “greatest action heroine of all time” by Rotten Tomatoes in 2008 – Michelle Yeoh – known for performing her own stunts and fight scenes has been dominating screens for nearly four decades.

Behind that smile is a stone cold killer that has already killed the game’s developers and soon me for bringing the game back up.

Born in Malaysia, Michelle Yeoh Choo-Kheng PSM to Janet Yeoh and Yeoh Kian Teik, a lawyer and MCA politician respectively. At an extraordinarily young age Yeoh was keen on dance and began ballet by the age of four. In her teens her parents and her would move to the United Kingdom where she would attend UK’s Royal Academy of Dance.

A natural beauty at the age of 20, Yeoh won the miss Malaysia beauty pageant and even move on in competition to win an international, “Queen of the Pacific” pageant. But she is hardly a delicate flower. She has cultivated a reputation for a legendary work ethic, and expertise in choreography. She would become world renowned not only for her acting prowess but her physical capability as well.

I was going to go even further on about the lovely accomplishments of both Zhang Ziyi and Chang Chen but do we even have to? Did either of them work their entire lives only to have their likeness exploited in this dumpster fire on disc?

The answer is no. No they didn’t and none of these people deserve this. These are real human beings with real feelings and aspirations. They don’t deserve this. No one does.

FANCY VIDEO INTRO

There really isn’t that much I can say that I haven’t already said about really sad games before. What is extra infuriating about this game is that:

1.) It’s actually based on a good movie. Most aren’t.

2.) The movie’s fight scenes are breathtaking. The movie literally has done everything for you. All you have to do is take a super entertaining movie fight to watch and add buttons.

I mean.. HOW can you fuck this up?? They’re like three back drops in the entire game.And yes I understand that a majority of the film takes place in the same area but is it so absurd to ask a room full of writers – whom I would have assumed enjoyed the movie (before I played the game) to use their stupid imaginations and get creative with the game’s plot??

Instead of playing the same exact three areas with three different characters like nine times maybe we could branch out a bit? Like say I don’t know – make the game about Jen’s eventual trek to Mount Wudang? Boom. There ya go, guys! Make a game about that. Fucking idiots.

But fine – say they had to follow the film to a tee. That’s fine to. Just do a better job at it. When the game begins it doesn’t introduce anyone – or anything. It assumes you already saw the movie and thrusts you into a hoard of stupid AI ninjas that constantly swarm and overbear you because the controls are fucking impossible.

Even when you do somehow learn how to defend yourself and awkwardly jump from wall to wall – none of it is remotely fun. I spent hours with this game and aside from mounting frustration I felt absolutely nothing at all. I’ve had more fun sitting at the DMV next to crying children.

In fact this game was so bad – I have felt nothing since. It has taken all of my abilities to feel anything away. Maybe it’s for the better.

SHOP TIL YOU DROP

If a general overwhelming sense of sadness isn’t quite your enough then fear not! Like most things the internet also has overpriced copies of the game – the perfect way to find yourself on that long road to financial ruin completing your self loathing sadism.

But really- the game can be found at bargain bin prices – around $3-5. The insane part to me, however is the DVD of the movie itself can be found even cheaper! Which is a crime against humanity.

If you absolutely must – I suggest buying the DVD of this film and holding a game controller while you watch it.

DESERT ISLAND SONG

PERIWINKLE’S LOWING HANGING FRUIT PUNCH INGREDIENTS

1.) A small chunk of fur from Parka (Cold Winter)

2.) A thimble of Jack Bauer’s sweat (24: The Game)

3.) A can of Reservoir Dog Food (Reservoir Dogs)

4.) A handlebar mustache (American Chopper)

5.) Blood of a Backstreet Boy (American Idol)

6.) An impossible to control Q-Tip (CSI)

7.) The tooth of a terrorist (Fugitive Hunter)

8.) One Mona Lisa Smile (The Davinci Code)

9.) One Copy of, “Night Rocker” by The Hoff (City Crisis)

10.) One blood stained trucker hat. (Silent Hill: Origins)

11.) One handful of crushed Peony petals (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)

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Princess Pinkie’s Fantastic Five: Spin-Off Pokémon Games

Hear ye hear ye , Princess Pinkie is here with a new Pokémon Post

Greetings to my Loyal Subjects and Island Guests. As you may or may not know I am kind of into a little franchise called Pokémon.  THE game that defined the collectable creature catching genre.  However there are so many great Pokémon games that do not follow that formula. This post should go live on the day New Pokémon Snap is launched which is a great example.. but what are some other great Pokémon games to play if you are looking for something besides the 8 generations of goodness?!

Let’s discuss a few games I love to bits! Like a top five.. but without any particular order OR even saying these are THE best.. if you have your own opinion that is fine. You could have had the same opinion as a Unicorn-Duck Princess.. but whatever suits you works as well!

Pokémon XD: Gale Of Darkness

Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness - Episode 44: Eldes - YouTube

Released in August 2005 a sequel to the game Pokémon Coliseum was launched.  Both games were sort of in between the classic Pokémon Stadium Games and the Main Line titles. When I played this game for the first time I was not sure if I liked it. It has some very odd music choices that while great do not always seem fitting. Like using Wild West styled songs for a forest song, while using a desert sounding song for a western town. With some very odd battle themes as well and all in all being a bit clunky. You can not travel the world but use a map system to bounce between several locations that have a few static screens you can interact with. You know those kinds of static backgrounds that they used in Resident Evil and Final Fantasy 7 through  10.  Static camera allows you to walk around, interact with a few items and such. It felt slightly cramped and very limited when we compared it to what we were used to. Catching Pokémon was also very limited to so called Shadow Pokémon.. and later a few places where you could place some food.

Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness review: Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness - CNET

What makes this game so great however.. and it’s prequel at that is the amazing double Battles. Everything is set around Double Battles and the  Shadow Pokémon feature. There are some wild Pokémon you can catch.. but they are nothing compared to the Shadow Pokémon. More powerful versions of pokémon with their heart closed off. You have to steal them from their evil owners and befriend them so you can purify them. The really good Pokémon to use in this game all start out as Shadow Pokémon and are very miserable showing you this game doesn’t mess around! The double battles are a lot harder and really require you to strategise a bit. The story of the game is also pretty fun with some very colourful enemies. Micheal the protagonist isn’t as much of an Edgelord as the guy in Coliseum was which makes him a lot more charming. Seriously the other guy looks like he is about to whip out his Beyblade or something. 

Pokemon XD Gale of Darkness Gameplay - YouTube

The Plot of this game revolves around an evil team named Cipher wanting to weaponise Pokémon,  and  will have you face off against the legendary Shadow Lugia. You really feel like you are on a goal to stop that evil team , rather than on a journey to become the very best. This character has much more tangible goals and while that sometimes does mean competing in a tournament or such, it isn’t the main goal. This time you are liberating shadow pokémon from their cruel owners and trying to nuse them back to health trough double battles and love. Which gives it a nice fresh and more dire tone. This game offers a good challenge, a nice story and is just different enough..but also similar enough to pokémon to be somewhat of a safe choice if you want to play something else.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon (Red) Rescue Team (Dx)

For many years now, over 20 we have been able to experience how it was to be a Pokémon Trainer, we dabbled in several forms of this  With many trainer variants,  sometimes we would just photograph them, while other times we yell at a Pikachu trying to make him listen when we secretly know he won’t.  However we have very rarely been given the occasion to BE a Pokémon.  Released on my Birthday in 2005 came a game called Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team for GBA.. or Blue Rescue Team for Nintendo DS. By then I did not have a DS yet so I was given a Red Rescue Team.  A pokémon game that lets you play as ….a Pokémon, not only that.. this Pokémon is REALLY You.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team Release Date, Videos and Reviews

When you start the game you get asked a few questions and that determines which Pokémon you are.  For example stuff like what do you like to do when you get home after school, how many friends do you have. Back then I would be a Squirtle, when I replayed it a few years later I was a Cubone and nowadays I am either a Squirtle or a Bulbasaur. Yet there are a few options like Charmander , Pikachu the other Gen 2 and 3 Starters and even Meowth or Psyduck!  I haven’t ever gotten it though.  In later games I was a Skitty though, so I could not have been far off. Either way based on your personality you get assigned a Pokémon body, now you have to find a way to get your original body back and you do that by helping other pokémon.  This can be various tasks like helping a Butterfree Mamma get her baby caterpie, or you explore a dungeon to find Pidgey’s favourite kind of berry. 

bol.com | Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX - Switch | Games

In a top Down zelda-ish looking style you can walk through a dungeon with a buddy (mine was Bulbasaur)  bonk some pokémon on the head and learn some special moves to use against them as well.  The dungeons are randomly generated and different each time, whatever task you choose to do in the maze determines how many floors there are before you exit, you earn money from rescuing stuff, upgrade your team ranking, upgrade your pokémon and if you are lucky recruit some new friends. The first one just felt so heartwarming and sweet and while the dungeon running can get a bit tedious in later stages it is just a sweet and delightful adventure to embark upon.  It is very much worth it. Nowadays the Nintendo Switch has a remake of the game that improves on a few things so the cuteness has not ended! There is also some sequels but to be fair, the emotionally journey of this one is way stronger! It made me cry and the other games did not even get close!

Pokémon Puzzle League

Pokémon Puzzle League | Nintendo 64

Released for Nintendo 64 in september of 2000 this game is the only one on the list that pretty much has nothing to do with Pokémon..but it’s still REALLY REALLY good! I could have given this spot to games like Pokken or Detective Pikachu or even Pokémon Trading Card Game 2 for Gameboy Colour, but  for all of those I have a few gripes, so they wont come further than being honourable mentions here.  What put Pokémon Puzzle League ahead of them is that it is the best game of it’s kind on N64.  A competitive puzzle game in the style of Poyo Poyo or Tetris Attack… in fact this IS Tetris Attack. The latter game was my favourite puzzle game on  SNES and Pokémon Puzzle League is it’s N64 counter part. However instead of vague creatures from the Yoshi universe we get Pokémon. Which makes the backgrounds all the more enjoyable for me.

Pokémon Puzzle League | Video Games & Apps

The story/adventure mode let’s you battle against rivals and gym leaders alike and is the only game the Pokémon anime ever got.. except for a fan game I guess. Here you can just have fun against the classic theme rocket including their theme song, you can puzzle away to reveal screenshots from the show and everyone you face is as faced in the show. As a kid this was great. Gameboy Sabrina was waaaaaaay different from her anime counterpart. Team Rocket lacks Jesse and James and Brock and Misty where they throw away characters. Not here…this game is great to play alone but is even better when you play it with friends and the threshold of this game is zero.  You can fire it up, play a match and turn the console off again. Perfect between home(work)  and dinner.  It’s light cute and very nicely animated with a very cute tranquil  music list.  It is just Tetris Attack.. but it is my favourite version of a game I already love.. so it earns it’s spot on this list!

Pokémon Pinball

2017 Posts – DeadPark

Released on April 14 1999 this is the oldest and perhaps strangest title on my list.  A Pinball game? Does it seriously beat out Pokken or even Pokémon Go?!  Yes! Quite so! I am not a fan of Pokémon Go persé, I enjoy casually checking Pokémon sometimes but I do not like the business model attached to it. I really dislike how it shines so much less special, I really dislike how it takes up so much box space with all special variants.  So no… it won’t be on my list, the game I pick might be a lot more simple and less visually pleasing but boy oh boy does it have some charm.  I loved Pokémon Pinball. It was a gameboy colour game with a rumble feature which was totally unique.  It allowed you to play two machines, Red and Blue and you could travel across routes , catch pokémon and even evolve them by just flapping some paddles around. It was such a creative take that worked really well.   

≥ Pokemon Pinball GameBoy || €9.99 - Games | Nintendo Game Boy -  Marktplaats.nl

The idea of using a Pokéball as a Pinball (or is it a Pinball-ball?)  already is kinda clever and they get so much mileage out of it.  You first play the board to travel to one of the many routes in the game, then make a Pokémon Appear that is indeed living in that route. Then you can  hit it five times to create the word Catch, after which hitting it with your Pokéball-Pinball-ball  will allow you to capture it. Now you can rinse and repeat OR level up the Pokémon so it can evolve. If you do well you can even make it all the way to catching Mewtwo and beating the game.. but you need some serious pinball skills for that.  This does make the game a bit weird to play though.

Pokemon Pinball (GBC) - Gameplay - YouTube

Evolution has to happen in one Pinball Session and a lot of the catches are behind an RNG element like the routes selected, the pokémon that spawns on those routes. This is fine at the beginning and it pleased kid Pinkie very much but when I recently tried it again I felt some deep frustration with it!  If you make it further in the game you will need certain pokémon, for example let’s say machop. However instead of machop three other pokémon can spawn as well.. and even IF you find Machop you will need to level it up twice without losing all your pokéball-pinball-balls  which means you have to be quite good at Pinball. On a device with limited battery life and visibility., which can be a frustrating task. However if you just play this game a very sessions at a time and consider the Pokémon caught a bonus to your pinball experience rather than something you have to complete in  a short amount of time this game is  really great and young me spend many many hours on this title that was actually owned by my sister.

Pokémon Ranger Shadows of Almia

Pokémon Ranger: Shadows of Almia Partners

To this day I still haven’t found a copy of Pokémon Conquest to play and the DS era of Pokémon was the one I missed out on the most.  One title I did get the pleasure of playing was Pokémon Ranger 2: Shadows of Almia and it might be my favourite Pokémon game that is not a main-line Pokémon game. I mean it’s friggin adorable! It’s so good!  The graphics are cute , the characters are adorable and it’s one of the few games that does really force you to use your stylus that came with the DS… because Pokémon Ranger was all about drawing loops of friendship around some pokemon. For those who don’t know what that means, this is a game in which the main gameplay has you draw circles around moving objects!

tags:pokemon ranger - listhearts.com

I know that sounds super lame, and to an extent it is kinda lame, especially later in the game, but this game is dressed SOOOO well it doesn’t matter. It is kinda fun to see all the special attacks a Pokémon can take to prevent being wrapped up in a laser lasso that makes it more friendly towards you. This game has elements of the old Pokémon games in that you have a world to explore.. and each time you catch something or get a new mission you open up more of the world. In a way it feels like a puzzle game, because drawing loops is mostly used to get a new friend towards a place where you can use their effect.  Draw circles around a magnemite and it can turn on the power, draw circles around a squirtle and it can put out a fire, but you only have so much energy if your Lasso breaks, you lose your job and lose the game.  It’s kinda interesting how much milage they get out of drawing circles!

Touch the bidoof : MandJTV

So the gameplay is odd but satisfying but what really makes this one of the greatest Pokémon Products ever is the writing. This game is super funny!  Sometimes intended, sometimes less intended. “Touch the Bidoof”  is said to the ranger and I am already laughing, or how about the time that the evil team is using  an ice pokémon to make snow cones and not knowing what to do with the player character, they offer her a snow cone as well.  Your rival failing at everything he does but still keeping his ego up was incredibly funny as well and there is just this great vibe of work ethic in this game that makes it feel wholesome. Everyone is living with their Pokémon and working with them and it offers a very interesting peek into the non battling side of Pokémon. The music is great as well! It lacks the endgame and the “community”  that other Pokémon games get but by arceus is this game the gem!  Skip out on the first one though that one isn’t half as good! Just play this one you’ll have a great time……and perhaps some stylus burn from drawing so many circles. 

Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia :: Full Walkthrough

Those are five fantastic games that are very much Pokémon Franchise games that aren’t  part of the main line!  Of course the original Pokémon snap was amazing as well but I felt that would be such a cheap choice!  Soon I will be able to tell you if New Pokémon Snap is any good!  Until then tell me which Pokémon “spin-off” games you really like!  While you do I will take a nap and wait for my game to arrive, because remember folks. Friendship is Magic, but Dreams are even more Wonderful! Oyasumi!

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Rp - Sleeping Dorms - Wattpad

That Time The Pink Panther Reincarnated As …

A little while ago Sunny dropped a package at Pinkie’s castle. Hastily wrapped up with some kelp and in the sand near Pinkie’s private beach and flight dock he spelled… Is this okay?! In seashells on the beach. Pinkie opened the package and examined it. It was a story about an already fictional character going on an adventure. The Princess was reminded of her own Dragon Ball stories, or the brainstorm of what would have happened if Ash was a girl. However this was even more adorably retro! So not only was Sunny allowed to post this story! She would really hope she would see more of these posts in the future! So please enjoy this brand new adventure of an old familiar face!

You absolutely must watch and listen to the theme first. Badum badum…badum…badum badum badum bababa baaaaaaaaa dadadada…

The Pink Panther was having a casual stroll down the street, when a glint of gold caught his eye. There – it was a lamp! Rather like the lamp from Alladin’s Tale. Very well then, thought Pink, I shall give it a rub. 

Rather than a genie, the lamp produced a smarmy ad voice touting the advantages of taking a job as a lamp genie! Intrigued, Pink climbed on into the lamp and soon re-emerged dressed as a genie. He approached a number of people offering them wishes, but no one seemed to believe him. The last grouch kicked the lamp – with Pink still in it – out into the street. Still in the lamp Pink ducked and dodged as best he could but a big delivery van came roaring seemingly from nowhere and SPLAT the lamp was totally flattened. Pink had a moment of utter shock as his world became flat, and then he passed out. 

He wasn’t sure how much later he awoke. He was in a rather grand bedroom with rich appointments, sprawled over a bed with satin sheets but strangely enough, he was still wearing his genie outfit. Even stranger, he realized, sitting bolt upright and catching a full view of himself in a mirror across from the bed – he was… he was a woman? A human woman? He stared at himself in the mirror. The only thing that looked faintly familiar were his golden eyes, and that damn genie outfit. Only now instead of hanging fashionably loose over his slender pink silhouette, it was bulgingly full with a lush female body. Long, pink curls cascaded from her head down her back and sides. He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. So did the reflection. Undeniably him. Her. It was all most confusing. 

A man appeared at the doorway, wearing nothing but a towel and a smirk. “Well. Made yourself comfortable, have you? The costume is great but I’m afraid there’s a bit too much of it. I hope you brought your own music? I’d like for you to dance for me and strip slowly.” The man approached, dropping his towel to display an impressive expanse of belly covered in a coarse coat of hair, which continued down his legs and arms and probably his back as well.

Pink shrieked like a girl – well, what else? – and jumped up off the bed to run around it, putting the bed between himself and the man. Glancing over his shoulder he saw a sliding glass door that opened into a small balcony. The lights of a vast city spread below. Strange sights, a ferris wheel, a huge roman sort of villa, a smaller version of the Eiffel Tower picked out in lights, a pyramid! Where was he? When was he!? 

“Frisky, eh? Well, I don’t mind a bit of play. Now come here you little genie!” The man rolled up off the bed and crouched, then made a dash towards Pink. Pink squealed again and teetered on ridiculously high heels to the balcony. He peered over the railing to see a glorious pool surrounded by lounge chairs and a tiki bar. There was also a raised dais where a strangely attired man leapt around from side to side, shouting on a mic now and then. Lights flashed and whirled and dozens of beautiful women of all ages danced, drank, and swam attired in tiny swim suits and formal gowns.  Every thing sparkled. Pink found himself dazzled and when he could hear the man panting behind him he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and threw himself over the railing. 

A mighty splash. Screams. And then laughter as the crowd decided it must be some sort of stunt. Especially as Pink was quite unharmed as he began to swim with all the dignity he could muster towards the side of the pool. As he pulled himself out he looked down and realized that he might as well be naked as the see through harem costume molded itself to his ridiculously luscious curves. 

Girls all around him started to pull and push and undulate against him. One bold lass even grabbed his face and dared to kiss. With tongue! Staggered, Pink ducked his head as if shy and raced for the bar. Once he was safely seated on the barstool, he spun himself towards the bartender, who was wearing a dark blue suit. 

“What can I get for you, darling?”

Pink hesitated. He was quite sure he had no pockets in this outfit. He gulped. She gulped. Confusing.

The bartender made a dismissive wave, “Don’t worry about money. All included. Just give me a room number and I’ll put it on the check.”

Pink thought about it. Then held up two fingers. The bartender eyed him.

“Don’t talk much do you?”

Pink shook his head. And held up 3 fingers. 

The bartender chuckled, and poured out a shot glass from a bottle labeled “3 Fingers Tequila” and shoved it across the bar. With a delighted smile, Pink raised the glass to his lips and swallowed. For a moment he thought his throat might actually be on fire. He puffed some breath at the bartender to see if flames shot out. The bartender gave him a funny look, then refilled the glass.  Pink felt a delicious soothing warmth fill his belly, despite the breeze and his wet clothing. The second shot went down much smoother.

Ten shots later…

Pink staggered around the crowd, giggling and stumbling but as much of the crowd was doing the same, no one seemed to mind. The strange man on the raised dias stopped the horrific loud but rhythmic noise and spoke for a few minutes but the words hardly made sense to Pink whether because of a language gap or the excessive amount of system in his, eh, her system, well. 

A bouncy blond woman grabbed Pink by the arm. “You’re just the kind of girl we’re looking for! Do you want to be famous and be able to tell all your friends to watch for you on the MTV broadcast?” she asked cheerily. 

Always agreeable, Pink nodded. 

“Great!” she gushed as she handed him a white t-shirt. “Put this on.” 

Hoping it might be a little warmer than the frail wisp of top to the genie costume, Pink quickly peeled that off and pulled on the t-shirt. Oh! It was warmer!

The perky woman pushed and pulled and herded him and among a group of giggly girls also wearing white t-shirts, towards the raised platform. She lined them all up on top of the platform, to the cheers of the audience. One by one she went down the line asking for their names, ages, and hometown until she got to Pink, who just smiled and shrugged. She said, “Oh a shy one!” into the mic, but leaned in and asked, “You ARE over 21, right?” Pink nodded vigorously. Although really, he wasn’t sure at the moment. 

The woman stepped away and then suddenly from nowhere and everywhere water began hitting the girls on the platform! Most of them squealed with delight and began to dance around, pulling their shirts down to show off their breasts and jumping up and down to accentuate how perky they were. Pink stood stock still in shock for a moment, but then began to scrabble up the curtains behind him to get away from the water! He had quite enough of being wet today, and the t-shirt was almost warm compared to the genie outfit! 

Burly men in black suits came running at him. Pink scrabbled harder and jumped, landing on the top of the dias with the weird man and those tables and things. There was an almighty crash as the whole thing went over. The lights went out. The music stopped. The water continued to fall, but the screams were less of delight than of fear. Pink ran through the darkness until he found a door. He opened it to find lights and a hallway that he ran down as fast as he could stumble in the golden high heels. At the end was an elevator so Pink jumped inside and hit all the buttons, and then sat down on the floor to take those wretched heels off his suffering feet. He was still struggling with the straps when the elevator began to stop at every floor and open for a moment.

On one floor two men dressed in sparkly white suits stepped on, accompanied by a white tiger.

When they stepped off another man with black wavy hair in another spangled white suit – a jumpsuit – got on. He peered at Pink sitting on the floor rubbing his feet. “Don’t tell anyone you saw me honey” he said in a sultry tone before he got off at another floor. 

Then six blue men got on the elevator. Pink stood and looked around at them. They looked back. He smiled. They smiled back. It looked very strange with their blue faces to see such white teeth. Pink shrugged. They shrugged and smiled. They looked around at each other and nodded. When the elevator opened again, a blue man took each of Pink’s elbows and escorted him off the elevator!

They took him down long dim halls and down some stairs. He could vaguely hear applause, laughter, and bursts of music now and then through the thin walls. The blue men took him into a room with mirrors and tables down one side and all sorts of clothes on racks on the other. A couple of the men handed him a dark blue skin tight outfit. The fabric was strange to Pink’s touch, but it looked nice and cozy so he slipped into it and gave the men a grateful smile and a nod before he walked to the door. 

Suddenly, one of the men blocked his way, and kindly but firmly directed Pink to a chair. Well. Really. S/he was rather tired. Pink sat. The blue men bustled about until someone outside banged on the door and said “Two minutes”. That’s when two of the men took Pink by the elbows again and they all rushed up a narrow hall, up a few steps, and out onto a stage! The blue men bowed and the audience clapped and Pink stood dumbstruck by the spotlight. 

The blue men began rushing about and as they did, one or two of them would herd Pink this way or that way until it was clear Pink was part of the act but he had no idea, uh, she had no idea, oh dear. There was a row of drums in a big circle and as Pink ran from one to the next each time s/he touched a drum suddenly a blue man came to life behind it and as they performed a drum roll colored liquid and light of some kind shot up into the air. It was dazzling and beautiful and more than a little scary for Pink! Finally the men danced and whirled Pink until they whirled her right off the stage. She stumbled down the stairs and sat at the bottom as the audience applauded. Her head was still spinning. Where on earth was she? Surely this wasn’t any heaven Pink had ever heard of.

Pink heard music again. But this song was strangely compelling. It drew her from the stairs, down another hallway, and through a door that led back into the lush white and gold rooms filled with people. People of all ages, dressed in all sorts of clothes and colors, but they all seemed to be attached to machine that dinged and booped and pinged and spun wheels and flashed lights and shouted out nonsense phrases like “I’ll be back” and “I’d like to buy a vowel” and now and then there was the sound of coins falling and everyone would yell at once. Still, Pink could hear the music and she followed it until she finally found a door that led outside.

She walked down a long elevated outdoor hall, like a Greek palace, over a garden and water until she somehow came out onto a dingy city street. Lights and noise assaulted her as people pushed and shoved past laughing and carrying drinks and pointing at all the lights. 

And the lights! Big lights, small lights, lights that flashed and seemed to run one after another and change colors. Names in lights, pictures in lights, entire little movies on some signs. A fountain gushed in time to music and lights and people oohed and ahhed and still Pink could hear the faint strains of the haunting song that had drawn her outside.

She walked down the street, her eyes filled with wonder – as indeed were those of many alongside her. A big double decker bus whooshed past her and puffed to a stop. Pink could hear the music somehow inside. She stepped up and a man stepping out handed her a yellow card, saying “there’s a few hours left to this pass. You can use it.” as he smiled and walked away.

Pink held out the yellow card and the bus driver pointed at a strange machine. Someone reached past her and ran their little card through the slot. There was a beep and the bus driver nodded and they went and sat down. Pink slid her card through the slot and the machine beeped and the bus driver nodded and said, “Move on back, hon, other people need to get on.”

Wandering towards the back Pink heard the music again. A young-ish man with shaggy blond hair nodded in time to music. He wore a yellow shirt, and yellow shorts, and a yellow hat. He was as sunny yellow as Pink was pink! Pink sat down beside him and he smiled and nodded. She nodded back and saw then the wires going into his ears from a box in his hand. The music was coming from there. Pink looked intently at the box, and the young man smiled and took one of the wires out of his ear, offering it to Pink. She tucked a pink curl behind one ear and put the little thing in her ear.

She heard, “Welcome to the new age, to the new age, welcome to the new age, to the new age…” Her golden eyes flew open wide and she looked at the young fellow in yellow. He grinned and patted her on the knee. 

“It’s going to be okay, Pink. You’ll see.” 

Pink blinked, nodded, and for the first time since the truck hit the lamp, relaxed.

Paradise Hill: Origins

POSTCARDS FROM PARADISE HILL

… I never really understood how I got there until long after I was already apart of the town. The last thing I remember is seeing Cookie walk into a fog. I followed in after him wondering where he was off to. He seemed quiet and more focused than usual. Eventually the fog grew so thick I could barely see directly in front of me. I called out for Cookie to no response.

It felt like I had been walking for days. Eventually the sand of the beach turned into asphalt and I began following the lonely white road line to keep some sense of direction. It felt as though I was traveling in dream years. So quickly through time that it gave the illusion of time itself standing still. When all at once the silhouette of a sign jutted out through the mist.

“WELCOME TO PARADISE HILL”

That was a few weeks ago I believe. But it could have been years ago. Time is a concept very rarely regarded in Paradise Hill. Besides, I had bigger fish to fry. I stood with the letter in my hand. I couldn’t believe it. The letter read:

“NOTICE OF EVICTION”

I stood shocked. I had fallen in love with the town. No traffic, no lines, no one to bother me. The fog made certain things and people a bit harder to see but really, once you got used to squinting all the time it was quite the destination. It had all of the makings and charm of your typical north west lumber town.

Nurses between shifts walking down the road together. I seem to see the same group every day after I wake up, hop out of bed and take a shower in Paradise Motel. “Hi ladies! Working hard or hardly working?” They always seem to get a kick out of it.

When I did leave the motel room in it was in short bursts. Run to the corner store and pick up a six pack – stop at the diner and use the kitchen to cook up a couple of steaks and then stroll merrily back through the blurry black and white white fog to my hotel room. Occasionally outside some loud fire siren would go off and it’d start to get dark outside but i never seemed to have an issue with it.

Just like anywhere else – you keep to yourself and no one tends to bother you. Not even in Paradise Hill. Until now.

As I read the eviction notice the board of directors at Paradise Hills sited a few reasons for my cause of eviction:

1.) LACK OF LODGING EXPENSES PAID: It’s true. I wasn’t paying rent. I mean no one ever asked. One time some guy with a huge hat knocked on the door and just sort of stood there and walked off. But I didn’t know if he was the landlord or just a creeper.

2.) THEFT OF GOODS AND SERVICES:

– (5) Welcome to Paradise Hill gift shop shirts

– (16) Six packs of Paradise Hill Ale

– (2) Bottles of sexual lubricant

– (1) Copy of The Titanic

– (1) Copy of Silent Hill: Origins

3.) FAILURE TO FACE YOUR OWN INNER DEMONS/ BE CREEPED OUT

Mr Winkle. Please – keep the goods you have procured and please leave town immediately. You are no longer welcome here at majestic Paradise Hill. Also your Sea Lion has been returned to your home safely. Please do not speak to any one on your way out as you have been creeping out the other residents for quite some time now.

Sincerely,

PARADISE HILL TOWN HALL

I packed up all my belongings as some beautiful sad music began playing from no where and I backpacked out of town. As I was on the outskirts of town I heard cheers of celebration. But before long I saw the bright lights and sights of Paradise again. Like a tilt-a-whirl through the dark. As I walked through the crowd no one seemed to notice me.

It dawned on me that I was now trapped in Paradise Hill forever. I was free to travel across the globe but no one would ever see me again. Only maybe being able to detect my presence here and there like that one movie with Sean Bean in it.

Baddest Bean on the planet.

Which I was completely fine with. I began to think of the possibilities of my new invisible life. I could sneak into Area 51 and finally figure out what the hell that place was all about. I could get into concerts for free. I could haunt people! This was going to be great. But my first mark was a hot dog stand I saw off the path near the coconut’s huts. I grabbed a roll and reached in the hot water and grabbed a hot dog. I slapped it into the bun and took a bite. Ah. Delicious hot dog stand hot dogs. Disgusting and delicious and now free for the rest of m-

“You gonna pay for that?”

Turns out I wasn’t invisible. And I wasn’t getting free hot dogs for the rest of my life. I walked home.

FANCY INTRO VIDEO

Released: March 4 2008

Developer: Climax Action (Sudeki, The Italian Job)

Published: Konami

Well back to reality and really sad gaming. Today, we have a case of a game that might have been alright if it wasn’t associated with such a strong franchise. I also sort of wanted to use this opportunity to explain what little work that does actually go into these posts and the sad consequences that result from playing (generally) nothing but bad games all of the time.

Not pictured: The Cry Hole that I crawl into after hours of bad gaming.
Shelves of despair

When Pinkie and I had a check in conversation (now that she has a palace built it’s become a whole event with feasts and festivities etc) she asked what I was working on. I told her I was planning on starting Silent Hill: Origins. She responded with, “isn’t that the really bad one?”

Which surprisingly it’s not the really bad one. It’s just not a really good one. Which sums up this game perfectly. If it were named anything else it would probably be considered a forgotten but slightly above average survival horror game – starts off kind of lame, picks up and ends in an absolutely nonsensical way. Put the words Silent Hill on the case however and now you’re looking at a lackluster experience.

In the game you start off as rootin’ tootin’ truck driver, Travis Grady. He’s driving his MAC Truck getting his kicks off Route 66 and all that when he spots a little girl in the road. He swerves to avoid her (as most human beings tend to do) and stops to get out and investigate the scene. Looking for the lost child, he sees her approaching from behind him in his rear view mirror only to disappear which scares the shit out of him but certainly doesn’t deter him from abandoning his vehicle and walking miles and miles in a thick fog in the middle of the road.

Eventually this leads Travis to a house fire. He spots some weird broad hanging out by the burning house and runs in because of course he does. And he rescues some kid that’s torched like a marshmallow. Eventually passing out – he awakes in Silent Hill to go search for the french fry kid and madness ensues.

Now, if I may – first off – I am a Daughter Daddy. She is the light of my life. When my wife was pregnant I think I surprised her by crossing my fingers and hoping for a daughter and we were lucky enough to get a bright, beautiful, healthy little lady. I fucking love that kid. BUT – I have watched enough scary movies to know that if I’m out in the middle of no where and some creepy little girl is hanging around – I’M NOT FOLLOWING HER. I DON’T CARE. GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Alright, with that out of the way lets cover a couple of things that this game does really nicely. The sound effects and soundtrack are top notch – Silent Hill quality. Like all other SH soundtracks, composed by the master, Akira Yamaoka. The absolute badass Thom Yorke-esque dark genius of video game soundtracks. The sound effects and music are unnerving and uncomfortable – aptly suited for the atmosphere.

I want to recommend this game so much more but it breaks my own personal cardinal sin of gaming: difficulty due to controls. There is nothing I hate more than fighting a game more than the story or gameplay itself.

Controls and saboteur camera angles are what takes this Silent Hill entry out at the knees. The storyline and voice acting isn’t seminal by any stretch of the imagination but it’s not noteworthy poor. The puzzles are weak and there is a lot of backtracking (RE style) – also not a lot of actual area to explore. For an open town the game has you on rails for a good majority of it.

Camera angles that can really get in your head

The game does certain things right but it does so many little things wrong that it begins to become a serious distraction. The small unnecessary changes are enough to anger longtime fans. The nurses now see and react to noise/light/everything – just another static sprite that is easy to avoid but lacks any of their signature creepiness.

You can pick up large heavy objects to toss at monsters – which is cool – but kind of pulls you out of it as you go through your inventory and realize that your character is carrying twelve portable TVs, three filing cabinets, sixteen I.V. drip bag stands and six different guns. I am not a huge fan of Resident Evil’s death-by-no-inventory-space strategy but how many fax machines can one guy hold?

Not to mention you don’t even really need weapons most of the time. The ability to punch your enemies is overpowered for a survival horror game. I have beat up so many nurses in the past week I could star in my own episode of COPS.

Bottom line: Please for the love of all things holy – Konami – if you are going to outsource one of your flagship franchises please let it be to Kojima Productions. I don’t give a shit what beef you guys have. Figure it out and lets do this.

SHOP TIL YOU DROP

Now here is where it gets tricky. To be frank, even the bad games I adore. I just love playing games. I love buying them, I love looking at my horrible collection of bargain bin trash just as much as any rare games I find. Like little trophies made from melted garbage can lids. They’re mine and I absolutely enjoy playing and writing about them.

Generally, on this blog I deal almost exclusively with cheap games. This game? Not very cheap. Luckily for me, I purchased this years ago before everything Silent Hill exploded in price online.

I would never, ever tell anyone what to buy or what not to buy. I wouldn’t even judge anyone for buying Rule of Rose for $16,999. I mean, I would hope you would find it cheaper but whatever at the end of the day it’s your money, you work hard for it, you spend it on whatever you want.

Right now it looks like it’s averaging about $110-120 on eBay.

Is it worth $2300? I’d have to give it a hard, “no.” But I clean pools for a princess that pays me in bad games – so you do you. I would suggest checking out eStarland or Lukie Games over bid sites for collector’s series games like Silent Hill. There are a ton of gougers that will buy everything up just to raise prices even higher upon resell THUS continually driving up market prices for regular gamers like you and I. Dicks.

DESERT ISLAND SONG

The classic that can get anyone in the mood. Even if it’s for Origins:

Periwinkle’s Lowing Hanging Fruit Punch Ingredients

1.) A small chunk of fur from Parka (Cold Winter)

2.) A thimble of Jack Bauer’s sweat (24: The Game)

3.) A can of Reservoir Dog Food (Reservoir Dogs)

4.) A handlebar mustache (American Chopper)

5.) Blood of a Backstreet Boy (American Idol)

6.) An impossible to control Q-Tip (CSI)

7.) The tooth of a terrorist (Fugitive Hunter)

8.) One Mona Lisa Smile (The Davinci Code)

9.) One Copy of, “Night Rocker” by The Hoff (City Crisis)

10.) One blood stained trucker hat. (Silent Hill: Origins)

Suggestions? Requests? Send me a message!

It’s Transformation Time: The brand new “You Are Magical, Girl!” Blog-Tag-Award-Thingy!

Salutations, guests and loyal subjects! The time has come, I have regained a lot of my former strength so I want to interact with you a lot more!   Since I haven’t fully been able to regain my strength , I decided to reach out through a new blog tag! One I created in my head a few times. One that is easy enough and one that reflects what is happening on my blog very well now! It is time for the You Are Magical, Girl! Blog-Tag-Award-Thingy! I even made a logo!

The Rules

1.  A Magical Girl is always polite!  So be polite! Display the Magical Girl Tag Logo, thank the one who tagged you and if you want tag creator to thank you for participating, tag Pinkie’s original post as well!  That last one is optional though!
2. A good magical girl gets the job done! Answer all the prompts! But do it like yourself! Come up with your own ideas, or compare it with other anime or video games! Anything goes! Just get the job done!
3. A good Magical girl always makes friends! Tag at least 2 people!  More is optional!
There is no 4! That would be bad luck!
5. A Magical girl is not defined by gender! Feel free to tag anyone!

The Questions

A Magical Creature descended from the skies! It is telling you , you are a magical girl!  Describe this magical messenger! What is it.. where is it from?!

My magical girl story begins at my home, my real home here in the Netherlands!  It is late at night when I hear a tapping on my window.. out there is a little coconut! Much like the ones I have as my Kofi supports.. but this one has a monocle and a little bowtie as well as a tuft of hair groomed neatly in  a two parted wave. He also carries a little cane.. he looks very posh!  He says his name is Butternut and calls me Hime.. he has an important mission for me! As well as a very comfy job!

Your creature tells you about an evil force from afar! What is this evil force?! What is their goal?!
hicham-habchi-1.jpg
Art by Hicham Habchi


Butternut tells me that he is stewart of the island of Paradise an island that is on the border of fiction and reality!  I am it’s intended ruler, but two evil fations seek to use the island to destroy the balance between reality and between imagination!  Yes that’s right! I will go above and beyond and make two evil forces!  One from the land of reality and one from the world of imagination. From the world of reality it is some military force.. probably an american sub division called “Deep Dive” .. they want to use Paradise to gain enough resources to police the world keep the island out of the hand of people who would use it for worse..yet at the same time.. they will use it to keep America dominant on the world stage. Enemies of Deep Dive would take “class” archetypes.. such as a Sniper, A Commando and a John Wick like Assassin among other things. 

Krampus: Jack in the Box by thewebsurfer97 on DeviantArt
Art by thewebsurfer97

On the side of imagination there would be an organisation called “The Fallen” This organisation is made from villains of imagination that have already been defeated. Enemies of old tv shows, manga or other things.. that have since lost their face and became monsters they called “Ideas” creatures that have lost their essence but still remain as concepts and blue prints for future generations. “Ideas” will mimic classic villains in some ways or another but have more monstrous shapes. Think of a Jack in the Box monster  that represents “The Joker” or  a “Crocodile” made out of sand and Golden teeth, that has the power to dehydrate. The Jack in the Box along with a Changeling in the colours white and purple would probably be two of the elites! With lesser known villains working as monsters. Their goal is to spread fear in reality so they are remembered to take shape once again.. if they do.. they can breach into existence.

The creature then tells you , you hold a great virtue, it is the reason you have been selected! What is this reason!
My first and easiest foe!

As a VTuber/VBlogger I already  walk the line between fantasy and because of my content , where I blend reality and fantasy quite often I become  heir to the throne of Paradise. Yet there is  more.. “Ideas” have a corrupting effect on everything that is sort of like them,, while Deep Dive manipulates people to be normal citizens. The chosen ones that Butternut selects are truly unique! They do not strive to belong! I do not strive to belong or to adhere to a simple concept. This is my strength and the source of my power! This item Butternut presents to me next is said to reflect that power, and push it through new heights. Yet suddenly a huge storm blows open my windows and the item flies to the room as a Tornado with spiky white hair.. red eyes and huge eyebrows show up!  Some dolls float around in the storm as well.

After the exposition , a monster shows up at your doorstep! It is time to transform! What is your transformation item?!

Well this one is not that hard to guess! As I crawl through my room and under my bed, I find a royal scepter.  One that feels classical, yet also immediately shouts magical girl!  At first I have trouble actually lifting the item because one of these royal scepters is quite heavy!  It is also quite garish!.. With gold and red and some heavy jewels. As I get flailed around through the room by wind Butternut tells me that this is not a real item.. I need to cross from reality into imagination and grab the imaginary one. I reach again and pick up a rod  that has some rainbow fur and can talk through a duck beak! As I pick it up suddenly some snow begins to fall!

Transformation scene time! How do you look as a magical girl?! What is your power and signature attack?!

I pick up the staff and since it’s the first time this transformation scene happens I do not utter my code phrase yet..  the transformation scene has me set against a sky of pink clouds while a bunch of moths made of pink light eat my old clothing.. yet I do not look naked.. the moths made of light form the new shape of a much more regal outfit , lengthy.. then  a snowflake falls on the light and the dress takes shape!  It’s a princess gown filled with hearts!  The moths form a crown.. and a snowflake falls on that.. as the crown becomes a real object as well.. they form my twintails and they become tufts of rainbow fur twintails.   A horn is formed next in the same way.. and as I yell Quack.. duck feathers sprout out some places as an adorable duck purse appears on my hip! Of course also in pink!

My own transformation scene! Yay!

From this purse I can pull out several attacks, as well as items that are too large to fit in there. Elementally my powers reflect that of ice and light.  Usually depicted as sparkly powders that trap my foes as I bonk them on the head with the heavy princess rod!   My way of fighting is less direct than that of most magical girls. I blind with powder snow, I freeze to the ground and then I bonk!  I am not that physically strong.  My finishing attack is summoning a giant snowflake from the sky that I charge with rainbow energy, then I throw it like an energy disk at the enemy! It’s called the Special Snowflake Special! 

My Finisher attack, the Special Snowflake!
Catchphrase time! Name some of those lines you repeat in every episode.. and tell us when you use them!  This can be a transformation phrase.. or just something cool you keep repeating!


My transformation catchphrase is a portmanteau  of Transformation and Imagination!   It is just me shouting “Transgimagination with later phases of transformation keep using the latter word but adding a deeper phase of imagination in it .. like Imagilucination or maybe even Hallucinarium. Who knows how long I can keep my series going!  It might just get really trippy!  Other catchphrases I keep using “Friendship is Magic” and I will have this  anime girl speech thing where I use the word Royal a lot. “This  monster is gonna be a Royal pain in the but”. “If this attack goes through we are Royally Fudged”  stuff like that.  I sometimes try to do this with princesses or queens as well but it rarely works out.

Sometimes Royalty based puns do not work out for this magical girl

My hero catchphrase is Villains repent!  We can do this the easy way or the nice way.. I prefer the nice way”.  .. which isn’t very catchy but it does sum up what I am about! I will try to redeem enemies. Transformed I will be a bit of an Ojou-Sama and display arrogance so this is my way of saying.. I can beat  you easily..let’s talk it out  instead! Neat huh!

Get the 'I Am Amazing' song - Judi Cranston
Ojou Sama Arrogance will be a part of the character
Are you a solo magical girl?! Do you work in a team?! Are you the first recruit or a supportive one?!
Chibi Pinkie will join the fight later!

I will be alone for a fair amount of episodes!  There is the coconut and me facing some enemies and the lore of enemies and my transformation will be explained thoroughly before I get allies! But they would come!   Their transformations would take the form of other royal court members that wield staff, such as the Royal Advisor.. who also wears a staff, the Jester  and perhaps a knight whose rod is an actual club!  Later on in a second season we could even get a support magical girl.. kind of similar to how Rise works in persona!  She would be a chef and her scepter would be a ladle! She would function as a healer who can cook up buffs with monster parts!

Every magical girl  has a goal in her normal life as well! What would your goal be?!

I would want to be a VTuber and of course manage paradise.  I’d open up Paradise as a resort where people can come face to face with their imagination!  A vacation of reality of sorts!   But that is kind of to be expected.. I do have my trustworthy staff there..but lots of monsters would be tied into the problem of paradise.  Say we run out of food on Paradise , we get a Gluttonous monster, if some guests would get into petty fights on the beach..maybe I fight with a Jellyfish.. whose Jelly stands for jealousy! So in that way we have a goal as the manager on Paradise. However I will also be trying to make it as a VTuber.. keeping my show relevant and all! This leads to some spider man like shenanigans where I sometimes try to stream while fighting monsters or soldiers!  Which can lead to some fun situations and make fights more interesting!  Offer extra challenges and really help with power scaling.  We can add an extra tension in fights that should be easy because I need to stream.. or make a fight go faster because I try extra hard to be home in time for a stream!  Sometimes I am a genius!

My Steam Dream will bloom up again! Both in reality as well as in this story!
What is the dark twist to your being a magical girl?!
My dark secret.. I can’t wear shoes!

A lot of magical girl series have a plot twist that is revealed near the end of the show! My element of despair however is revealed immediately You see every time transform and cross into imagination , I do not come back fully!  After the first episode a lock of pink hair is shown.. after the first general is defeated I will have duck feet forever!  I am becoming less human and my imagination is becoming more vivid.. I see things in the real world that are not there.. just that other people imagine being there. Thus reality and fiction begin to blend more.. I begin to fit in the real world less and less and have to spend more  and more time  on Paradise Island.. there everything is in balance and I can keep my sanity.   So as I become stronger in my magic.. I lose my humanity! So will the other magical girls! So rather than seeing us all transform all the time.. we try to balance it out.. look out for each other!  Yet we all know.. that saving the world means that eventually we become stranded on Paradise and can not see our loved ones anymore! We are really becoming our magical girl identity.

The Tags

I will be a good princess/magical girl  and help you out by reposting the questions that way you can copy and paste them more easily!

1.A Magical Creature descended from the skies! It is telling you , you are a magical girl!  Describe this magical messenger! What is it.. where is it from?!
2.Your creature tells you about an evil force from afar! What is this evil force?! What is their goal?!
3. The creature then tells you , you hold a great virtue, it is the reason you have been selected! What is this reason!
4. After the exposition , a monster shows up at your doorstep! It is time to transform! What is your transformation item?!
5.Transformation scene time! How do you look as a magical girl?! What is your power and signature attack?!
6.Catchphrase time! Name some of those lines you repeat in every episode.. and tell us when you use them!  This can be a transformation phrase.. or just something cool you keep repeating! 
7.Are you a solo magical girl?! Do you work in a team?! Are you the first recruit or a supportive one?!
8.Every magical girl  has a goal in her normal life as well! What would your goal be?!
9. What is the Dark Twist to your being a magical girl!

Now for my Magical Girls!

GeekGirlJoy: She did this amazing thing! She made a game based on my island so I repay her her with allowing her to go completely crazy and quirky with this post!

Summer Foovay: Whom is my bestie and she is already a witch so let’s see how she is as a magical girl!

Geeky Gal Meg: I tag her for all new tags so this one will not be an exception.

Senpai: Who already speculated she might be a magical girl once so I give her the chance to become one!

Lynn: I have almost always tagged him in new tags as well and he might be a sweet magical girl!

Fred: Now that is a magical girl story I really want to hear

Roki: Because than my tag will be reactivated in a few months time … just kidding Roki, I love you as a community member so I just really wanted to tag you.

Cele: Because you are kind of my Kohai in a away and I really love your visual style!

Allysa: I would love to see this tag with a more manga minded angle! Al has read so many stories, something good would have to come out of this should they take up the tag!

K: Because I think the world wants to know how K would be as a magical girl!

Annie: I think Annie might actually be a magical girl.. transforming with a teacup! And I REALLY REALLY want to find out how right I am!

If you want to do the tag but I have not nominated you please type “I invoke the powers of Kyubey” in the comments and magically .. in a few days or so your tag will appear on the list! It’s not like I did not nominated you… we just need a bit of extra power for all the nominations to appear! Now I hope you will pick up the tag and I can read some awesome magical girl stories.. but first I have to face a few strange creatures that live behind my eyelids! Because remember folks! Friendship is magic but dreams are even more wonderful! Oyasumi!

Cha-La Bad!! Cha-La : Pissy Princess Pinkie Watches Super Friends

Hear Ye Hear Ye! Princess Pinkie has written a new anime post!

Greetings loyal subjects and guests!   Today I am feeling a bit … pissy!  You see I discovered a new anime that I heard was just like Dragon Ball, and I LOVE Dragon Ball. This one was a Korean Anime.. or how do we call that? If Manga in Korean is Manga is this Animwe then? Not sure! Either way… I watched Super Kid.. or Super Childe or whatever it is called in Korean. It’s …not very good… and the biggest issue. It’s JUST like Dragon Ball. Really much like Dragon Ball! Just done a bit worse! Okay that’s a lie.. it actually does it a lot worse. So join me as I found a product, so forgotten and uncared for that it has been watchable on Youtube for almost 4 years now!

Confusing but Familiar

Not cropped this is actually full Screen

The movie follows a group of powerful warriors named the Super Kids. So already the title of the movie is kinda off because it’s about Super Kids.. with an s at the end… not a Super Kid. Now only half of the Super Kids ARE actually KIDS because there are three grown man  and a rock monster in there.. who also looks kind of adult so of the super kids only 50% is actually a kid.  So this is a movie called Super Kid, because it follows the Super Kids.. and it’s not even a group of Kids.  That’s hell of confusing. To make it EVEN more confusing.. the main character LOOKS like a Kid and he might be THE Super Kid… but he is 199 years old!  My head already hurts!

Gokdari kinda looks familiar

The story starts with a dapper young girl/kid/i dunno named Joo Eun-Joo a scientist.. I mean Journalist working for a big company/news station. When she hears about a scoop .. the Super Kids, are fighting a villain named Cacaruse (I think)  she takes her fancy little flying UFO car to cross path with the Super Kids.. including the young boy Gokdari, their leader. Gokdari is a young fighter of an Alien race, with Spikey hair that changes shape if he is angry! His weapon is a magical staff that has the power to extend…. and contain evil within. So .. it’s not a total copy.. of a similar character. Gokdari wears an orange or Red Gi, with a symbol on the middle, and he can shoot blue energy beams.. as well as grow giant and feral almost like a berserking gorilla…but still looking like himself.

He sure is a Big Boy!

His best friend is called Big Boy, a bald monk boy who isnt as skilled as Gokdari but tries to hang out with him a lot. Then there is Samachi, a slug looking alien, who is green and has the power to extend his limbs very stretchy like..but it is the one character that actually sounds like a kid. Then there is Chao, the desert bandit who wields a large scimitar, who tries to be intimidating but ends up largely being ignored by the group.  Then there is Saint TeolTeol..credited as Grand Priest Tul Tul  who is a bald old man that is like the mentor of the team. A master of sorts. They also have a Pilot because..sometimes they can travel through space on their own but sometimes they can not..so they fly in a giant mecha with golden eyebrows.  Not sure whats that doing in here.. but for a 1994 movie I can’t help but get a feeling I have seen these characters somewhere before?! Hmmm where could that be!

Plot

OC Please don’t steal

The movie ‘s first fight is against Cacaruse or whatever his name is! A space squid who fights alongside his pal Bazooka Joe, and no that is not a joke, the character is actually called Bazooka Joe! He wears shiny armor and a Jetpack and fires big yellow beams out of his bazooka. The group defeats these villains and we discover they aren’t actually heroes. They are Mercenaries. Gokdari won’t hand over the villains to the authorities until he is handed a cash reward. Having proven their worth the heroes are contacted by the police for an even bigger bounty.

Noot Noot Mofos!

The biggest criminal in the universe. Judowgi, a destroyer of planets who transforms! The strongest criminal in the universe. So of course half of the group gets left behind and Rockpile, The Slug Alien , Big Boy and Gokdari travel to the alien planet with the journalist girl on board as a stowaway. As they leave the sunglasses of the police officer shimmer ..so we know he is evil. It turns out he is also an evil space alien wanting the Super Kids to kill his rival… and because he has a rival, an ally of Judowgi .. the blinking warrior named Maoi fights at his side. giving Judowgi teleporting powers… so  they have to travel back to fight this new threat after losing to Judowgi once.

Kamehame-nah!

The fight this guy who has the ability to change his arms into metal weapons.. but once he shown his real form.. he completely loses this ability! The heroes get overpowered.. but win the fight when they discover this villain is afraid of ants. They pull his tendrills and bully him with ends until he loses the will to live and break his spirit.. allowing him to be captured by the magical staff..which seemingly can always suck up enemies but for some reason Gokdari only uses it once enemies are beaten..so I just assume that rule. They travel back through space again.. doing in minutes what originally took them 8 days and now that the rival is defeated.. the ally of Judogi sees the worth of the Super Kids as he beats up Judowgi and rips out the power source of Judowgi’s final form.. which doesn’t weaken him at all of course, but now causes the other form to be his stronger form. By working as a team the kids defeat the big bad and trap him in the staff. Then the group travels back to get their bounty which Gokdari donates to his old orphanage leaving the rest of the group in crippling debt and unpaid bills (not kidding).

Dragon Ball Zzzzzzzzzzz

This movie almost steals as much moves as Goku himself does!

This movie takes a lot of inspiration from Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z and when I say a lot of inspiration I mean that it pretty much steals everything about it. While it shuffles some things up almost all elements are there. Blue Energy beams, multi forms, the Mafuba, Powerpole and to an extend even a Dragon Ball.. sure it doesn’t grant wishes but in this world there are orbs of infinite power that people took to be super strong.  The problem with this movie is it doesn’t do very much original things. And when I say not very much I mean… it doesnt do ANYTHING original.. well it does a few things differently.. but all those things , are wrong. For example they choose the “Ash Ketchum” way  of winning a lot of fights. 

Gokdari should team up with Bully McGuire

With the exception for the first fight.. all enemies are defeated by other forces. Like “Ants” or A celestial being intervening with the fight…. even in the first fight, Bazooka Joe gets defeated by his armor falling off  and that other thing loses to his teeth being knocked out!  Because this movie is aimed at kids… we never see a kill.. but we never see a  knockout either. All enemies just are punched until they cry..after which they are bullied more by Gokdari, not a great way to make us enjoy the main character. I am not kidding..every single villain cries before they are finished off, and Gokdari even fires an energy blast in the face of an innocent alien, just because they carried a prisoner .. while not knowing any context. It makes it quite hard to root for him. Which means I find myself uninvested.

No music! But this movie has magical orbs though! That’s original right?!

Now the worst crime this movie manages to pull off is having fight scenes …….without music! That’s right.. not a single not of music is played during any of the fights. Character often don’t even talk so it’s just swish, swoosh, thunk and grr rawwwrr… for minutes on end before characters say another line. I watched the English Dub.. and as you expect.. it’s no good!  When you look up this movie on IMDB you see it gets a 3.6 out of 10 and non of the voice actors have their picture on their imdb page. The good voice actors, such as the camera girl and Gokdari.. sound like bootleg Bulma and Goku.. imitating their english VA’s .. the bad voice acting is flat out annoying. The Piccolo clone thing, has this super squeaky voice that sounds like a carebear doing a Dragon Ball Z spoof.  Judowgi sounds like thatt growly voice a kid would give to their evil figurine.. but then a kid that smoked for 10.000 years.  The evil cop villain alien thing sounds like Janice from Friends.. or Fran Dresher, trying to voice StarScream from transformers. You know you are doing something wrong if I think squeaky voices aren’t cute! So basically this movie looks and sounds awful!

For Not so Super Kids

The Villain’s Final Form.. but also his weaker form..sometimes!

So , so far we have established this movie is confusing, unoriginal, poorly written, poorly animated and poorly voiced, on top of being poorly directed. So this movie is a bigger pile of stink than Unicorn DooDoo..which let me tell you, doesn’t smell of roses or cupcakes either. It doesn’t feel like a love letter to Dragon Ball either… it really feels like someone who doesn’t understand DragonBall… or anime tried to make money out of it.   It has everything kids think is cool right? So this gotta sell?!  They also planned for Super Kid to be a tv show but this movie did so poorly those plans were cancelled fast, and for good reason. There is no passion here… and even a bad product can be good if there is passion. Look at movies like “The Room” or one of those fan made Pokémon games I keep playing. That really lacked for me from this movie .. in everything.. . Even in Uwe Boll’s movies I see some passion…a passion for objectifying women , sure but still a passion. You can tell someone somewhere had fun!  Here.. I don’t think anyone had fun creating this.  I hope I am wrong.. but I can’t escape this feeling.. the fact that this movie has been on YouTube for three years without it being copyright stricken applifies this that no one cares.

Oh right she was there as well

It’s an inoffensive movie that doesn’t drop the ball as much as Uwe Boll did, but it also isn’t as fun to watch. Where the latter’s direction feels like the delusions of a madman here.. there really is nothing. Characters gain powers at random to suit their needs, Rockpile , while entertaining explodes like 20 times in this movie and thus is immortal.. having no consequences and that goes for the entire movie. Stuff just happens. A kid may not notice but even the action isn’t that satisfying.. the hits feel cushioned and soft and I don’t think anyone actually throws a punch in this movie.  So this movie is like a wet matchbook.  It is something that you can say you collected.. but it looks like a cheaper version of that one well known brand matchbook… and other than the collecting value it’s pretty darn useless… and kinda soggy! Maybe it’s fun for kids.. but if it is it certainly would not be for the smart kids.  Perhaps if your kid things your guinea pig or rabbit is a small dog, this might be entertaining.. but this movie certainly won’t entertain Super Kids. Or super many kids at that.

Normally I would ask.. have you seen Super Kid? But I am pretty sure no one has! So instead of sharing my Kofi down below (you can still support me on the side bar on my actual website) I will share with you.. the full Super Kid movie! Tell me how far you made it in before giving up in the comments and we can interact and be friends! First however I need to take a Supernap! Because Remember kids: Friendship is magic but dreaming is even more wonderful! Oyasumi

The Haunted Mansion on Paradise Island

POSTCARDS FROM PARADISE

When I was young my father told me there was a curse in my family. He told me to never tell any of my friends at school because everyone would laugh at me and call us crazy. Very seriously he sat me down and explained to me that he sees ghosts. I believed him then and believe him to this day because now, I see them too.

The conversation and sentiment itself haunted me for years. It rattled around the passages of my brain like little pac-man ghosts just before I’d fall asleep. Then one day well into adulthood I had finally understood what he meant.

I was driving down the road one summer afternoon and I saw a friend of mine walking by himself that had passed away years before. He was an old boss of mine and of a very distinct build. He was about 6’4 and heavier set. Bald, thin gold rimmed glasses and bearded. A bit of a hunched back but strong as an ox. We locked eyes as I drove by and he too seemed to have stopped in his tracks. Don had been dead for close to five years at the time. So what the hell was he doing walking down the street?

I was so convinced and baffled I pulled over to the side of the road. I looked in my rear view mirror. There he was walking down the road alone seemingly toward my car. I pinched myself. Was I dreaming? I waited for him to pass by as I held my breath staring. Somewhat awkwardly a man who looked nothing like him passed by my car noticing my weird behavior. It wasn’t Don at all. I had successfully stalked a random grown man who was about six minutes away from kicking my ass.

Probably a bit crazy, with a bit of an out of control imagination and lack of healthy coping skills would probably explain the “ghostly encounters” I’ve had from time to time. As I get older more and more reminds me of my past and it’s rarely anything to be afraid of.

So when I received my orders from the Palace to investigate a newly unearthed haunted mansion in the forest on the island I wasn’t shaken in the least. Ghosts and spirits are only as dangerous as you allow them to be. Even 999 of them.

Friday afternoon I swung by Indigo’s hut and left him a couple of big T-Bone steaks, Turkey Legs, Mead – all things the Viking types love as a thank you for taking care of my pool duties over the weekend. I was packed and ready to spend the weekend investigating the history of this mystery mansion. Ever curious for a glimpse into the after life I was on my way – alone. Cookie wanted to go with me but I had to convince him I’d be alright alone. I even had to throw some fish in the other direction to distract him.

It took me most the afternoon with compass in hand before I had arrived at the dilapidated mansion in the thick of the forest. But the forest wasn’t much of a forest and the dilapidated mansion wasn’t very dilapidated. In fact – while it might have been haunted – this place was anything but abandoned.

Out of my price range.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the mansion a man watches over dozens of monitors with cameras all over the property. Glaring at the screens he asks himself, Who is this little man with glasses and child bearing hips? As far as Albert knew Umbrella Corporation said that this island was abandoned. Had they landed on the wrong island? Ah too late now. He decided to introduce this unwelcome visitor to his first devastating line of defense. “Take this” he said aloud as he let out a deep laugh and pushed a red button.

If you’re going to be evil do yourself a solid and get some cool sunglasses.

“Ick – is that poison ivy?” I asked myself. I had been examining a strange logo towards the front gate. It looked super familiar but I just couldn’t place it.

Looks pleasant enough.

As I was examining the logo I heard an electric current coming from the ground as I stepped back not knowing what to expect. The ground in front of me cracked open. Just a tiny little hole and a little pole came shooting out. As the pole retracted – a sign unfolded.

“NO TRESPASSING – PLEASE ~ UC”

As I stared at the sign a little camera on top looked me up and down. I imagined some beefy security guard ready to mess me up (still shell shocked from the Seemingly immortal security guards of Trigger Man) Did I travel all this way just to be deterred by a “No Trespassing” sign?

There was a small speaker at the bottom of the sign to speak into. I held the button down.

“..Hello?”

Albert Wesker stared at this pudgy little man in a purple suit and sighed. He took his signature sunglasses off and rubbed his temples. If the “No Trespassing” sign wouldn’t stop this maniac than what could? He looked around the security room and thought of something.

– still pressing the button on and off –

“ Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Echooooo echoooooo echooooooooooooo. I’m going to trespass! You better stop me. I’m here to see some ghosts. Ya hear me? I’m gonna do it! Ya hear?”

Wesker looks at the camera to see the silly man stretching his leg in the air past the sign and then putting it down on the ground.

“There. I did it! Told you I would! You’ve been tre-passed upon”

Suddenly the sound of another electric current and now a larger retractable pole came out of the ground. This with a small black box on top. A voice came out of a speaker in it.

“Hey idiot. There are no ghosts here. If you must know his is a zombie mansion, bozo!”

Now I’d be lying if I were to say self doubt wasn’t becoming a serious issue for me at this time. So I resigned to cutting my losses BUT I didn’t want to leave empty handed and almost as if the trespassing sign could read my thoughts the voice proceeded:

“Hey idiot. I know you’re going to ask for some sort of souvenir because you’re a simple, disgusting little creature. So open the box and there you will find all that you need. And then get out of my face. Now where did I put-

Souvenirs!? I no longer cared what this guy had to say. Toys? Tshirts? FOOD!??!? Opening the box I found three things. A copy of The Haunted Mansion with a sticky note that said, “for your ghost hunting needs.” Next I found a t-shirt that said, “I got infected by the T-Virus and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.” I didn’t know what the hell the T-Virus was – I’m not a scientist. I could not care less. But I could always use more clothes. The last thing I found was some weird vial that looked like it had some like weird red spiral thingy in it. Looked sorta spicy – might add it to some chili or taco night or something.

Happy with my bounty I clicked the TALK button and thanked my new friend for the game, shirt and red sauce. He started shouting something but I was running out of daylight and started to head back. Didn’t see any ghosts but maybe I would tonight – as I dip into The Haunted Mansion.

New And Improved Video Introduction

Released: October 14 2003

Developed by: High Voltage Software (Lego Racers, COD 2: Big Red One)

Published by: TDK (whom would fold and be purchased by 2k)

It’s important to note right away that The Haunted Mansion is based on the actual ride at Disney World and not the Eddie Murphy film which happened to ALSO be released in 2003 and was based on the ride as well.

In short – the video game was much better received critically than the film. Even though I love me some Jennifer Tilly.

I wish I had a big glass ball with Jennifer Tilly in it. Wait that came out weird.

The game features none of the likenesses or anything you would have thought would be in it because it wasn’t until after I purchased it that I realized it’s not based on the film adaption. Which ultimately is for the better. So instead of Jennifer Tilly playing the role of Madame Leota it is voice actress, Lisa Donahey – who could win a Kathy Bates voice imitator of the year award for her work in the game.

Regardless of the heavy southern drawl and the constant reminder that this mansion is located in the Deep South of Louisiana the voice acting is really good. Light, fun and convincing. A level of quality you would expect from just about any Disney product. But unfortunately the game does have some audio flaws despite superb voice acting. The soundtrack will cut out randomly and muddle at times. The sound effects can also get pretty redundant and ear splitting if you’re a headphones player like myself.

Sound issues aside this game is pure fun. Obviously with the exception of an occasional jump-scare as far as horror games go The Haunted Mansion is toothless. But it doesn’t make it any less fun.

Full of challenges and a huge mansion to explore. Whacky characters and easy to learn controls this game was a super entertaining and enjoyable spook fest. Highly recommended for fans of 90’s Halloween comedy like Hocus Pocus and Casper

SHOP TIL YOU DROP

Used on eStarland this is going for bargain bin prices. Hovering around $3.50. That’s pretty in tune with what I’ve seen on eBay. There is a brand new copy going for $37 dollars still sealed so this game right now has little to no resell or collectors value. But for the price you can’t beat the entertainment factor. I’m glad I own it and I would definitely suggest for my fellow retro enthusiasts for a fun game towards Halloween.

PERIWINKLE’s GIN AND GEM INGREDIENTS:

1.) One liter of jet fuel (Ace Combat 04: Shattered Skies)

2.) A crystal ball with a southern lady’s head in it (The Haunted Mansion)

DESERT ISLAND SONGS

“If dreams are like movies than memories are films about ghosts”

What is your favorite playful scary movie? Any games you play every Halloween? Let us know.

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Yay! I am a Pokémon Princess: Pokémon Royal

Hear Ye Hear Ye, Princess Pinkie is here with a new Pokémon Post

My loyal guests and subjects, it is with the utmost delight that I am here to tell you about a Pokémon Fan Game that has eluded me for a while! I did not know of it’s existence until some sentai looking guy on YouTube told me this was among the best Pokémon fan games out there… he was not wrong!  Today I shall share my experience of the Pokémon Royal version with you!

Princess Pinkie in the Aristo Region

When I write this , I have only recently taken up the mantle of princess of Paradise Island , so I googled games in which you can be a princess. Not a lot came up, except for this super difficult Steam game with lots of stats and menus. I got bored and went looking for new Pokémon games to play!  Trough a YouTube Video I heard about Pokémon Royal! A game in which you play a princess.. or prince. As the youngest child of King Arthur and Queen Guinivere you are to embark on your very first pokémon journey… however this time.. if you win you do not just become the champion.. you the future king or queen! However for some strange reason, while you travel across the lands searching far and wide, something strange is happening, alternative forms of Pokémon show up.. not regional forms..but Pokémon from different times. It all seems to connect to a mysterious organisation named Team Knight! 

The Aristo Region features a classical Pokémon adventure, where you have to earn 8 gym badges, fight an evil team, can capture some legendaries here or there, and can capture pokémon from all 8 generations, as well as some counterparts for them of forgotten times. What’s more is the game isn’t as insanely hard as Pokémon Reborn, Insurgence or the likes, but instead ditches the “useless” stuff like worthless moves or “dead” abilities. It results in a fast paced Pokémon game that teaches you how to play at a semi-competitive level and think like a real trainer. The second gym already gives you Scald as a TM  which  is one of the best water type moves in the game and it really teaches you to keep a healthy balance between physical and special attackers, without feeling overly difficult.. it offers you plenty of variety but also shows you how a pokémon is properly kitted out.

The journey you take feels very much like Sword and Shield.. but from beginning to end basically let’s your monsters level from level 5 to right up to around 100 for the post game. When you get there though you are already around level 90.  The game throws you an exp share right away that works like the one in Pokémon Sword and Shield .. thus you can very easily get the team you want trough fairly minimum grinding Though keeping the challenge level of the orginal games with just a bit more oomph. The game features an original story that only uses Arthurian legend for namesake. Yes you will encounter Merlin, Morganna , Percival , Gallahad and Lancelot, but there is no magical sword there is no relation to the mythos .. it really is it’s own tale, that feels very Pokémon, not overly dark.. it completely feels like a legit pokémon game!  Which is nice for a change!  Fan games are either a lot darker or a lot sillier but this one gets the balance right.  Plus it does make me feel like a princess.

Pretty Princess, Silly Subjects

The game has been made by a fairly large group of people under the group of Norfolk Gaming.  They manage to create one of the best Pokémon regions I had the joy of playing trough. You bounce all across the map, unlock items to replace HM’s that willl grand you access to some part of the world but that path isn’t always in front of you. It really has puzzle elements and travel elements that remind me of Johto  and Hoenn and I mean that in the best way possible. We aren’t just walking circles, we trigger events that allow us to traverse a dynamic map! The battles are great , with trainers being much less bound to typings , unless it makes no sense otherwise (Swimmers due stick to water pokémon). The world feels alive, even bug catchers know to carry a pokémon that covers their weakness or so. 

As a result the game forces you to keep switching around in battles, healing items are a lot more sparce at least early in the game and revives aren’t available until after the fourth gym, which already is around the late level 30’s or early 40’s. This means the challenge isn’t so much in incredibly hard battles that constantly forces you to carry teams that are super effective against a specific type of trainer or gym leader, but rather invites you to build ONE team that covers everything and has some synergy amongst each other.. this is how I think Pokémon should be. I don’t enjoy those Kaizo roms. This makes you think.. yet still allows you to have fun and choose your own team…as long as it is at least semi functional. There aren’t much non functional Pokémon available anyway. No one would use shuckle for a game playthrough so why put it in the game… that’s this games motto and it makes  things great. The Temporal Pokémon, the special variants have super fun mechanics and puzzles are never a hassle so when it comes to your journey it’s such a delight.

For all the gameplay talent these developers had in their stable, they sincerely lacked pixel artists, their custom sprite work is  not good. When you see King Arthur for the first time you think… Oh boy.. this is gonna be a rough one… but no the game is great.. just the sprite work….and the name creativity I guess.   The third gym leader is a pirate, which for example uses Drake’s sprite.. but with a pirate head added to it.. but it doesn’t bland because colours aren’t adjusted. It just shows the creators aren’t sprite artists at all and at times it can really show compared to how polished the game is otherwise.  Most Temporal Pokémon are just recolours and they don’t always work.. with some great exceptions like my Hakomo’o!  Pink armored dragon yay!  But yes.. sprites can look a bit wonky and on area’s with special tiles the game can drop frames quite a bit. Which will be a constant reminder that this is a fan game, which is not a bad thing.. but some of these sprites would litterally take a minute or two to fix.. like Pirate Drake, or even King Arthur, he looks nothing like his back sprite or overworld variant.

Fit for a Queen

Like the models, the writing can be a bit hokey at times as well, plot twists are REALLY obvious and names of things are a bit to on the nose, no Morgana is not the leader of the evil team .. it’s still just names but seemingly innocent lines characters spout clearly show a hidden intention that is not revealed until much later.  There is a time travel element to this story that really reminded me of a movie about a time travelling prince, in fact the plot of this game is eerily similar to that movie.. but pokémonified.  It is not bad by any means but it is very by the numbers. It makes sense as a plot..but maybe it makes too much sense?! Every character has a counterpart it seems in the regular Pokémon world with your dad being a bit like the way Oak was originally intended and your brother being a Gary, even though his sprite is Hau… given how his mother and father look.. Hau did that happen *badum tsss quack*  While I point it out as a negative, this is really in line with how normal pokémon stories unfold though… and besides the lack of creativity here and there.. I really have no gripes with this game.

So much suddenly makes sense in this game, people actively mention that they would not like strangers in their house, but they welcome the Princess.. who may very well be their new queen, people are very friendly and helpful to you in this world as you are a somebody in this world.  So it’s not just.. “hey look a random 10 year old.. let’s give him a bike” .. no it’s OMA (Oh my Arceus)  the princess just walked into my bike store.. here have one of my bikes!  The whole Pokémon League and elite four thing is also much more a test to see if the Royal family is ready to defend the region! An elite four makes a lot more sense in a scenario like that.. as it is the gateway to a final tournament. People acknowledge that some parts of the world are more dangerous and have more dangerous pokémon so these areas are shielded from people who do not have enough badges, rather than them being locked because there is a sleeping pokemon in the way.

Areas and routes have much more a type bias with route 1 having bug and normal types, while route 2 may have some water pokémon and maybe some flying types.. The game starts you out with picking from a Dark, Fighting, Psychic core, with Zorua , Riolu and Espurr rather than the standard Grass Water Fire Core, which allows the routes to be more dynamic. Rather than hunting for random Pokémon you can hunt route 3 for a grass addition to your team, route 12 for a good ground type etc. This means you can build your party much , much more intentional with less clutter Pokémon. The Temporal Pokémon can diverge from these  biases though as do other event pokémon, which usually are good against upcoming gym leaders which makes exploring often worth your while as well, while the more generic pokémon you encounter often struggle against the gym leader.  For example when you cross the haunted forest, you’ll face the dark type gym leader next, when you travel through a rock Pokémon filled cave, you’ll fight the ground leader next.  However in case of the latter, you can find some event based water type pokémon by going off the beaten path!  I love this format! 

At the end of each track to a new town you encounter a repeatable trainer that can be challenged over and over again… so say you are stuck on the dark type leader you can go back to the route where you can find a lot of bugs or fighting pokémon, add it to your party then head back to the trainer right before the gym and repeat to make use of your exp share and level up your counter against said leader. Grinding can be knocked out within an hour that way meaning that even if you swap out your party a lot, you won’t end up putting THAT much time into grinding.. the game features a nifty speed up button that makes most grinding a matter of .. 30 minutes (provided you grind with at least some semblance of a plan).  I managed to beat the game in 5 evenings of playing with  the final stretch being a nice weekend day with a game I loved. This game has so many great ideas that it is worth picking up, and even if it doesn’t always stick to the landing of things it tries to achieve.. this game is a really great fit for any pokémon gamer who just wants another pokémon game! It might not be a Royal Flush.. but it is certainly a full house Queens over Kings!