On Wednesdays we always talk a little about me, blogging or things related to online mental health! Since I am super happy right now, I feel like an airy look in my life and mind! What better way to do that.. than random! So I found a new random topic generator on the internet and asked myself some questions! For those willing to partake I used , this random topic generator.. now let’s get started.
Most of my real life friends live here! There is Bean who is my bestie and Bear who is her boyfriend! Those are the people I hang out with the most and go out for spontaneous drinks and nights out! Then there is also my Dragon Ball Pal and the guy living in the same building as me! He plays D&D with us so that is always fun! Having a group to play D&D with would actually thus be my favorite thing… but Bean and Bear do other fun things with me as well. Bean and I go out for lunches and sometimes meet our loud friends as well! Who do not D&D unless it stands for Drink & Drink some more! This Thursdays my D&D friend and me will finally see each other in person again, at least some of us well! So I am happy about that! I missed them so much!
Having said that though my city is a pretty terrible place, there is a lot of crime , including murder, drug trade and of course violence and whole lot of intolerance which does not really match with a Kawaii Pink Girl like me! So I am looking to move away to greener pastures. Not that the pastures aren’t green here, the chemical plant I look at when I watch out my windows leaks chemicals so often that not only the pastures are green.. they are fluorescent too! Cows don’t just say moo they say Kaijmoo. Cowzilla! Of course I am kidding here…..about the cows and the grass only is slightly glow in the dark. The chemical plant does have a lot of leaks of fires though so .. to better places in the future!
That really depends! Would I know my life span?! Say if I know I have at least 10 to 20 years left I’d say yes! If it’s a gamble and I can drop dead right here and right now then my answer would be no. I do not believe that the key to happiness is longevity I believe the key to happiness is doing what you want to do. Being rich or famous would open a lot of doors and allow me to do a lot of stuff I can not do otherwise! If I was rich I would probably eat so much great food, drink amazing wines, travel to the weirdest places that my lifespan would be reduced by ten years already. So it does sound like a sweet deal, I just don’t want to be rich and not be able to use it. That is a sin in my opinion. Sure people can donate to a cause they’d think I like but I could have a lot of fun with a lot of money! One of my dreams is to visit the pokémon café in Tokyo and to visit Japan in general. With my current income that is never going to happen at least not if my health doesn’t improve, I do not see a short term way of getting out of that. So if I was guaranteed some years of life left to spend the money and have fun.. I’d do it.
We always say that life is the greatest good, but life just like money isn’t all that amazing if nothing happens with it. I have seen my grandfather waste away in an old folks home his dementia claiming the last memories of us. Covid set him free, but if I can prevent even one year of that I’ll happily die a little bit earlier. Health care staff is constantly given less time with you and less and less people are wanting to train for it as the management keeps cutting away at the budgets to make everything work by the time I get old enough to be taken care for, there will just be a pit of sand with some cloth to keep the worst of the sun away and we will tended by a hunchback named Igor.. whom they have cloned from Florence Nightingale’s DNA. Just making it human enough not to give it human rights and wages. So yeah I will trade Igor in! I think I can live more in a year without limitations than in 50 with normal limits. I can experience joy until the day I die and even if it’s sooner I’ll die with a big wide smile on my face. Still I would not waste it! So if I can drop dead right here right now I’d not choose the option because I do not want to hurt people! However if people know I died with a huge smirk on my face I think that is solace enough to risk that!
Now this is a weird question… I like it! Saying I take you Rachel while you are taking Emily as your lawfully wedded wife is probably a stupid thing to do on your wedding. F.R.I.E.N.D.S was such a wise show like that! Yet I do not think that is what this question is about. I think it means more like stuff like “we should see other people” or “You are not of my preferred sex when it comes to engaging in the physical act of love’. Maybe something like “Sweety did you make sure to turn the oven off when we left” when your partner has trouble with that sort of thing. There is plenty of jokes to make here with obvious ones like “sweety that dress makes you look fat’ or “Well guys she is wearing white but I can assure you…she’s now pure..whassssuuup!’ I mean lets be honest here there is a lot you should not say at the wedding. “That gift your parents gave us is horrible” , “Did you see Stephanie caught be bouquet? Like that’s ever going to happen.. unless she marries Ronald Mc-D am I right?’ Honey “I slept with a bridesmaid”.. ..”Oh Me Too”. You are getting comedy gold here everyone!
But let’s assume real people are not cartoon characters or roles of Sean William Scott or Katherine Heigl. Let’s assume we are all well spoken people with at least a semi functional brain. That would change everything. If there are things you can not say at your wedding then, you are marrying the wrong person. If your spouse to be or their family would ruin your day based on something you say, things are not well in your family. If I am ever gonna get married I sure as heck do not want to say I do! I also do not really want a wedding dress… well maybe a fake on that I can rip off for shock value to reveal a magical girl outfit underneath! I would stare at my partner and go take a pose! While I speech! “I am the pretty guardian of Love and Friendship in a Sailor Suit! Sailor Pinkie! In the name of Love I will marry you! I would like my partner to look shocked and then she’d take out a makeup mirror and yell Pretty Cure, Smile Charge! Ripping of her dress to reveal a magical girl outfit. Then we’d hold hands slide the ring on each others finger and yell ! Pink Thunder! Yellow Thunder! (or whatever her colour would be) Pretty Moon! Married To! And then each others name! Then a fake as a sort of fake beam effect it rains tiny plushies and ribbons, tossed by the bridesmaids onto the isle! If someone expects me to be normal at my own wedding.. clearly they would not know me!
Oof thats a heavy one. Do I believe in God? The short answer is no, I do not believe in God, Allah, Yahweh , Lord Xenu, Eywa or the Flying Spaghetti monster. Even Todd Howard might be fake. On paper I am an atheist as I do not believe in a divine being. I think subconsciously a lot of people feel that way. If we look at sci-fi for example we often see that sci-fi writes dabbling in the concept of theology project other divine beings upon the galaxy. As if they should have another god. Yet god as a creator should be shared amongst the galaxy. As in.. in Star Trek they encounter “god” several times depending on times. A sentient being judging if I lived my life right is also a super depressing thought. I can only go to heaven or paradise if I put myself last? That’s not how things work! Who is a force to judge over my life while not having lived it? The fact that my live can be invalidated by a single opinion makes no sense to me. Sure it’s an all knowing opinion yada yada yada except it’s not! I should live the way I want.. not an incorporeal flying buffalo head with a ginger wig and gag goggles or not a guy floating on a cloud going hmmm Soka! If my friends have some awesome memories of me and will remember me with a smile.. I lived a good life! Because that is what I want to achieve!
I however would not say I believe in nothing… no I believe in order and chaos. Balance, I’d almost call myself a Jedaii (a Force user before the Dark and Light side split). Things happen for a reason and that is not always quantifiable there is a bigger order, a bigger rulebook out there, it’s not a sentient rulebook and most certainly not a DM but it influences us all. Miracles like mothers finding strength beyond their limits to save their children the way everyone’s, the fact that all our upper and under arms have a 1.61803398875 difference ratio , the fact that bees are segregated in that exact same ratio, these are the proof to me that there is an order out there a force keeping everything together. Sometimes it gets a bit lost.. so it’s almost algorithmic like YouTube, a force that can adjust and a force that we can influence. Our thoughts , our postivity…our Karma as it were shape it bring some order in the chaos.. but it is mostly just a set of rules still. Beyond us to understand…again like the YouTube algorithm.
I believe that for me there is no god, but that balance can be controlled to an end. If you are happy and you exert it it’s more likely positive things happen to you. If you are in a negative mindset, bad things are more likely to happen to you. By believing you can do something without a doubt in your mind you can break your limits.. point and case the mother lifting a heavy object to save her baby again. Your belief must be absolute but this works for a god as well. If you believe in god..like believe without a shadow of a doubt god is real to you. If you believe god whispered you the right answer to the test.. then maybe you did. We can explain it with a chemical process in the brain trigger something or whatever ..but who cares. I hear my plushies talk to me.. it’s not something that can be measured but if they go Ganbatte, to cheer my on I still feel inspired.. that inspiration IS real. No matter if I deluded myself into doing it or I actually pick up sound waves from another realm, it doesn’t change the fact that I got inspired..by my plushies. Their motivating me is real. Much more than a concept of god for me ever could!
Yet God is stronger because he is shared among so many people that it is even easier to pick something up! If your fate wavers others can help you steel your mind..strengthen those thoughts.. No one will tell me.. yes Pinkie your plushies really talk back. Our brains are super powerful, something can be so vividly imagined if we belief in it hard enough. Research shows that if we play a video game and get invested enough our brain treats it virtually the same as going on an actual adventure.. that makes that adventure real right? I think god would be the same .This to me also explains the existence of ghosts. A ghost is not a manifestation of a dead person but the memory of said person by a living person. They belief they remember and they think of them so much that it’s almost tangible to see.. like reading a really good book or an amazing description of food where you can basically taste it. So do I also believe people can see god! So I do believe in him? No .. but he is real… just not to me personally.
By the time I am writing this, which is about a week and a half-ish from when this is going to be posted, I learned the word portmanteau from Irina, I had no idea but it sounds pretty. I guess I have created a few in my blogging history as well. I also learned that this topic generator was less amazing as the one before! This one asked some really basic questions! The religion one I made a post off before but it is so long ago I could revisit it. I tried to find another but the next one and i am generated was “do you believe in the afterlife” and then “do you believe in ghosts”.. clearly the order ..or Karma wanted me to explain my answer on that question so I guess Karma must think I am right ..which makes little sense because then it would be sentient and my entire thing goes to waste but still.The biggest lesson I learned though is that sometimes a small gesture is good enough to forgive a major thing.
I saw my friend Lauren this week who has treated me a bit poorly in the past. She treated me a bit how Fumi gets treated by Yasuko in Sweet Blue Flower. She wants to be normal so bad that she kinda “prayed the gay away” on herself. She stopped our relation because it would not be white picket fences and 1.5 children.After that she hooked up with a male friend of mine, a closet geek, better job also likes to keep up the pretense of being your average guy. I kept the friendship with her alive as I hoped she would one day realise there is more in the world than being mundane. She increasingly drifted towards adhering to the standard and constantly critisised me for finding my own way..usually behind my back though which I had to hear from others. I kept the friendship up though because I really cared for her However fairly recently we had a major fight. Another friend asked us if we could delay a meal for 15 minutes so they could join and she refused stating that “6 o clock is the normal time” It’s the time she eats at home and if she eats 15 minutes later she’ll have to go to sleep 15 minutes late as well.. cause of her schedule.. normal people don’t eat at 6:15 they eat at 6 so, so should we. A friend who can’t even spare 15 minutes for a friend is not a good friend at all so I timed her out for a bit.. quite mad with everything festering up.
Yet she came in here with a smile and a bar of chocolate she gifted me and she just said in the most sincere way that she really missed me. Suddenly everything else did not matter.. and I had missed her as well. I almost hugged her! But Distancing rules so no hugging. Still I felt lighter as a cloud after that, sure we are drifting apart because I am becoming stronger in me being unique and she deeply beliefs she will be happy from being the perfectly average woman and if that makes her happy she should pursue it. I am not sure we can be friends forever, I might become something that holds her back in being as normal as she wants to be.. and I am not going to give up myself so she can be normal..because she would not do so for me either…and that is fine. For now I know I have a friend, whom I love. The friendship isn’t as easy as others, it’s not perfect but it is something I missed and something I will enjoy sharing with her for as long as we are capable. Grudges are stupid and as long as you gain something from a friendship and not from a grudge.. even the littlest hand reach can be enough to rekindle a bond. I’ll just hate the anime character instead!
Now that was long enough , I am hope you learned something new about me! Next time I will try to look for a bit more of a whimsical topic generator! Yet this was something on its own accord?!Anyway! I got some chocolate to eat! Sayonoodles! That is a portmanteau of Sayonara and Toodles!
<In two weeks my Blog will turn 1 so on the Wednesday of my Blogs Birthday..and Pinkie’s Birthday in a sense..I will be holding a Q&A so feel free to leave me some Q&A Questions in the comments or poke me on twitter!> Sayonoodles once more!