Pinkie Creates an Anime : Kuro-Queen The Poker-Horror Anime

Hear Ye Hear Ye, Princess Pinkie has returned with another anime post!

Salutations my loyal subjects and sweet island guests!  I have come to the conclusion that I like dabbling in stories and creative writing a lot more than flat out reviewing anime or games for that matter. I like creating new ideas! So I will start doing that more from now on! Unless you totally shoot it down! I challenge myself to create an anime, or a game concept or whatever by choosing a genre and a topic at random (Because randomness is also still a thing here) . Today I decided to put the topic of Poker together with the genre of Horror. As I wrote the concept for an anime called “Kuro-Queen”

Card in this art by Camila Torrano

The Disclaimers

LET'S INTERACT

So let’s talk about how I will do this anime creation series. I do hope for some audience interaction when it comes to challenging me with new ideas, however the past has shown me that people are a bit reluctant to offer new ideas in the comments and these posts usually have little interaction. So if I do not receive any ideas from the audience I will create a few wheels with genres and topics and roll a combination at random. So your support is welcome .. but if you rather just read through the post that is fine as well! People who offer an idea will be shouted out in the respective post though!

Sorry Not Sorry poster | JUNIQE

Characters that I will use will often be obviously inspired by people around the blogosphere or generally known characters. This does not mean I want to force them to associate their blog with mine in any way. They are part of my life though and thus I take inspiration from them. For the sake of comedy these references will be fairly on the nose as it will be fun for readers to find the counterparts of all the characters. So if I use you and you take offence please let me know.. I probably will think that is rather petty.. but I will stop using you, I like the community and everyone in it and I assure you everything I do is all in good fun and never meant to hurt anyone. I will also not shout out the inspirations as I do not know if the wish to associate with me, nor does this work have anything to do with their blog.

I can not do art but  since I use some weird concepts I will use reference art with wil often be a bunch of art slapped together to give you an impression of what kind of look I am going for. This means I can not really credit everyone who provided fuel for these images but I will do my best. It is never my intention to claim these works of art as my own simply to show them to you and give you an impression. Now onto our story!

The Set-Up

Crunchyroll Logo | Symbol, History, PNG (3840*2160)

Horror and Poker seem like two words that are hard to combine. Thriller and Poker is easily done but how do we bring something like Poker together with Horror?! That will be trough the titular character. The Kuro-Queen.   The anime is basically a deconstruction of the sport/card battle anime genre where our protagonist has a special power that makes him or her especially good at a game. However unlike Yu-Gi-Oh , Keijo or even Saki for that matter we will not simply approach the hero’s ability as a strength! It will also be something that haunts them.  The series would be aimed as a single season anime with a potential second second story  if successful but not much more after that. Pacing Wise a season would need to have about 16 episodes of 21 minutes.  Given that horror and Poker are more popular concepts in the west, a Netflix or Crunchyroll exclusive seems like the best media to launch from.

Macau - 12 Sept: Timelapse : vidéo de stock (100 % libre de droit) 4880894  | Shutterstock

The setting is where I had the most trouble deciding which route to go. Horror suffers deeply from the plethora of technology to get yourself out of hairy situations. Research is super easy and finding yourself all alone is never as big of a problem due to us always being able to call someone or reach out to someone on Discord or whatever.  A great flavourful  choice for Poker games to prevent that would be America during the prohibition area. The Mafia  and war on crime days.  Like Baccano.  The problem with this though is that horror in the past is much less relatable. A lot of problems our heroes could easily solve these days!  It would also be a very obvious choice. Since magical powers and mysticism is involved in the story I decided to set the story in Macau instead.  It is often depicted as a seedy grim place full of crime, but also a lot of tourism and gambling and the tropical heat could provide some interesting challenges.  The main character would be in foreign territory which solves some of the problems of modern day horror. 

The first Episode

The story would follow the adventures of Jonathan , a young man from a moderately wealthy game development company.The Landstar Corporation.  His father George Landstar  has forbidden Jonathan to use the company’s funds to finance his latest game, about his favourite animals. Ducks!  Jonathan really believes in his own resource management game and wishes to prove his father wrong. In a lapse of Judgement Jonathan decides to go to a retirement home and play against some old timers in his favourite card game “Hearts”. He plays for money as these old people usually have plenty with little time left… it’s resource management at it’s finest.  He is a gifted card man so he can cheat fairly easily! Only this time.. the game shown in the first episode goes horribly wrong. An old chinese lady catches him cheating and puts a curse on him. At first Jonathan laughs this off , as the  old lady curses him to forever be followed by the Queen of Spades.. but soon Jonathan realises the card that holds the most points in Hearts is glued to his hands.. his swindeling career is over…or so it seems!

We jump ahead in time, we see Jonathan at some local casino play a new game. Five Card Monte. We see him draw three queens. Hearts, Clubs and Diamonds and without blinking an eye he only trades in one card as he goes all in.  People show their hands as everyone is all in and people tell Jonathan is a fool, he should have trades an extra card for an extra chance to make something good. One guy a full house, Aces over Kings, as he tells Johnathan only has one chance left.  They make an illegal bet for our hero’s shiny watch, while the scoundrel on the table bets his.  Jonathan coldly accepts and to no surprise at all to him.. he gets the queen of spades dealt to him. Mister Landstar exits the table taking the watch and the pot.  He almost has enough money to finance his game now!  As he walks home he can not help but feel like he is followed.  In the street shadows he sees the shadow of a woman wearing a crown. Yet there is no light to cast a shadow!

Our Protagonist arrives at home, he has a friend sleeping over on the couch!  He barely gets up to acknowledge Johnathan. The man is a total leech!  John asks his friend when he is going to find a job, he tells him it is time to find a new job. His friend makes up an excuse and John accepts it for now as the friend showers him with compliments for all the great concepts of games John makes and the great quizzes he hosts for his friends.  John is tired after a long night of hitting poker tables all across town and goes to bed. Late at night his friend wakes up from hearing the sound.  He asks if Jonathan can toss him a can of cold one. A beer can flies his way and hits his head hard. The man curses a bit and asks why John did that.  Then he sees it is not John standing in front of him but before he can scream his head is bashed in with what seems to be a golden crown with scorch marks. 

The Second Episode

Our main character wakes up , smelling a burning scent coming from down stairs.  Did his friend try to make omelettes again?!   As he moves downstairs he finds the corpse of his friend.. his head misshapen and bloody and in his hands is a a queen of spades card that burns up as soon as our hero sees it.  Panicked John calls the police, whom to his surprise do not suspect him at all. He was fully expecting to be the prime suspect here. Yet a police officer tells him that this low life card shark a few blocks further suffered a similar fate. There were some witnesses that all saw the same suspect. A woman’s face shrouded behind a black vale and wearing a crown. Those two are not even the only victims. As John hears that nearly all the card games he had been to have had a fatality he knows his curse is way worse than he had thought. 

After he has been released by the police he moves to the geriatric home to find the old lady to undo his curse, but he is told the lady has moved back to Macau to live with her son. Yet she left him a letter, as if she expected him to come back. The attendant of the hospital gives John his note and in it is a plane ticket to Macau and an invitation to a high stakes Poker Tournament. So high stakes that John will have to sell everything he owns, just to pay the ante to participate. The woman Nushi Zuzhou says she will undo his curse of he can beat her son in the tournament.  The main character originally refuses this, thinking if he doesn’t play cards that the queen will not show up again. He goes to his father and asks to be funded for the tournament just in case. His father refuses saying poker still is gambling no matter good how John will be. That this curse John talks about is just in his head.. caused by stress and an unhealthy lifestyle. John shows him his ability trying to covince it isn’t gambling when you have this. His father scoffs and tells John it is just one of his old party tricks! He isn’t funding a trip to China.. and he suspects it is just a ruse to fund that game, John can’t play him! The son goes home cursing his bad relationship with his father.

He wakes up the next day by a distressed phone call. His father has been murdered. They found a single playing card in his hand. The queen of spades. As an eulogy is read, John looks at the concept for the card game he wanted to make.. and all the money he had saved up to make it a reality.  He then tosses his concept in the garbage bin.. and the money he hides in his suitcase. We see flashes of the funeral of George as well as Johathan checking into an airport.  As the flight attendant welcomes everyone on board , she welcomes a latecomer, a woman dressed in all black, who smells a bit like charcoal.  As her other attendant asks who she was talking to, the woman tries to point out the shrouded dame, but she doesn’t see her on the plane at all. The pair chuckle a bit saying the woman probably needs a vacation. 

The series picks up

The third episode sees John settling in Macau, but he can not stay in one place for to long! Each game of cards he plays makes the queen of spades stronger. With every time she shows up in his hand, she can move faster, she begins to gai n the strength to rip of limbs and even cast some magic. Even if kids play cards near him, his eye will fall on the queen of spades strengthen the black suited lady. She gets an ability to burn people on touch, as happens to a poor street swindler who had an encounter with John, who would not let the man pass unless he could guess the card in his hands…. We are also introduced to the gambling king Kay. Who at his Mu-Vhy’s Kasino will hold the tournament that will decide John’s fate. He himself also seems fearful of something. Stating no one will know this tournament.. asking himself loudly what his mother has done.  Wishing there was another way!… We then see him play a game with a terrified looking maid and butler, whom he forces to flip the next card.. as the queen of spades shows up! The lights in the room flicker, screams can be heard and Kay leaves the room, looking displeased.

The show would follow the tournament taking place as a one week survivors match. Each day a variant of Poker will be played.  Five Card Monte, Jacks are Wilds, Texas Hold Em, Omaha. If you lose all your money, you are out! No buys in, no second chances. It will be a journey where John encounters several types of poker players. Such as a father trying to gain enough money and pass the first round so he can buy health care for his daughter but also a crime lord, who wants to use the tournament to get powerful enough weapons to take over a neighbourhood. On the last day of the tournament people can face this man named Kay and if they manage to bust him, rumor has it his mother can bestow you with magical powers. Let alone the wealth you’d win! Some people are here for the money, some are here for the magic, others never even show their true face.

Because of the risk of making an enemy of local crime lords, the Landstar heir decides to wear a mask during his games. As his Poker Mask John uses a white face mask with a red question mark on it! This not only helps him hide having 0 reaction the that one card flipping up.. and make him harder to track for mob bosses.. but maybe! Just maybe it can fool the queen herself. It gets him the poker handle of Mister Mystery! It is an alias that helps John move around in the city as well! Allowing him to exploit shadier places.. for example when he tries to get a weapon to defend himself! Or when he is doing some research into the identity of this mysteriously wealthy Kay fellow, who appeared out of no where! And no one knows where he came from! He seems to have some connection to the Kuro-Queen!


Each tournament day would be roughly two episodes. With one focusing on the poker match and the other on trying to escape the Kuro-Queen. She will go away for a day once she has been killed, but she will also not rest until she does, relentlessly chasing until she gets a kill. .  So fairly soon in the series John realises he has to recognise who is a bad guy at this table. Only by doing this might he be able to save innocents.  This journey will take John to dark places, not only does he consider harming himself to save others from the queen, but when he finds out that will only set her free, he now has to decide who lives and who dies. He is forced to be close with criminals, which might mean he has bankrupted a young man trying to make the money to give his terminally ill wife her dream wedding before she goes.  If he bankrupts the criminals, they will disappear and innocents will fall victim to the monster hunting him.  So he has to make some insane choices.

Sometimes John will give the money to the deserving and try everything in his power to save them from death, sometimes he can not put them or himself at risk because if the Kuro Queen is freed things would be much worse. It will all be a tricky balancing act, where Poker skills will directly apply to survival as well. Reading people, calling their bluffs , seeing trough smokescreens! Many other people will wear masks or sunglasses as well, so sometimes he has to get people to talk, other times he has to look at their hand motions.. or consider how much delays are between the start of their turn and their plays. With some episodes allowinging him to do some research, while others force him to end a game quickly..because he can find the queen drawing closer. When John finds out that Kay has been stricken with the same curse as him, and his mother was manipulating them all along the final game ends up being more high stakes than ever, involving strategies and risks no one in their right mind would ever take. The season would end with the old lady meeting her demise and either Kay , John or both being freed of their curse.

The second season could revolve around the actual ghost of the Queen not being stopped yet. While the woman who summoned her might be gone, whomever survived the final duel would have to find a way to destroy the original body of the Kuro-Queen, hints on her identity and lore would have leaked in season 1 but season 2 would dive deeper into her mythos and story as she is trying to manipulate other gamblers of willingly taking on her power this time round to give them an edge.If she can kill her host, she will be set free at last and our hero whomever it may be  can not allow this to occur. If the season would end in a good or a bad way would be unclear! It is horror after all! So both options are viable!  The second season will delve deeper in moral choices!  What do we have to sacrifice, but also how much must the individual sacrifice versus what would set more people slightly back! The price of gambling and guesses would extend way beyond a game of cards.

Art by unknown Russian Artist

That is the anime I would make based on “Horror” and “Poker” ! Would you have an idea on how to make such an anime?! Do you have an idea (topic and genre) for my “create an anime” series? I have so much fun doing things like these! So I would really appreciate some suggestions! Either way! There is this shrouded black woman standing in front of my door and she keeps ringing the doorbell! I’ll go see what she wants! Stay random loyal subjects!

Pink Princess Uniduck Tagging the Rainbow! Tagging Stories With Colour Challenge!

Hear ye hear ye! Princess Pinkie has returned with a new Geeky Lifestyle and Blog-tag post

Greetings my loyal subjects and guests, Meg from A Geeky Gal tagged me for the Tagging Stories with Colour Challenge.  Be sure to check her blog out if you haven’t already! She is amazing!  Truly an inspiration to the blogging and vlogging community!   Her let’s plays on YouTube are very entertaining, she has cute doggo’s AND she can decorate her house very well! By the rules of this  tag I have to fear her superiority.. so I HAVE to make this post worst then hers…luckily I think I can do that. I think I was also tagged by Anime Rants for this a long time ago..or someone else tagged me , but back then I was going trough major burnout and writers anxiety… so whomever tagged me in this before! I am very grateful and let me know it was you so I can pay you some tribute as well!

The Rules

  1. Share your favorite stories—movies/books/anime/manga/drama/songs/games—by classifying them on these seven colors’ traits (listed below).
  2. Send this challenge invitation to at least one of your friends. Let them fear your superiority, as you—decide their fate.
  3. Link back to the original post here! And, enjoy!
  • red: passionate, exciting, invigorating
  • blue: peaceful, calming
  • pink: romantic, caring
  • orange: warm, motivating
  • black: mysterious, thrilling
  • green: fresh, unexpected
  • white: random

The Colours

Since I do movies, games, anime and stories on my blog I will feature them all in here. Pokémon is an odd one to place as it isn’t really known for it’s storytelling. I would place Pokémon Snap under blue, but it really doesn’t have a story and I haven’t progressed enough in New Pokémon Snap to tell you much about that story. Shadows of Almia is a funny and light story which I could place under white… but I talked about that in my previous post. So let’s focus on more story driven stuff for this one and I might do this one especially for Pokémon if I ever get tagged in it again.

Red is for Mirai Nikki

Passion at least in the lustful sense is an emotion I am severely lacking! I am passionate about things… but I don’t think we are talking about that kind of passion. So today I am talking about Future Diary.  I think the series is exciting as well but the story from Yuno’s perspective is one of passion. It’s not a romantic series by any means but the lenghts Yuno goes trough for her Yuki is certainly some kind of passion! Sakura Trick is another very passionate anime.. but a bit too slurpy for me.  Since I do not really relate passion to the physical , the actions of Yuno to me embody trough passion.. overly much so but passion non the less. She is willing to bend reality itself for her to be with the man *cough*  she is passionate about.  There isn’t even that much  connection throughout their entire time together.. but sometimes the heart just wants what it wants and that to me is why this story is definitely red.. the blood helps a lot as well, and made me fantasise about a yandere girlfriend! 

Blue is for Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley Secrets You May Not Have Found Yet - Page 5

So I know that Stardew Valley might not really be relaxing for it’s story! Yet sometimes.. the true story is the one we create ourselves.  So while I could say that the story about Stardew Valley is the story about a kid, inheriting their grandpa’s farm and they have three years to save  some pear like alien creatures called the Jumino’s in order to prevent your grandfather’s spirit being eternally everlasting disappointed in you, that is not the true blue story of the game. The true story is about you…or your proxy moving to a rural place.. building a farm back up, and finding your happiness in this new little lifestyle. Stardew Valley is that game I can play when I am super sick and lack the strength to do anything else. Stardew Valley is me living a life without worries, a blissful state of being. Me romancing Abby, who apprantely is very stinky… or Lea , the artist who punches her old love in the face because she likes me better. It’s about me helping my neighbour make some jam by giving him 3 apples I kept in a crate for 4 years.  Stardew Valley lets you be who you want to be.. if you don’t want to be a farmer you could be a dapper adventurer…if you don’t like working the land you could just have some cows… or become a full time fisherman!  It’s about something we have lost.. a bit of simplicity and it will always calm me down.

Pink is for Bloom into You

Floral Symbolism in Bloom Into You

The biggest problem with romance is .. it is over romanticized.. which is weird.. and sounds close to me saying that pink is too pink… But it is true.. the idea most of us have about romance is way to fairytale esque it’s. Love is great.. but it is not the beginning or the end of anything. One anime which got that wonderfully well was the anime Bloom into You.  A girl discovers she isn’t romantically attracted to anyone and feels alien. When she discovers a girl who is like her, that girl falls head over heels in love with her and lusts for her. While our protagonist doesn’t really mind most times and does appreciate this person… she can not feel that amazing feeling we all describe as love… yet trough the little things we do see her care for this other person, we see her struggle with expectations versus reality but trough it all there is this connection that shines through.. and I do think that is true romance and love.

It isn’t about candle light dinners, it isn’t about roses between your teeth. True romance is knowing things aren’t perfect.. but knowing that this other person makes it good enough!  To be it is a perfect pink as well.. it’s not the red of passion..but the cooled down version! Also this series has my main anime waifu… so how could I not mention it.

Orange is for School of Rock

School Of Rock! - School of Rock fondo de pantalla (25392514) - fanpop

I love Jack Black, not in the Pink or the Red form .. but in the Orange form!  He is extremely typecast, and he basically just plays himself. When School of Rock first came out I thought , this is going to be a super generic movie. In many ways it is.. but is something warms my heart and motivates me. It is movies like this… This one in particular. It’s about finding skills outside what is conventionally acceptable, it is about having fun in what you do and it is about being you even if it’s a bit odd.  Too me , being kicked out of his own band for being to much him  didn’t just provide Jack a lesson to learn.. it also  showed it was a place where he was not appreciated. While by the end he did  leave the spotlight to his kids rather than himself.. it doesn’t matter anymore because they already appreciate him as their teacher. That to me is what is motivating.. sometimes we are forced to move down a different life path, but that doesn’t destroy everything! Sometimes changing lanes allows us to find what we are looking for in unexpected places. That sounds like an orange story to me!

Black is for Layers of Fear

Layers of Fear Is A Splendid Haunted House Devoid Of Chills | Time

Horror lends itself perfectly for mystery and thrills, and many games lends themselves perfectly for exploring this. The Silent Hill series has some very good examples like with Silent Hill 2.  Yet there is a strength in experiencing this all in first person! I love these types of horror , where you solve a mystery through your own eyes. Few horror games impressed me as much as Layers of Fear,a very artsy game in more than one way, where the house you traverse is constantly shifting , you do not trust your own senses, did you really misremember or are the game playing tricks with you. Building up this sense of dementia to a grande conclusion that is great yet very subtly told through hints you find yourself. If you do not figure out enough, the mystery will consume you. While the story itself isn’t all that earth-shattering sometimes a story doesn’t have to be. Sometimes what matters is HOW you tell a story and it can completely shift how we experience it.. and because of how we experience it in this game I opted to make it my choice for Black.

Green is for Kyousougiga

Kyousougiga–Anime Early Impressions – FunBlog

In essence Kyousougiga is a story about family!  A very strange family! It is a story about how everyone is so different from each other that they often drift apart. It’s also about classic buddhist mythology and Alice in Wonderland blended all together in a very strange mix. There series has some action elements but also some weird slice  of life’ish mentality. It’s also an Isekai with buddhist mechas and two episodes that are kind of a travelling show with real  people, voice actors showing you all locations they used in order for the mythos to make sense or be appreciated more.  So it’s super strange and silly while deep and philosophical at the same time. There is very little rhyme or reason to the plot and there is no 3 act structure here. Not even the Kabuki 7 style structure. This tells a tale whose episode 0 begins at episode 4 then moves chroniclogically back up, makes some twists and it ends with a girl falling trough all sorts of worlds while her mother kisses her kinda in a way a mother should not kiss her daughter. Well it doesn’t end there stuff happens in between..but in the end all that matters is that family finds it way back together again.. and this was a very interesting way of telling us this.

White is for Curse of Strahd/Ravenloft.

Mists of Ravenloft | Curse of Strahd Campaign | Obsidian Portal

I am not a big book reader anymore, I want a broader experience and though I love making things up and imagining a fantasy world before my very own eyes, books don’t always do it anymore for me.. but there is a kind-of-book-like medium , that I reallly like. That is D&D , both homebrew as well as modules.  One of the most iconic D&D stories is. Curse of Strahd.  Otherwise known by the name of Ravenloft. It is this D&D module that actually serves as the inspiration for the Castlevania video game series.  I had the pleasure of playing trough it once, and the characters that are there, the side stories and the twists and turns truely were amazing.  In Ravenloft , a group of Roma, known ast the Vistani task you with defeating an evil in the great country of Barovia.. a nation you find yourself trapped in with endless mist. By finding relics and traversing the region you discover the secrets behind Strahd and his castle and of one of the coolest vampire campagins ever! I love vampire stories and because of the D&D format the story is yours to give shape.. like a blank sheet of paper.. Which is white! 

The Tags

And that my loyal subjects are the colours of the rainbow!   Now I have to tag a minimum of one person, but do a few! 


Iniksbane is the first person I will tag. His website has featured me a great many times! I used to do this with my sunday posts  but do summaries anymore..because I heard people might not be wished to be associated with bloggers at times. Though  in honesty chronic migraines and large energy dips made it tricky for me to constantly browse the blogosphere anyway. I read a lot, but I might hurt people by thinking someone’s post is better than another. What I am saying is.. I really respect what he does, and even though I can’t do it myself anymore I want to show I respect him as a writer and think he can turn this tag into a clever story! So even if I can’t repay his kindness directly, maybe this will help.

SushiRainbow is a website that deserves more love! It has a lot of very personal style updates and that is actually my favourite style! I don’t interact with Sushi enough because when I read their posts it’s always on mobile and WordPress won’t let me interact on there properly! Same goes for a few other people, the ones that are part of my morning routine. I guess I gotten my life long dream, Sushi for breakfast.. anyway with Rainbow in the name, how could I not tag them.

SpaceWhales is a blog WordPress won’t let me follow without e-mail subscribing. I thought I subscribed but you know how techy stuff works! I haven’t seen much blog tags from them before, so I wonder if they take them on but I would like to give it a try!

Winst0lf is an amazing blogger that loves video game stories and I think he can turn this tag into something neat that is a bit less on the anime side of things! He deserves it and he comes over to shuffleboard on Paradise very regularly…the only problem is he always brings along Barry Manilow! So maybe by giving him this tag we can talk less about Copa Cabanna and more about his answers!

Naja is someone who I just know will nail the pink and the red colour… but are there Otome games that follow the other colours! I am curious! Of course she could go with a different route and answer those questions with anime or other stories…but then I will forever be left to wonder if there are those who meet the colour requirements.. so I challenge her to a special version of this tag with otome games only! Of course is free to ignore the challenge, but it would be a fun way to see the tag be used.

Olive Unicorn shall be my final tag! She is a make-up blogger that is pretty geeky herself! So I would really love to see her take on this. Maybe it will help a few new people connect more and we can expand our community a bit beyond just staying in our niche! Olive often has fairly similar tastes , except she looks quite a bit better in bright make up! Yet I would love to see more of the person behind the make up! What stories touch her! That would be a neat thing to behold.

FPMV: "PFUDOR" GIF | Gfycat

Tag done! Princess fatigued! Time for you guys to make yourself heard about my picks in the comments! What is your favourite colour, would you like to see a pokémon edition of this tag? I’d love to talk to you about these because remember! Friendship is Magic! But dreams are even more wonderful! Oyasumi!  *Quack*

Paradise Hill: Origins

POSTCARDS FROM PARADISE HILL

… I never really understood how I got there until long after I was already apart of the town. The last thing I remember is seeing Cookie walk into a fog. I followed in after him wondering where he was off to. He seemed quiet and more focused than usual. Eventually the fog grew so thick I could barely see directly in front of me. I called out for Cookie to no response.

It felt like I had been walking for days. Eventually the sand of the beach turned into asphalt and I began following the lonely white road line to keep some sense of direction. It felt as though I was traveling in dream years. So quickly through time that it gave the illusion of time itself standing still. When all at once the silhouette of a sign jutted out through the mist.

“WELCOME TO PARADISE HILL”

That was a few weeks ago I believe. But it could have been years ago. Time is a concept very rarely regarded in Paradise Hill. Besides, I had bigger fish to fry. I stood with the letter in my hand. I couldn’t believe it. The letter read:

“NOTICE OF EVICTION”

I stood shocked. I had fallen in love with the town. No traffic, no lines, no one to bother me. The fog made certain things and people a bit harder to see but really, once you got used to squinting all the time it was quite the destination. It had all of the makings and charm of your typical north west lumber town.

Nurses between shifts walking down the road together. I seem to see the same group every day after I wake up, hop out of bed and take a shower in Paradise Motel. “Hi ladies! Working hard or hardly working?” They always seem to get a kick out of it.

When I did leave the motel room in it was in short bursts. Run to the corner store and pick up a six pack – stop at the diner and use the kitchen to cook up a couple of steaks and then stroll merrily back through the blurry black and white white fog to my hotel room. Occasionally outside some loud fire siren would go off and it’d start to get dark outside but i never seemed to have an issue with it.

Just like anywhere else – you keep to yourself and no one tends to bother you. Not even in Paradise Hill. Until now.

As I read the eviction notice the board of directors at Paradise Hills sited a few reasons for my cause of eviction:

1.) LACK OF LODGING EXPENSES PAID: It’s true. I wasn’t paying rent. I mean no one ever asked. One time some guy with a huge hat knocked on the door and just sort of stood there and walked off. But I didn’t know if he was the landlord or just a creeper.

2.) THEFT OF GOODS AND SERVICES:

– (5) Welcome to Paradise Hill gift shop shirts

– (16) Six packs of Paradise Hill Ale

– (2) Bottles of sexual lubricant

– (1) Copy of The Titanic

– (1) Copy of Silent Hill: Origins

3.) FAILURE TO FACE YOUR OWN INNER DEMONS/ BE CREEPED OUT

Mr Winkle. Please – keep the goods you have procured and please leave town immediately. You are no longer welcome here at majestic Paradise Hill. Also your Sea Lion has been returned to your home safely. Please do not speak to any one on your way out as you have been creeping out the other residents for quite some time now.

Sincerely,

PARADISE HILL TOWN HALL

I packed up all my belongings as some beautiful sad music began playing from no where and I backpacked out of town. As I was on the outskirts of town I heard cheers of celebration. But before long I saw the bright lights and sights of Paradise again. Like a tilt-a-whirl through the dark. As I walked through the crowd no one seemed to notice me.

It dawned on me that I was now trapped in Paradise Hill forever. I was free to travel across the globe but no one would ever see me again. Only maybe being able to detect my presence here and there like that one movie with Sean Bean in it.

Baddest Bean on the planet.

Which I was completely fine with. I began to think of the possibilities of my new invisible life. I could sneak into Area 51 and finally figure out what the hell that place was all about. I could get into concerts for free. I could haunt people! This was going to be great. But my first mark was a hot dog stand I saw off the path near the coconut’s huts. I grabbed a roll and reached in the hot water and grabbed a hot dog. I slapped it into the bun and took a bite. Ah. Delicious hot dog stand hot dogs. Disgusting and delicious and now free for the rest of m-

“You gonna pay for that?”

Turns out I wasn’t invisible. And I wasn’t getting free hot dogs for the rest of my life. I walked home.

FANCY INTRO VIDEO

Released: March 4 2008

Developer: Climax Action (Sudeki, The Italian Job)

Published: Konami

Well back to reality and really sad gaming. Today, we have a case of a game that might have been alright if it wasn’t associated with such a strong franchise. I also sort of wanted to use this opportunity to explain what little work that does actually go into these posts and the sad consequences that result from playing (generally) nothing but bad games all of the time.

Not pictured: The Cry Hole that I crawl into after hours of bad gaming.
Shelves of despair

When Pinkie and I had a check in conversation (now that she has a palace built it’s become a whole event with feasts and festivities etc) she asked what I was working on. I told her I was planning on starting Silent Hill: Origins. She responded with, “isn’t that the really bad one?”

Which surprisingly it’s not the really bad one. It’s just not a really good one. Which sums up this game perfectly. If it were named anything else it would probably be considered a forgotten but slightly above average survival horror game – starts off kind of lame, picks up and ends in an absolutely nonsensical way. Put the words Silent Hill on the case however and now you’re looking at a lackluster experience.

In the game you start off as rootin’ tootin’ truck driver, Travis Grady. He’s driving his MAC Truck getting his kicks off Route 66 and all that when he spots a little girl in the road. He swerves to avoid her (as most human beings tend to do) and stops to get out and investigate the scene. Looking for the lost child, he sees her approaching from behind him in his rear view mirror only to disappear which scares the shit out of him but certainly doesn’t deter him from abandoning his vehicle and walking miles and miles in a thick fog in the middle of the road.

Eventually this leads Travis to a house fire. He spots some weird broad hanging out by the burning house and runs in because of course he does. And he rescues some kid that’s torched like a marshmallow. Eventually passing out – he awakes in Silent Hill to go search for the french fry kid and madness ensues.

Now, if I may – first off – I am a Daughter Daddy. She is the light of my life. When my wife was pregnant I think I surprised her by crossing my fingers and hoping for a daughter and we were lucky enough to get a bright, beautiful, healthy little lady. I fucking love that kid. BUT – I have watched enough scary movies to know that if I’m out in the middle of no where and some creepy little girl is hanging around – I’M NOT FOLLOWING HER. I DON’T CARE. GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Alright, with that out of the way lets cover a couple of things that this game does really nicely. The sound effects and soundtrack are top notch – Silent Hill quality. Like all other SH soundtracks, composed by the master, Akira Yamaoka. The absolute badass Thom Yorke-esque dark genius of video game soundtracks. The sound effects and music are unnerving and uncomfortable – aptly suited for the atmosphere.

I want to recommend this game so much more but it breaks my own personal cardinal sin of gaming: difficulty due to controls. There is nothing I hate more than fighting a game more than the story or gameplay itself.

Controls and saboteur camera angles are what takes this Silent Hill entry out at the knees. The storyline and voice acting isn’t seminal by any stretch of the imagination but it’s not noteworthy poor. The puzzles are weak and there is a lot of backtracking (RE style) – also not a lot of actual area to explore. For an open town the game has you on rails for a good majority of it.

Camera angles that can really get in your head

The game does certain things right but it does so many little things wrong that it begins to become a serious distraction. The small unnecessary changes are enough to anger longtime fans. The nurses now see and react to noise/light/everything – just another static sprite that is easy to avoid but lacks any of their signature creepiness.

You can pick up large heavy objects to toss at monsters – which is cool – but kind of pulls you out of it as you go through your inventory and realize that your character is carrying twelve portable TVs, three filing cabinets, sixteen I.V. drip bag stands and six different guns. I am not a huge fan of Resident Evil’s death-by-no-inventory-space strategy but how many fax machines can one guy hold?

Not to mention you don’t even really need weapons most of the time. The ability to punch your enemies is overpowered for a survival horror game. I have beat up so many nurses in the past week I could star in my own episode of COPS.

Bottom line: Please for the love of all things holy – Konami – if you are going to outsource one of your flagship franchises please let it be to Kojima Productions. I don’t give a shit what beef you guys have. Figure it out and lets do this.

SHOP TIL YOU DROP

Now here is where it gets tricky. To be frank, even the bad games I adore. I just love playing games. I love buying them, I love looking at my horrible collection of bargain bin trash just as much as any rare games I find. Like little trophies made from melted garbage can lids. They’re mine and I absolutely enjoy playing and writing about them.

Generally, on this blog I deal almost exclusively with cheap games. This game? Not very cheap. Luckily for me, I purchased this years ago before everything Silent Hill exploded in price online.

I would never, ever tell anyone what to buy or what not to buy. I wouldn’t even judge anyone for buying Rule of Rose for $16,999. I mean, I would hope you would find it cheaper but whatever at the end of the day it’s your money, you work hard for it, you spend it on whatever you want.

Right now it looks like it’s averaging about $110-120 on eBay.

Is it worth $2300? I’d have to give it a hard, “no.” But I clean pools for a princess that pays me in bad games – so you do you. I would suggest checking out eStarland or Lukie Games over bid sites for collector’s series games like Silent Hill. There are a ton of gougers that will buy everything up just to raise prices even higher upon resell THUS continually driving up market prices for regular gamers like you and I. Dicks.

DESERT ISLAND SONG

The classic that can get anyone in the mood. Even if it’s for Origins:

Periwinkle’s Lowing Hanging Fruit Punch Ingredients

1.) A small chunk of fur from Parka (Cold Winter)

2.) A thimble of Jack Bauer’s sweat (24: The Game)

3.) A can of Reservoir Dog Food (Reservoir Dogs)

4.) A handlebar mustache (American Chopper)

5.) Blood of a Backstreet Boy (American Idol)

6.) An impossible to control Q-Tip (CSI)

7.) The tooth of a terrorist (Fugitive Hunter)

8.) One Mona Lisa Smile (The Davinci Code)

9.) One Copy of, “Night Rocker” by The Hoff (City Crisis)

10.) One blood stained trucker hat. (Silent Hill: Origins)

Suggestions? Requests? Send me a message!

Pinkie is Talking about Halloween: The Hallotober Tag

I have gathered enough power and self respect to self nominate for tags my dear mortals. Tag posts I can do without a brain or without inspiration and are the perfect blog for a zombie to write. Also they are nice content for in the middle of my moving weeks where I am so busy I can barely remember my own zipcode.. mostly since I have to use two now! Still Senpai said it would make her happy if I did this one! So here it is! And I am happy I did it!

The Terms of Our Contract Most Unholiest!

So like most Tags this one has some rules! And of course I followed Senpai’s example and Answered right below said rule! So you can not copy paste! MWUHAHAHAHAHA MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway.. here are the rules!

Thank the person who tagged you and link to their post!

I wasn’t really nominated by Irina from I Drink and Watch Anime encouraged me to take on this tag!  She is awesome but you all know I have a great amount of respect for her and her style! I haven’t been commenting as much as I would like on her posts.. I don’t know where she finds the time to watch all this anime! Perhaps she is a temporal spectre…. or perhaps she doesn’t have to spend hours per day to make progress in their new Pokémon game and shiny hunt.. it could be that.. but I am going with temporal Banshee here!

Put the rules at the beginning or after introduction!

I nearly went full on anarchist and placed them somewhere in the middle.. but fine after the intro it is!

Answer the 13 questions!

I did! It’s in the next section!

Tag 13 people to do the tag!

No! First of all Thirteen is an unlucky number! I do not want bad luck to decent on those who follow me!  I’d lose followers! Secondly, that really is WAAAAY to many people!  That’s almost all my active daily readers.  At a good day I can get double but no! So since I can’t follow this rule I will follow Irina’s example and nominate no one!  All my Ko-Fi supporter/Coconuts are automatically tagged and if you want to join in on the fun fill in the blank in the comments.
Spook Scary <Blank> send shivers down your  spine!

Delete Question 13, add a new number one question of your own!

But I like question 13! So instead I replace the question: Bobbing for Apples or Pin the Witch hat! Why.. because I have nothing interesting to tell about it.. we don’t do that here! Also.. I’m a witch! We don’t follow all the rules! Plus I like anarchy!

You are free to use the tag image somewhere in the post!

Thanks for the permission I guess! It could use a bit more pink! I do like the image though! Even though it seems like a fire hazard! Anyway thank you for the fun tag Ofaglasgowgirl  the great logo and all that! You gave me a great passtime! In the spirit of my senpai though I will have to break a few rules! Hope you understand!

Questions! Questions Most FOUL

And then now it is time to answer the questions. I will not be to much of an anarchist here! I will answer these to the best of my ability! Also the title is only for flavour I do not hate the questions!

What’s your favourite thing about October?

When I was a little Chibi-Me in Fall we would often go to a Bungalow park during school break. Being in the middle of the woods with the autumn leaves like burning embers on the ground. The seasonal shift and the nights becoming darker really gives me a sense of tranquility. To this day I like strolling around in the woods for hours during October. The birds slowly begin to migrate away and there is and this blanket of silence descends upon the world.  A short season of bliss before the stressing of my upcoming birthday in november begins and then the holidays. In october I always get a bit of a recluse mood in October.. even though I am fairly busy! It is the month I normally very easily can recharge my mental battery! I can stay inside my cosy house…normally.. and the seasonal food!  I really love october!

Are you a big celebrator of Halloween? + How Do you Celebrate it?!

Okay so I might have ended up doing the Irina thing and answer question 7 ahead of time.. so I merged them!  See now none of you will know that I messed up and just read this as a double question! Sometimes I am so smart.. my big head makes sense! Should you take on the tag.. even though I post this like.. two days before Halloween.. remember this is two questions…except for when I do it.. I would never mess up! I swear!

That depends a bit on context. You see Halloween isn’t REALLY celebrated in the Netherlands. There is no Trick or Treating there is no Halloween candy and while there are some decorations now.. there never where decorations while I was growing up.  In the eyes of the Americans I do not do a lot for Halloween, but as a Dutchie I am probably extremely into it.  I  normally go out of my way to visit 1 to 3 halloween theme parks , just wander through their scare zones and haunted houses.  I am super big on that!  For the entire month of October I watch scary movies, I decorate my house and sometimes I even make scary shaped chocolate.. well before i melted my molds two years ago. Whoops!  I play a lot of scary video games and I usually also host a tabletop game of dread.  That is a Roleplaying game where your players play a game of Jenga each action they do that is outside of their comfort zone they take a brick from the tower and if the tower topples the character dies! It is super fun! I have dressed up but usually that just makes me look like an idiot because that isn’t really done here.

This year however with Covid closing all theme parks and borders (Halloween is best in germany because they can grab you and drag you into cages and stuff which isn’t allowed in the Netherlands)  and me moving there is not a lot of Halloween! Which is why I am celebrating it so big on my blog!

What’s your favourite scary movie?

I changed this question a little to what is your favourite scary movie! Mostly so I can make a fun image of this at the end. I LOVE horror movies! There are so many shitty ones but there are also some REALLY good ones. I love the Conjuring movies for example, maybe even the second one more so than the first. I also really REALLY loved Drag me To Hell. Then I really love some classics like the first Halloween and the third Nightmare on Elm Street. Seeing mister Lugosi play Dracula is also always a pleasure..

But if I had to name an absolute favourite I think it would have to be “I know what you Did Last Summer”.. I saw that in one of those aforementioned Bungalow Parks first. I had my semi-first celebrity crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar and in my head she was clearly the main character; she was Buffy after all!  Somehow that movie really shocked me.. but I have always  found the fisherman to be something really intimidating. More so than Jason’s Mask or Freddies face.. just the way the movie was shot! It isn’t among the all time greats when we look at quality but like I always say my favourite doesn’t have to be the one I think is best! It is the one I can watch 20x in a row without getting bored of it!  I know what you did Last summer did that for me! For the same reason I also really like Urban Legend! ….which is even less good but still I had an amazing experience with it!

Would you rather a cosy night in watching horrors or a big night out in a costume?

For me Halloween isn’t just a night, it’s a season. I love to go to spook parks and if I am allowed to dress up I would dress up but well oftenly I can’t so I sneak in a semi witchy dress or something I would not normally wear but that shows me as a bit more “evil’ or vampiry! 
So I really love to go out! On the night of Halloween itself though I rather stay in with a good horror movie! Those parks are so insanely stupidly packed for Halloween itself that it really kills the fun out of it. You are rushed through the haunted houses, the good food courts in the park are oftenly closed in favour of the fast ones so people can’t complain as much about a long wait and there is always someone else to scare.  No on Halloween itself I like to stay in! Talk to the ghost in my flat, watch scary movies and eats sweets!  I sometimes do dress up just for myself!  That being said I do like inviting my friends to play Dread with me on Halloween.. but usually they have to stay in and cuddle up with their partners and check whatever halloween movie is on tv.

Which has been your most favourite costume to date? 

Running around in a costume is a no go here for Halloween, we have Carneval for that, and while in recent years costumes for kids have been making their appearance the whole world insecurities and protections against the real monsters of this world has prevented it from spreading to adults. You can wear a costume in some locations but no face paint, no long  dresses, no props, nothing with pins ,nothing too big, nothing was a loose hat. Etc. In other words for safety reason you can dress up, you just have to look like yourself and have nothing on you that can hide bad things like a witch hat..  About two years ago I  wore a vampire costume for myself on Halloween, just some good old fun to send a few photo’s to my family.  Then the doorbell rang and I kinda forgot I was in costume. A neighbour was there asking me if I heard a noise as well.. He looked at me like I was an idiot! Maybe dressing up  by myself is kinda sad but I had fun!

My favourite Halloween monster costume I have seen in one of these theme parks was in a haunted mansion called the dollhouse. It was a magic maze centered around toys. All the fences to guide you were decorated with a lot of plushies people donated.. some made more creepy by colouring their eyes red or nearly decapitating a doll.  As we neared the final wall which was super densely packed with plushies me and my company were looking at which ones were cute and which ones were evil when suddenly a part of the wall turned out to be a man!  With his back turned to use.. he blended in completely.. his chest with this “The Thing” like make up of a gaping maw  with teeth and other prickly things! Scary!

Altered Question: What is your Favourite Horror Monster

I included this question because I know my blogging bestie really likes monsters! Should she feel tempted to take on this tag late.. she doesn’t have to confess she is super good at bobbing apples ! Besides I have never bobbed for apples and would probably drown in doing so and this year I am the Witch so I really don’t want people sticking pins in me to try and edit on my hat which I had to spend a long time on to edit in the first place.

As for my personal favourite I would have to go with Dracula. I like vampires a lot! Like A LOT!  Except for when they sparkle or died more often than your average Dragon Ball character. My favourite vampire is the Malkavian from Vampires the Masquerade/ World of Darkness. Krul Tepes is probably my favourite anime vampire and Vampire Willow from Buffy the vampire slayer could be my cuddle buddy despite the danger! I’d still sign up for Vampirism  even when I am as old as I already am!

What’s your least favourite horror?

Much like senpai I don’t really know what is being asked of me. So very similar to senpai I will give multiple answers.

My least favourite horror genre is Erotic Horror… I do realise that is both a cheap option as well as a confliction ones as vampire movies often get the tag.  I am more so talking about movies like Verotika games like Lust for Darkness or the whole cannibalism sub-genre. That last genre died out a bit but I really hate it if people get naked in horror movies for no real reason.. other than “their clothes got torn off”  or this magic ritual requires a naked girl.  Usually the cannibals attack with spears.. .jeesz.. what could you be meaning by that and it often leads into body horror. .. I don’t mind a split head or a severed arm but taking a woman apart in such a way so you emphasis her lady parts I find stupid and annoying and has nothing to do with either horror or erotica in my eyes.

My least favourite Horror movie is Guillermo Del Toro’s Don’t be Afraid of the Dark. Katie Holmes plays dreadfully in this movie and the idea of killer pixies living in the fireplace is kinda dumb. Why do they live there.. because clearly they can get out at times.  Why do they do what they do? Because they want to collect children’s teeth?! The conclusion is even more dumb and while the idea of Killer pixies kinda sounds badass it’s more like those blue guys in Harry Potter turned evil and grey.. than anything else. It drags on and on and the male lead being an unbeliever after seeing so many strange things is more than a little bit annoying! 

My least favourite Horror anime is a toss up between Attack on Titan and Death Note.  They both come up when I look for horror but I do think that Death Note qualifies more ..even though it is kind of a thriller. It isn’t a bad show but it has been completely overhyped for me. The moment we switch to that Heavy Metal opening and the moment Light joins L in that super cop base thing I was so done with this show. The hyper intelligent protagonist just isn’t my thing most of the time but it always felt like this story could only end in one way. It did and I did not care for the journey either.   I am not sure if it is horror but in naming this I am sure I left a few people in horror so we are good here! I don’t think it’s bad, I just don’t enjoy myself with it. With most bad horror I can still enjoy myself.

Do you have a favourite trick or treating memory?

Like I mentioned earlier we do not really have trick or treating because a few days later we had the celebration of Saint Maarten. A guy who cut off his big red expensive cloak and gave it to a beggar. In his honor we used to make a big bonfire..until those got forbidden and kids would walk across houses with little lanterns and sing a song in his name to get some mini candy bars. I tried to take part once.. but immediately my little lantern broke..which was quite common! I mean the light did not function!  I was more upset about my little lantern not having any light as I was worried about candy so I went over to ask my dad to fix it. He did manage to fix it but just as I was about to run away I tripped over a big rock and had a wounded knee! That got me a lot of pity chocolat from people at the bonfire who had some on them to hand to kids who were afraid to visit the nearby houses and I went home satisfied and with a working latern..but a busted leg!

The year after that my bullying started so no one wanted to go singing with me and since there were rumors of a few child abductors in town so I was not allowed to go by myself.  The teachers in school knew this so they came over that year and gave me a lantern and  a package of chocolats.  It was a super rainy day I remember because we would not even go to the bonfire.. even though it was a three minute walk away… so I was quite happy again.  I marched in my room with the lantern I got gifted and sang the song and then went to play Mega Man 2 while stuffing myself with candy!  My class-mates might not like me but the teachers did and those were more important right?! Those made me smarter! At least that was how I used to think!

What’s your favourite thing about Halloween? 

I love the weather around Halloween and the whole theme parking thing I normally do!  I love being chased by monsters but I love setting my friends up for scares even more. One year we would go to the most expensive and visually incredible halloween park in the Netherlands.  Walibi Flevo or Walibi “Holland” .. I hate that term! .. One of my male friends whom I shall refer to as Fit Phil, has ZERO tolerance for horror.  So he always made me go first in the haunted mansions thinking they would scare me .. as a pink feminine person is sure to provoke more reaction then this swoll dude that is a fair bit larger than me and has arms my legs could almost fit in.  He was right for the most part.. but I did not scare that much. I even walked into someone because I thought they would move out of my way! 

I threw some Green Mushrooms at him.. but that only seemed to make him angrier!

Anyway we came to the haunted house he feared most. The one with the movie villians. I wanted to hear him scream so bad.. so I came up with a plan. When  Michael Meyers showed up I pretend to be super scared as he jumped out behind me.. so I pretended to run ahead saying “oh don’t .. leave me alone”  and I dashed a few meters ahead.. now I could walk this house all alone.  Fit Phil bravely made his girlfriend walk in front of him.  So when I entered a room that clearly was based on scream and I saw a cabinet with a huge gap. I held up two fingers.. Second person behind me. I puffed myself up.. “Big guy”  and then I made a tiny heart and a shaking in fear motion.  The door stayed closed and I walked passed.. My friends were catching up. Girlfriend could walk safely. As I moved on ahead I heard him yelling in fear so loudly! That I had a huge smile on his face. I then told all the scare actors ahead that the big guy with the Dragon Ball T-shirt was the most scared and they all targetted him. Outside he wondered why normally they would prank his girlfriend or me..and he could coast of our scares instead!  Then leatherface came out of the house and pretended to saw me in half and then chased away Fit Phil.. how sweet he remembered! I love doing stuff like that on Halloween!

Scary costume or Silly costume? 

As long as it isn’t a slutty costume you are golden! Senpai said the best costumes are the ones that do both and I refer to the teddy bear/John Carpenter’s The Thing costume as proof that she is in fact correct about this.  I do not mind seeing classics so even a sheet with holes for eyes can be kinda cute.. but  those girls who dress up in a latex bathing suit with hooker leggings and some devil ears.. come one guys.. it’s okay to be sexy with Halloween but at least be a bit original. Do what you want but some of these costumes just scream “I am easy”.  To me a good costume makes ask.. who is that!.. So Team Rocket for the win!

What’s your favourite Halloween candy? 

We don’t really have any! Yet there were these jelly monsters I really liked when I was a kid! We had this tiny little candy store in our town and it was super cute. For about 25 cents of our old currency which would equate to about 5 cents right now I think.. I could buy a gummy bug or ghost and they were very tasty! I oftenly ate myself sick on them! They also had nice white chocolate ghosts on a stick!  I loved horror candy so much that for one birthday my mom and dad gave me what is in dutch called “Professor Horribelus, Snoeplab!”  It also was issued in America it seems as Dr Dreadful Food Lab! Here you could make your own Jelly Spiders and even some bubbling brain!  I really loved the taste of the brain! The jellies had some consistency issues and I had the un updated version.. which fixed some potential health or things not working so who knows it could have tasted better if I got the new batch after I hate the first one. It was a great way to make Halloween candies and I later used the molds still to make chocolates and other things for many years.. of course until my last shapes melted away in a freaky accident.  Check out the commercial!

Ghost decorations or skeleton decorations?

 Silly question!  One should never limit themselves!  I mostly use spider decorations in my house for halloween as they are the easiest to come by and our skeletons look kind of tacky at times but I love skeletons as well. I always have this old hot sauce bottle shaped like a skull that I get out as a candlestick older now.. Nowadays it is all dusty and patchy from the wax that went everywhere and I really like it, it gives it a very otherworldly quality.  I really like ghoty decorations too. My father used to have a printing store and the last year I had him print a photo of me as a window sticker!  But I had made the photo transparent and part of my face was replaced by a skull.. so to the unaware eye it seemed at first as if the window would show me in the back as a reflection but if you looked closer it was actually ghost me!… It did not really work out as well as I had hoped because no one really stares out my windows  and I don’t always wear the same outfit as I wore on the window sticker!…  But do spooks like you want! And go as crazy as you want! Even trash bags and dolls can be scary!

Tag Done! If you still want to participate you are welcome! All Coconuts are invited by default.. and those who want can participate.. for those who feel like their need to earn it comment Spookly Scary <Blank> send shivers down my spine in the comments and voila! You earned it! Speaking of earned! If you think I deserve some of your throw away cash.. do not hestitate to support me on Kofi! Mwuhahahaha! Comments will do though but if you become a coconut you are tagged for EVERYTHING! Including tommorow’s tag!

Halloween on Paradise: The Managers Nightmare!

Hello again dear Mortals, Halloween draws closer, so of course the mystical forces that might be rise! Now of course they would not stay away from the fictional island of Paradise. So today we visit a small story about what happend for Halloween on Paradise. Like always the manager is hard at work when stuff suddenly turns strange! Can she survive a night of terror find out in this little story!

The Broomcloset

Manager Pinkie was sitting in her office. Working on her Pink Little Laptop to make sure she had plenty of cocktails to distribute to her guests on the lovely island of Paradise. She didn’t like working late on Saturdays but due to her moving to another Cabana on the island she had to spend quite a few extra hours in a day! She looked at the callender.. 31st of October.. time was going so fast. She looked at her laptop and saw a half finished blog, plus some of the fictional work to be done on her island on her fictional computer… and sighed. Almost done! She would get a hot bath  and an early night sleep…well as far as you can call it early. It was already getting close to midnight. Just as she was about to wrap up her work, suddenly all the lights in  the office went out. Even her adorable Jigglypuff Light. By the glow of her laptop she looked out of the window and see that the entire resort was out of power. That was so strange.  She opened a drawer of her pink desk to look for a pink little mobile phone. She called Indigo but no one answered. Was he in the Dinosaur Suit again?!  Maybe Sunny could help her find the fuse box.  So using her little pink phone as a little pink Flashlight the manager set out in the hotel to go find her janitor person who loves to be called a cabana boy.

“Why are these hallways so empty?”  she wondered while her heels clicked  on the marble like hotel floors.Their echos bouncing around the luxurious hallway filled with Pokémon paintings. Through the window she could see the outside lights that would provide light to the front of the hotel were out to! What was going on here? Did all the fuses blow at the same time?!  Then the ground shook as the hallway was bathed in a pink silver light. Shadows of some of the Yu-Gi-Oh statues lengthens as it were lang shadowy figures trying to approach her. A loud  clap followed. A thunderstorm! That must have knocked out the power. Yet she never heard the first one. Could it be that she was so sucked up in her blog that she missed it?!  No she was loafing around right?! This was so strange!  Having encountered no one she encountered Sunny’s broom closet… she had an awkward experience there once.  Thinking Sunny wanted something from her and screaming  while he actually just wanted to show her some yellow caterpillar with a horn he found in Pokémon Go asking her to identify it! This time however she suddenly heard clear moaning noises from the closet.  Did he have another person in there?! Her guests needed her though so she would apolgise to Sunny later. She gave the door a brisk but clearly audible knock. In the tempo of Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing on Rainbows!

No answer.. just moaning! She would have accepted a.. “be with you in a minute” or even a “not now” but this was just plain rude. The moaning continued. She knocked again, this time knocking “Space Unicorn” ! The same thing happened though! No answer! What in Arceus’ name was going on. Annoyed Pinkie pulled open the door and there she saw Sunny! In his hand was the lantern he so often carried around.. but blood seemed to be dropping from it.. and a head shaped object seemed to be inside. Her eyes glanced over to Sunny, his hair looked even more sloppy than normal, his normally so sunkissed skin had a pale quality even blueish.. his mouth mask was not moving up and down at all.. as if he was not breathing! He moaned… and then uttered a single world. BRAINS! With a new lighting strike very close by her phone dropped to the ground as she yelled .. staring into Sunny’s much more dead eyes! Z-Z-ZOMBIE!!!! YEEEE AAARGH!… Pinkie Ran out the broom closet tripping over a Yellow bucket! With a loud smack she landed on the floor.. but the adrenaline rushing through her kept her going.. tossing her shoes at Sunnies head  she managed to dash off .. she had to get Indigo! He could help!

The Security Office

The manager had to go to Indigo but she also had to keep her guests safe from this zombie! That did not seem to be that much of an issue though!  As she approached the lobby no was there. Zombie Sunny slowly waddled after her and could not keep up..  A new flash of lightning made her scare and hide between the reception desk for a while. She was pretty sure she saw a presence.  Zombie Sunny kept chasing.. he would soon be here and her lungs already felt like they could burst. She  could not keep running forever; she wasn’t built for it. So she looked up the administration book and found a yellow marker on the desk. She quickly ripped out a page  and folded a plane out of it! She began to colour it yellow as fast as she could.. She was just about done when a cold bluish hand slammed on the reception desk.  He was there.. just before he could grab at her Pinkie tossed the yellow paper plane down the hallway to the staff rooms again. With a slow look behind his back Sunny turned around and shambled back into the hallways. That would buy her a few minutes.  How did he become a zombie?! Did he get bitten by some weird mutated fish?

As Pinkie got up right to dash to Indigo’s hut. She noticed that zombie Sunny left a blue  streak on the desk!  Weird.. it could be dangerous though She would not want people to get infected by this.  Even if it put her at risk. A bit of blue got on her hand and she felt sick to her stomach! She had to prevent herself from being infected.. so she ran into the kitchen.
The chef wasn’t there .. which was weird..there should be some chefs to prepare midnight snacks! Did they go out to fix the power as well! Without a doubt Pinkie took the sharpest knife she could find and  cut her ring finger off! She  bit on a spatula to prevent screaming and drawing attention. Using some kitchen towels she made  herself a bandage.  She had no time to waste. She had to go to the security office.  Using the emergency exit she left the building.   Knocking on  Indigo’s door.. in blind panic. As she knocked some organ music seemed to play inside.. and another thunder rumbled the area.  “Come in.. Fleshy Mammal”  she heard from inside.  “What an annoying greeting” Pinkie taught before she opened the door.  Inside was Indigo..but his leather coat ..had been replaced.. by .. a cloak! He turned around and looked all pale, his eyes red! “I smell blood,” he said. Pinkie gasped and screamed!Vampire!! Indigo is a vampire! “Pinkie look in my eyes” Indigo said.. but she was too smart she would not be hypnotised. 

Pinkie dashed away ..now chased by a Vampire and a Zombie. What happened here?! Had she crossed over into the Twilight zone?!  Did it have to do with the blue goop she found? What is with this weird thunderstorm! She saw flashes but no bolts.. and the sky seemed without a cloud!  This seemed like some occult stuff! Wait! Occult! Maybe her horror expert Kuro could tell her more!  Slightly woozy she began to ran towards the pool bar, the vampire in hot pursuit.   As she look behind her to see if he was catching up she saw Vampire Indigo reaching out his arm .. then she suddenly fell.. as if tripped by telekinetic powers.. sparks shot out around her. and a sharp burning sensation in her knees. When she got up she realised she lost her glasses! Everything was blurry.. What happened.  Did she just get hit by a spell?!  Indigo drew closer! “I am not dying today,” Pinkie said to herself as she crawled back up.  In an attempt to get away she took a dive through one of the hedges.. surprisingly it worked!  She realised her entire weight just broke the branches as she stumbled off.. it seemed to have shook off Indigo!..Which makes sense she guessed.. wooden stakes and all. She outsmarted a vampire! But she pretty much ruined her dress.

The Bar

Tears began to well up in Pinkie, was she gonna die?!  I mean she would rather be a vampire then a Zombie.. when suddenly she saw Sunny Shamble near the pool area! She had to go the long way around to reach the bar! Could you sneak past Zombies?! Her bandages smelled like a freshly  defrosted steak!  If she went through the gardens she might avoid Sunny all together and  reach the bar via the beach. So she ran into the gardens.  Huge Spiderwebs were everywhere. There in the bushes she found the cook! Motionless his white outfit stained in  red liquid.. at least she thought it was the cook! He had a chefs hat on! Having -5 in both eyes she was fairly blind without her glasses. Whoever this man was .. and she assumed it was the chef! He was dead! She wasn’t sure who killed him.  The bottle of cooking wine.. used for their famous Coq au Vin was the weapon he made his last stand with!  Suddenly she heard “Pinkie” behind her and Irina stood behind her. dressed as Ghostface from Scary movie.. but the mask was made up instead!  So she could still recognise her! In her hand bloody knife glistend.. Pinkie screamed and hit bonked Irina on the head with the Winebottle. It was empty so it did not make that much of an impact.. but enough to give her a window to  dash away.

From the gardens Pinkie ran onto the beach, her feet struggling on the star-shaped sand! And yes star shaped sand is a thing! It is difficult to run in!  Irina chased her.. and she looked angry!  No way Pinkie would let herself be taken down by a slasher villain that isn’t even an Island OC. It gave her strength to run again. Still half blind! Maybe she recognised Irina through the alcohol smell! Why was she wondering this right now?! Eventually she reached the bar.. out of breath. Kuro looked at her and said. What’s wrong Pinkie you look terrible?! Do you need a drink. Pinkie nodded..while trying to catch her breath. As Kuro poured her a Hibiki.. a purple hand put the glass in front of her. Pinkie looked up and saw two horns on Kuro’s head.. teeth very sharp and a skin totally purple. They wore a demon red and black Yukata. Before Pinkie could take a sip she stumbled back..  tripping on a barstool. She fell.. and she kept falling.  She felt almost as if she was sinking. Kuro was an Oni..she had no chance..  now she fell and was sinking.. did she knock herself out?! She was dead anyone she would just let herself sink. It was all over.  She  opened her eyes.. and saw a black shadow looming over her..as she took a breath a sharp pain filled her lungs! Then two strong hands grabbed her and she was being dragged towards a big dangerous looking presence and then it all went black.

Paradise


Pinkie woke up with a shock! “Stay off my body”  she yelled wildly swiping at her environment. Kuro the demon stood before her. “That’s it I am cutting you off for tonight” they said. Pinkie gasped in terror! “What will you cut off?! I already cut my own finger off you don’t you think that is cruel enough?”. The face on the demon changed from Malice to concern. “You did what?” Pinkie began to see everyone more clear again.. she was surrounded by monsters .. even the chef Irina murdered was back. “Didn’t you die”. The Chef looked at her and grinned “Wheeen …Didz.. Eye..Die..?!   *Hic*  Isszzz.. Spilled…..wine…all over.. me.. Rini…brough…goood… booze…*Hic* I had.. a bit much…and…all over..my stuff..*hic* fell in the roses’. Pinkie looked confused. “So Senpai is not a slasher villain?” The woman showed Pinkie she had a plastic knife and said “No.. the only thing I butcher is my spelling sometimes” Pinkie coughed up a bit of water , still skeptical. “Then why did you chase me?” Irina looked a bit shifty… “I kinda felt bad that I got your chef so drunk.. when he passed out in the bushes I wanted to tell you it was my fault not his..but you looked so upset I thought he would get fired because I forced him into a drinking game with me”. Pinkie felt like a Pokémon she was so confused it hurted.

“But if you are not evil, then why doesn’t the demon attack you”  Kuro grinned.  It’s the 31th of October! It’s Halloween… it’s a costume!  All the staff dressed up! Look Indigo dressed up as a Vampire and Sunny is a zombie. Pinkie once again asked why she was chased then Indigo replied that he saw her distressed and possibly injured so he chased her.. but when she tripped over the electrical wires that caused the lighting effects and spooky music on the island he had to fix that first..or it would be a hazard for guests. Sunny was just having a little fun and did not think Pinkie actually believed he was a zombie. He could not bite her anyway because he was smart and still wore a mask! Pinkie looked at the  wrapped up hand and was afraid to ask. “Then was that blue zombie goo?”   Sunny shrugged..”I had a lot of fun colouring myself with the body paint so I might have added a few extra layers.. I tried to make myself a Yellow zombie but that did not work too well.. so that paint was very thick”. He smiled sheepishly while Pinkie unraveled her bandage. “So I cut off my finger for nothing?”

Everyone stared at Pinkie’s missing finger and suddenly people began to laugh. “Oh Pinkie that is so you” Indigo offered to bandage it up more properly. “Let me wrap that up for you a bit nicer and then we will go enjoy the party you silly girl” The manager blinked. “This isn’t that funny”. Kuro looked at her and said “Well at least now you can do a very cool Assassin Creed cosplay”  Pinkie grumbled “I don’t like any game but the second” Everyone laughed again. “Time for drinks” Irina yelled and as she opened the little first aid tent Pinkie saw a huge beach party going on. Everyone was in a costume. “I was so busy working I did not even notice it was Halloween”  she thought to herself.. still her friends all took this cut finger very lightly! As if they are characters in a story that was wrapping up and the writer did not care about the details.. and suddenly everything goes all happy! Kuro gave her a pad on the back “gotta get back to work…i’ll make you a pink cocktail.. and hey your final girl costume is pretty genuine now” Pinkie looked at her dress as everyone went out to party.  Pinkie looked at her destroyed dress, felt her dishevelled hair and looked at her hand one more time.. “Final Girl huh…seems there are plenty of people here still.. I guess I will party for now..but next year..I will be the true final girl! The only one left alive” Pinkie laughed like a maniac in her tent. She would know what her friends did last Halloween……next year!

The Weirdest Horror Movie Ever! House (1977) Review

Hello there mortals! As per our pact, during this month where humanity is closer to the realm of the spirits and monsters than any other month this year.. I have swore to provide you with the strangest Horror movies I could find. The dictionary defines strange as Surprising, Difficult To Understand or Explain. Something not Previously visited, seen or encountered, something unfamiliar or alien. All these ring through when I watched.. what might be the weirdest movie I ever watch! Join me today as I review 1977’s: House!

Surprising


House is a 1977 movie of Japanese origins and was directed by Nobuhiko Ôbayashi! With the story written by Chigumi Ôbayashi and adapted into a screenplay by Chiho Katsura. It stars Kimiko Ikegami, Miki Jinbo, Kumiko Obha and Ai Matsubara. It is labeled a horror comedy and has a runtime of 88 minutes. It’s IMDB score is a very nice 7,4 and on Rotten Tomatoes it even has a 90% critic approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an 80% audience appreciation. So it seems like we are dealing with a good movie here for once!   Do I agree?! I don’t really know to be honest! This movie is really out there! A part of that probably has to do with the fact that it is written by a 13 year old! That is right Chigumi the writer is a 13 year old girl and while she had help from a sort of professional screenwriter, the entire acting cast of the movie, which also includes Chigumi in a minor role, had no experience acting. Only the “old lady”  has some real prior acting experience. Funnily the old lady is not played by an old lady! Do I notice?! I don’t know.. characters in this movie are weird I can’t exactly tell  if acting slips up! I can tell they act abnormal but in everything this movie leaves me puzzled.

Maybelline Melon! Stuff your face with youth!

The plot revolves around a girl the sub calls Gorgeous or Oshare  in Japanese..but she and her friends don’t really have a real name; they all get nicknames.  There is Fanta, the best friend of Gorgeous, who tends to be the girl who cried wolf. She sees stuff and fantasises a lot. The subtitle names her Fantasy.  Then there is Kung-Fu.. the girl whose life attitude is.. if at first you don’t succeed.. Kick it!  Then there is Prof.. the smart one she is called Gari in Japanese. Melody is the musical one of the group and Sweet is the always helpful one. Finally there is Mac.. who is the fat one. And yes she is actively called the Fat one of the group .. her friends call her fat all the time! Different times 1977!  These friends go on a vacation together to visit Gorgeous aunt. Reason for this is a training camp. Gorgeous would have gone with her father on a vacation but he has a new gorgeous girlfriend and she found it disrespectful to her mother who has been dead for 8 years.  So instead she goes to her mother’s sister and provides her friends a training camp..after the original location became unavailable.. however it turns out that this house might hold more than the girls have bargained for.  This time we do not face a tire or a condom.. this time our villain is a house…..kind off.

Hey that’s how my flat looks at night!

Difficult to Understand or Explain

There is no way for me to describe the weirdness that is this movie without going into detail about the plot so be warned, for spoilers! That being said, this movie is so weird that I don’t  know what actually happened! I can only describe what I see and if that is real or some sort of allegory. This movie is so nonsensical and filled with weird events that I doubt my spoilers are even called spoilers. Still you have been warned!  This movie is weird in every single sense of the word.  Straight from the beginning we see weird things like a painted set.. standing in front of that actual scenery.  For example when we see the girls arrive in the country we see a painted set of a mountain in the back.. however when the shot pans out we see that set standing in front of the actual sight.. in a blink and you missed it moment! Yet straight away it is clear this movie is not your average movie.  The new step mother of Gorgeous is filmed  in an angelic light, her clothes are always billowing in the wind.. even indoors. When the name Gorgeous is said we hear some sort of echo. There are parts of the movie that are shot in limited frames per second, we drop in and out of colour filters and visuals are often extremely confusing.  In a way it at times feels like Jojo’s Bizarre adventures with it’s shifting colours text posing and with certain characters having their own musical themes. If two characters shine at the same time their musical themes ALSO both play. It oftenly reminded me of the PlayStation game LSD Dream Emulator and it has the same appeal that game has. 

Rimmel Volume Boosting Lipstick! Have the biggest lips in the Hausu!

The movie is hyper stylised but doesn’t really follow a three act structure, it kind of does.. but the whole “We are in trouble now let’s fight off evil” discovery doesn’t really come until the very last minutes of the movie. So we get a very strange flow. The movie does begin with two high school girls being  the best friends in the world. Fanta and Oshare are seen walking out of school together. When they are shot from afar and in the distance rather than zooming into them the movie instead blacks out everything else on the screen. They talk about a teacher getting married.. which shows us these girls know the gossip around town! We also discover Fanta has a crush on her coach.. I do not know what he coaches.. but we never see them train for anything either.. nor pack any form of sports outfit so it doesn’t really matter. The coach tells the girls training camp will be cancelled because his sister is rebuilding her inn so this summer it is not available. Gorgeous wouldn’t even go anyway because she has a vacation planned with her dad as mentioned before.  But the billowing stepmother shows up and it pisses off Gorgeous so she finds a location for the training camp instead so she doesn’t have to be with the new happy couple.

Channel Number 5: So vibrant you will billow!

She writes her aunt that she hasn’t seen in 8 years for this and that woman agrees and sends a postcard and her cat! That is right! The cat her auntie has is sent along with the mail for some reason and it seems to have delivered the mail as it barely got stuck in the mailbox! Now Gorgeous has to bring the cat back so she HAS to go to her auntie! Not wondering how a cat she knew as mature already is still perfectly the same cat as it was 8 years ago. Oshare is from money and their house is super shiny, she wears pretty white dresses and constantly fixes her make-up, which causes her to almost be late for the train to her aunt’s house which will function as the new location for their training camp. Well that and she lost the cat.. the cat however boarded the train by itself and found a seat it is on and everyone thinks that is super cute. Disaster strikes when their coach has an accident at the shoe store. He falls off some stairs and gets his butt stuck in a bucket! He has to get that out before he can travel! So he decides he will join them by car later. As the train sets off Oshare begins to tell the story of her aunt. This is shown as an old silent Black and White movie.. that the girls react to as if they can see it.  They are on a train.. but somehow they can see the black and white silent movie the director plays to us. Once they are done with this.. we see a cartoon train zip through the lands.. and we end up in the countryside.

Now that is a city I would want to live in!

Auntie.. who also doesn’t have another name except for that lives up a hill. She has one helper it seems as he calls her Mistress or Master and of course an old Wheelchair bound lady has no use for help in the house.. so instead this help/minion is a melon farmer and seller. Mac , the fat girl really wants to buy a big melon because she is hungry. She was also hungry on the train and she wants to head to the house quickly so she can eat! The girls travel to the house where the gates open magically and an not so old lady..with a very fake white wig is sitting in a wheelchair. The cat is returned to her and she tells the girls she is happy to see them. A sentimental music theme plays as well as the movie’s theme song…which almost always  is playing. It has a very simple quality. A bit Zelda’s Lullaby esque or something youn find in one of those “my first piano book” things.  It plays constantly! During scary moments, during heartfelt moments and during frolicking moments. And frolicking is something these girls like to do a lot.  The old lady invites them in and for some reason everyone claps for her as she flicks a light switch! 

Wow Blowfeld really overdid it with the plastic surgery this time!

Sweet is almost killed by a chandelier but Kungfu  kicks a lizard into the spikey piece of glass instead so Sweet is saved and the cat begins to eat the lizard..which the girls think is cute. Then everyone goes do their own thing and get settled in. Sweet offers Auntie that she will clean, while Mac wants to chill her mellon, for which she has to use a well. Melody goes to the piano room and Gorgeous hangs out a bit with her aunt. Prof , Kungfu and Fanta think about starting to make dinner.  Auntie seems to go sick from being in the sunlight to much so the girls have dinner on their own! Having a lot of fun and calling Mac fat again. Being called fat makes Mac hungry so she goes to find her Mellon.. but she doesn’t return. Fanta goes to find her so they can have the melon as desert and when she goes to the well she is mesmerised by the sunlight! She is so mesmerised that when she is fishing up the Melon she doesn’t notice the Melon has been replaced by Mac’s head!  The head flies and bites her in the butt then vomits a bit.. and Fanta flees.  Prof and Kungfu go check it out but they only find a Melon so they decide Fanta had another daydream and they fish out the Melon.

There has to be a comment that is more witty then.. She got eaten so now she gives head here!

Auntie joins them to come eat the Melon but Fanta feels uneasy and rightfully so it seems as auntie shows her the melon she is eating has eyeballs in them.. just to Fanta though! Who still believes she is stressed and making this up!  The group saves a big part of the melon for when Mac returns and abandons the search for her to go do other things. Gorgeous goes to take a bath, Sweet starts cleaning and Melody plays some more piano… the other three don’t have traits that allow actions so they just show up when something goes wrong.. Which quickly it does. Sweet while cleaning encounters the cat  named Shiro.. or Blanche in the subtitle and when her eyes glow green Sweet is attacked and seemingly killed by mattresses and blankets. Fanta of course notices this.. as Sweet calls for help. Melody however is also crying for help so Prof and Kungfu go to her instead.. only to find out Melody broke a nail!
When Fanta tells her she just saw Sweet get killed by feather filled objects no one believes her.  When they search they search the store room together, they do find all of Sweet her clothes laying around a naked doll that has the same ribbon in the hair as she did! So they draw the conclusion that Sweet must have gone to take a bath several doors ahead in the house.

This is like the least fashion cordinate group of people ever!

Melody cries out for help again… so Fanta goes to investigate.. it turns out Melody needed toilet paper. This quest allows no one to notice that Gorgeous has gone upstairs to do her makeup after a bath! Shiro the cat shows up and uses his magic on the mirror that Gorgeous is using.. this results in her seeing her aunt taking over her body.. but she thinks that is just a figment of her imagination. So she continues to do her makeup! Even when the cat casts a second batch of magic and the mirror begins to shatter  she doesn’t seem to react. As she stares into the shattered mirror suddenly her skin comes off in shards.. only leaving a red glowing presence… which apparently kills her.. We are reminded the coach is on his way by a very weird jumpcut that shows him stuck in traffic. Since traffic is so busy he decides to go eat noodles instead. Fanta goes to search for Gorgeous and she discovers her in full bridal makeup in her aunties room. She acts very strange and when Fanta tells her she isn’t feeling safe here, Gorgeous says she will call for help. She uses the phone and then says it is out of order. No one questions this and to calm Fanta down they decide to let Melody play the piano again to calm her down. Gorgeous goes outside and juggles with some orbs of light which apparently takes her so long that Kungfu and Prof go to find her. Prof now suspects something is wrong but doesn’t want to share it because it would scare Fanta too much! So Fanta is left with Melody alone!

Olay facial cream really took a hit after it gotten all Catwoman like..yes the Halle Barry Catwoman!

This of course leads to Melody being killed. The piano glows in all sorts of colours of the rainbow and Melody notices she can not stop playing anymore. With a wild and trippy shock effect we notice some of her fingers have gone missing. She giggles a bit when she sees this and tries to play the piano again and this causes the piano to eat her. She gets sucked in and ensnared by the wires while the little hatch in front of the keys chops bits off her. Her arm is flung inside a fishbowl and as Fanta tries to process what she sees she grabs the arm.. and faints by the sight..pulling the fishbowl with her to the floor.  Prof and Kungfu could not find Gorgeous so they try to punch a door open before returning to Fanta and Melody now missing. They worry about the fish in Fanta’s dress more than their missing friend..but now do conclude something is wrong. This time Kungfu decides to phone for help.. not trusting Gorgeous realising that she too has become a “ghost” But Kungfu is attacked by the telephone and defeats it in a fight. This however leads her to be kicked into the garden by Gorgeous where they have an anime fight!

She might be Gorgeous but she wil blue ball you!

Kungfu ends up being kicked back into the piano room, where through a journal they found earlier Prof realises the way to fight off this evil is to beat up the painting of the cat. As Kungfu wants to kick it she is eaten by a lamp!  All hope seems lost as we see trippy visuals of all the dead girls and their body parts floating around an abstract background.. we also get Visuals of Sweet’s body.. being in a clock being grinded into just blood by the gears..so she might not have been a naked doll killed by mattresses after all?  Luckily the girls once again can see these animations meant for the crowd and they react to it. This causes Kungfu to return from the afterlife…. well partially.. just her legs return.. she kicks the cat painting and with lighting the painting vanishes along with Kungu! The evil seems vanquished.

I said PiaNO! Don’t eat her. But I guess I did my cries did not strike a chord.

We cut back to the coach who has arrived at the plot of land and the Melon guy tells him the girls are dead! Showing his true colors as an evil minion of the woman! He wants to prevent the coach from going up the hill and he does this by……. trying to sell him Melons. Coach Togo says he doesn’t want to buy a melon! This upsets the farmer guy and he asks what fruit the coach likes! The coach says he only likes bananas. The farmer is so shocked by this that he is defeated and her turns into a pile of skulls and bones… however.. for defeating this evil coach Togo has to pay the ultimate price… he says bananas are everywhere.. and he turns into  a pile of bananas.

I’m a Chiquita Banana and I am here to say.. “If you don’t buy a melon, you’ll become me yay!

Back inside the cat painting is now back on the wall having recovered because something in the diary was misinterpreted and the cat painting begins to vomit. The room begins to fill with blood like cat vomit and Prof and Fanta now on a raft try to paddle away from it , trying to get to safety. Prof however falls in the cat vomit/blood because she lost her glasses and can no longer see. This makes her clothes disappear and she suddenly begins to smile widely as she happily lets herself drown in the red liquid.Fanta paddles into another room and encounters Gorgeous who helps her off her raft. Tired Fanta cuddles up to her best friend and says she wants to rest. Just giving up and allowing herself to be eaten.. or well that is the term used for those who died. They all got “eaten”. 

Acid! Using the right kind versus using the wrong kind!

The movie ends up with the billowing step mother showing up to befriend her new daughter in a tranquil environment. We get an explanation for what has been going on that I am not going to spoil .. you can discover what this was about by yourself.. but of course it does not make that much sense either. That plot has no resolution as everyone dies. Gorgeous tells her billowing stepmother that her friends will be awake soon and that they will be hungry..hinting that her friends are ghosts now as well and that the billowing stepmother will be fed to them.. but no! Gorgeous eyes glow like the cat and the head of her fathers new girlfriend catches fire and sort of melts off.  Which cuts off to a character/credit roll featuring the girls frolicking in the mountains.

The hills are alive with the sound of a confused audience!

Something not Previously visited

I haven’t even come close to capture all the weirdness. There is an odd dancing scene where Auntie zooms around like a witch on the ceiling! Auntie stops existing at one point as she becomes more interwoven with the house and so does the cat. It goes so weird that one point Gorgeous as a ghost can manifest as a mouth or eyes inside the house just showing random body parts. There is a dancing skeleton as well and so much more!  There is so much random stuff happening all the time that it feels as if we are watching a story that is free from the restraints of sanity itself. Dialogue flows odd, people can break the fourth wall but sometimes can also not.  There is a scene where Kungu is attacked by random burning objects that she just kicks away and then wonders… well that was weird.. Anyway I wonder where the rest of the group is. Nothing follows common logic, it is a combination of bizarre scenes mixed with a very thing overarching narrative.

I fell into colours once.. .it was not fun!

By going through the plot in the way I did I will admit I omitted the one link with the sane world it still has to make it even seem more odd.. but to be honest..even knowing of what this ghost actually is relates in any way to what is happening. In a way it’s a story about eternal despair and the girls are just nourishment for the suffering of the entity to go on longer. While Auntie sort of is the ghost.. the cat is also a part of the ghost..but it can travel and he is also established as a Witch’s cat implying auntie is also a witch.. but she is not.  Also what we see as auntie might not be auntie it might actually be the entire house.. but it is all very unclear. Even when all the answers are given to you! Yet strangely that is this movie’s strength. 

See this is what happens if you fall into colours!

This movie is like a fever dream, they are impossible to explain to people yet  we can not help but be entertained by our own strange dreams. Rhyme and reason are cast aside for entertainment and it does result in both hilarious as well as kind of spooky scenarios. The comedy in this movie is genuinely funny, the silliness, the bizarre choices to play several soundtracks trough each other, the pink filter that comes across the screen.  The fact that the old lady isn’t even an old lady it all is super light! The guy turning into bananas had me in stiches! He did NOTHING in that movie but it was amazing. Yet at the same time I can still see the horror part of it! We aged out of that but for the time that movie had some very spooky visuals and without knowing what is going to happen.. not even having a clue, there a lot to like. There is no real movie like this in all it’s strangeness.

One of these faces will be your expression while watching this movie!

Something Alien

So how do we rate this?! I do not know!  I really liked the movie but there is also SO much wrong with it. The characters are more 2 dimensional than most of our Waifus. There is no real plot and dialogue can seem more random than your random Lucky Star episode. The movie is written by a thirteen year old girl and by Arceus it shows! This movie in a way feels like one of those meme things where a comic book artist or a painter or whatever draws their children’s drawings as proper cartoon characters but leaves the nonsensical in it. Is it a good drawing?! Sure?! Is it a good creature?! Uhm.. tricky! I loved watching this.. but do I love it as a movie? Do I love the experience?! Once more I compare it to having a dream! There are very weird dreams and I love telling people about them and that my brain can work in that way, do I love the actual dream?! I am not sure.

Best kill of the movie!

There truly is nothing to compare this movie to, the acting is very uniquely directed, the sound design that is a mix of weird 70’s music with classic tunes and character music playing trough one another is also not something I have really experienced and as for the story… <Mind Explosion>.  Giving this movie a grade feels about as right as grading a super market customer or a shopping cart as a grocery store product after it fell into a fridge or was accidentally labeled with a price.  Sure it is there in the same realm and you MIGHT be able to enjoy the customer like you enjoy your chicken fillet..but would you?! I would be super entertained by seeing a kid fall into one of the fridges at my super market but after facebook ask me to leave a review I will never say 10/10 kid fell in the fridge!  Worth a watch.. but extreme weirdness warning!

Wholesome Horror and a dead dog! Yomawari Night Alone Review

Greetings Mortals and those who have ascendent to monsters this month! For the blog’s birthday back in July I got a lot of birthday wishes, a bit of help on Ko-Fi and one gift! That gift came from a man that is now known as Indigo! That gift was a Japanese horror game! One I knew I would review for Halloween month! See.. sometimes I do plan ahead!

The Night’s Watch

Yomawari: Night Alone was a game that was developed for PS Vita and Steam spread around the world in October 2016. Although the Japanese PS Vita game came out a year prior to the Steam version’s World Wide release. The game has since seen a release on Switch with it’s Sequel : Yomawari: Midnight Shadows as the Yomawari Long Night  Collection, launching close to Halloween 2018.  I got gifted the Steam edition and as such will be reviewing that version and that version exclusively. The game scores about a 7,5 on Metacritic. Getting mostly Positive to mixed reviews and only a handful of negative ones. It takes roughly 3 to 5 five hours to complete this game, depending on if you are prone to use a guide on what to do if you are stuck yes or no. I finished the game in about 4  and a half hours myself, which included about one hours of pointless searching, including me exploring for some hidden items.  To gain all hidden items I’d say would take.. about two more hours depending on your skill and control scheme. 

 In this game you play a nameless girl protagonist who during the tutorial is walking her dog. It is shown we can toss items as well and when we toss a stone we just picked up our dog goes to fetch it and run under a truck. Left with only a big pile of blood in the road, a torn collar and a hole in the side rails.. the girl looks flustered and makes her way home. It is there that she lives alone with her older sister. When that sister asks where Poro is the little girl is too traumatised to remember and says she doesn’t know. The older sister goes to find Poro but doesn’t seem to be returning so the traumatised little girl has to search all over town for her dog that presumably died and her sister.. whom she claims will die if she is not found. It is a journey that is filled with mysterious and dangerous spirits which want nothing more than to eat a little girl.. or to exact their terrible revenge on those who took them from this earth to early.

A not so lonely Night!

This game is brought to life in 2d topdown anime like artstyle with the main character and her sister and dog having some chibi-like qualities while the ghosts and monsters take a more “realistic” detailed appearance. The town is more in style with the Main character, being made out of soft natural tones, while monsters usually take on red and black shades or look overly large or with “wrong” details. It helps convey the issue that what you are seeing on this night does not belong to this world and it is through this style of visual trickery the game really builds it’s tension. The game is set in a sleepy small Japanese town and it’s adjacent locations such as the rice fields, the factory, the school and the woods. 

Each chapter pushes you to visit a sub-location that makes you traverse to a newly unlocked part of town. Locations feel both unique and generic at the same time which conveys a great feeling of being lost yet does clearly show you what chapter you are working on. If you are outside the school there are a bunch of straight paths,  and sideways that all look alike but you very much know you are at the school.  You constantly need to search for the most effective route for you to get a new item or clue and while the same looking path causes panic and disorientation , the unique looking location itself does limit your search area thus never making it feel too daunting.

The sense of dread is aided by the fact that this game lacks a soundtrack! Except for maybe the menu and some very sparing moments there is no music playing at all during this game. All you hear is your footsteps on the asphalt or concrete.. and some monsterlike growls and grunts.  Here and there a dog will bark and you wonder if it’s your Poro or it’s some other dog. Cat’s will cross your path to fake you out but the game doesn’t really use jumpscares to be scary. Instead it builds up to this claustrophobic anxiety. The sound design helps with this!  Most monsters don’t even make a sound but if the MC draws close to a spirit her heart starts beating loudly and the closer it is the more panicked that heart rate it becomes

The character has access to three tools to shake them off. She can outrun them by having access to a limit sprint, she can toss an item to create a distraction and she can hide behind a rose bush or certain signs. When you hide the main character closes her eyes in fear and hopes the evil goes away. Instead of monsters we see pink swirls of mist  as our heartbeat races. While you are absolutely safe in these locations and even if a monster saw you flee inside the use of the heartbeat is absolutely fear inducing. The fact that a pink/red mist is used instead of enemies always makes it a gamble if they are far enough to come out yet.. is it that creature you just saw? Or is this something else? How will it react to you coming out of hiding? Sound.. and the light of your flashlight are in most cases the only thing that makes these ghosts appear.

The strongest element of the audio-visual design of this game is most definitely the monsters/ghost. They are all so weird and extreme.  A giant spider  that has no head but instead a very humanoid face on it’s back.. check.. A zombie-like creature whose head is almost alert like a flashing light.. you know one of those alarm light or flashing lights of a cop car. A ghost dog with a disproportionate head  so it looks like one of those stone guardians? Check! And these are enemies we encounter in the first chapter! Later we encounter many many more.. and everything feels unique and special. There are even spirits of children.. who look like children except it is as if their sprite is poorly covered with a black pencil and their eyes and mouth are now light sources. 

Some of the spirits  won’t harm you but if you bump into the wrong one.. bam you are still dead, MC gets eaten in a single hit. My favourite spirit feels like Nina Tucker and Alexander.. but missing the lower half of their body!  It crawls in a straight line towards you at lighting speed and the only way to avoid is is to sprint to  the side on time. It has some qualities of Samara from the Ring as well. Spooky creatures. Each time you see something you wonder to  yourself.. Oh My Arceus.. what the heck is that! Get it away from me! You are never truly alone on this night but you REALLY want to be! 

A whole night of wholesome!

While we have control of the main character most of the time , there are some in game cutscenes that take away that control. Sometimes it seamlessly passes over into you playing again and requires split second decisions and reactions. This keeps a tension to them I don’t often see, they are needed to let the character react to things. She can for example burst into tears, fall to her feet in fear or just look extremely startled. The anime style makes it feel cute and sweet and you genuinely feel like a very young girl.  She doesn’t dare to venture off the roads too much so invisible walls in front of patches of grass are explained that way. She just wants to find her sister but tries to follow as much of the normal rules as possible.

This is reflected in the way she handles ghosts. At many moments you can encounter a “boss” ghost of the area which is usually a tormented spirit of some kind whom the main character has to bring a little offering or distract , or even perform a little chore to put them to rest.  She wants to do the right thing and will place flowers on peoples final resting places as she acknowledges them and hopes they can find peace. It is really cute! Not all spirits are just evil.. most are just lost and while we journey we see this girl come to terms with that. She isn’t happy they are so scary..but they do not deserve to suffer either. 

The age of the main character is also reflected in your menus. Your inventory feels like it is drawn with crayon, just like your map of town. It’s all drawn by the main character. Her journal entries displaying your objectives and discoveries are all written in a very childlike manner as well. It creates an endearing effect , even though we do not know anything about this main character, she doesn’t even have a name. We want to see her safe.  She is so sweet and innocent, yet she did a terrible thing.. although not intentionally! She made her sister pay for her mistake! In the end we will find out that this will not come without consequences either… yet this is one of those horror games that ends.. pretty well. At least as far as can be expected. Weirdly enough the game also doesn’t shy away from darkness. A girl being pushed from a cliff and finding her broken body happens all the same as a spirit staring at the flower at her grave and being happy.  It doesn’t go as dark as the second game which big reveal made me super upset, but it does really do well to walk a very strange but believable balance of dark and sweet.  The main character is such a good girl and I had a smile when she befriended another spirit on her journey.. but I had my heart pounding in my throat when I first encountered them.

This wholesomeness also extends to the collectibles. During your journey by visiting places you do not HAVE to visit you can encounter stuff the main character seems to call treasures. Which are non functional collectible items. These can be simply crayons, but also pieces of fashion of things that she thinks look cool or special. The final treasure she can collect are those which belong to people who met an unfortunate end or whom she at least things belong to other people. Throughout the town you find numerous billboards that sometimes have rumors or missing person reports. A description of them is given in text .. for example “wears a red cloak”   and somewhere in the map in the last seen area you find a torn piece of red fabric.  These relics connect to the bigger world for those willing to pay attention, yet you do not miss anything of the main story if you choose to ignore it. Most of these types of treasures are spirits you will never “really” encounter. You just find rumors and more often than not proof that they won’t be coming home. The main character logs all these treasures in her little notebook even making little drawings for them.  Plenty of these treasures are hidden behind small sidequests, for example you can get an egg as a treasure if you find and bring home five chickens to a coop you unlocked but forgot to close earlier. That kidlike charm is in everything you do here  and I love it.

A Long Night or a Short Night

If you rush this game and stick only to the main goal and NEVER explore you can finish this game in 2.5 hours or so?! Which caused people to complain about it, yet I feel that is a bit of a lackluster reason to shoot this game down. People also complained that if they rushed they could complain about Pokémon Sword and Shield within 8 hours which was to short. Yet these games are clearly made not just to rush. That would be the same as saying Mario sucks because if you use warp pipes it only has like 5 playable levels in my opinion.  Just because you can rush doesn’t mean you have to. Plus people who say that finished the game that fast, I assume either had a walkthrough present on how to play or watched a let’s play because there really are some parts that require you to figure out some patterns or find well hidden items. The game makes it clear enough where you should go but if you don’t constantly use the map to walk the perfect route  you get plenty of bang for your buck.  Horror should not go on too long because you can not keep that fresh for 8 to 10 hours. You might with a jump-scare style game or some deep narrative story but not in this format.  So I believe this game actually has a great length. 

However.. I am not super fond of their save system. In this you use a consumable coin to make an offer to an altar that works as a quicksave point.  From then on out using an altar  can allow you to save ..for one more coin or it can work as a quick travel point to other shrines you have uncovered. Quicksaves do record your progress but not your location upon a restart. If you want to go to bed (I play this LATE at night)  after playing this game for a bit you will respawn back at your home, then you have to find a shrine near you pray to it teleport back to the location you where at yesterday, which can be hard to read of a children’s map and thus make your way back. If you do not have coins because you tossed them as distractions or if you save too much you can not save. Getting killed usually respawns you at the last prayer too late.. with some exceptions after cutscenes or “instance” switches. For example in chapter five you will be able to transfer between the normal world and a red tinted one that houses a huge town-covering centipede… whenever you switch between worlds you gain a checkpoint there.. but not always. So it always feels a bit as a hassle to come back to the same chapter the next day which more than once forced me to finish an entire chapter before taking a break.

I do not mind the “ink ribbon” system  they go for with the coins, I think it does add some tension in Resident Evil , however in the age of streaming and let’s play respawning back at home feels really outdated.  As lazy as it may sound, I do not want to spend 10 minutes just to get back where I was before. Not only do I have to find a shrine to pray near my house I also must be sure that I have coins with me so I can pray to the altar I went to just so I get a respawn point up. So if I am out of coins I first have to venture into town to find a few, which are usually around vending machines and temples. Another issue I personally had was that I had a bad time with the controls, which more than once resulted in me tossing a stone at a shrine and  that douses the flame of the altar and negates the checkpoint. Since a few first encounters with ghosts result in certain death.. as you have no way how they work yet or how to flee from them, this means a lot of backtracking.. or at least going through hoops to end up where you were before. So sometimes chapters felt too long for the wrong reasons. Encountering new ghosts or seeing new attacks of a ghost I had no clue on how to dodge yet. It can cause a few of the trickier parts to go stale or frustrating real fast. Especially if you are out of coins!

Big Sisters Advice

The controls on PC are very clunky, walk with the arrow keys interact with z is fine but then the sprint button is mapped to E,  waving your flashlight is mapped to WSAD , tossing an item instead of cancel is mapped to X and item select is mapped to V while turning off your flashlight is mapped to B.  So the C button isn’t really used. Then through the item select menu you can switch items by pressing the sprint button instead of the arrow buttons..because you can still move when selecting items but you can not sprint?! Arrow keys Z is fairly normal for any type of game that favours a controller but the rest here makes no sense to me at all. At a certain point I just remapped almost everything! It’s fine since it’s an option to do that.. but my advice is.. play this one with a controller it plays so much nicer.  If you do not have a USB controller this game easily is worse for it.  This is also a horror game I now prefer to play earlier in the evening. Just so I can go on for stretches of an hour or so to complete a chapter. It is more enjoyable that way mostly because your journal does not update whilst in a chapter. Your goal will not update so if you forget where you were.. you are pretty lost. So play this game when you know you have a few hours available that month and you can play each chapter with the old clues still in your mind. Making notes could also be great  if you want to complete the game and get all treasures. 

This game comes with a manual and it’s not the easiest game to pick up, it is quirky and relatively slow paced. Fear doesn’t come from shouting in your microphone or a big husky man chasing you. Fear comes more in the build up of this chase, because of the unknown. It causes a sense of claustrophobia in a sense.  Will you sprint now to get to your location early.. or do you walk keeping and end out for that crawling spirit.. will you come out of hiding while the enemy is still that close? What way is his head facing?! These abnormal creatures are amazingly designed and you want to see them all, but how can you see them in all their glory without being killed.  The game wants you to have fun, explore a bit of the areas you already know.. while strictly tunnelling you in new areas to keep them feeling nice and claustrophobic and it is a formula I can deeply appreciate. 

There is however a feeling of distance you will need to be able to accept.. you aren’t seeing the adventure through the main characters eyes, you guide her, even the way you control her feels slightly less direct with a mild delay.. as if you are guiding her by her hand instead of actually controlling her. It feels unwestern.. which it is. This game really understands horror but it is very much its own brand of horror. It is a unique type of horror that I would recommend people to try out without a shadow of a doubt in my mind. The game built around it is pretty good as well, just at times it can feel a BIT too much like a Newgrounds game to completely put me under its spell.

Thank you Indigo for gifting me this wonderful game! It doesn’t rely on jump scares and more so has you actually fearing for this sweet innocent child that is one of the most adorable main characters I ever played with. For people interested in this game, you can check out the steam page here! Happy Halloween and spooky games to everyone!

The Prophylactic Predator: Killer Condom Review

Hello once again mortals and welcome to another Halloween movie review! By the forces of collective chanting, or close enough .. a twitter pole, you have collectively commanded me to watch WEIRD monster and spooky movies! The previous review was about a tire that kills called Rubber. However.. Another thing that shares the namesake of that movie spawned a movie of it’s own! A foreign  film. So join me while I review the German movie Kondom Des Grauens, or as it is better known throughout the world…. Killer Condom.

The Big D

Killer Condom had a 1998 (limited)  cinematic release and became available for purchase and later streaming in 2000. The movie is defined as a Horror Comedy and thus is a viable target for me to watch during the Halloween month. Also allow me to reiterate that this movie has indeed seen a cinematic release. It was even a selected candidate for the Berlin Film Festival. It is based on the comic book stories Kondom des Grauens by Ralf König who along with the big man himself the director Martin Walz also wrote the screenplay for this movie. Actors like Udo Samel, Peter Lohmeyer and Leonard Lasink might be unfamiliar names to you all  but I can assure you.. for a movie named Killer Condom they did a mighty fine job! In fact I was really stoked on the acting in this movie! But what I loved more here is the directing.

If it wasn’t already clear… campy movie alert!

The Big man behind the screens or the Big D as we call him in line with this movie’s sense of humor is Martin Walz.  A director who mostly directed short films and a German tv series here and there.  The most  stand out title of him being Apokalypse Pink… I want to see that now. Regardless.. while the movie is absolutely ridiculous the director manages to bring it into frame as if everyone in this movie is deadly serious. Even the plot is fairly serious.. so it never feels Scary Movie like levels of cheap.  This is more of a dry humor and WTF is happening kind of humor. It knows it pulp of the highest level but it leans so heavily into this that it actually feels quite distinct. I was expecting American Pie levels of infantile humor but despite being very in  your face but instead  the jokes feel more clever and flowing. There is this sarcastic undertone in the movie that one would have if  you are dealing with this situation so while I almost never give credit to a director.. I really think this movie makes a lot of good choices! … For what it is of course. This is no masterpiece by any means but it is kind of like midnight kebab. You don’t want some fancy kebab after a night of heavy drinking, you don’t care about the flavour profile.. you just want some greasy meat on a bun with rich sauces.. the greasier the better. Mister Walz here choose to make a midnight Kebab rather than a fancy meal.. unlike Rubber who sold midnight kebab but tried to sell it as luxurious dish.

However this post does not promote unsafe sex! I dislike children anyway!

 While obtaining a copy of this movie, I stumbled upon the movie on YouTube where at the time of writing this movie it is still available for watching. It has been there for almost two years now so it is fair game! Well fair enough!.. I still will try to pick up a copy from Germany if the world goes less gaga because I really enjoyed myself with this movie. I must give you a warning though, I speak a fair bit of german, while I did need the subtitles to guide me, I must say I did thoroughly enjoy the  german dialogue. At times it is sharper there is more cleverness to it than the english subtitles show.So some dialogue I might love , could be a tad less entertaining for you if you lack the ability to understand German. It is  mostly a “modifier” though. Bonus points as I had a lot of fun with the subtitles as well. Fun fact H.R. Giger functioned as a creative consultant for this movie. Hansruedi Giger is known for his work in movies like Aliens and Species. So that is a pretty big name! Finally I would like to confess I have not read the comic. So I will not compare how they hold up next to each other and review the movie as it’s own thing.

That news station really needs a better artist!

One “Nutty” Movie

The protagonist of this story is called Luigi Macaroni..which according to IMDB is spelled differently but we never see the name so I will spell it like this so you hear how it sounds correctly in your head! How sweet am I.. thinking about your heads! Luigi is a detective in New York..which already is incredibly funny because he is super Italian in the movie, super german in real life and acting super american. However Luigi is quite special.. he is your run of the mill gruff “noir” style detecive.. but he is heavily into the gay scene. When he meets a young man named Billy at Hotel Quicky, a love hotel in the seedy underbelly of New York he instantly falls in love. However he also has to work a case. In Hotel Quicky 7 guys have had their penisses bitten off by the hookers..but all of them deny it and say it was the condom.
Luigi decides to investigate and to do so he takes Billy to this room .. where stuff went bad. To have a little fun while he investigates. Then he sees a creature looking like a condom. It bites off his left testicle and after that Luigi swears revenge against the creature because no one bites of the Macaroni family jewels and lives.

I woul make that face as well if someone told me that subtitled line!

Not even kidding that is the basic plot of this movie. It goes even stranger by the end so from here on out you have a spoiler warning. The first part is literally the synopsis in my own words but as we go on… we find out that it definitely earns a spot on the list of weird movies. The plot does go over the top ridiculous but manages to stay clear from normal tropes  like “it’s aliens” or it’s a curse. No this movie is surprisingly original in a plot that dare I say it makes some weird form of sense unlikely as it may be.It is a story that deals with themes as Transgender people , Transvestites, Gays and the Adult companion industry. While it has fun with the scenes never does it ridicule them and strangely enough all characters react very realistically to one another. For example Luigi ends up in a weird form of triangle relationship with the young boy Billy and former cop, gone crossdressing entertainer Bob, who now likes to be called Babette. Babette is in love with Luigi and desperately tries anything to get him.  Babette has a cheap shrink who told them that Luigi sounds like a type that is attracted to people like his mother.. so Babette tries to be that, while Luigi can only see her as Bob still, in part because they had a night together and he is gay.. and loathes the idea of having to be with a woman…as his tradional italian family tried to push it on him very much.

And I don’t care much for either! I like girl’s minds and personalities though!

There never is too much of a joke about being gay, instead it is very solidly done. At one point a cop has to go undercover and he is dressed up in a leather gimpy harness and you think this is where the movie oversteps its boundaries but we find out that it is Luigi having his fun because the other cop Sam has been kind of rude and lame to him before! The two even bond over the weird event. This movie was made in 1996 and the comic is even older but the themes are still relevant today.. and I think they are explored in mostly harmless and sometimes even entertaining ways. In fact speaking about foresight they have a presidential candidate with comb over hair a red tie and a much much younger trophy wife whose catchphrase is ! Let’s make this country strong again! A hypocrite who adheres to old very old values while being quite a sleazeball himself. Huh!…

So it’s not just the Simposon that predicted this!

Regardless of it’s sober tone the movie also dares to go way beyond in terms of plot.  This involves killing the first killer condom in a creative way.. by creating a fake dick out of a gas hose, then when they bring the thing to a coroner’s office they discover it is actually a living creature that seems to have been artificially designed.Research is needed by they discover a link between a missing scientist and elements of this research. The man made organic rubber for military purposes but killed the project and decided to focus on genetics as well but soon after no one heard of the man before.  Suddenly more condoms show up around the city, mostly still targeting hookers and gays…but eventually even the presidential candidate. Who then of course is out of the race because no one would want a president without a male reproductive organ to lead the country!

I bet the camera man who filmed this wondered what he was doing with his life!

Standing Tall

The story goes completely wacky at the end, involving even things like the Millenium Bug into the main part of the plot. There is this very christian hospital director lady who believes the world will end on December 31 of 1999 as the lord will come and judge them all. She wants to have cleansed the city off all all the Sodomy that happens in the city before then. No more homosexuality, no more prositution. So when the professor came to the hospital she kidnapped him and made him use both his sciences ot create the ultimate weapon against Sodomy. To keep him under control she creates a drug filled jelly, which he always craves and he can get in in return for compliance. and by using his genetic skills to splice his living rubber, some sort of pupa and a virus the vil killer condoms were invented. Including a Magnum Queen.

I bet who-ever wears this sleeve drives a Peel P50 car (google it)

The final encounter is not a gunfight but it is this gloomy/old timer cop making a speech about tolerance, about accepting people who make different life choices than what is said in the bible.  He tells us that god created these people as well ,  while he understands that god wants them to live a good live, isn’t loving another person and caring for them what makes you a human in the first place. The rest of the speech is interrupted by a film noir narration of Luigi saying he did not know what came over when he was speaking and that he hoped that annoying Angelic light and Angelic hymn in the background would stop soon.Since this hospital has a big mental ward a person dressed like an angel also walks in and nods at him approvingly as he continues the speech, while we only hear complaining.

Not part of the speech ..but a nice time stamp!

The movie ends incredibly cute as well with the detective going on a small vacation and he gets the boy!  Billy called him Cop as nickname (though in  german it’s a bit more a slangy nickname)  and then Luigi ponders if he wants to quit after this weird case.. he tells Billy he would miss Billy nickname him Cop.. Billy tells him he loves the man and he would call him  Cop for as long as he wants. While the two do a little love play.. “you you say it again” .. Cop.. “again please” Okay.. Cop”  … “One more time please” Kiss me…..Cop.. we pan out for the ending. So while the two also have one of the funniest sex scenes I have seen n a moviie there is also room for cute romance.  In the end i was left with a very weird but strangely engaging movie. I don’t think I could imagine a better story about killer condoms.

The Flacid Stuff

Now this isn’t a perfect movie by any means, it is very one note and rarely veers away from the Killer Condom plot. When we see real live stuff it is mostly complaints about the bitten of Nut.. or how a man with no Penis can not possibly win a presidential election campaign. This movie has no chill or cooldown; it’s 1 hour and 45 minutes of scrotum related jokes.  Oddly entertaining ones but still we never see Luigi kick down with a beer, go watch a game with friends. Either we talk about him being gay, we talk about his transgender friend.. his feelings for Billy, somewhere in between lust and love and of course the Killer Condoms.That can come across as stale…yet they also explain this by making it a Macaroni family trait to get so obessed.Don’t expect deep characters and more so a list of which person slept with another.

Well Babette Identifies as a woman now and we always were known for being able to multi-task!

Of course this movie tells about the seedy side of the gay scene and not your regular run of the mill standard couple. This isn’t Mitchell Pritchett and Cameron Tucker from  Modern family. No this is about the guys who sleep around. I know that here at least those guys are still part of the active gay scene. They are just as real and out there as the monogamous romantic ones but it can be a bit confronting how straightforward they are about this. Love comes into play but Luigi is still “that type”. The stereotype people look down on the most. Given his looks and age though.. it seems very plausible that he would fall in that “seedier” side of things.I should not even count it as seedy as to each their own and if that makes them happy good on them.Still these are not the type of guys you want in the front and center of your picture, these are the guys you kinda try to hide in the back. That might make the protagonist a tad unlikeable.

He is a bit of a sarcastic prick! I kinda love that about him though!

Sometimes the humor goes a bit too far. Luigi for example has a 32 centimeter dick!  The idiotic size is used as a plot device for a few things.. like the existence of the condom queen monster, it is the reason Billy falls so very hard for the man and it is probably the reason why the first Condom could only bite off one nut! So once more it isn’t pointless and I doubt this is a writer self insert..but it does feel a bit cheap. His personality screams out that he is a top and that is very much established throughout the movie so again it oddly “fits’ ‘ as both Babette and Billy have clear bottom persona’s and tendencies..but still it feels like too much.. though I doubt Billy would say that.

Would you kindly subscribe to Pinkie’s Blog?!


Then there is the issue of the condom noises. They make almost gremlin-like noises, with shrill laughs and then yelling “wee” when they are launched.  It  feels really weird in comparison how stoic the rest of the movie is. It is very funny to see no one believe the guy that a condom bit of his testicle even though he saw it and was of sound mind.. and the way he just yells “F you guys t wasn’t Billy who bit it of it was a condom creature”  I love that deadpan humor…but then we get condoms that ride rubber duckies while  humming a cheerful song on their way to their next meal..it clashes so heavy with the dryness of the  rest. I would have preferred if the condoms just growled or had some weird insect like sounds like the thing they were based on. Condooms going Woo, Woo.. Teeheehee is kind of adorable in a strange way, in fact at times they kinda sound like Jawa’s I just think that might be a tad too much. Even for a movie about killer Condoms.

They do swim in blood at their home though so they also have some edge!

You don’t need Protection

I expected to hate the rotten guts out of this movie but for what it is I think we pretty much got the best of what we would have gotten. It’s message is still relevant and it is kind of funny to see a 90’s take on that.. even for that alone it is worth a view. The humor is often cheap but there is a cleverness in both the choice of words and it’s delivery that honestly reminds me a bit of the way dialogue flowed in the anime Keijo!!! Admittedly this is way better in german than in english but even with subtitles it oftenly works. Just .. Germans have a fair bit of extra words that can be combined into a pun. While it really never ever gets scary.. and I don’t think we get more than one fatality this is a funny and unique monster movie to watch. It gets about a 58%  on Rotten Tomatoes and a 5,3 on IMDB but honestly if you can shut off your brain and just enjoy the weirdness this easily provides you a 6.5 out of 10 entertainment.. midnight kebab!

When the Hooker heard “Blow your Nose” she put a condom out of it from habit (not how it happens in the movie.. this is my joke)

Watch this with some drinks and with some friends and don’t take its impact on a community too serious!  This is a 90’s B movie trough and trough but one that is oddly consistent in the world that it builds. You can see it’s comic roots pretty well because the dialogue is very VERY to the point and that in this movie has it’s charm for me. I did not get scared but..as an grey-sexual , homo-romantic female I have little to do with condoms as it is! Oh right I am single as well.. so yeah pretty good movie for me that kept me entertained… I never had to Troyawn during my sitting but it never got Durexciting either. 

I did not expect the movie as much as I did! While it is easy to point out it’s flaws and cast shade at it for the themes and it’s infantile subject matter.. I don’t feel that is justified! This movie is called Killer Condom… we already know it would be THAT which I could arguable hate about the movie! For what it is I think it does a great job! I dont think anyone could do better. And lucky for you this movie is on YouTube! And since I pay for my blog… I can share this with the world now!

Thanks for reading and if you liked this blog please consider supporting my Ko-Fi. My current movie is gaining some extra cash for my move and get some money to give me an actually blogging workspace! That way I can keep reviewing strange movies for you in the future! Of course I will also do that if you just leave a nice comment!

Frn ah or’azath ng n’ghft : Call of Cthulhu Review

Hello again my sweet mortals , the weekend has come yet again and for Halloween I have been playing more spooky games!  The one I played seemed straight up my alley. I love horror  games, I love Cosmic horror, I love Tabletop RPG’s and one of my favourite games is Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines. So when I found a game that takes elements from all of these I was pretty sure I would have one heck of a game on my hands! That potential diamond was a little game called Call of Cthulhu.

My Investigation!

Call of Cthulhu is based on the short story of the same title but much more based on the 1981 tabletop adventure…also by the same name. It is developed by Cynanide studio which is a great studio name for a game like this but a bit edgy considering that the studio normally develops cycling manager games. I mean A LOT of cycling manager games. They also made the Stealth Game “series” Styx, but all in all it seems fairly unlikely that people really know who these guys are. Gameplay wise obviously this game has very little to do with the studio’s forté of management and  cycling games.Being launched only in 2018 this is also one of their most recent games. Since I don’t like managing cycling games I will not be able to compare the game to their other works or tell if they are a really swell or bad studio so I will have to review the game strictly on it’s own merits.

The game got mediocre reviews averaging about a 6.8 on Metacritic at the moment on writing However unlike most games where everyone is in the same ballpark reviews spread fairly widely.  From 4’s out of 10’s way up until 86% scores. So straight away we know we have to deal with a polarising game. After playing through this game myself I lean way more towards the positive crowd but I do see the points the 4 out of 10 guys made as well and they are extremely valid. I just did not care about those points all that much during my experience. The game is deemed a first person “stealth” game but I do think that is not a correct description. I would sell it as a skill based point and click adventure with stealth and action sequences. When I say skill based I mean  that in a roleplaying sense, that the build of character you decide to have decides your story. It features multiple endings and branching dialogue trees. These trees adapt based on your findings and  skills as well so there are many ways you can experience this story!

Before I start my review of the game I want to make a few things clear, a mindset of which I dived into this.  I think your mindset is extremely important to see if you enjoy this game or not! That is also why it got such polarising reviews. Call of Cthulhu is based on a roleplaying game!  That means the same “boundaries” and mindset went into creating this game.  Yes you have the options for different dialogue and it will impact your journey heavily! HOWEVER the DM has their base story set, it will always gravitate towards that so while your choices have an effect they do not always have “consequence”  in the bigger picture. This isn’t a game that holds your hand and tells a “Sarah did not like that” you make a choice and you will just have to IMAGINE how Sarah feels. The endings show what happens to the main character but not anything else. You IMAGINE their story based on your interactions.

Call of Cthulhu campaigns almost never have a good ending. In fact this is so much so true that later incarnations of the roleplaying game established a rule to label a game Purist.. knowing it will not have a happy end or a Pulp game.. a game that is designed to make the players win. Obviously I would not be warning you for this if the game had chosen the “Pulp” route. No!  Like almost everything in the mythos.. whatever you do, no matter how good you are.. it will feel like you lose in the end. Lovecraft also rarely wrote stories that ended well with only the Dunwich Horror coming to mind. However most who are familiar with CoC know.. winning if even possible..doesn’t come cheap. If you do not mind a “first person visual novel with more active gameplay”  this game can be a true experience.. but if you just want to bonk the lord of darkness on the head, get the girl and the money and be crowned king of the world… yeah .. that will not happen.. by design that goes way further back than the creation of this game.

A Detective in  Darkwater

Surprise surprise, this game revolves around  Eldritch beings and is set in 1924 where you take on the role of washed up private eye, Edward Pierce, detective for hire! He desperately needs a job to keep his license when an old man visits him. He says his daughter, the famous painter Sarah Hawkins, has died in a house fire on the little island of Darkwater , just off the shore of Boston. She always had visions ..but recently they have been getting more disturbed painting mysterious men! So Pierce is hired to look into her death. Clearly Sarah feared something and it is up to us to investigate the link between the strange symbols on that new painting and her death. However the second you step off the boat you can already tell you will have a tough job because the population of Darkwater is quite strange, and everyone seems to be having vivid nightmares and voices in their heads. So the entire town is on the same sleeping medication! How can you find out the truth here?!

\The game is divided in fourteen chapters, that usually involve you reaching a new location, meanwhile gathering evidence on your current location.The game plays and feels like a lovecraftian film noir story, that dabbles heavy with mental illness, hallucinations and madness in general as plot devices that can lead both into very interesting puzzles, world design and dialogue. Insanity again is very important in the mythos but to mimic this experience the story can often feel fragmented and confusing.One moment you can see a character die and the next it is alive again pretending to you like nothing ever happened. Sometimes you don’t even get a resolve to such mysteries. Which did indeed leave me hungry for answers in the end.. but in a way I also love I haven’t gotten them.  You stumble upon a character you become invested in ..but at some points stuff happens that puts on mystery on hold  to pursue something more urgent first. We don’t always get back to those other points. There isn’t time! I personally really like that approach; it feels much more grounded in reality.

That same sense of reality is used to break down reality itself in a very effective way. That way is in never giving you the “correct” answer. You encounter several deaths during this game, not all of them are real. Or are they?! Are these other people you encounter afterwards just hallucinations maybe?! Or did you hallucinate their death in the first place. Edward soon discovers that people on the island are harvesting some sort of strange gas that has hallucinogenic properties, but is it really or does it allow you to see the truth? You never know for sure. You do feel like a detective gathering evidence for your theory and your skills of choice will allow you to always feel validated in that route but in the end you do feel like you might just be wrong about everything.  This does bestow that sense of madness upon you, the plot has become too convoluted and complex to describe, some things make zero sense without diving into the tiniest detail.. and that is exactly why Eldritch  beings drive you insane as well. This game really NAILS that atmosphere.

A Dive to Deep

That experience I had with this game was truly amazing. I was so invested in it all. The puzzles made sense, you do not get a door locked for no reason where a code is hidden in some poem. No .. these puzzles were left behind by people who knew their mind was slipping. A trail of Photographs so that they themselves or those who came to do right could find them.  A secret entrance on a globe isn’t just some random point based on an old story , no the answer to the puzzle is something significant to these people and your story.  Yet puzzles walk both on the line of sanity and insanity as well, for each logical puzzle there is one where you have to let go of that logic and experiment.. and dabble like a mad man. The game doesn’t provide too many hints either.. no you have to test your own creativity and your own logic…I adored it and never felt so invested to complete things on my own merit.


Unfortunately not all of the gameplay provides immersion as well as the puzzles do!  The skill checks can make the game feel a bit clunky. Difficulty really requires you to focus on a single path to see noteworthy effects. Pickable locks can require so much focus in a single skill that if you put some points in your speech as well, you are completely unable to bypass it.. fail once and that lock stays closed forever… because the main character thinks the lock is to complex.. he would not try again after discovering a relic to get some skill points.. It makes sense he would not try again and with four endings and four or five skills you can master  you can see some changes early game… which makes sense because that is when a character is established.. yet it can feel very unsatisfying. A lock once closed stays closed forever even if you have the skill points to pay to try again. With no option to manual save and you being reliant on checkpoints that can be fairly far apart when these choices matter, they really want your fail to stick! At times this can lead to a sense of losing control of a character. He rebels against your input at times. 

Near the ending the story also goes quite erratic.. it makes sense  as your character at that point is rather erratic as well but we get set up with potential great characters like Island “Mob Boss” Cat and nothing is ever really done with her except for providing you with a stealthing challenge.. she is built up  but the story swerves away from her. I have a feeling she would be a main character in some DLC that just never came because it was too convoluted to put it into a timeline. This happens to more characters and on one hand I really love and applaud that choice but in the last two chapters you suddenly rush forward SO fast!  It feels so out of sync with it’s earlier pacing and that is where the insanity of the game really holds this game back! You start off as a sane man who searches bookshelves and for logical clues and you for about 10 to 11 chapters stuff happens at roughly the same pace and then you are tossed in the rapids as all hell breaks loose. As an experience it makes so much sense .. but as a game it screams as if something is wrong.

The game plays a bit like Vampire the Masquerade bloodline in the way combat, stealthing and interacting with objects work, which makes sense because that used the World of Darkness Tabletop ruleset which are fairly similar rulesets even in the way how skills are upgraded. They are both perfectly manageable yet also a bit clunky. The way Edward moves makes him feel heavy as if he is struggling to carry his own weight. There seems a slight disconnect between the player and what happens on the screen. As if the avatar has an ever so slight lag. I can’t really explain it other than it feels like how Vampire felt but then in first person.  There is one problem with that comparison though.  Vampire is a 16 year old game. While this game might look a lot more modern it kind of feels like it is about 10 years old gameplay wise.  I personally love that feeling as it was one of my highlights in the gaming industry but I can imagine people feeling frustrated by the clunk  I myself wished it all was a bit more snappy. There is this sense of slowness and awkwardness that sometimes takes away the urgency!


I never had too much trouble with the slowness though.. Even though I must admit I constantly sprint, I think that is fairly normal. There is however one element that bothered me deeply about the slowness. An element that in chapter 12 out of 14 made me consider quitting.  Edward Pierce gets killed with any single hit he takes. Even when it is a fisherman that bumps into him and Pierce is a former soldier.  Add the checkpoints that are fairly far apart and imagine you wanting to be stealthy by some people who may or may not want to hurt you.. just to get hit over and over again. The object you want is about a 5 minute sneak away, then you also have to sneak it back. That is a 10 minute loop of gameplay I experienced over and over and over again because either I did not see an enemy around a corner, or because I felt I could sneak past them but their hitboxes were slightly too large.

If you fail sneaking they might follow you and on your way back you discover by following them and then staying where you lost them you have created an impossibility for yourself to sneak past. You are almost forced to use the gun or at least I was forced to by how I reached my safepoint. The shooting is quite horrible as well, you kill someone if they have a violent symbol above their head and press  a button. No real aiming, just point in the general direction and wait for a symbol to appear.Again it feels like this part was just rushed.. and it is in the rushed story part of the game as well.

Revelling in Madness

You can earn up to four different endings, of which two are super specific. For one ending for example you have to have taken about four specific actions made about 9 specific dialogue choices and must have made two important moral decisions. It is a set of actions I would never think to take. Another ending.. the “best” ending where your character goes back to normal life can be ruined in the first minute of the game and I mean completely blocked off! For rather than killing possessed innocent people the trigger to receive a good ending requires you to never indulge in a drink. I kind of roleplayed my  character drinking in his office but in the madness he gave it up… still no good ending for Pinkie. Luckily the BEST ending is the bad ending. It is the most conclusive ending and is the one that feels the least rushed because there are no other elements the story has to conclude. The cutscenes you get at the end for the other endings just show ONE thing..how did things end for Edward Pierce.. what happens to the others . .if they are real or imaginations.. you will NEVER know and I bet that will irk some people! I like that personally..but mostly in the bad ending!

It is strange that the “you lose everything” ending is much more satisfying than the.. you lose almost everything endings but this is a strange game. Gameplay is completely subservient to your experience and the story. Feeling much more like the tabletop RPG it is based on and of course the book it is loosely based on as well. That is also the best way for you to enjoy this game. It’s like a very VERY visual tabletop experience. You influence how the story flows and to and how the story is motivated. You don’t actually influence the story but the illusion of choice is an important tool for any Dungeon Master and this mostly handles that very well. If you seek a buttery smooth experience where every choice matters and where everything is explained and wrapped up with a nice ribbon at the end.. this game might not be for you, in fact it will not be for you. If you are a cosmic horror fan though and would like to experience that story from a first person perspective.. If you want to be the main character in a cosmic horror story this is the game for you…unless you have enough friends who want to play the tabletop game with you. Which is unlikely because of the nature of this tabletop game being so focussed on despair.. I never found a party willing to do a call of Cthulhu Roleplay at least.

The game is set in the 1920’s and is deeply drenched in this Film Noir atmosphere that comes with the age, yet it also perfectly manages to capture that feeling of isolation on an island or at the very least hard to reach town. It captures the charm of a game of Clue, with the weird delusion of a game of Mysterium (another boardgame) with the electric tension of Operation and the madness of a game of Uno. They are all weaved together by a tale that feels like it comes from an older book. That is how I’d describe how it feels to play this game. It almost feels analogue rather than digital. If that idea isn’t offputting in the slightest for you , you will have a great experience only slightly hindered by the last 20% of the game. I am very happy I had this experience and this game had me properly scared at times. A great.. yet intangible Halloween experience, that preforms better as an experience than a game.

Fahf ah vulgtmnahog mgehye’lloig
ymg’ lloig ah ahorr’eog mgng bthnkor ah goka ahnah

l’ mgah n’ghftlloig ot Pinkie ehye ahnythor goka monetary tribute l’ ya Ko-Fi! ahlloigehye hafh Paradise Blog. Ngnah ymg’ ai aimgr’luhh ot kadishtuor ph’nglui Comments. Mgep throdog yah’or’nah ng ahna lloigehye!

Stranger Short Stories the Ani-Meh: Yamishibai Season 2

Dear Mortals last week’s spooky anime was a collection of short stories called Yamishibai and I was seriously impressed with this series.  With the second season getting a new director that would stay for the ongoing season I was sure this one would be even more potent… yet me and the Crunchyroll Comment section had to reach a tragic conclusion. The second season is nowhere near as good as the first.

 Lost Direction

In the previous post I explained why the visuals of Yamishibai have meaning and how the format lended itself quite well for the short episode format. It kept things spooky.  In part due to the amazing direction of Tomoya Takashima with the writing of Hiromu Kumamoto. For this second season the series was helmed by Takashi Shimizu and Noboru Iguchi as directors and Shōichirō Masumoto  is responsible for the script this time. Like season 1 it is still an ILCA studio production that is available for free on Crunchyroll .This is a season that clearly got a lot less love in the comments though and that has mostly to do with the direction of this season. There almost seems to be a stylistic change. Even noticeable between the two directors. One clearly more capable than the other but both are bogged down by their choice in stories this time. Leaning heavily into the biggest gripe I had with last season. 

This season has a lot of implied messages. Where season 1 put a twist on folklore stories and retells them, season 2 implies their presence. What I mean by that is that Season 1 feels more like a Show and Tell format “Today I will tell you a scary story about a fabled curse”  while Season 2.. sets up for people to recognise a folklore story.. If Season 1 would be a Pokedex entry about folklore Season 2 is the Whose that Pokémon of Folklore. Which probably makes it a lot more interesting for Japanese viewers and those VERY well familiarised with japanese ghost stories.. and I mean VERY well. As a Gaijin though I oftenly missed what was going on this season. It still is fascinating in ways but it is strange and makes no sense rather than it being scary. The jump scares have been replaced a bit .. by a big clue to reveal the story in the end. As a fan of both western and asian horror this really missed a bit of the balance for me. 

That being said this season still has a few gems in between. The ratio if just off. The tales are still fascinating in a way as well, they just feed that horror itch less and are more an interesting thing to research. There is a bit less of variety in stories as well, with the majority being possession type stories. Season 1 offered a mix between survival scenarios , curses , monsters and possessions. Like last time let’s discuss all the episodes with a short summary (not spoilers but I do tell the story premise)  after which I give a bunch of microreviews. 

Barely Scared

No episode can match the top 5 episodes of season one but there where still a few stories that were quite good! Plus due to the easy format you can gloss over this season and pick the episodes you think might be interesting.  After all even if there was just one worthwhile episode in this format it is still worth watching as these people clearly did still put a lot of effort into these stories.

Episode 1:  Taro Chan

This is the story about a cop, trying to teach the kids about bike safety using a ventriloquist dummy named Taro-Chan. The act seems to go smoothly until Taro’s head suddenly jams, after working around it a bit , the cop discovers and removes a wooden seal from Taro’s neck and suddenly things get very strange.

This episode for me is the perfect summary of season 2. It shows everything that is wrong with the direction at its worst. The dialogue written for Taro-chan doesn’t produce any feelings of anxiety. The fear the cop experiences isn’t done as well as fear was depicted in the last season and the ending really doesn’t deliver. If you are a horror fan you have probably seen a better haunted ventriloquist dummy story than this one. It tells a story but it needed more than 4 minutes to be something special.. now it’s basically.. there once was a haunted ventriloquist dummy…it could talk by itself ..the end. It doesn’t help that the dummy still uses the cop voice, the events happening feel weird and uneventful. Probably the worst episode of season 2 straight away. 

Episode 2: Kitchen

A girl is visiting a friend who had just moved into a new place. As a housewarming of sorts the homeowner girl cooks for the protagonist girl. When the latter notices a voice coming out of the AC unit in the kitchen and some shadows appearing out of nowhere she isn’t sure if she is crazy or if it’s real.  She needs to decide if she wants to warn her friend and look stupid.. or hope that she beliefs her.

Directed by the “other one” you can see it is paced a lot better then the first episode. There even is a nice dramatic build up that could lead into some scares. The visuals are creepy and produce the right atmosphere. Unfortunately this episode is plagued a bit by its  writing.
This might be me not understanding Japanese culture very well.. but if you see a shadowy figure threatening your friend and you are going besides yourself with fear..would you really try to be polite and compliment her cooking?!  Would said friend really go so angry that she kicks you out of the house when you don’t compliment her noodles straight away.? If I saw something scary I would tell my friend..I rather think they are crazy than risk  her being eaten by a potential delusion! The art cues, visual design and pacing are great though. The last minute is a bit of a trainwreck in writing.. but just the build up makes this episode worth the watch. Kinda!

Episode 3:  Inside

A boy finds a Russian Nesting Doll and brings it home.  His mother is properly creeped out by the “toy”  and tells the boy she will get rid of it. Reluctantly the boy hands it over to his mother, but the next day he sees she still has it.. his mother’s behaviour slowly begins to grow more erratic as the boy decides to investigate.

One of the strongest episodes this season in terms of visuals and writing but that lacked the directional punchline to make it a perfect score on Pinkie’s Spook-o-meter. The episode has intrigue, cool visuals, a progressive sense of dread and it doesn’t require you to know a story by heart. By the way characters act, how visuals are presented it is perfectly clear what is happening here. It just misses that step beyond. You get the horror tale you expect when it’s about a nesting doll but it could have used a bit more subterfuge or a fake-out somewhere. A bit too straight forward but definitely a great story to tell around a campfire.

Episode 4: Wall Woman

A man has a crush on the woman living in the building next to him. He always stares at her during his studies wondering if she is single or not. Then one day he sees a creature enter her room. As he sees the woman walk onto the balcony again shortly after the two have eye contact for the first time when things get scary.

This episode reminded me a lot off the first episode of season 1. I deemed that episode mid-tier and for this episode I mostly feel the same. It has a bit more dramatic build up, but there is no real twist again. You know how the episode will end. This is more one of those slow burn episodes which can work great but you need a bit more time than four minutes to make it special. This director aims to end with the jump-scare on the final second.. every time where in season 1 the big event also usually ended in the final bit.. scenes sometimes lingered  allowing scares to take earlier than anticipated.. here you are more prepared. It has the dramatic build up from a coaster (often stronger than season 1)  but after that you only get that one expected drop. Not bad but nothing special either.

Episode 5: Locker

A girl is in love with a sporty guy and tries to ask him out.  While going home upset she did not talk to him she overheard a rumor about a magic locker in the underground passage of the school. If you leave a photo there in the locker that holds a weird statue you are able to have a happy future with that other person. The girl goes to try it out.. but hey that wishing doll looks kind of creepy.

Great episode! Yet again it is way too obvious but at least his one had some surprise elements still.  Even though you know where the plot will be headed you never know how or why until it is too late and it can still leave you in suspense. In that way this episode may provide you with the most Western like sense of horror where the tension lies in not if something ifs finite but how it will meet its end. With some gore and nice voicework as well as some proper  character building this episode does everything I want. It is not perfect but this one is up there with the better Season 1 episodes! Definitely top three! In fact this is the clear number 2. If you want to skip through the season this one is episode would be one of my recommended stops.

Episode 6: Nao-Chan

A family who sleeps with their son in their bed do not read him stories at bedtime but instead to sentai like shadow play. Late at night however the boy starts to begin talking to a spirit he calls Nao-Chan. As the parents try to figure out who that is.. every night Naeo-Chan comes closer to the family.

Great visuals , bad episode.This is one of the few episodes that doesn’t reach its climax at the end of the episode, instead this ending is supposed to show something subtle.. but it doesn’t connect.  Once more it feels like they needed an extra twist or a visual.. this time in the end. There are some cool things being implied here but the way the set-up scene cuts away too early and the ending scene implies anything through dialogue only it really feels like we are missing a piece of the puzzle here. Like with episode 2 a strange lack of communication makes the scene more awkward than it needs to be and for the twist line being said in the end there is a perfectly feasible explanation that takes the wind out of the sails of this episode entirely. It’s not unwatchable and for the visual you could watch it, but if horror is a punch to the face than this episode is a slap with a limp sardine.

Episode 7: Gachapon

On his way back from work a frustrated salaryman sees an old man playing desperately with a Gachapon machine. The old guy is completely fascinated by it and the man wonders why the old man would want all these toys.  The next day he walks buy and sees the Gachapon is not in use. The sign mentions a cost of 20 Y,. The box is blackened so he can not see what is inside. Curious the man pays 20 yen and gets a gachapon that holds the favourite eraser he lost as a child. How strange..but the scratch on makes him realise it is definitely his! As he wants to play more we are cued in that the price might be more than just 20 yen.

Amazing episode, number three spot for sure! This one is fascinating rather than scary but it is still kind of creepy to see unfold what actually happens. This episode uses irony to make the story so much stronger as well. Once more not ending on the “climax” but instead letting the  moment linger a bit.. making this pay off feel SO much more satisfying than almost anything else. Probably the best episode in overall quality but it lacks that spook factor that number one and two have. Still this episode is great to watch, the desire that fuels the protagonist is feasible and whatever supernatural forces are at work here can keep him from noticing certain things without it feeling forced. In this episode I did notice how this episode seems to try certain values to people. Don’t assume all rumors are true, don’t meddle into affairs, don’t get stuck in the past. It is a neat enough theme but once again a bit obvious.

Episode 8: Farewell Confession

A man is attending a strange type of funeral with long lost relatives. it is called a farewell confession. People sit with the dead and tell them a secret they want to ascent to heaven with them and liberate them.  Some of these are very innocent others go very far.. as in your daughter is actually MY daughter. When our protagonist offers his confession though the ritual goes Awry.

Horrible writing plagues this episode….unless of course the translation was off. If that first secret was not.. I was the one who made your wife pregnant not you…but instead half mumblings sounding like that.. I might be okay with this.. but as I had perceived it now.. and the line sounded pretty clear to me as well once more we delve into a very unlikely scenario and values. Strangely we only hear half the main character’s confession..but unless he did some REALLY depraved stuff with the confession target it doesn’t seem worse as .. your daughter is not your biological child…A second issue makes this episode a bit ridiculous .. which is the existence of a certain meme. I had a lot of fun with this episode reading the comments and everyone seemed to agree with how silly this was. This one is a bit so bad it’s a good variety..Alas for spook score that doesn’t count.

Episode 9: Ominie-san

A teacher from the big city transfers over to the school in a small rural town. When a strange lunch of purplish meat is served, it is named Omnie-san. Everyone digs into the meat like crazy devouring it as if they are mad-men. The teacher is off put by this and dumps her meat only to find people eating it in a restaurant as well. Losing her appetite she calls in sick. She and her worker now have to make sure she stays healthy..in this strange town.

This is another one of those strange episodes that clearly seems to be referencing something. Since the meat has an honorific.. was it a person they are eating? Do the kanji in the word Omnini-San mean anything? What is going on. It feels strange and macabre sure.. but there never is a real pay off. We see an effect happen near the end but what does that reveal? Maybe it is just that tasty that people pig out on it so much? Clearly there is something ominous implied about what we see in the end but I have NO clue what happened there. Once again due to the strange direction that doesn’t linger enough on some points and just adds cuts that help convey an emotion.. but not what is going on. I know I should feel uneasy.. the episode cues me in on that.. but it fails to cue me on on why. In the end I am working my brain to hard to be scared.

Episode 10: Bugged

A bitter man lives in a house and the only thing he does is work and then write about what issues he has about other people’s happiness. He tells he is bugged with women who let him in his eyes, he is bugged by a couple sharing an umbrella in the summer rain because it is too warm, he is bugged by everything. Then moths start appearing in his room, which he gasses and then burns. Because it bugs him there are bugs, when he writes about  what bugs him.

A strong albeit pedantic episode.  This one tells us about a bunch of metaphors becoming real all surrounding what plagues this man and how he responds to it. It leads into some of the coolest and most gruesome visuals in the series so far and I was really pleased and startled by that.  However this one again is so obvious that it just fizzles out by the end. One of those “count-down” episodes. I really support the message this episode is trying to send though but as Chandler Bing would say… could this episode BE anymore obvious?! It’s such a shame that this show both manages to dumb things down  and still keep some things so obscure. It’s two tones which clash and “Bugged” seems almost like a Polar opposite of Ominie-San. While I don’t think the episode is very flawed it does showcase an inconsistency in the show in general.. .all in all, the amazing visuals and relevant message keep this episode in the positive score range.

Episode 11: Picking Up

On his commute home a man finds a novel that was left behind in the train. He begins reading it and it is so good that he ends up in a station in the middle of nowhere just to read it in peace and quiet. While trying to search what station he is in, the man finds out about a writing competition which he enters with the novel he found. The organisation seems pleased and ask him if the novel is his and of course he says yes.

A solid enough episode that is a bit too morally preachy. I also saw another story than the comment section on Crunchyroll saw.  I saw a story about mistaken identity, while others saw a story of getting punished for a sin. The morale is the same though! Do not lie! In a way this episode reminded me a lot of the movie Drag Me to Hell and I really like that movie. It also reminded me of another horror story of mistaken identity.. It was a short story in a dutch book I once read.  And YET again that is this season shows that they lack the ability to let these episodes shine. It’s a solid story but not a single special thing is done about it. It isn’t that hard to add a little twist to make it a bit more special. In this case I can come up with four or five twiss just from the top of my head. It’s neat as it is .. but too neat.

Episode 12: Netsuke

A college student is helping her grandma cleaning up the store when she finds some heirlooms left by her grandpa. Grandma tells her that she can keep any stuff she wants but warns her that Grandpa never allowed her to even touch those Netsuke.  These are tiny japanese ornaments in this case shaped like two faces. The woman makes earrings out of them. Late at night when she heads home she notices two strange figures following her.

This is it! The number 1 episode! It feels so spooky, it has several scary moments, it has a twisted reveal and the morale of “don’t take what doesn’t belong to you”  is less hammered in here because  she was in fact gifted with these.. sort off. It isn’t pedantic this time around but more appealing to common sense.. slightly hidden away. Sometimes WE  do need to look a gifted horse in the mouth. This episode has such cool visuals, clearly ghostly figures, fear, music.. it has it all. In fact this episode might even come close to my top 3 of the season now that I have had some time to let it sink. This episode has some action and a strange but satisfying ending. If you watch just one episode of season 2.. make sure that this one is it.

Episode 13: Bringer Drums

A couple moves into a rural town that seems rather welcoming. On their way there they see the path is decorated with bringer drums. The village elder says that is a thing they do to bring good spirits and positive energy to new residents and that it will help them feel  and act like they were born and raised here.  Then late at night the drums begin to beat by themselves and the girl of the couple realised that whatever these drums might bring isn’t necessarily good!

This is one of those, you have to know the lore to get it kind of episodes as there is a myth of bringer drums out there that makes this story a lot more understandable and while you can go out and search for that it doesn’t make the episode that much more enjoyable because of the lame choice of a jump scare in the end. It just doesn’t work. I am pretty sure there are more myths about the bringer drums than the one I read as this also had another element that some others seem to recognise in the comments.  I knew neither.. So in the end all I saw was a vague myth that isn’t that much more scary then windchimes going off in a horror movie.  That is the entire scare and it makes it very one dimensional.  Had the drums been given a scary look.. or they wondered about the odd look at the very least .. but they just think it is cute.. untill these drums go off..very flat and the scare at the end made me laugh instead. I was drinking a coke so I regret that. Unfortunately I also regret watching this episode.

Ghost Costume

I rated quite a few episodes favourably still I would like to think but overall the quality did take a big dip down. The lows were lower than those in season 1 and only one high rivalled the highs of last season. I did kind of enjoy my time with this season but I can see why so many people really hated it and dropped the show from here on out. I’ll give the new directors one more season.. and if that is this quality instead of the first .. my last anime halloween review (if I have time)  will be something completely else., If it isn’t as good as this season I might even not do the review! The show really has potential but here the tone wasn’t right for horror, either to preachy and handholding or to obscure for the most of it. Mostly due to the direction and scene choice. Still it’s an interesting  series of tales but you can’t help but compare it to the first season.

Imagine being in one of those haunted theme parks for Halloween. The first one is a better than average and unique looking zombie that has a lot of gore and startling effects on it.. but it is also a very unique character in it’s narrative.. maybe a civil war guy.. that also pirated on the side. Or a slasher character that looks unique but as if he could have a tea party with Jason, Michael and Ghostface. It has some proper weapons to  chase you down with you running frightfully. This season.. is that guy that runs around with a blanket with two holes for eyes that has no cool stuff but just can yell Boo really loudly! He has some timing skills so he can catch you off guard and make you yelp once or twice.. but in the end it is still the soldier pirate zombie that haunts your dreams.. even if you saw him way before.

Now that we’ve seen enough Kami-Shibai theater for one week it is time to go pack some more stuff! If you want to help me with my move please consider donating to my Ko-Fi page! The funds will be used to decorate a small little writing space for myself! Or just comment something and be social! So I can relax read all the love with a smile after a day of packing and cleaning! Thank you and I hope you have a spooktastic October!