Geeky Dreams Explain: Pinkie’s Weirdest Bizarre Vacation

Hello Island Guests! In this blog we are going to do something special! We are going to analyse one of my most vivid and geeky little dreams I have had in awhile. I still remember the story very well. So I thought it would be a good and funny tale to tell. It turns out…it might have had deeper issues than I thought. I have had this dream twice now with only minor variants.. like in the second run I was aware I had this dream before so I could alter some of the events.. but only to minor effect.  For all intents and purposes I shall tell you the story of the first variation of the dream.

My dream begins in the Southern of France, there is some sort of Formula 1 like race going on.. but the cars are also racing Sonic the Hedgehog and a few other video game like characters. This being a great bridge between Dad and me we decide to go watch.. but we still need to buy tickets and no one has money for it. Yet then Fred and George Weasley show up on their brooms saying they have a plan! We could rob the local beer Factory and sell beer for the races cheaper than on the circuit itself.. it would be a gold mine. So I go along with them and we steal a pallet of beer! I nearly fall but Fred and George save me! We bring the pallet to dad who managed to get a sales license but he betrays me.. he only got permits for himself Fred and George as he does not want me talking through the race. Fred and George give me a few beers but really want to see the match so they agree with Dad. I try to get in anyway but dad puts the blame for stealing the beer solely on me and reports me to the authorities so I have to flee.

The dream skips ahead a few days and I am in a different hotel a really weird one. I made some new friends there, some based on my real life friends ..well one.. and the others are new friends.  I help out in a hotel to stay there but now I got some free time and I am able to swim with my friends! But the pool is made entirely out of milk!  People do not seem to mind and bring up the name of the hotel is Cleopatra resort. One of the other pool guests is a Wailmer pokémon and for some reason Widget the alien is sunbathing there. All the other guests are like minor geeky things or elements of my life. The weirdest thing is like a stick of Butter who once tosses us our beach ball, me and my friends play with when in the pool of milk.  Suddenly a wall explodes and there is Deadpool! Who has been hired to kill me for stealing the beer!  (Thanks dad) , he murders everyone in the pool first and I try to hide under a bed.  He comes after me and says I can not escape. I get fed up with him and tell him I will haunt him from the afterlife.. so he says he will hunt me there as well. He stabs me in the heart and then cuts off his own head. I try to escape but the wound kills me as I fall and sink in the milk.

I then wake up in a indoor pool.. the walls are very bland. there is but one big pool with a huge diving board. My friends are there… but all as 6 or 7 year old school girls. I notice I am a six year old or so as well. I notice there is one extra girl who peels of her face.. to reveal Deadpools mask behind it.. but Shoujopool realises she doesn’t have swords. So she points  at the diving board way up high and tells we should hold a diving competition instead. The loser will go to hell and the winner can return to earth. So that is what we do. We realise there is no judge so we decide to let my friends score.. and give a score ourselves.  Deadpool goes first and I talk my friends into giving him bad scores. 1/10 from all.. but that friend who was a real friend who gives him a 9/10 ..saying  he now she loves Deadpool laughing loud at the silly jump. I climb up but my motor skills really make me slow.. I finally get there as I think I already disappointed my friends… This pool is filled with water…but to make the water appear I have to drop a peanut into the pool. Which luckily I had on me and a fountain shaped like an M&M begins spraying water.. he was in a dream before and he was a chocolate fountain then.. each time I need a liquid I need to toss a peanut at him this is a recurring thing ever since I was 16. 

More on  that later though… I jump into the pool.. but flop real sloppily so I think my one friend will give me a bad grade.. but he doesn’t ……because Deadpool ripped the heads of all my friends and build himself a tipi (native american tent)  of their bodies and a hat of their heads. He tells me I scored zero and I lost. I tell him he cheats and he should give my friends back.. so using some of those cocktail sticks he puts their heads back which revives the girliest girl among them somehow.. but not the rest. He says whoops! Then the girly girl tells me to fight him and Gonna Fly now  begins playing and as we both yell Ding Ding.. We punch each other in the face.. the Screen pans out slightly and we become dwan animations on parchment..slowly zooming out while Subtitles roll to reveal we are actually a trading card. After the subtitles are over that trading card is at the Milk pool..I pick it up.. look around and realise everyone is still dead. I swear.. and that is the moment I wake up.

So now I will use a book of interpreting dreams I once got to identify elements of my dream and come up with an analysis! I haven’t done this before but I felt like it might be a funny post so here we go! The father stuff is fairly obvious.. he is increasingly ignoring me from his life so the way he acts in this dream makes perfect sense. A vacation appearing in a dream according to my little encyclopedia stands for desiring a change of pace or wanting to renew my energies. I have been dealing with a very pesky fatigue as of late so I assume it is the later. A racetrack means can mean I feel my life is going in circles according to this book.. given that a vacation is a thing theme as well.. those two might meet.. since we did take a vacation TO a racetrack. Combined with my father I begin to see a connection. Fred and George I did not think had a deeper meaning. Looking it up though Wizards in dreams mean there are hidden forces at work.. so I guess they could represent Dad’s girlfriend who is manipulating him against us.. but never openly does so. Stealing should mean I feel misunderstood and that I feel like I lack emotional support and appreciation.. that in context makes a lot of sense. Beer apparently is an indicator for hiding behind a mask, now showing my true face and that is a big issue for me.. especially around my family, mostly dad. I fake a lot so I don’t get into conflict but I feel sad that my true self can not be appreciated by him.

The scene that my life is being saved by Fred and George apparently means my head thinks I should let go of a unhealthy bond which makes an awful lot of sense in this part of the dream. The betrayal of my father at the end neatly wraps it up as Betrayal means the dreamer is doubting between the bond between the betrayer and themselves. So yes.. my relationship with my father is indeed not a very good one.. the time I had this dream was just after he had successfully had a malignant tumor removed. Before when he was sick he reached out to us and as soon as the operation was done and he was going to live .. he began shutting us out again. I saw this coming from before and even spoke this out to the rest of the family that it would really hurt me.. they said that would not happen but it did.  Nowadays Dad just criticizes us wherever he can so if I need to drive back home with him (as I can not drive myself)  I feel super uncomfy and just talk to keep him from condemning me. Each time we meet he promises things will go better and every time we are shoved out further. So this first act.. makes a lot of sense! Except for Sonic!


The trait that stands out most in the second act of my dream is milk.  Milk stands for the desire to have a better relationship with your friends or family…which makes this dream quite scarily consistent. Imagining friends who aren’t real  stands for having elements of myself that I really suppress.. or at least according to this book. In real life I have indeed been pretending al lot to have a semblance of fitting in. Seeing friends of old signifies a desire to go back to a simpler time and seeing friends die shows i am worried about my friendships continuing to exist. Each time I had these dreams a friend the friend of old in question I dreamed about really distanced himself further from the group. The first time he blamed us for not going anywhere in our lives and how that marooned his ambition and job comes before friends. Second time he was really negative about all the people I care about in our group and wished for a return to the super male energy of before my coming and of my bestie. 

A pool with water I can not see through.. and I assume milk counts as that, shows that I might be emotionally confused which again was true for the time at the dreams. I wish to continue this friendship..with the male energy person and at times he is a great friend. Yet the fickleness at which I can be tossed out when I am not convenient at the moment hurts. I am not sure I can live with that. I am worth more than be a friend when convenient. Butter , also has a meaning, it represents happiness. I think it stands for how I cope with that relation. Some of our other friends are very focussed on how he acts now at them. Hate him for his unreliabilty, he’s hurting us an selfish. I do not want to lose him so I focus on all the good memories. Widget the Alien.. might mean someone pushes me to my limits or beyond. I am not sure he counts but well I bet we can explain that. If we consider Wailmer the whale pokemon to represent a whale it means something is currently overtaxing me or pressing heavily on me …which again makes scarily much sense to me. 

It gets worse when Deadpool shows up. See my book does not mention a fourth wall breaking super hero as a possible analogy thing.. but a masked figure I am scared off like I was in the dream .. is  actually in my dream book thing again. Apparently a Scary Mask means that I feel …. And I wish I was joking… A lack of harmony in my family or friends. When I started this I genuinely thought this might be tons of fun.. but I am kinda weirded out by how consistently accurate these elements are in my dream. I am not fully sure if I believe in dream analogy but this is a pretty big coincidence at the very least. You can easily say.. but deadpool’s mask is not scary..and I’d say sure.. but I was terribly afraid for him in the dream so it counts! I  also think it is safe to kill Deadpool a killer. When you see a killer murder others the dream book explains it means for emotional sadness another has caused in me.

This can both reflect on my dad again as well as that friend who moved away because he chose ambition over friendship. Ever since he left a few members of our group gave up.. he was the host and now even if I try to host some others just don’t come ..because they rather would go to the other guy.. I am not good enough. Being murdered myself by a killer ties in with that quite well as it shows my brain  feels like people are working against me together.  While I do not feel they actually conspire against me.. I do feel that the negative actions of one.. trigger negative actions in the other yet another stays at home because that second guy is not coming and no one wants to break this cycle. So yeah I have to say.. the second chapter of my analogy also makes a lot of sense. It’s more intangible than the first but these are worries in my head at the time of dreaming. I am not lonely but I can feel myself slipping.

Now onto the final part of this dream. Luckily the implications of this part are a bit more positive! I think they actually represent my blogging life because these dreams occured on the time I felt quite empowered by my blog!  The being reborn part stands for getting a second chance to obtain something I thought was unobtainable, to deal with stuff I want to deal with but could not before or it can represent that I am ready to move on with my life. I am getting close to accept how things are and move on from the pain and start a new phase in my life.  Since I see myself as a younger person now I am more inclined to believe it represents that second part! Because seeing yourself as a young person represents the desire to make up for mistakes I made in the past. Or seize opportunities I did not before. 


When my clique was very tightly knit I never had any reason to make new friends.. I loved this group of friends and having these people was more than enough for me. At conventions I rather would hang out with them as new geeks because they were all I needed. They went out to socialise with others a lot though and now I do regret not doing that as much . I was content with what I had but I wished I could have reached out to others and now I can. Seeing a group of kids ..which in this case are my imaginary friends.. which we already discussed were reflections of sides of myself I could not show.. means the merging of several aspects of my personality… In other  words I suppressed a lot of my persona.. and blogging brings this out more and more and I accept more and more those traits of my personality around you guys! I also show it more in real life! If people are slipping anyway, I might as well make friends by being the truest me!

The Clear Swimming pool, stands for a much healthier emotional life. Since my tonal shift on the blog around May.. which was around the first time I had this dream means, I have been much more honest about my emotions. I accepted myself a lot more and the implications being myself had and even if something sad happens like a person not liking me I was more okay with it because at least it was real. The diving board stems from a temptation and the empty swimming pool I saw for an emotional emptiness. Around April and recently..when things were at a low I was very tempted to harm myself…in the permanent way. By jumping from a great height even…a temptation I had a hard time to fight off. There were times that I felt so alone.. and unheard I was empty.. much like the hall this dream was set in. My health sometimes makes me feel like a time-bomb. I want people to have a positive memory of me. When everything is slipping..sometimes the thought occurs that I should exit stage left now! While I still have some some semblance of control The competition however stands for a will to fight..  so I fight that temptation. No matter how often the thoughts are in my head.. I know I have people who love me still. For them I fight! For them I live! So that temptation..will only just be that. A easy to resist temptation that sometimes nibbles in my mind. But let’s not dwell on that.. this part is about positivity!

The Peanut.. believe it or not also represents something.. it apparently signifies gaining popularity on a personal level. The M&M I am going to interpret as a piece of candy because brands are not considered.. candy represents social Pleasures and an increase in friendships and love. I have actually made friends by blogging.. by being more personal with and more me recently I have gained a bit of popularity as well. I know some people still just like a post without reading it and I know who.. but I have gained this “pack” as of sorts.. a group of people I regularly interact with and it has made me so happy. and at ease with myself.. Again showing a full  clear swimming pool.. much more healthy on an emotional level. It’s like as if my mind says! Don’t worry girl you got more people behind you then you think!

The decapitation allegedly stands for me not wanting to think on certain elements and everyone who read my anniversary special knows that this is indeed a worry. I have a demon on my shoulder telling me people actually hate me. I want to starve that demon, not think about those doubts! The boxing shows I have an inner conflict. Like I mentioned I have that little demon on my shoulder that tells me you all hate me.. so you are a source of pain.. yet also a source of happiness and stability. Boxing also represents throwing up to much barriers for myself.. like what I did before!  People can like me well enough without always having to respond to me.. by making them react to me.. I place a barrier on my happiness while just sending them a message or getting a like or a smile can be enough. The Card I pick up at the end allegedly shows I want some form of attention .. which is true of course. I would not be blogging otherwise. The fact that I appear at the world of the living  again means I won from Deadpool and victory stands for successfully overcoming attacks  from rivals or obstacles. I can beat that inner demon and I can have that attention! I need to accept myself for it and accept some relationships do not work! Not everyone has to be a bestie as either. Support and positive energy can come in all sort of quantities and from all sort of places. I just need to be willing to accept it. I should not be scared to lose bonds over time.. I should be happy and excited to form new ones.

And on that high note I will end today’s post!  It was much more interesting to analyse this dream as I thought.. such a silly dream had a lot of elements that really seemed applicable to me and I actually feel a lot more sane now!  Even though my dream was weird.. I think in the end it was mostly about very normal desires that have been a bit fritzy lately! I know I talk about this subject a lot but before I started translating I did not know this was going to be what it is about. Have you ever analysed your own dreams?  Let me know! And for everyone reading truly thank you! You are the reason I do not swim in milk anymore! You gave me a peanut and a card. You give me a reason to decapitate people in my dreams..because in such an awesome community I have better things to think about than my woes and worries!


Pinkie Plays On the Internet: Random Topic Generator

Hello Island Guests! I felt like doing something a bit odd today. Perhaps I am running a fever, perhaps I am slipping into a insanity but I wanted to talk about stuff I would normally never talk about.. as well as find a way to keep myself entertained! So i found a random topic generator and as a blog I will adres some topics it spouts at me! Onto the first topic!

Topic: Where is the most beautiful place you have been?

Hmmm well I have been to lots of places that have been beautiful to me for lots of different reasons. If we have to do the generic general aesthetic concept of beauty I would have to say it’s a tie between the wooded areas near Alanya Turkey or the city of Porto.  The turkish forests I visited during a Jeep Safari thing while traveling there with friends. We were invited in a classic turkish home in the middle of the wilderness and it was quite a sight to behold. Yet.. I would not want to live there ..so I’d have to say the city of Porto takes the win in the end. It’s such a pretty city so few from above. It is a very layed city with all sorts of plateaus and coloured houses, almost as if a child builds with legos.. there is colour everywhere. 

There are so many beautiful spots in this city like the mozaic train station, the port and of course the famous bookstore the Livraria Lello. This bookstore is an important inspiration for Hogwarts and it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to see the similarities. It’s the prettiest store I have ever seen and truly seems magical. If only I could read portuguese I would have bought a book.. but things there are a bit pricey. A bought a super pretty pink bottle of water though, which was the most beautiful throw away bottle of water I have ever seen. I might even still have that around somewhere. If you ever find yourself in Porto definitely visit this bookstore.. and of course visit the boulevard and the major bridge as well. Don’t go in heels though or Porto will kill you.

Topic: What is the Most Frustrating App You ever Tried

Hmmm this is a hard one, I don’t play a lot on my phone, I guess for me the most frustrating one would be Pokémon Masters. You see… I happen to like Pokémon but because of in game purchases this game was not allowed to release her in the Netherlands.. So I installed it through a work around. At first the game was a bit sparse, while I enjoyed it very much I felt so much iconic stuff was missing. Also the one weakness mechanic while understandable felt super counter intuitive for what I have known for most my life now .That’s when I learned about events.. all those super iconic trainers are available on alternating banners.. event banners. So my issue got fixed or so I thought.

It would soon turn out that  for every event I would need to update my game, and my work around for installation of Masters could not allow updates. Which basically meant each update I had to uninstall wait a few days for the updated file to be presented for me to install on a website I trusted.. grind out the event with a few days less and NOT pull any of the major event characters. I never got one of the major pulls. Since I am not allowed to play this officially I was afraid to put money in it as well so that was no option .. and the way to gather actually currency is just way to slow, given the time I have available for such a thing. It was a lot of work to get nothing over and over again.. until eventually I stopped updating, moving on.

Topic: What is the least favorite job you ever had?

There are actually two jobs that come to mind. First was pressing buttons in a bread factory. They were implementing a new production line and I had to press buttons at a certain interval to make the machine learn. Yet the machine broke that so many times I had to do something else like working the oven. Pinkie is not heatproof. Even though I said I could not take it they made me do it until I fainted.. they brought me back and I was feeling miserable and they made me work there for another two hours. People who worked three years with each other didn’t even know from each other they were married so it wasn’t very sociable either. It was horrible and I felt sick constantly due to the smells and the heat. 

Another job I had was with a company that important american goods and sold them to a us europeans.  Stuff like special cans of Monster Energie, Twinkies,  snickers. I had to put some orders in boxes, put a label on them and make sure they were safe for shipping. I got a bunch of papers i could shred to make fillings and all in all, it seemed like a fairly nice job with low pressure, I could easily keep up. However things began seeming off when the supervisor who would judge if I did a proper job or not went on vacation during almost the entirety for my evaluation period.

I discovered that the papers I shredded was our invoices.. the pieces of paper that said how much we paid for stuff.  I noticed people ordering a single can of monster energy drink shipping it to finland or sweden for over 3x times what the can itself cost. Maybe someone collected the cans? When the same address ordered a box of twinkies for 7x more delivery cost than the costs of goods however I began to have serious doubts. I would get the day off for the weirdest reason like.. “we have a party tonight and we want to sleep in, let’s just skip a day”  I presented this to my mediator who immediately pulled me out after that.

Topic: If you could learn the answer of one question about your future which would it be? 

When will I die? It would suck to know that I am about to die, but since I am sick I think that oftenly enough.  Think about all the insurance money I could save  and not having to worry about my own sickness and whether or not it will kill me. If the answer would be tomorrow or something close by I would be super upset but hey at least I can now do things I was afraid to. I can eat Fugu without worrying if I will die or not, I could even walk everywhere in the world without having to worry.. to much.  While I do not think I would be happier, I think it is a matter of problem substitution , I would at least have a bit more money!

Topic: What is the craziest, most outrageous thing you want to achieve?

I am not that outrages in my plans at least something that I am actively pursuing. Winning the lottery seems like one of those but that is such a boring answer. I do believe that I have enough bad luck to compensate though so I am an active believer that I can have that turn around magic moment, where suddenly I can break free of my monetary and entropic chains and live without a limit. I keep playing in lotteries because it is something I very much belief in. Magic is possible and due to my health issues I am a bit stuck right now so in magic I must belief.


Achieving magic might be another thing I try to achieve.. I do feel there is more to this world than we can see, I saw ghosts in the past, I felt as if I could do more with my mind. It feels as if something is locked away and discovering what lies deep inside me can be that outrageous think that Pinkie strives for. I can read people very well and I do not know why. I have these intuitions and this feeling that is more than what I currently can define and I wish to discover what else is out there. I just know there is more.

Topic: Where is the worst place you have been stuck for a long time

Okay, this is not a really fun story, but at least you all might get a laugh out of it. I told you all in some of those tag posts that I can get stupidly unlucky and that I was left in a forest once. Well that second statement was not fully correct it happened twice, though the second time was way more mean spirited. We had a school camp and we had a game where we would play drug runners. Having to run from some parents trying to  capture us we had to outsmart them and score as much as we could. If you got caught wearing drugs the parent could tie you to a tree for 5 minutes or so as a time out. … now you can already probably see where this is going. 

When my time was just about to be up a boy ran by.. drawing the parent guarding me away for a bit… a shout from that boy could be heard as the boy twisted his ankle maybe even broke it so was thought at the time. The parent went along with him.. forgetting me. The game wrapped up and a few boys were tasked to check if everyone is complete.  The boy who found me was someone who bullied me in the past and just grinned and left me. The boy who was injured was a friend of mine so for a bit it was believed that I went along with them. It wasn’t until after the parent returned with the boy from the hospital they noticed I wasn’t there.  

The girls whom I shared a room with did not really mention anything either, to this day I do not know if this was out of disliking me or because they thought I went to the hospital with my friend.. they claim the latter but timewise it doesn’t fully check out.   I got freed after being tied to that tree for about two hours maybe even more. This was before cellphones as well so I could not text.. I left camp the next day as it was ruined for me. The boy who left me got expelled from camp so that was a bit awkward. 

Final Topic: Do you have any siblings?

Yes Pinkie has a little sister, we aren’t particularly close but when we do see each other we can be really similar. While she isn’t a geek we have the same comedic timing, we laugh at the same sort of things and we just can agree on so many things. It’s really nice, she has a very calming presence on my mind as well. Normally I am trying to come off more sociable or more normal than I am but around her I really am me. In the past we could not have been more different she wanted attention, I wanted less, she would rather smack someone I would rather flee, I was not good at fleeing so I often got smacked.

Even though we have little contact , the talks we do have are always nice.. as of late. We had a bit of a troubled past which is mostly due to her former partner who wronged our family and I could forgive for what they made me go trough. That is water under the bridge now.. but now that I think about that.. the partner caused me to be stuck in a place  as well.. but I kinda  really liked it there so unlike the tree i guess it wouldn’t count. Me and my sister are doing great now and I am happy to have her in my life.

Now this concludes my first Random Topic Generator post, it was actually kind of fun! I might do it again if inspiration fails me! Want to try it out for yourself? This is the random topic generator I used this time! I only skipped two questions it gave me, one was very similar to the travel one and one topic I recently talked about. Hope to see you next time!

XO
P
inkie

I am BACK!

Hello again Island Guests, the resort has been closed for a far while but after doing some mental cleaning I am finally back again. To start off let’s discuss a bit what has been happening with me over the past few weeks. 

Identity Crisis

In real life I try to be more and more like my online persona, the cheerful pink bubbly me, which I actually consider to  be the truest version of myself. However there are several obstacles in my way to do this. These include my health, but also my family situation. I am an advocate of unconditional love, of being yourself to the fullest, love me for the geek I am and not for the normie socialite I on occasion pretend to be to make things easier and all. On my birthday and date of my last post my dad made a one minute telephone call to me to congratulate me on my birthday, but that he did not have any time to spend with me for the next month or so. He had no time for my birthday or for me, he had one day available to me but unfortunately that day I had made a solemn promise to a dear friend. Something important to that friend, something in the geeky nature. This friend has always been a devoted follower of my tabletop role plays but since his education had called him away on roleplay nights we never saw him anymore. Due to his social anxiety we could also not see that friend in social situations so we decided to host him one big group night, ages before my dad told me that was the only day he had available on my birthday. No matter how important things are to me, if I make a promise to a friend I stick by them, unless I am utterly unable to do so.  So I told my dad , that this date did not work out for me and that I promised to give my friend whom I haven’t seen in ages and who missed us dealy a geeky night centered around him.

This was not to my dad’s liking and he told me to stop thinking the geeky things are important, while he blew me off for his band pratice the day before he was available. This friday I would see him again finally and we could talk things out, something I desperately needed, his brother is giving this big Christmas party and he was supposed to show .. as his employee. It would be the only time my sister and I see him before christmas and New Year too. However he cancelled these plans because he could go to some snooty Jazz concert he preferred over seeing his own kids. The whole , christmas spirit along with the message of unconditional love and togetherness made me realise, that I did not have that. It broke me, perhaps I had to change perhaps my search for identity is misguided and I should just be who the wold wanted me to be, perhaps I did not matter.  All those happy families on the commercials are also perfectly normal. 

The toxicity of happiness

The season did not really help, mother is working with christmas, my sister is moving up north to celebrate at her boyfriend’s place. While I do not particularly mind being alone, the season of happiness emphasises that something was wrong with me. I am not looking for a romance, I am not looking for that sitting near a fireplace and carolling together. Yet the way the season portrays it is, that if you are even remotely loved, you’ll have to spend the holidays together or you are NOT loved. I am more likely than not, to spend Christmas day, and potentially boxing day alone. Something I do not inherently mind, but the tv is making it seems that that means I am unloved. Something I do mind.

November and December are enforcing this to the extreme and are causing me extreme discomfort. It’s the month where I choose to betray myself to gain that fake TV happiness or where I am Alienated even further than I already am. It’s a month of toxic happiness Bigotry and Commercialism try to suppress individuality . While I do have some people who’d want to celebrate Christmas with me.. it’s just something that isn’t happening this year, which is not bad .. but  it is made to be so. Even if I don’t have a merry christmas for perfectly valid reasons, the season depicts it as if it means I am unloved .. something am really vulnerable for right now. 

No Rest

While I keep struggling and can’t really find my footing until these dreadful days are over, there also is no safe space for me. My place is being cleared of asbestos which means that every week day from 7am to 4pm I have construction workers, chopping ot windows, woking on metal scaffolding, hopping on my balcony and shouting in front of my windows.. day in day out. I live in a seven floor studio, if I lay in bed they see me… they will comment on it. If I play a game they will shout at me that someone like me should not play games or just some other stuff. It created a constant state of anxiety and restlessness that completely broke me down. i did not want to be at home because of the noise, but I did not want to be n the city either because of all the enforced happiness. My best friend, seemed to be moving away from me (which in the end she did not but for the last two months it seemed like she would move a lot further away)  meaning she had little time to lunch and only had to look at houses further and further away from me. I could not go to here either like I used to. My most geeky friends turned very reclusive due to similar reactions to the holidays as me as well.. but instead of still ..kinda wanting love.. they just live through their avatars in their mmo’s .. meaning I could not hang out with them anymore either. No place was safe, no where could I catch my breath let alone reset my mind to begin blogging again.

Charlie

It all would change when I had a salon-day with my sister and mother. Mother tried to make a deeper effort to understand me and who I am at that day, we had deep talks and improved our bond, which wasn’t that bad to begin with..just a bit alien at times. Mother is somewhat classical and wanted to look normal in front of people, over the past few years she little by little came to accept that people can accept her while not being the standard either which led to us becoming closer. During the two days we were there we find out who we truly are and to stop filling in ideals that might play in each others heads. It was during this time if I could look over my sisters dog for the weekend. His name was Charlie, a toy poodle (it’s a real dog type not an actual toy )  that has a hint of something else in it’s blood. That was the weekend I really got some unconditional love from the little creature. The three days I could spend with it gave me a second wind, restored some of my ambitions and beliefs. My day with mom and my sister laid the groundwork and Charlie really helped me build the stairs I needed to crawl out my hole. Of course Charlie had to go home again after the weekend and I cried my eyes out after he left, but it felt like an emotional blokkade had finally left me.

A void in me had been sort of filled. A dormant side of me woke up and for the first time in quite a while, I felt alive and that the things I preach feel real again. Charlie gave me my voice back. Unfortunately since the dog is just Co-owned by my sister and a complicated situation there I am unsure if I can get Charlie to stay over that more oftenly, we bonded super well but I do not want to further that bond of those complications can take Charlie even further away. So while the happiness is fleeting  it is real nonetheless. It was enough to bring me back and ready myself for a new season. On Pinkie’s Paradise I can decide my own holidays, I can be the me I want, I do not have to be like those people on tv. I can finally relax again! So resort is back open boys girls and all you lovely non-binaries.
Welcome back and welcome back me!

Loving Ambition. OWLS September 2019 Blog Tour

Hey there little monsters, today it’s time for another sunday special. This time it’s the Owl Blog Tour! For those who don’t know who the OWLS are. It’s an acronym for the Otaku Warriors for Liberty and Self-respect. A band of people promoting acceptance no matter your skin colour, gender, capabilities sexuality or beliefs. Having quite a couple of links with them myself I recently joined up and this is my first blog tour I write for them. The subject of septembers tour is going to be lovers… something I am very much not. I am so panda that I barely even know anymore what the word means. Hence I am not looking at any proper couple.. but the hints of romance between a couple of ten year olds.

Unbroken Bonds

While there never was really an official relation between Ash and his companions  I think they have been shipped aplenty. In two cases there even was some clear cut romantic subplots.  In the Pokémon anime, both Misty and Serena definitely could have been lovers of Ash. No matter who watches the Pokémon anime , they see that Ash and Misty were supposed to end up together and even more so with Serena. What changed them from potential lovers into star crossed lovers in one foul swoop? It wasn’t really their age, after all in the anime Ash, Misty and Serena act much closer akin to 16 year olds rather than a 10 year old. By every romantic movie or book ever written they SHOULD have their happy ever after together. They formed bonds together due to the wide variety of experiences they have seen of each other. They have seen each others good and bad sides and they support each other regardless of it. It’s not the friend zone either because throughout the series clearly there are hints of both sides liking each other. In fact Misty was my first experience with a Tsundere if I ever saw one.

Serena’s crush on Ash is established from the get go the first episode clearly going into a romantic subplot. So how can couples who are this compatible and do take an interest in one another not end up together? This is something I have oftenly asked myself, I have been in Serena’s and Misty’s shoes more than once.. I have met my Ash(ley)  and saw my romance fall through even after we admitted we liked each other.. and being able to talk like we have known each other for ages. Yet there is a force that tore me and my Ashley apart.. and it’s the same force that tears away Ash from Misty and Serena and that force is ambition.

Unified Minds

In society there are so many mantras what we have to do in life. Some incredibly dated some newly tacked on. People are brainwashed hard into believing that they want  to be a doctor living in their house with a white picket fence, a loving wife and their 2.5 children. Everyone HAS to get a job right away, everyone HAS to aspire to be larger than life and we live life to be ‘normal’ or recognised by others.. rather than accepting who we are. Ash falls in that same pitfall as many and as a result is missing out on beautiful things life could offer. Ash is determined to win a pokémon league.. to be recognised by his peers to be special without being ‘special’ .. he follows the standard boys dream. He is quite passionate about it, which in turn makes him more appealing to the girls… who also follow the standard doctrine. ‘Well that is an ambitious guy.. that one is a catch.. it will lead to that white picket fence.’ Little do they know they fall in love not with each other.. but the ability to follow that standard dream that everyone in the world seems to follow. Yet because Ash is ambitious he becomes unable to settle until he can live up that dream and that standard set by society. Success, partner, home and children is basically what it comes down too. Nearly everyone strives for that package in some shape way or form.. it’s the blueprint of a life at least.  While in our world success is somewhat flexible term, just get above average income and you are deemed successful, the standard in the Pokéworld is a lot higher. You HAVE to be the very best .. like no one ever was.

This gives Ash an unfulfillable ambition, an everlasting itch which blinds him to the next step in his journey. Because in his own eyes he is not successful yet he can not move onto the step to find a lover. Meanwhile because Misty and Serena also strive for the same thing Ash ambitions makes him a lot more attractive to them.. creating quite a toxic situation. We all crave for some stability which ambition creates and thus we end up thinking a doctor is more attractive than a plumber. A Pokemon champion is more attractive than the guy who does not travel anymore. In truth.. and I do believe this is also the reason why we have so many divorces , a great many of us aren’t looking for the perfect partner for us, we are looking for that person who can give us that standarly perfect life and quite often those two do not have to align. We oftenly delude ourselves in needing something we do not need. In a way a great many of us are Ash. We do not need to be a Pokémon Champion.. nor do we need to date one. Generations of brainwashing tells our subconscious we do though. So all our minds are set on solving that perfect little puzzle.. yet you might not even fit in it.

Hidden Fates

So because of protagonist syndrome Ash will de doomed to fail in settling down with the girl of his dreams. In my eyes a part that would have fitted Serena perfectly because she had a crush on Ash from the get go. Misty arguably fell for Ash because of his determination and ambition so he should he settle for her there is a risk of losing that attraction. Serena liked how he helped her and  the ‘motionless’ or core part of his personality. What I mean by that is that we can fall in love with a person based on they react or how they intrinsically are. Ash IS ambitious because he has unfilled desires and dreams but they way he makes sacrifices to protect others (by saying goodbye to some of pokémon friends) just happen because. No matter if he is the champion and a billionaire or as he is now.. Ash will always help those in need.

Yet his ambition has a limit, dreams can be fulfilled. His ambition will grow or weaken as he develops while the helpfulness is a constant. Per example I am a very careful person right now, I used to be happy go lucky but the situation requires me to take more things into account as I had more things on my plate. Would Ashley have fallen in love with me because she liked happy go lucky me.. we might be at odds now. Part of our personality is in flux, it changes as we grow and if those are the traits we happen to fall in love with, we risk falling out of love as well. Misty fell in love with Ash because of the passion he displayed, his inner fire. Serena fell in love with his kindness and his sense of justice.

Both valid reasons but in case of the latter a much more stable base.  Yet that fire is a much more potent aphrodisiac. A drive, zeal and passion are quite a bit sexier in the eye of the public and once more a reason why ambition is a dangerous thing to fall for.  If you swoon over ambition it may be your fate to stand by the sidelines because their success comes first.. like what happend with Misty and Serena . If you do manage to snag someone with ambition it might be your fate to see the love fade away when that drive fades. After all at one point the ambitions will have their success, partner house and children.. how ambitious they remain after that remains to be seen. Those who truly fall in love with each others true core.. are way more often fated to remain together. Serena fitted this role very well but Ash was just to ambitious. He moved away to Alola to be the very best and he inspired Serena to go to Hoenn so she can measure up to him. Ambition is great birth control.

Team Up

While we promise to be their for our lovers in sickness and in health we only select them in health while in truth is we are oftenly only selected in health. Serena and Misty won’t ask Ash to stay with them because it would break the status quo.. they would take away his success. Misty could not ask that of him because she would ask him to give up what made him a potential lover for her. Serena could not ask that of him because she fell in love with that core and she knew that Ash would sacrifice his goals for her if she asked. On his turn Ash would never go for either of the girls because his step one has not been completed and he will not be happy without fulfilling that ambition, become the everlasting traveler making him unreachable to both shippable girls.

This brings me back to Ashley.. my one that got away (who is not actually named Ashley by the way) who moved away because there was a better career waiting for her seeming totally convinced when she told me that a proper career comes first. Not long after my best friend moved away because he had to put a career ahead of his friendships. I mean we still are friends but I am the type that would rather settle for a bit of a lesser job and live closer to my friends.. rather than a high paid job but barely any time to see or go to my friends. Misty was looking for a lover to start a future with because of ambition that future could never really start not even during their second journey together.. not even now that they hang out during their semi third. Serena for the biggest part was just glad she could spend time with Ash.. yet ambition made them go their separate ways. I am like Serena and I  feel the world is wrong. We seek someone to be happy with in the future to build up to be that standard family you see in stock photos.

(Stock Footage Family.. I do not know these people…. this scares me)

Ambition is required for that in a way. I want someone to be happy with right now so that I can be me..not this boring bourgeois version of me that does well in the eyes of society. I don’t want a white picket fence! I’d risk being a means to an end. I do not need.. and you do not need someone that wants you for their picture perfect. We should stop wanting a lover for the future and start wanting a lover for the now. That might sound wrong but if I am happy with my lover now and live in the moment, that happiness is always pure. It’s not because I want to have children someday (I don’t )  it’s not because I want a bigger house (I do want that) it’s because of that moment! Each moment that follows is just as pure as I do it as me.. not ‘a good citizen. Ash and companions highlight this for me. There is so much  potential happiness going to waste because they imagine more of the future.. and because of that pesky ambition. He keeps his eye on the future and is blinded for the now, like many of us when it comes to lovers. People get cast aside for reasons like ‘My parents would not like them’ ‘I do not need the extra baggage’ or those who stop talking to you when they find out your sick.. no matter how perfect you are in terms of compatibility doesn’t matter if you delay their dream.. the dream is often more important than the one to fulfill the dream with. Ash dream was to become a pokémon master and those he travels with too complete it are secondary. Ash journey has been long and so much potential happiness got wasted, while in actuality all he needed to say to Misty or Serena are the words I someday hope to hear from a girl.
“I Choose You’

This concludes my first OWLS post. It might seem like I am bitter, but I am not really. I just question the concept people have of lovers. I am perfectly happy without one as well. Because I do not strive for that perfect little future don’t have the ambition. For all I know I might drop dead before I ever get there so I try to strive for something much more controllable. Happiness in the now and happiness as my truest self. Only by doing that one day I might be a good lover myself.

For more ,probably less cynical talk, about lovers why don’t you try Shay’s thought it’s up since the 14th! All you have to do for some of their content is clicking right here! From the 16th on Auri will have something special for you on this link.  If you are like me, super impatient, here you can visit them at their home page right here for a quick follow or reading what they are all about.

Now if you haven’t clicked of here yet do leave a comment. Applications for lovers may or may not be taken seriously depending on how much wine I had by the time I am reading your comment.

Question to my Readers

Which Ash & Companion do you ship?

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting off again.
XO
Pinkie