Pinkie Thinks & Sings: A Reflection and Song About Pursuing Content Creator Happiness

Hello little lights, today I wanted to talk to you about things that have been going on in my life. I failed to do a few uploads because I was busy chasing new projects.  This post is a little update on how I am doing, What I am trying to do, and how I am trying to achieve it. It will go trough a few struggles I have been going trough with myself, the community and WordPress,  as well as showing I am still working on realising my dream.

I am a nobody

This week, I got seriously burned on social media!  I try to get more into it, playing these games people do where people assess you or interact with your platform, as well as I have tried reacting to people!  However, due to my health being so frail over the past two weeks I have also been sleeping a lot and I barely manage to create my own content, let alone visit all your amazing content.  I had little focus because I am medicated into being super groggy or in a lot of pain due to my muscles going quite volatile on me!  Seeing people interact with each other on twitter usually cheers me up! Yet in a bad head space I realised, while people love to play these games with each other it is extremely rare for people to interact with me. Which is totally fair as I haven’t been always as sociable as I like either, but people don’t seem to really interact with those “who do you think Pinkie is”  kind of posts. From my bad headspace, I took that the wrong way and created a super toxic situation for myself convincing nobody cared for me. 

I know this to be untrue because my health updates got met with lots of love and sympathy, but you know that little devil on my shoulder explained that as, “they don’t care about you, they are just being polite and care about being deemed polite, see if everything is fine and dandy no one wants to interact with you”. I know I am the odd duck in the anime community, I might not even be truly a part of the anime community as that is not my main content but I always believed by simply being a geek, I’d also belong. Maybe I was wrong with that, maybe anime is truly the only things that binds us and by toning my anime content down I have estranged myself from you all. I need to be more social but for some reason my head is so full of stuff, Yet I struggle! Where do I belong?! I do not know and the past two weeks made me question everything. I do know you all are important to me even if I can’t always show it though!  So maybe that goes around the same way, I can not assume you do not care, that is the devil talking! But he is making me really sick lately!  I barely was able to get out of bed anymore!

I am me

Being confronted with my physical weakness and my sickness these past two weeks made me feel glum, the devil was there to devalue you all… or more accurately, devalue myself in correlation to how I would like you guys to see me. I want to do more anime content, but back pains are always present, just watching something doesn’t take away my pain, I  need to be engaged in a game or a project to shut it of properly.  Even then I just have a laptop, if I need to lay down and just watch something because the pain is to much, the laptop needs to be set up for that and the tv offers an easier solution.  If I want to watch anime I constantly need to lean over to make screen captures… and I can’t.. I am pain… my heart has been kind of poorly functioning properly.. it’s weak. Oftenly giving me much lower blood pressure and then I feel sick like a dog,  translating in my head can be overwhelming then.  So all in all, anime hasn’t been my most suited media right now!  Plus then there is my dream.

 My writing isn’t the most accepted. It is a lot quirkier, than some of my more successful colleagues out there. This on the one hand gives me validation, I am unique so I have a right to exist. I am known in the blogosphere as well and I love that.  Yet the devil keeps questioning on how sincere we all are. I know a lot of you are sincere in their interactions towards me, but how many would truly notice if I got to sick to blog and missed a week? I can not answer that question and I will never be able to!  How many would send me a message with “Are you well?” out of their own accord?! I sometimes wonder about that, the devil says not a lot.. but cheerful little moth self tells me, perhaps those people just do not want to bother you, they just think they are bloggers to you after all. I can never know how you think about me, unless directly told.. but that also means that I can not adapt me to be someone that is liked more, even if directly told, what about the silent ones! They have a voice as well! So I never can answer what is the best me for you all… so I just have to be the me that I truly am and take the pain when it’s not good enough and revel in the joy for when it is!   That is also why I am doing let’s plays and Nuzlockes now! I have a lot of fun playing those!  If that interests people that is great , if it doesn’t, at least I had fun! So while I know my new content isn’t as well received as some other posts.. it is something I have to do to be able to get up in the morning.

I am more than a Blogger

I have told several times that this blog was made because I do not have a strong voice, I can talk okay, but I can’t talk constantly, sometimes I just can’t bring out words and only whisper. I always saw that as a quality that will keep me off YouTube forever, and started my blog to be the “voice free” version of that. Yet as I grow I realise that this medium has its limitations, while I do love blogging a part of me feels as if my dream isn’t being fulfilled. Imagine asking your parents for a dog, but all you get is a Hamster.   While you love Fluffy Whiskerson with whole your heart and are super grateful to your parents for giving you this great addition in your live, it doesn’t take away that need deep inside you to play fetch with something, go on walks with a loyal quadruped that comes back to you when you call it’s name. Blogging is my hamster. I treasure it deeply.. but some things I want to do as a creator I can not do as a blogger. While my limitations on YouTube are ample, I lack proper materials for video editing, I lack the voice and the self promoting skills to make that work will probably prevent me from ever growing the size I am on here I feel as if I need to pursue it still as a bucket list thing of sorts.

I am a gamer that happens to like anime but due to my connection to OWLS I started fitting anime content in my blogging content as well, Pokémon Gaming got expanded as well as I realised more content made me happier. However I am now at a point where it has “stranded” me. Not in terms of content creation but in turns of development. Most of my readers are tied together by anime, and while I do enjoy anime, I do not think that is what binds me to you guys! Due to my content selection, I feel what binds “us” is WordPress. We share this amazing platform to show our ideas and we give each other time because we show up in each others Reader. That is fine because it connects us through a joined hobby! Writing! And I love you all for being there for me and showing off your amazing blogs! Yet I am like the little Mermaid here! 

Pinkie’s Remade Song!

I wrote a cover of the Disney Song to express my feelings! I Include the instrumental version of Part of your World that follows the text in a YouTube video, if you need to follow the rythm of my text please visit my website outside of reader!

Look at my blog, isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think my content is complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl
Girl who has everything?

Look at this blog, stories untold
How content can one website  hold?
Looking around here you’d think
Sure, she’s got everything

I’ve got Follows and Likes A Plenty!
I’ve got achievements and Views Galore!
You like loyal readers?!
I’ve got twenty!

I do care!
I love it!
But want More!

I wanna be where the people are!  
I wanna see, Wanna see them simping!
Following me simply for
What was the reason?!
Oh, Me!

While my blog made me go really far,
Vids are required to tell my stories!

Walking you trough my…
what was my focus?!
Games!

Up where they talk!
Where content plays!
Where I really hope to find a new space!
Creating more me!
Limitless Free!

My YouTube World!

What would I give! If I could live!
Out as my true self!
What would I pay, to spend a day
As the true me!

I need to vent, please understand,
I am not calling you out dear reader!

But this creator, needs to update her…
true content!

I am ready to spread my wings and Soar!
Find new Interactions,

And find some answers!
Can I succeed or will i get..
what’s the word?
BURNED!

When it’s my turn?!
Can I be Loved! Or Will I just end up getting Shoved?!

I need to grow!
Out of this low!

As the true me!

Who am I?!

Do not mistake this for me quitting blogging! I am merely expanding! I will not quit nor even take a break! However, I am in the pursuit of Happiness for myself and that might mean that I will one day rather work on a YouTube Video than post a blog! The other day I might photoshop over some scenes in an iconic song and post a blog 7 hours later than I normally would! I am overwhelmed, I am not doing to great mentally and physically.. but those limitations are just as much a part of me than my dreams. Yes I would love to give you content each day.. but if my heart can’t handle it, if I am in to much pain, that is a part of me I have to accept just as much as that part that says blogging alone isn’t enough! That is alright!I can’t force my heart to beat correctly for the sake of content as much I want. I can’t make my muscles relax on days anime content is supposed to released and I can’t always smile the sorrows away sometimes I just need to accept my lesser parts as well. And YouTube offers a more creative outlet to forget those pains.

Monday February 1st I will start with a long project of going to hospitals! Medicine, Psychology and later on even surgery will all be part of this and I do not know how it will effect me! I might have very rotten days where I need to stay in bed, or stay at the Hospital which is far away for me. It is so I can be my true self however, and live a much healthier, happy live, in that spirit I decided to already start taking a bit more liberty with content creation schedules! Do stick with me though becauseI have plenty of stuff left to tell!

As for you my little lights, I have seen a lot of bloggers talking about the importance of consistency to let your blog grow and be successful! Be sure to never let that overshadow yourself however! You are the most important element to your blog! Without you , there is no blog or no content what so ever. So if you want to try something else to see if it makes you happy, be it podcasts, YouTube or heck even pro-gaming or making memes or whatever. Don’t be afraid to chase a dream! Your dreams can be petty! Yes I would love a simp of my own which sounds petty but there are reasons I assure you! However that is to long of a story to still tell! By doing a lot of research I found a good text to speech program so I can get my words out there, I found a free 3d model program, free editing software and even free face rigging software! It will not get me to where I want, but it will help me start the chase! I am more than then what I create! I am also what I dream about and I am also defined by the things I can not do! Only by accepting it all will I find my true happy place and my true Paradise!

The Totally Awesome Tomodachi Award

My dear island guests it’s been a while since I created my first tag, The Super Happy Love Award! That tag was all about positivity a value I really hold in high esteem! Yet there is another value I pursue here on WordPress.. one that we often share but one that isn’t as much shown through posts. Normally we talk about ourselves.. so this tag will focus around talking about our Community. With a very special game!

A friendship game by yours truely!

-Put the Totally Awesome Tomodachi  Award logo somewhere in your post!
-Thank the person who nominated you or thank the person who won you a nomination!
-Nominate up to four bloggers but DO NOT mention them by name.
-Write about your four nominees, using subjective terms only.. as if you were a friend describing them to another friend (examples follow) DO NOT use factual hard descriptors. End the paragraph with They are my Tomodachi and put a link to one of their articles on that sentence.
-Make assumptions about them, talk about your interaction or memories with them. Just create a fun little text that keeps your readers guessing who this is.Also talk about what they mean to you
-Your followers can play a game if they can recognize the Blogger you are talking about, if they make a guess correctly..they can join the tag as well if they so choose. (Thank the person whose description you guessed) -Readers are encouraged to comment their scores in the comments

And that is all for the rules now let me give you a couple of examples to explain this a bit better.

Since Scott from Mechanical Anime Reviews doesn’t do tagposts I will use him as a neutral example. Most of you know him, otherwise links are still provided!

Wrong Example

This blogger goes by the name of Scott he is a 28 year old man who lives in Wisconsin on top of a decrepit casino. He is the Owner of a Blog that mostly talks about mecha shows but also does a lot of Anitwit watches stuff. He is a member of Owls and his Avatar is either a gundam or a black haired boy. Recently he did a collab with Ashley Capes on Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

Wrong way to do this tag!  It would take the fun out of this game! That is also not how you would talk about a friend! Or a beloved member of your community.

Right Example

I suspect this blogger really likes the colour yellow, but white, and blue would be two other really good options for this blogger to favorite. I think their favorite letter is a V.. particularly if it’s displayed on a head. I bet they would name their daughter Venus, Jupiter or Mercury as they really seem to think that Ancient Rome was the place to be during some blog tour.. wait it wasn’t ancient Rome.. where else could they have gotten the name from?! I find this blogger among the more serious  bloggers, I bet if you stare in their eyes for a while you would think they are very wise. Whispers in the community go that this person has so much charisma that they make everyone love them deeply and if I would assign this person a role in the community they would be part of it’s beating heart indeed. Clever and very active I suspect this blogger will outlast the most of us on this amazing platform.

They are My Tomodachi!

Make your readers curious about your amazing friend! Give them a chance to recognise some awewsome members in the community! I hope you understand the point of my game now and hope you and your readers will have fun with it and I shall kick off now with my four nominations! NB your CAN nominate less and if you are not nominated you can BE by making a correct guess.

I promised this blogger to create a new tag for them when things seemed a bit dark. Though I am late on fulfilling this promise by a few days due to scheduling, here I am. I highly suspect we share a love for a particular pastel colour. Though the shade they prefer is much less bubblegum like than mine. I bet their mind is wonderfully twisted as we share a love for one of the lesser favored game genres. Though I have never written about a game in the genre this blogger is very active within it. I suspect they are a dog person over a cat person and they are at least somewhat versed into Star Wars so I really can get behind them. I’d say they are the homiest blogger that I follow adhering to more classical values than most of us here. I’d almost consider the word “normal” for them would it not been for that I now know what they do when gaming after dark. 

I do not think this blogger frequents my blog all that much and in honest i must say I haven’t been to theirs in about a month now.. at the time of writing.. at the time of posting I suspect I’ve been back once or twice. If I’d give them a dream job i’d call out interior decorating.. though that is not their real job! Their real job is one of those things i never really get!  I mean I know what it is but it’s way to complicated for me. I might be wrong but I suspect they have a stepping stool! Not for a job but in real life.. they seem tiny to me.. but it might be perspective. The stepping stool has many uses like reaching higher places, but it could also just look cute.. or they could use it for a workout. I’d say they are very open about what is going on in their life and as result I feel like I know them pretty well. I hope they are doing well and that they will participate in this tag.. with how often they get tagged we might only see this next year!

This blogger taught me a lot about self-love, not in the dirty way either. They are always so kind and responsive to my answers though. One of the first people that let me feel welcome in the community. I feel like they are a person who smiles a lot to the outside world.. but deep inside there are some rough seas. They do want to be there for other people though! Their kind words have made me pull trough many blogging rough patches! One of my biggest examples.

They are my Tomodachi!

This one I had to rewrite, since my first write up was for someone who currently is not active in the blogosphere. Once you are back I will do this post with the people I had to skip! So many of you matter to me. So if you notice this one is a bit different.. that’s why!That doesn’t make this person any less of a pick! Just because they exist I already planned a second post, with them as the frontliner! So I just had to swap them around! 

This blogger has been around for a long time though I am not necessarily talking about them as a presence on WordPress here. If I ever went on an Indian vision quest, I think I’d see them as the wise man. Or woman.. .or Non Binary.. but we know the stereotype. I’d imagine I’d have to trek to the desert and the mountains to meet them..but recently I have begun to imagine them floating around in space as well. Luckily I am dutch.. so with some Space-Cake I’ll easily be able to get there! This blogger is one of the most sincere people out there. They will tell you what they feel and do not  try to make the world any prettier than it is. You can tell that they have lived when they present the naked facts of a situation to you. I really like that sense of honesty. I am not saying none of you are honest here! I am just saying this bloggers work have a rawness to them! A natural beauty that I have come to very much appreciate.

This is a blogger with many inner demons, one big one in particular that many people here face in varying degrees of power. Because of this demon this blogger can have the tendency to underestimate themselves. Plenty of you underestimate this blogger as well because their post don’t get enough likes for how insightful they are. So visit their posts and let yourselves be known! Share some love!  Let this blogger inspire you to be yourself without reservation because that is what they set out to do! Either  on WordPress, the stage and out there in real life! Everywhere we see this blogger in their purest form. Very natural! That is beautiful and something I strive for as well. Though where I try to be the purest form of myself by turning myself into an anime character and break through realities limitations to be who I want to be this blogger basicly strips down to the core of their soul . Out in the open for anyone to see. A bit of a .. two sides of a coin story, that gives me an odd sense of synergy! If you don’t believe me, you can go take a hike!

This blogger has helped my troubled mind with that attitude so much! Problems aren’t waved away but validated! Instead  of hugs and kisses we get concrete advise. “Try to look past that”,  “move away from the place you live in even if it’s hard”  “Don’t be afraid for what people say, be afraid of not being able to be yourself’ This is really the type of friend I love to have. Thanks to the wordful magic of WordPress , their blog and their comments on mine now I do! One with a big brain and an even bigger heart!

They are my Tomodachi

This one I confidently call a friend, so that alone definitely earns them a spot on this list. I always wanted to be friends with a magical girl and I guess this is the closest I am ever going to get. While I am a dog person and they definitely would be a cat person I feel like we still have a nice form of chemistry. Me being a bit more kiddy and naive as real me being extra excited about stuff and them walking behind me with a big grin! Handing me a proverbial butterscotch candy! A real one if they could!  Being one of the lesser active bloggers among those I associate with,though rather active recently, they are something I find myself quite endeared too. Least active might not be the correct term but they do write a bit less than me to say the least. Most certainly a cat person, though they like horses too.They are very active in the comments of everyone and their insight and wisdom sometimes makes me think they know what actual dinosaurs looked like… you know… because…

Of course that implication is only a joke as I already consider myself a fossil Pokemon. Of all the persons I follow I bet their house is the most likely to hold some crayons or maybe acrylic paints. Though I’d also imagine them hardly using it. I also kinda assume this person has loads of candles in their home. Multi coloured ones as well. They also seem like a bath person.. with scented oils and stuff. I bet they enjoy a good full moon too! Out of all you WordPresses following me I feel like this person is the most likely to play Board-Games with me, though I also feel they would easily lose to me because they would play to nice. One of the kindest and soft spoken WordPress peeps out there I suspect their voice would almost be enchanting. I am blessed to call them my friend.

This one really made me feel a sense of togetherness when I was at a low of it. So many of you have seen so much more anime than I, are so much more versed in gaming and I felt there were “camps”  as it were.. welcoming to those from other camps as it may be.. each group had a core group and I was painfully aware I just glomped on. This blogger made me feel special. Now I know that is a vanity thing and we all have our favorites but it just felt so great that with this one I feel like I reached their inner core! Like if they’d go camping with 10 other WordPresser’s I feel like they are the one that would mention me!

They are my Tomodachi

So for my last nomination I considered three people. One of them still has a few tags of me to do so they are out, for this round, the other might be a bit to obvious and the third option might be a bit too uncertain to bite down in this post for now. So i guess… the obvious one it is…with a twist! The shy one will be nominated too! I will talk about the two options in conjunction and tag them both!  Extra guesses for you all to play the game! More friends for me!

The obvious one.. I think is very easy.. I guess half of you all already have the named guessed correctly. Yet let me try to muddle the pond just a bit. I suspect that The Obvious choice doesn’t speak as much English as you all would suspect. I suspect their native languages or most spoken languages can really point out a flaw in one of the most famous Dexter’s Lab Episodes.. that dealt with said language. I might be wrong though! I do not know a lot aboot their country. Shy choice however now that is an born English speaker. I do not know why but I think Shy choice prefers dubs. Obvious Choice prefers subs I would think.  While Obvious to us is a very in your face personality and Shy is …well uhm… shy?! (Great writing skills Pinkie)  I think if we met them at a convention their persona’s would be flipped. I am pretty sure Shy Cosplays and Obvious would rather hide in the ceiling or toilets until it’s all over.

So I broke my own nomination rule in the very first post.. what a good example I am. They whose nomination makes the most sense would absolutely do the same. Rules are meant to forgotten or rambled over. Shy would probably break the rule as well .. but be very apologetic about it.  Decoration wise I think Shy has a much cuter bed filled with plushies.  Obvious seems more like a neat pillow person. Maybe with some inspirational texts like “You can do it” or “I sold ice to Eskimos and all I got was this adorable pillow” Shy choice I feel walks in heels more then her fellow nominee, obvious I feel wears more practical and a bit more butch shoes. What’s that.. a boot?  Might be a question they get asked frequently.. somehow maybe even without wearing boots?! What’s that about?! Obvious has seen more anime , but Shy has seen more cartoons. One of them I have seen a picture off! Both of them are super positive and happy people that I would love to be friends with in real life. I’d nickname them Kuro and Shirou.. though in one case that name has gone somewhat outdated. 

The most humble of the two gave me my first comment ever. They are the spark of hope I needed that I could indeed find a community here! They are the example of possibility. I had a few blogs before that never got any followers and if they did they were silent.. I abandoned these projects after about two to four weeks each.  Now I am almost a year in and still going strong!  All because of this brave littler blogger who let me know they loved Umbreon!

The more outgoing, well known and obvious choice has taught me not to throw my voice. I wanted to write to appeal to many people.. play the numbers game. Yet their quirky style and how they are well thought of in the community made me  realise I do not need to do that. Because of this person I have actual fun in blogging!  I can be weird and I love being weird with them!

Obviously, They are my Tomodachi!

Even though they are shy,They are my Tomodachi!

Now I hope you had fun in guessing who these bloggers are and hopefuly you guessed some correct so we can be a big happy family! Remember if you guessed one correctly.. you are a Totally Awesome Tomodachi of one of us .. so you can play as well! Holy Mailman if you guessed one correctly that means you’ll have to set up a blog 😉 Also Scott I know you don’t do tag posts but should you feel inclined.. everyone loves you so you are a Totally Awesome Tomodachi as well so consider yourself nominated as well. My muse, this tag is waiting for you in the future as well, if you do your homework 😉

To all the others! A second round is coming somewhere in the next month or so! My selections are already made! Yet it’s not written yet! Feel free to convince me you are a Totally Awesome Tomodachi as well .. and I do not mean that in a lewd or e-begging way!