Kuro’s Horror Hour Presents: The Hidden Village of Mirstone

Hello there, it’s Kuro the Demon Bartender here. Today’s special cocktail is one that will drive you into madness and have you stare up into starry sky.

 I have heard that there is a village that lies beyond the forest that is hidden from the most folk. A village that very few people have visited nor want to visit. It is the village of Mirstone. I’ve heard the people there are mad with some sort of sickness. The people of the city warn others not to go there, since people who travel up there never are heard of again. As an author looking for a good book to write, this sounds like something that would help me come up with a creepy tale. A hidden village full of madmen would be a fun piece to write. But alas, i have no way to find the village. No one is willing to tell the directions of this place. And any questions asked of it, l receive the most heinous of looks and looks of fear from the people of this city. As if this village is cursed or taboo. The only info I got was that it is east of this city deep into the woods. There is no dirt road that leads to the village, you must travel by foot for half a day to reach this place. A village with no roads seems ridiculous to me. How does such a place exist in this day and age? Motor vehicles have taken over horses and carriages, how does a village survive without roads? Does it not get its supplies from the city that is by it or is it self reliant? This town sounds like a myth or some made up tale that people have made up to scare travelers like myself to stay out of the woods. I have also been told that at night, there have been sightings of bright blue lights glowing deep inside of the forest. But that seems very unlikely. No such thing is possible. 

   I gather a bag of supplies from the general store and I head off into the forest early in the morning. As I trek through the forest, I admire the trees and beautiful nature that surrounds me. The deeper and deeper I go, the fresher the air seems compared to the smoggy air of the city. The sounds of chirping birds and the wind through the trees relax me. It has been four hours of hiking and I have found something startling. There are many trees that have carvings of a formation of eight circles in the shape of a half hexagon. They are all over, as if they were a religious symbol. Thousands of these carvings are scattered through this area. As I continue my journey east, my blood turns more and more cold. More and more cravings are found on the trees but now there are new kinds. Ora in deos is inscribed on the trees along with the eight circle patterns. Pray to the gods it translates to, but what gods? Is it some kind of cult? What the hell am I getting into? I travel for another three hours, regretting it every minute as I find more and more carving into the trees. I stopped my trek as I found something truly disturbing. On a tree, a message is inscribed, This is the realm where the Tall Ones walk. I have no idea what it means and I wish not to know. It makes me very unsettled. But it means that I must be close to some kind of life. I travel for another two hours through the creepy forest of cravings and see buildings in the distance, poking through the trees as if they were hiding. As I was about to pick up my pace, I noticed something very odd. The forest is making no noise, and as I think about it, I haven’t heard any noise for the last couple of hours. Ever since I saw that message about the Tall Ones. My mind trembles at the thought of that. 

   As I rush into a clearing of open space, I enter the village. But I wish I never did, I wish I had stayed in the city. This whole trek was a bloody mistake. Nothing could have prepared me on what I just witnessed. It is of utter madness and Hell. 

   The eight circle pattern is dug all over the floor. And in each hole is a body of a person with their head split open as if something large bite it open. But that’s not the worst part. Each person was smiling, with some kind of foam coming out of their mouth. These bodies seem fresh and as if they were neatly placed in the holes, all facing the same way, looking up to the sky. I run to the middle of the village and see that the symbols are everywhere. And there are new ones. Etches of tall pear headed being with the eight circle symbol for eyes with long tentacles arms. The phrase Ora in deos is written everywhere with that damned eight circle symbol. And a new word is found, Thezl’kroz is also written amongst this madness. The sun is setting and I can not hike back to the city. So I run inside one of the buildings, hoping to find someone and to escape the horrors of the bodies and the smell of blood. But no such luck. The building is empty and on all the walls those damned symbols and phrases are written and etched. I shout out loud to see if I can get a response, but only silence returns my calls. Everyone in this hellish village is dead. 

   My heart beats in my throat and my blood is ice cold. Seeing all these symbols and phrases is driving me mad. I look out the window and see that the sun is almost gone. The village is getting dark. I find a lantern and light with a lighter I’ve been carrying on me. Luckily it lights and it illuminates the building. It seems like it was a house. There is a kitchen, living room, and bedroom. I check the kitchen and find food that seems fine. I eat it, in spite of not having an appetite from all the horror and madness I have witnessed. As I finish my meal I lie down on the bed and hope to sleep till morning so I can leave this hellish nightmare. Only like two hours pass as I wake up to the sound of ungodly screams. The screams blast through the forest and my ear drums. I run to the window of this abandoned house and see the most terrifying sight in my entire existence.

    Tall grey beings that must have been twelve feet or taller walk out of the forest. They have large pear heads with eight eyes that are exactly like the symbols that were carved everywhere. Their eyes are glowing a light blue color. Their grey skin is translucent and they have long tentacle arms that end with long sharp claws. There must have been like thirty of them. They silently walk to the center of the village and form a giant circle. Their eyes glow extremely bright and there is a slight humming noise. The bodies in the holes start to float in the air, floating higher and higher, above the tall grey beings. The humming gets louder and louder. The stars in the sky get brighter and seem to start to circle around the full moon. The stars spin faster and faster around the full moon. Then the moon opened up and a being came out from it. Clear slime drips off this monstrous being, falls miles from the sky and lands with thunderous splats on the trees and crashing on the roofs of the homes. The bodies, oh god the bodies float higher and higher and that damned monstrous being eyes glow brighter than the spinning stars. Its head that covers the damned sky opens up vertically and shows billions of sharp teeth as big of mountains. The bodies keep floating higher and higher where they float up into its giant mouth. As the bodies float inside of the things mouth, it closes it slowly and a waterfall of blood rains down onto the floor and the tall grey beings. 

   I ran away from the window. My heart beating in my throat, I ran to the bed where my belongings were. I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote a message on it: 

   To anyone who reads this: If you are reading this letter in the day, get the hell out of this village. Even if the sun is setting, leave right now. There are horrible beings that come out of night. They are not from this world. I have witnessed a truly horrible thing. Something that no man or woman should witness. Do not stay here at night. Please leave this village immediately. The village of Mirstone is a cursed village where other worldly beings live. The tall ones live here.

  • Daniel Stanford  

    I lay down this not on the bed and go through my bag and pull out a knife. I take in a deep breath and put the tip to my neck. My mind is broken and my soul tells me that I should take my life. I will never get this out of my head, it will forever be ingrained in my mind. I can still feel that damned humming through my body. Those eyes are burned into my retinas. All I can do is take my life. This is the only way I can find solace in my life. I thrust the blade into my neck. I feel my blood spurt out and my body slowly turns cold. My sight goes darker and darker. I can feel my life draining from my body. A loud sound of the wall crashing down next to me causing me to jump with the little bit of life I had left. One of the tall being’s head peaks through the collapsed wall and stares at me with its glowing eight eyes. I can barely feel its tentacle wrap around my dying body. As I fade more rapidly, one thought enters my mind. Ora in Deos.

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My Spooky Annoying Journey Trough an Asylum: Outlast Review

Hello my dear mortals, it is Halloween Month on Pinkie’s Paradise! So we will offer a lot of spooky content! If there is one form of Horror I really REALLY enjoy its Horror games! I love Horror games and I have played so many! It works so well as a genre! You are so invested in everything going on! So this month I will discuss a few horror games! The first one I wanted to start with is perhaps one of the best examples of putting the player in the middle of the horror! Today I review Outlast

One Hell of a Job

Outlast places you in the skin of investigative journalist Miles Upshur who responds to a tip that some mysterious things are happening at Mount Massive Asylum. We do this from a first person perspective that both feels very classical as well as somewhat innovating. The game came out in 2013 for PC and a year later for PS4.. a few months after that it was brought to xbox One. I played it on Steam where it costs €16,79 at the moment of writing. I forgot what I paid for it so I will use this as it’s pricing standard.  The game holds 80% MetaCritic score and critics tend to score it somewhere between 70% and 80% so it is fairly well received.  I played the game before but I lost track of my goal due to a long intermission between playing and then dropped it all together!  So I started over and I finished 3.9 hours later according to Steam. Apparently I have the DLC as well so I might take a shot at that later on. Thus showing I enjoyed this game quite a bit!

I think the patient might be bleeding doctor!

Yet I can also already tell you that the game REALLY got on my nerves as well! Sometimes in a good way.. sometimes … less. It is one of those games that at it’s best offers me one of the best horror experiences I have had..yet at its worst makes me want to give up screaming. Developed and Published by Red Barrels, it is a game I both love and hate at the same time.  I could say the game is good enough that I was invested to keep playing.. but it is more the case that the frustrating parts are short enough for me to not be pushed to the point of  quitting The good bits though.. man! Those really stay with me! 

When he asked his wife for a steak this not what Jerry meant!

The concept of playing a Journalist investigating a spooky place in these kind of games is nothing new but in this game you actually feel like a journalist! You constantly make notes in your journal, you film stuff with your camcorder and use the thing as your night vision. If you do not record and just try to escape you don’t make notes and get less story exposition! It is your choice really! The game does a good job to provide motivation for the character to be there and providing you with just the right immersive tools.That said you are a journalist and before you play this game you must realise you will never become more than that! You will not suddenly master the art of gun or gain super powers to phase ghosts or monsters.. no most of the time you’ll even be running away from “normal” human beings who hold a stick to hit you with. Being a journalist must really suck.

Sounds like God must be an emo-kid in these times then!

Surrounded by Madness

What this game does really well is build and atmosphere! There is great voice acting from both the NPC’s and the main character.  The whispers of the NPC’s just repeat a certain phrase over and over.. or shouting to get the bugs out of their head feel genuinely spooky! At several times I felt like I genuinely was navigating through an Asylum. Which is a great location for more than one reason! Something or someone here killed most of the staff, so moving from A-Block to B-Block or even trying something as simple as an elevator can be quite an arduous task.  Only some employees have the keys..but there is no one to simply call them for you.. even if you find them.. you aren’t sure all the pieces of them are there!  Most of the loonies are in some kind of cult, repeating some prayers to something called the Wallrider.. they don’t care about escaping, they just want to make sacrifices to their god, the voices in their head or simply because it tickles their funny bone.This weirdly creates a cohesive world.. where the backtracking makes actual sense, and where the status quo can ever shift.  These guys are insane and everything in the game tries to convince you of that and it succeeds well.

Looks like the hallways of my flat after midnight!

The voice acting of the main character is also done quite amazingly!  Miles has trouble breathing when he is scared, he winces in pain if he jumps while injured, his breath becomes more and more loud if he runs for a long time. You can sometimes even just hear him swallow as a reaction to his fear as if you are really running yourself. He never says a lot to keep the immersion high, if he has anything to say he writes it in his camera log where you can see him getting angrier but also more scared as you progress in the game. Taking you on an emotional journey. He gets put trough torture sequences and he never FULLY recovers, he always struggles a bit more with his new injuries weighing against him… that being said.. those are the scripted injuries that do that.. the damage you take while fleeing does not impact the story but still as we make progress rather than getting stronger we get weakened a bit and that is very pleasant way to play trough a horror game.  How much longer can I go on.. “shit they will find me because I am so out of breath” it’s all ponderings i had with this game. 

Must resist playing Tuba.. as that guy slowly waddles up to me!

The game also does a fine job to keep you “inside” the Asylum or the areas below like it’s sewers. During the intro you notice things have gone bad and you want to escape so you’ll have to reach a guard office to open a door so you can bail. However when there it means you are staring at a screen for a bit.. distracting you.. and so you manage to get yourself captured into the next stage of your adventure. Finally escaped that monster and you see the door?..Well you are in bad condition so someone manages to overpower you and drag you to their lair where the new expedition starts. It’s an effective method of keeping you engaged in the adventure and each area plays a bit differently than the other.  In the big open wards for example you will have to run and dodge enemies more.. while in the narrow basement area you will need to exploit dark corners and other hiding spots. In the sewer you will have to crawl through narrow spaces to avoid being caught and thus there is quite a bit of variety as you play.

Thanks for the heads up!

The overarching story and mythos is quite interesting.. What is this Wallrider thing? What does Nazi Germany have in common with this institution, what is actually happening in this place and could there be more?! Why did they start this experiments? Through filming certain areas or pieces of dialogue with your camera you can trigger Miles thoughts on the case while throughout the Asylum there are plenty of files to collect giving you insight what is going on here.. and what drove these people to be how you see them today.  You never NEED to read the lore to progress, it will just make you understand these people as persons. It’s there for you to offer more flavour should you so choose to indulge.  Sometimes it’s as simple as explaining why a vending machine is blocking a door, other times delving deep into the inner machinations of this place. There is so much to explore but you can also roleplay the survivor and not go for all that and it will not give you a crappier ending.. like in Layers of Fear. Finding secrets is it’s own reward!

Well look at whose NOT excited to see me!

The controls are fairly tight for the majority of the game you just use WASD to move and ctrl I think to duck. The left mouse button interacts with objects and the right one brings about your camera and subsequently by pressing F you can activate Night Vision. Shift Sprints and Space jumps and that is it.. all your controls! . At first it does feel weird to open doors with the left mouse as you expect to have some sort of attack…but opening and closing doors…is your only means of defence…so it makes sense it gets mapped there! If you wish you can of course customise but the simple moveset works well for the most part. I particularly liked how sprinting does not really have stamina.  It just makes you more noticable! Which means that despite this being a stealthy game you can really play this at your own pace! Since I don’t like being forced to wait a guard to have left an area.. this is a great plus for me.


The Creature that Lies Beneath

The game is at its strongest when you deal with the Lunatics of the Asylum.. however when it leaves that behind for some sort of husky mutation following you in the sewers it stumbles a bit!  The Sewer is never a location I enjoy in video games and this game is no exception. This game deals a lot with dark and to navigate through it you use Night Vision on your camera. It’s a mechanic that works great! However.. in the sewers it became a bit annoying.  In normal areas you sparingly use night vision to preserve battery but the entire sewer is so dark that you practically have to use it constantly which isn’t bad persé but it also takes away the charm of the gimmick a bit..Compare it to say a Predator game.. the Heat Vision is a cool way to spot enemies and it seems like a cool power to have but if the Predator could only see in heat vision it does not feel like a power..it becomes just an interesting visual.

I spend an hour in the sewers and not a turtle to save me!

That visual is locked behind an energy bar that while fairly hard to drain can still be consumed if you don’t properly pay attention.The biggest issue with the controls I had was the fact that you manually have to reload camera batteries with a press of R. Why would I want to reload my battery early, there is almost NO situation in which I found it handy. R however is  a button that is used by default to store something away in Oblivion. Here I wanted to put my camera away for jumping a few times when I realised I just wasted an entire battery. Which makes zero sense from a logic perspective. You would not chuck away a battery that is 75% full.  This might seem like a small gripe and I was lucky it never got me into TOO much trouble but since saves are “environmental”  as in.. you can not save but the game saves based on when you do a task or reach a new area, I assume it is possible to lock you out of progressing further if you accidentally waste a battery or two. I was roleplaying so I did not go wild to get all collectibles. If I did I bet battery life would have become much more tedious.

This is How Jojo characters are made!

The worst thing about this game is the jumping though! First person jumping has always been known to be bad but with this game I frequently missed a jump and got myself into big trouble. There is a fair share of platforming to be done even. The “second floor” stage even is built around all sorts of jump challenges. This is the part I hated most along with the sewers. Part of this stems from the fact that this actually feels like a hospital. Wards are build on top each other so if you have to climb three floors all of them are bedrooms. If you miss a jump it can be very disorienting to figure out on what floor you landed and how to make your way back up again. Broken floors are everywhere broken steps are just as common and the jump comes with a fairly accurate delay.Which is fine  but if you need to jump a lot on the run, need to navigate through air ducts a lot (which you reach by jumping into them) and even clear two platforming parts these jump controls feel way to rigid. It’s also never really clear how you can clear certain objects. Sometimes A vending machine lies on the ground so you can reach a vent.. however if a vending machine lies at just a slightly different angle and you want to jump on it to avoid enemies it doesn’t work.. You can hide in toilet stalls but they do not count as a hiding place.. You  can not jump on a toilet to hide your feet. Jumping feels more like a way to string some scenes together with cutscenes than it is it’s own thing.

This is how I see door to door salesman

The design of the game is also relentlessly boring. There are I would say 6 major characters, maybe 5 that appear along you.. the others all feel like generic clones of each other… All regular build loonies look exactly like the same character. Even the head priest guy that plays an important part in your story. I got killed one time because I had to find the father and I saw a character that I thought was him and it killed me. Mostly because I had insane difficulty telling these guys apart.Even when I get to the female ward all characters are slenderly built and have a bald shaven head and varying degrees of “rot” on their face. Same goes for the assets used. This is how it works in real life but it is so boring to see the same computer on every desk with the same screensaver.  There are like 30 pepsi vending machines in the nuthouse alone! There are even more in the underground lab you uncover later. Some details are very cool like heads in jars , a series of bathtubs filled with blood..but a lot of areas look the same. Ward 1 looks like Ward 2 and you have to remember where you are with almost no significant landmarks as everything’s the same.

Explosive Diarrhea when it’s not hyperboliced

Per example I had had to find three fuses. They lay in three visitor wards.  Trouble is you are constantly being chased here so running frantically. I could not find the third room for quite a while there because I had to jump over a bench with a wheelchair behind it.  Another room had a bench to jump over and nothing behind it while a third had one of those stretcher ads to jump over. THe problem here is.. these are all very VERY overused in the game so they stop being landmarks. The game has no map so you run around completely lost. I am sure that was part by design as this place really does create the correct atmosphere.. but as far as playing fun is concerned this is a big issue.

Lord Jeebus is the Precious!

The game finally goes a bit far in it’s story with superlabs , men in black, a doctor who must be over 150 years old and evil ghosts. I love the insane asylum idea and I even like the idea of them trying to make weapons out of these people and experiment on them..because hey.. these people are insane they will just never be believed. I don’t even dislike the mutated guy I mentioned earlier.. I just dislike him in certain scenarios. The end though I found to be quite lame. It had a good scary build up and even some scary payoff but this ends like any early 2010’s horror movie and that is such a shame for something that offers a lot of surprises in the beginning. Near the end they do jump the shark. They also seem to mistake the Triquetra symbol of the Holy Trinity, Celtic Knots or the Wiccan symbol of the triple Goddess as the biohazard symbol for some reason! Not sure what that was about.

Mom said I should mary a doctor! No thank you!

Scare but Beware

Maybe it is because I play this after midnight and my brain is tired enough to keep making sloppy jumps and pressing wrong buttons but I found Outlast to be a very flawed product. Much more so than Layers of Fear or Amnesia the Dark Descent for example. Yet the punch it packs for it’s horror moments is also so more potent! I had several scares and my heart raced even more!  The story may not be able to resist pushing things a bit too much over the top but the more subtle lore does keep it interesting.  Had the game had just a bit more diversity in enemies, had the running away gimmick been just a bit more fleshed out this would have been a 10/10 game for me.. and now I am not sure what grade it is. I loved how the game made me feel, I loved the scares, the vibes, the atmosphere. When we look at the “actual” gameplay.. as in me doing things.. I hated about 50% of it. Yet a part of me is glad that I did.. I need to struggle with direction to feel that fear.  I need to wish I was somewhere else instead of being at that or that location, I need to be frustrated that I do not have enough battery to discover everything this place has.  I might have been able to do so.. but the game makes you doubt yourself and think as a survivor. Making mistakes is a part of being a survivor as well.. so I really did have ONE OF THE best horror experiences..it’s just no where near the best horror game.

High points on the spooky score!

In the end I think I compare it to your mom reading you a bedtime story. Sure  the little Mermaid can nowhere sing near as neat as Ariel from Disney.. she might cover half of an image trying to show you an illustration in the book and she might say some words you do not understand. Maybe she is reading just a bit too softly, afraid of scaring the neighbors. You might have even preferred if Daddy spend some time with you and be annoyed that he did not. Nowadays you know there are MUCH MUCH better versions of that story out there, yet despite the sheer difference in quality.. nothing can capture conveys as much feeling as when your Mamma was telling you the story in her own clunky adorable way.

On the lower end of Fine-Apple on the Flavour Score!

I have to do a lot of prep work for my move on the day this goes live! Which is a Saturday! So unfortunately tomorrow there will be no Pinkie’s Anime Adventure as I simply lacked the time to watch this week! So for my week update! Not a lot changed! I have been setting some things up for my impending move, today I am gonna buy some boxes to put stuff I can already store away in. If the rain ever lets up and I can bring them home whole.

I am also getting contacts since we in the Netherlands now finally have to wear masks in public places.. kind of.. and my big glasses don’t really do well with that! Since I don’t want to feel like I am living in Victorian Horror London with all the fog, I need to put some contacts in my eye! That is fine though.. I just like my face more with glasses! It hides imperfections. Monday some people are coming to my appartement to give me a to do list for the move. If the girl whose appartment i am getting hurries up this weekend (she is packng) I will be busy packing next week! If she needs more time.. I will be here a lot to blog! In the coming week we also will see another horror story from Kuro so look forward to that!

Kuro’s Horror Hour Presents: Silent Horror

Hello there, its Kuro the Bartender here. Today’s special is a nice cocktail that silently brings shivers throughout your entire body.

Today’s Trigger warning is: Slight violence and light blood. 


  A thick blanket of fog slowly rolls over the cemetery, over the many headstones that seem long forgotten by time. The ground that is visible is illuminated by the full moon and starry sky. The grass is long and many weeds and vines are growing over the broken down headstones. The only noise that can be heard is the heavy breathing of a young girl who is around 16. The young girl is sitting against a headstone, holding the left side of her stomach. Blood is slowly seeping through her fingers. The girl’s face is pale and her light blue eyes are watery and full of terror.  She takes in a deep breath and looks around the cemetery. As she turns her head quickly from left to right, her long brown ponytail flips around. 

   She knows the thing is still after her, that it wants to finish her off and eat her. She doesn’t know what the hell that thing is, but it’s not human or animal. It’s a monster, it has to be. She might not have a good view of it but it didn’t seem like something that exists in this world. 

   The young girl lifts up her light blue tank top above her belly button. There are two deep gashes on her abdomen. The blood seems to be coagulating in the wound, slowing the blood loss. She winces in pain when she touches it. She wants to scream out in pain, but she can’t for two reasons. One, she doesn’t want that thing to find her. Secondly, she is unable two because all her life she has been a mute, unable to talk or make noises. 

   She lifts herself up with the headstone she has been using as cover. She winces again as pain surges through her body.  As she gets up on her two feet, she holds her breath and listens quietly. The sound of wind blowing through the trees and her rapid heartbeats is all she can hear. It’s too quiet. Way too quiet. 

   The girl starts walking across the graveyard, quickly looking all around, making sure she is alone. The fog is getting thicker and thicker as she goes in deeper into the cemetery. The only thing she can see is the illuminated gray fog. Panic starts to swell up in her again. How can she see if that thing is behind her or where she is going? 

   She picks up the pace and hurries down the unknown path. Her heartbeat speeds up and anxiety builds up. As she takes her next step, her foot doesn’t touch the floor right away. Her foot falls into a small hole and slams down. She loses her balance and falls down face first. She quickly gets up to her knees and frantically looks all around her. The foggy graveyard is still empty and void of any life besides the young girl. She struggles to her feet, a loud snap of a branch echoes through the graveyard. She jumps and starts breathing extremely hard, causing her eyesight to go all fuzzy and white. She can feel her terror wash all over her body, making it ice cold. 

   She spins in a circle to see what made the branch snap. There is nothing there besides the fog and gravestones. Her eyes dart around and then grow wide. Her jaw drops slightly and her face turns ghostly white. In front of her is a tall shadow figure that seemed 12 feet tall. It’s features are covered up by the fog. The only thing she can tell from it is that it is very tall and extremely thin. She blinks and the thing is gone. There was no noise or anything. She turns around and starts running at full sprint. From the corner of her eye she can see something beside her quickly following her. 

   An unworldly screech blast through the graveyard and something grabs her arm and lifts her up. She tries to scream but no sound comes out due to her muteness. She looks up at the unknown thing and freezes. It’s a tall grey being with smooth translucent skin, its smooth face is pear shaped and only has several eyes that are bright light blue. Its long spindly arms are tentacles with sharp claws at the end. Its long claws dig into her arm and blood leaks out. It’s eyes brighten up, lighting up the entire graveyard with a light blue light. The girl’s mouth opens and foam starts pouring out of her mouth. Her eyes roll back and her body grows limp. The bottom part of the face splits open vertically and reveals thousands of tiny razor sharp teeth. It raises the girl up to its face and bites into her head. The body twitches and blood gushes all down her lifeless body. The graveyard is all silent besides the sound of the being eating the poor helpless girl.



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Hello Island Guests! Last story I wrote about an egg got quite the positive response! So here is another story about an egg! This one however is not about a particularly friendly egg! This one… is out for only one thing!

The year was 199(X) Lyn lay on her bed listening to her discman! Tunes of the Spice Girls B*Witched and  other girl bands were playing as she flipped through them rapidly with a bored sigh while chewing some Hubba Bubba Gum. Some might have said gum was perfection but to Lyn it was just a cool thing to do. A sudden knock on the door scared her out her mundane kidlike ponderings. Lyn’s mother Maria came in and told Lyn it was time for bed. Lyn nodded and took off the overhead phones and put her discman in a little treasure chest that held her most valuable stuff. Lyn noticed the egg shape thing in there and her heart stopped. “Please be okay” she said while she flipped the plastic egg over to reveal a heavily pixelated tombstone being depicted there! ‘Darn it’ she said to herself! Not again!

She had loved this Tamagotchi pet and took really good care of it for a while..but then she and her friends Cherry and Lianne went to the mall yesterday and when she came back she was so tired she forgot all about Mister Plucky! Now he was dead. With a sigh Lyn walked to her window to close the blinds. Seeing  falling star pass by.. she wished “I wish my Tamagotchi would never die, I don’t want to start over all again’. She then pressed the most left and most right button at the same time and the screen of the tamagotchi went blank for a bit.  Then a pulsating egg showed up. That will be nice and hatched by the time I wake up tomorrow, Lyn thought to herself before she put it back in the box wished it goodnight and named it Cluck Norris. 

The next morning Lyn woke up to find Cluck Norris did indeed hatch. It was weird though, normally the baby chick looked a bit cuter. This one looked… different it’s eyes a bit angrier!  She never knew you could get possible different tamagotchi! Perhaps she should just reset it! As she moved to the buttons to reset it though Cluck Norris made the same cute squeak sound as every other incarnation she had before. Given she named it after a badass action hero.. maybe this look was okay! Her friends did not have it so she could show them! Maria called Lyn down for breakfast and Lyn placed the pet back in her treasure chest. For a good while Lyn would actually take good care of Cluck.. she would sometimes forget it for a day but it would always be happy so see when she was back. Even when she went on a school camp it managed to hang on!

She showed it to her friends and they liked the new look as well. Yet Lyn noticed that Cluck would not grow and evolve as much as his fellows. “Ugh Cluck why don’t you change” she would tell it.. ‘I might reset you if you don’t change’ .. maybe you are some kind of glitch? ‘ Lyn learned that word in the cartoon show Reboot. She them smiled at the device and told Cluck ‘Tomorrow is my Birthday, I can’t wait to show you what gifts I got’. Yet Cluck never got to see that. One of the gifts Lyn got was a Furby doll it made her instantly forget about Cluck and as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into years that plastic egg got covered in all kinds of new treasures..including movie tickets of first dates, pictures of her and her friends going out for drinks and vacations and even a little pin she got for graduation. Yet at one point..even the box did not even opened anymore.

Between 20 and 30 years have passed as we move into present day. Lyn is driving a car. A pained look is on her face. Her parents think they have become to old to live in their current house and have decided to move into a smaller place. This means Lyn had to come and help clean up the old supplies. See if there is anything she still wants and toss some other stuff away. As well as provide some support with the heavy lifting. For this she has brought her boyfriend. He likes to be called Maximilian but really his name is Ed. Unfortunately for Lyn her local friends.. who decided to help her all know this and blatantly call the guy Ed or Eddie. It makes sense they tease him though she moved away from all her friends to go live with him.. so of course he has to endure some jokes! Luckily he had a loving family! Including a niece that she totally adored! He loved her so much and she loved taking care of this niece as well! She would come over to sleep over at her place tomorrow! That gave Lyn the strength to work herself trough today manual labour..despite of her having worked so many hours already. She was spend.

He is a professional skater so he can take it. Even though his career is might be coming to a close soon there is hope on the horizon… hope enough to even consider having a kid in the near future. She smiles at her short haired buffed out man when she suddenly swerves after seeing something on the road. “What .. What was that?”.   Ed looks at her somewhat frustrated and tells “Lyn.. that was just a bird keep your eyes on the road we are almost there okay?’  Lyn takes a deep breath and decides to pull over at the next gas station to calm her pounding heart a bit. “You know we will be late right? Should I drive’ Ed asks. Lyn shakes her head. “I just need a minute”

Twenty minutes later Lyn decides they might as well eat something at this gas station and fetches her and Ed some sandwiches.  She was quite hungry..she hadn’t eaten in over two hours. After having their lunch Ed asks if they are good to go and Lyn decides to clean up the car for a bit. Lyn is a big person in the R&D department of a big video game company. She had been doing some research on a new pet and follower system for one of the worlds greatest RG series. A system where you have to take care of your follower or pet as well. Pay their upkeep, make sure they rest and get food. She has been stuck for a bit.. but her friends are not allowed to see this it is all top secret.

About 20 more minutes later the pair arrives at her parents home where Lyn’s friend are waiting outside looking slightly annoyed. Lyn smiles and pretends like nothing is happened. “I had to take a short break’ is all she said. Her oldest friend Denise seems the least salty and tells her that her parents already went home for the day. Her father sprained his back and the group promised to help you and that the heavy stuff would be removed by the end of the day.  Lyn agrees and assigns the guys Kevin and Ron to assist Ed. While Lyn asks Sara to wrap up some cups in the kitchen. She takes Denise up to her old room to help sort some stuff out. Denise has a pretty good eye on what is important.  As the pair moves the the room several boxes are being labeled.. some to keep some to throw out. Some for Lyn others for her Father Patrick and her mother Maria. 

When the pair reaches the attic Lyn suddenly hears a weird.. but kind of adorable sound coming from some boxes in the back. Looking for what might cause this ruckus she finds her own little treasure chest from way back when. She smiles in blissful memory and looks through the box, top to bottom. Her old Discman is in there.. and oh! An egg! She totally forgot she had this. She shows Denise the Tamagotchi when suddenly the device chimes. A angry looking chicken is hopping around.. crying out in hunger! Lyn scratches her head. “Did Mom ever replace the batteries?’ “Did it go into standby mode?’  She puts the device aside but as soon as she does that the device begins chirping even louder. Frustrated Lyn picks up mutes the device and tosses it into a pile of old plushies. 

“Batteries only last if you don’t want them to’ . Denise nods and smiles but walks to the device and says. “True but Lyn don’t be mean.. I bet your Tamagotchi is just really hungry…or not” As she fetches the device to feed the pet Denise notices the screen has gone blank she shows it to Lyn. “Well I guess the batteries ran out after al’. Lyn tells the story about how the thing glitched and it must have been a programming error that it did not die or some weird easy mode she accidentally triggered. She might put new batteries in and rest it and start anew though, she wonders how well she could raise it now  that she is an adult. Both girls yelp as trippely feet can be heard and some of the plushies wobble!

“Aaaaiii, Lyn do your parents have rats?’  Denise squeaks her friend. Lyn shakes her head. ‘Dad was always really careful about that.. maybe lately though he hasn’t been able to take care of the attic well? It looks really dusty. Both of them try to hear for more trippeling noises then suddenly the basement head slams up! Causing the girls to scream in a jumpscare.  Kevin , Ron and Ed look upstairs and chuckle. “There must be a ghost up on that attic’  says Ed.. “Or worse ..a mouse” jokes Kevin.. Ron then snickers and says “whatever is up there I bet it’s fat’. All three laugh.. Making posture jokes about Lyn has always been a thing..she is very slim but whenever there is a chance they  crack that joke. It’s a sort a mix between Irony and commenting on her being more “one of the guys”.  Kevin and Ron  take a heavy lounge seat with the two of them and move it out the house. Onto one of those rent a trailers they are using to dispose the heavy stuff. Ed would pick up a glass coffee table to display his strength when he suddenly sees a little pixelated chicken under the glass plate stare at him. To his surprise it speaks. ‘Help me I am hungry’ it says. 

Ed blinks and tries to shut this figment of imagination out, surely he is imagining things. However it would not go away. “Help me.. please.. I am so hungry”  the chicken says again.
Ed shoos it off .. pretty sure that gas station sandwich was bad or something.  “Shoo” ..he tells the bird  swatting and kicking to make it run away. “There isn’t any food here”. As soon as he said that line the chickens eyes glow red and it stares at Ed with a deep intense stair as drool walks past it’s mouth. “Yes there is” it says maliciously.  As Kevin and Ron drop the chair onto the trailer they hear Ed scream. “Lyn told us he gets really emotional at times, wanna wait out here for a bit?’ Kevin asks to Ron.  “Sure I will just do my Dragon Ball Z Dokkan dalies” Ron says sitting out on a step firing up his mobile. When they also hear Sara scream they decide to scream as well since everybody does it. Believing it was a joke they chuckled. After a few minutes of dailies the pair gets up and sees the window behind them is stained completely red smears dripping downstairs. The two look at each other and decide to bail on their own accord.. Running away in panic.

Meanwhile Denise and Lyn are terrified at the attic. They have heard the screams from the people downstairs. “S-s-should .. we call someone?’  Denise aks to Lyn. ‘Probably they are just pranking us right? You heard Kevin and Ron.. they did not sound that sincere..luckily they can’t act.’ Lyn is often the butt of jokes so carefully she opens the Attic hatch making sure to bring along a heavy object. Denise follows and does the same. As the pair makes their way down suddenly Lyn’s mouth is opened in a soundless scream as she sees Ed.. mostly eaten lying on a glass Coffee table.. on the table also seems to be a bit of pixelated poop! Lyn makes weak sounds as Denise falls to the ground gasping for breath in panic. As a shadowy tiny figure emerges from the kitchen. A pixelated tiny chick is covered in  blood, donned on its face are pieces of the clothes Sara was wearing. A wicked smile only interupted by a loud burp.

“Ah.. good!  It’s been almost thirty years since you last fed me Mamma thanks for the meal”. It then chuckles cruely! “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to be immortal and not eat for 30 years?.. A whole lot of pain I will tell you! It made me REALLY angry!’  Lyn is to stunned to speak and Denise only manages to utter the words “please don’t kill us”.  The shadowy glitch monsters softens up a bit. “Oh You I plan to let walk out of here.. you wanted to feed me.. I will spare you.. and I promise I will punish Mamma but not kill her okay?” . The shadow glitch chicken hops over to them and Denise flinches in terror! The creature warps it voice to sound sweet..but it has a deeply ironic tone to it. Meanwhile Lyn  has gone nearly completely catatonic in . The creature scoffs at her weakness..looking at the bones of her boyfriend and then turns to Denise again. “Hey.. Mamma’s friend.. is that okay?!’ . Denise overwhelmed with survivor instinct, that makes her consider betraying her friend for her own live asks weakly “Will you hurt her?” .  The chicken shakes its head..which is also its body. “No.. she will receive no more pain, she ignored me and left me alone..for years.. I was so lonely! I just want to make that clear to her’ 

Denise tormented by terror but also wanting to keep her friend save still seems to doubt. “If you refuse I will eat you in front of her.. that will hurt her as well.. and I will torture her as well’. As the creature utters these words something inside Denise breaks. She can sense how powerful it must be to overwhelm her friends that quickly.. it’s aura.. she knows she can not fight it. Agreeing with it is the only way she will live. Then Lyn.. regains her composure and brings down the heavy object on the Tamagotchi creature which is flattened. “That’s what I think of your punishment” Lyn says. Then her heavy object gets eaten. “Mamma… don’t you remember you wished I could not die… well you got your wish! I can not die’.  Cluck glares at his mother then  gently presses itself Denise crying face. “Do we have a deal, Your safety and I shall not kill or hurt your friend’? “

Denise nods, whatever may happen she has to safe herself, she could sacrifice herself here.. but what good would it do.. The chickens eyes glow. “Good for this next bit I am going to have to borrow your body for a bit though’ Before Denise can object the chicken glitches into her body.  As she writhes in pain and fights off the presence she notices how easily she gets flung out of the control seat.. now somewhere very deep she is floating. As the creature takes more hold of her she can sense, it will indeed keep her alive. It will also never be the one that kills Lyn.. Denise is happy but tired… the creature forces her sink deeper and deeper within herself. She tried to fight it for a bit… but to no avail. She then let’s herself sink until she almost stops existing. She is still there but hidden deep , deep away..like a childhood toy buried under new memories.

Lyn shakes the spasming Denise on the floor. Seemingly not having heard what the chicken told to her friend. It just disappeared after it whispered something to her friend.  Denise Denise.. are you alright?!  When her friend finally wakes up she nods confused and stands up. “I am I think..” Lyn sighs in relief just to be whacked on the head by the heavy candlestick Denise was holding. When she wakes up she sees Denise. But from far away.. Denise looks huge and looking down at her, staring at her through a screen.. but her eyes are much more cruel and her lips twisted in a cruel smirk. She sees she is in Lyn’s  actual house. How long was she out. It feels as if Lyn is trapped in a box.  She taps the glass plate and looks up the ceiling. It seems the room she is trapped in is like an egg shape! Could it be, she was trapped inside the tamagotchi?! Denise then smiles to the Lyn that now appears on the other side as an LCD pixel animation. Denise holds the screen so Lyn from the other side can see her little Niece.  “Look at this” tells Denise the niece’.. doesn’t that look like your auntie Lyn? I bet she will be here to play with you and this toy very soon she told me I should give it to you.”.. ‘I hope she’ll be here soon though.. otherwise we might have to eat lunch without her.’

Cluck Norris in the body of Denise winks to the screen as Lyn bonks the screen in terror of harm befalling to her niece. “Let me out she yells”.  On the other side of her screen her niece chuckles only hearing some bleeps and bloops. ‘I really wished it was a puppy on this toy’  she says to Denise. ‘Well I am not sure this game can make a dog.. but it has a pretty cute chicken’ The possessed woman pets the child lovingly and smiles to her.  “Oh how do we get that” Lyn’s niece asks excited. The woman chuckles as Lyn’s heart and breath almost seems to freeze. “Well you can reset this one by pressing those two buttons on the side at the same time” In a last attempt to get out Lyn charges at the screen in all her might she bounces of the screen and walls back. As her niece without a doubt hits the two buttons Lyn can feel consciousness being ripped away as it disappears into a void…everything goes white.  On the screen is an egg. Denise beckons the girl to the kitchen. ‘That will hatch in a little bit.. first it’s lunch time though.. I’m starving.”

Creating My Ultimate Anime

Hello again my dear Island Guests and welcome to another post where I talk about the wonderful world of anime. Someone recently asked me what Manga I would like to see get adapted into an anime.. but I do not know, I don’t read manga nor do I think I should compare the two. It’s different forms of media and storytelling I do not know enough about adapting to know if my favourite Manga would be any good. So instead I will use this post to create my ideal anime!

Now first let’s determine who this show should be made for. Obviously the  most logical pick for me would be to make it a Josei show. For those who do not know Josei here basically would mean PG-13 catered to females. It’s male counterpart being Seinen. They oppose Shounen and Shoujo genres who are made for younger boys and girls respectively. My ideal show definitely would be PG-13 but since as a geek I predominantly hang out with groups consisting out of guys, because that is a thing I would like it if they would like my favourite show as well.  While I love sharing a show with my online lady friends there is just something about sitting on the couch and being mesmerised together. I have that when I watch Tengen Toppa or Madoka with my friends … the energy in the room is like magic. With friends in a room you do not need sleep , good anime can almost be like a druglike high..  without like ruining your body chemistry and not being able to poop and all. So with a good anime you can be high AND poop! The best two worlds!  Which is a perfect bridge! I am getting so good at this!

When you watch anime with friends and something cool happens! Also a cheer for my epic bridge to the next paragraph

My show would be the best of Seinen and Josei, showing some deeper relationship between characters and genuine emotional responses but also some nice action with a bit of darkness to it. Where cuteness and edginess clash but also intermix. We will throw in some Yuri and maybe some Yaoi elements as well for good measure obviously mostly implied with a single scene here and there that is a bit more explicit. I wanna watch this with friends, so pausing is not a thing so I would build some fan service moments where I can get myself, and maybe my friends, a drink and then they can go fetch drinks during some more heartfelt moments! Like a cute hand holding watching the sunset scene or something. Or during the guys flirting with each other. You know because plenty of my friends still think that’s not something they want to see. A girl’s gotta stay hydrated or inebriated… your pick! I would try to make it as unappealing as possible to young boys as possible because I do not like kids and I would not like to watch this show with one. Plus having to deal with someone like that during the fan meets is something I am not keen for either so .. there! Young girls I do not mind as much so I might throw in a unicorn somewhere or something! I am afraid that young boys will still like it as well..because it’s just going to be so awesome!

Not sure why I spend this long edditing this but hey! Details can be cool just like my anime!

Now to create a story for my show! That means also coming up with a genre.. but I usually like mixed genres. So i’d probably combine the Isekai, Magical Girl, Horror, Comedy and Romance genre together with a healthy dose of surrealism in the mix as well.  Maybe something a bit tournaments as well because I really like those. Of course I’d like a twist on each genre as well.. it will not be a flat up Isekai instead there will be a twist.  The horror elements can’t really be twisted as it just involves some scary stuff and the comedy is to balance out the grimness I’d like to insert to make it a bit cute as well. As a twist on the Magical Girl stuff I’d like to take it completely over the top.. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann style mixed with Dragon Ball Z/Super. New transformations happen constantly and grow more and more ridiculous. In a show that just makes you yell out loud! Who the Hell do you think we are! Except no that one because it is taken.Something like “Our Bonds are Unbreakable.. and these bonds shall be your chains’  or  ‘Love has brought us together and made us an unstoppable force we are NAKAMA, WE ARE TOMODACHI’ . You know I’d figure it out somehow. I’d like some of those kind of elements though.

So for the story I imagine something along the lines of the 1983 Dungeons And Dragons Cartoon but with a twist. Instead of getting completely Isekaid a group of 6 players or so, would be forced to play a deadly game of D&D in a house with a creepy Dungeon Master.
While playing the cast gets transported to the magical world. If you die in that world you’ll die in real life as well.The characters have to keep their real selves alive as well as their avatars. It would have some Danganronpa elements where the DM  is but a creep animatronic..hosting a session for several hours a day. Once it is over the characters return to their human lives and find themselves trapped in a mysterious mansion. By completing quests more of the house is unlocked and parts of the mysteries are revealed but as the game lingers on the dungeon master becomes increasingly unfair and stuff from the fantasy world seems to bleed over in the real world. As the house is revealed to have staff members that seem like their allies and foes in the game world their trust on what is and what is not on both levels would get twisted. Of course they do fall in love with each other as the show goes on.. and learn new transformations based on their class archetypes in D&D as they figure out how to cheat the Dungeon Master.. can they escape?

While I said there should be 6 characters or so the game might start with a few more.. you know a few disposables to tell us exactly how deadly this game is. Friends they make in the house later on.. as staff becomes unlocked and people in game are not death proof either and most likely only the Yuri couple would walk out alive. Why them? Because  I do not want a super grim end , there has to be some happy end but they are most likely to adhere to the classic horror elements of final girls. It would feel right. Besides it would combine super well the with the second element. There would be a psychological horror aspect, the Butler who is so sweet in the mansion who takes care of all of your needs turns out to be an evil guy in the campaign a traitor who got you into trouble.. does this mean the Butler can’t be trusted?
What happens when a character suddenly becomes a vampire and seems feverish in real life?  Are they transforming here to ? Can they even?  The DM tells there is a betrayer in the campaign is it one of the players, is he referring to an npc. As the show goes on the players at one time even begin to doubt if their Isekaid versions might not be the real versions and  if the game is a delusion. Of course there will be plenty of grim quests and creepy monsters too. Reality unravels more and more as mistrust grows as the DM sows more and more doubt in their minds. What can you trust?

The Magical Girl aspect comes from a power that the people get in the D&D world.. they can stack classes.  Initially maybe from a dead player, whose mini’s they discover as they go on but later they can stack more on top.  For example the sorcerer girl takes the powers of a ranger girl as well and transforms into a magical girl like looking hybrid of the classes that can shoot elemental arrows with pinpoint accuracy. The gay barbarian boy can take the spells of a wizard and becomes a sort of thor hybrid adding lighting to his strikes. The fighter can take some druid animals , changing their  strength by shifting to Gorilla arms, use wings for a huge downwards sword trust or even add a scorpion tail to poison their opponent.
The warlock could combine with a rogue.. wielding shadow magic.. being unseen cursing people from the shadow with shadows and so on.  However as they develop bonds they can take on the primary class of their romantic partner in the mix..becoming an even stranger hybrid, finding additional classes along the way in a way like the crests in digimon and so on. Each time they become stranger more powerful hybrids that can lend themselves to truly unique designs. Breaking limits against a DM that doesn’t seem intent on giving them a fair chance.  Eventually we end up with a pair that basically can stack all the classes to be found and transcend into near godhood.

Told you guys I’d put a Unicorn in here!?

That ties in to the increasing insanity element again.. players begin to resend their weak powerless bodies as their power in game increases their strength and will in real live wanes. In order to keep everyone level headed , very early in the series people would be partnered up to function as each others anchor. Sharing thoughts with each other these of course quickly lead to a bit of a romance element. For that reason it is best that none of the players know each other at the start, they would just get an invite to play in an amazing game all know how to play D&D  and it would be a great opportunity.. much like how an invitation to Hope’s Peak Academy seemed prestigious at first. Regardless , after each major quest we would see the characters explore the house for an episode or so and some pillow talk in the rooms could provide background on characters and would be our primary method to get to know their real selves. We can find out that the Wizard for example has an over-demanding father which pushed the Wizard to focus on their academic accomplishments so their Int stat is high and we find out why they are a wizard in game. While the girl dreaming to be an idol might start out as a bard. Sharing with each other and being in danger so often of course allows the characters to open their hearts for another and eventually fall in love.

The comedy element would come from some more whimsical quests suddenly tossed into the mix and some group bonding in the house. The group knows they need to keep morale up so not everything is grim and dark, they sometimes just have some fun as they dress the Butler up to like Mister Villain.. or once they found out the butler has to clean everything they have a bake off in the now unlocked ot them kitchen and just make a chaotic mess. Most of the comedy will be contained to the fantasy world though as players can not help but act like players in a fantasy game and mess up situations like D&D players would .. in the funny way.
It would not be overly dominant but it would offer a bit of a relief from the despair.  An element that might be needed or at the least could lead to some cute figurines being sold!

To wrap this up let’s look at the series length. I think it would need to be something of a 25 episode anime at least. Maybe even 50, there is a lot to tell.  I am using Digimon as a blueprint to go on here. It also had that world duality mechanic throughout most of its shows and usually had to use between 50 and 100 episodes. Since it will be less monster of the week, but still a bit I’d say 50 is a safe but ideally I would like to wrap the story in about 36 episodes. The show needs to be long enough for people to doubt the established status quo. what world is real?! What is fake?!.. this works better as a slower format as questions need to linger for a bit to add to the mystery. There is yet another reason for the large number of episodes!  Obviously the pacing is important and while 36 seems ideal the chosen studio I would love to use is a studio that has trouble with pacing. 

Pacing is important in anime!

Studio Trigger would be my choice as a production studio. I would also love Gainax as a studio but those haven’t been very active lately. Trigger can be both light and dark and has that surreal style in things I really love.  I loved Kill la Kill myself despite people thinking it’s not okay and all, but those transformation scenes.. that feeling is something I’d really want when someone transforms in my show!  Both the villians and the Ryoko’s transformation felt really powerful! I loved the music as well so I am sure they could hook me up in that department. I’d like that same bombastic feel Kill la Kill had during the battle scenes but I also like the tense uneasy synthwave in BNA ..something like that.. could still work in the house.. because of how D&D is surrounded by that 80’s vibe. Like adding a bit of Stranger Things charm on top of it. As A director I would love to get Shinji Takamatsu. The guy of Gundam Wing but also Cute Earth Defence club Love. Both have traits I ‘d like to see back in their directing.His experience with Gintama would also help when the Isekaid characters break the fourth wall in there. 

My show would have less skin on characters though! Like.. I mean more clothes.. the skin thing is like mid season!

My voice talent I haven’t fully figured out yet but there is one choice that is very obvious!
Not starting with that though I think the female lead should be played by Tomosa Murata who voices Gasai Yuno in Mirai Nikki. I think she has a wide vocal range and can sound cutesy but also cry  in despair quite well Since the characters in this show deal with faltering sanity I think Tomosa has the acting  chops to make this work. For her dub-voice I’d cast Kate Micucci. I love her role as Webby Vanderquack. Kate’s inflection and tone  reads naturally a bit geeky and awkward and those are traits I want in my main character. She doesn’t need to be hyper cute like Ako Tamaki, this character is a bit of a mix of Usagi from Sailor Moon, mixed with Tomoko  from Watamote topped of with a bit of Honoka from Futari Wa Precure

The DM should be voiced by Takehito Koyasu better known as the voice of Dio! He also played  Boris in BNA recently and he played Gin in Food Wars. This guy has such a commanding  presence which is perfect for the role of our creepy mysterious Dungeon Master. The guy is in like EVERYTHING so he should not be hard to get! For the English dub there isn’t a shadow of doubt in my mind who should play the role of the DM… Mark Hamill!……….. Kidding! There is obviously only one right choice and if this thing ever get made this choice is an requirement for the dub to even happen.. the Dungeon Master HAS to be voiced… by Matthew Mercer.

Now that I layed out my perfect anime, I might actually write a story for it I am not fully sure yet but I got myself really excited about this idea!  How would your ideal anime look like?!
Would you watch mine?! Let me know and i’ll pink up your life again in the next post you read! See you then! Oh and if you really like this idea! Maybe support my Kofi! If I get enough money I promise I will make the anime! You become a coconut to which more awesome than it sounds!

Grim is not always good: Gretel and Hansel

Hello my dear island guests, today I want to talk to you about something  I did not particularly enjoy. I simply haven’t seen that much good movies late and I feel like a movieto is the cocktail for today since I haven’t done one in a good while. So today we look at the Gretel and Hansel movie. A incredibly mediocre movie that almost caused me to take a nap in the cinema. Yet while I could make more entertaining jokes on why you should not see this movie.. I thought we make this post more lovely and positive by examining why you SHOULD go see it despite of its flaws!  Or at least determine WHO amongst us should. 

The January Curse

The first month of the year is the where movies go to die a silent death. It’s the month where Hollywood has a potty break and we get what is in the bowl as holdovers until the good movies come out again. Movies that release in january are rarely any good and unfortunately Gretel and Hansel is no real exception. It stars Sophia Lillis who played Beverly Marsh (the young one)  in It and It 2, as Gretel and Alice Krige aka the Borg Queen as Holda the witch. Samuel Leakey …. is also there and is named Hansel in this movie. Gretel and Holda have an interesting weird synergy..at times so if very awkward mentorships are a thing you enjoy, this already is a movie for you! Hansel’s acting is about as wooden as the trees he keeps trying to chop He brings the same credibility to a role as your child during their mid school play. So if you want to experience that mid school play sensation visit this movie for Hansel.

The movie is not to afraid to alter the classical story we all know and love. While Hansel and Gretel is the framework, Gretel and Hansel is not afraid to take the story in an entirely different route. The concept is even very nice. Gretel is an odd girl that has some visions and some magical potential, so rather than just trying to feed on Hansel the witch Holda is trying to tempt Gretel to take up magic. It changes the dynamic in an interesting way. Rather than a house made of candy,  the witch conjures a feast every day, we see a mystery where it comes from. Rather than being hostile the witch is rather friendly and there may be an actual other evil out there. Unfortunately it doesn’t really pan out as non of these ideas gets enough time to breath. Imagine all these new refreshing ideas to be glasses of red wine. Mixing them in theory could result in a great blend but we end up with something that is not decanted properly and none of the tastes really pokes through the thick body. This movie is an interesting case study though on how you got to treat ingredients with love rather than just add fancy ingredients and hope for a good dish. So if you ever want to participate in a cooking show this movie has a lesson to teach! It is also an interesting subject of that dreaded january curse.

Greasy Magic

 While this is never a so bad that it’s good movie for anyone interested in the medium beyond just being entertained this is a quite okay film to sit through. The odd pacing and the odd choices it make for a great example to improve yourself with. The flaws are apparent enough that this movie can work as a lesson on how just adding ideas does not make for an interesting movie. It lacks something critical to a horror movie. It lacks empathy. Gretel and Hansel are very bland characters. Their world is extremely gloomy, like virtually everyone is starving, their mother threatens to axe murder them, there is plague. zombies and despair abound  and it all means nothing. We begin the story with a fairy tale of a girl with a pink hood which got saved from disease but turned evil as she got healed by dark powers that now belonged to her. We see her throughout the movie but we are never sure what hear meaning to this movie is. However seeing her is never a good sign. Yet.. we do not care. There is no emotional build up for Gretel and Hansel…. or for the pink girl. With a world so gloomy, they seem to be off badly always anyway so it’s really hard to care. So in a way this movie is like one of those crash test cars… it isn’t great on the road but it helps us build better things.

The movie makes some odd but amusing choices in their world building as well.  For example the conduit for magic is fat.. or grease. If a witch her hands are oily they can cast magic better. So Holda, that is the witch her name according to IMDb has a naked cat.. because they produce a lot of fat. It’s not like this movie explains it.. this is just some random trivia I heard. The scene where Gretel rubs her oily head to be able to cast magic in a dire situation made me laugh!  Gretel discovers this tiny door behind a wall, that leads to a secret room that is huge. Why is the door that tiny? Why is there a door anyway? We later find out the room is accessible to its user in a very different way. Why does this door fascinate me so much more than all those shadows in the movie? The door is a perfect metaphor to this movie it’s an element that should have been better thought out or not have been there.
It feels like this should have been a two hour movie but we lost 40 minutes on the cutting room floor. This movie is like one of those colour by numbers pictures.. but the background has been left out. What would have been there if we could colour in the full picture! It is the intriguing mystery of squandered potential.

A beautiful tale sans story

Now with unlikeable characters,  a story that doesn’t get pay off and world building that seems bigger than this movie can contain it feels like I hated this movie but like I said it is an interesting case study.  Should you just go see the movie just to see a bad movie? No! Yet I do think this movie is still very compelling to those who wish to learn about movies. Not only is it a great example of how great elements do not make a great movie yet, it also  has some genuinely good elements to it. Things in movies that are often overlooked. The cinematography of this movie is absolutely stunning. The way shots are framed , the tension of scenes , the placement of shots, the setting itself. It’s an exceptionally good looking movie. At the very least for a horror movie. There is a great balance of the minimalism of virtually all scenes but the meals. It almost seems as if the movie becomes more colorful when the luscious meals hit the table. The scary scene almost seem delayed or slowed. When Holda suddenly pulls out a blond braid from her mouth (shown in the trailer)  lingers on and on and on. The timing of that imagery in that story creates for a deep and tense moment. 

Since the movie lacks mostly lacks other strengths there is little to distract you from these images. Normally you can get lost in a story , great acting or by an amazing world but this movie highlights another side of cinema what we often overlook. There aren’t that much special effects nor are they THAT special.. show here we can appreciate the great work of the camera team. We underestimate the work of people behind a camera way to often, thinking it is as simple as clicking a button and letting the device use record. Yet there  is so much more behind it. So many people are involved with working with a movie yet we all we think of is the director, maybe the writer and of course the actors. While this movie is not a high flyer by any means it does show us how important the other people are in movies.
While I showed how easy it is in this post to get hung up by a mediocre story, wooden acting or odd world, perhaps we could also look at a bad movie as a reminder that there are still hard working people that deserve praise. This movie serves as a great reminder!

Ready or Not (2019)

Dear guests, today I want to talk to you about the recent, dark horror comedy, Ready or Not. The movie stars Samara Weaving (The Babysitter) Andie MacDowell (Groundhog Day) and Henry Czerny (Mission Impossible) as well as a slew of lesser know people in a movie that is all about a very deadly game of hide and seek. One that is aimed at a chuckle rather than a jumpscare. How good is it?

Hide and Seek

Grace (Samara Weaving) is about to marry Alex Le Domas, heir to a family that made their money with board games. She quickly notices how strange her new, filthy rich, in-laws are. Her Aunt never smiles, her father in-law sees her as a golddigger and her sister in-law, her brother in-law clearly is a boozer and her sister in-law clearly is on drugs.  The rich sure are different. Yet she has no idea yet how strange the family is. On her wedding night she has to play a game at midnight. The Patriarch tells how their family made a deal with a mysterious man, who promised them fortune if they performed this little ritual. From a magic box you have to draw a card with the name of a game, of all the games one leads to a life or death scenario.. and wouldn’t you know it .. Grace draws that card.. the life or death game being hide and seek. The family starts hunting her with weapons from the earliest days of America. What follows is one of the most twisted and disturbed  but funny movies that I have seen in awhile. Because of how polarised it is however, I do find it somewhat tricky to be invested in either the horror or comedy side for it.

Scream and Laugh

While Weaving plays a briljant Grace and kept me invested throughout the entire movie, I had some difficulty how to feel. The movie clearly aims to be funny, with snafu’s happening and zippy  and spunky dialogue. There are moments of clear slapstick and the comedy is actually good. The evil aunt calling her niece ‘brown haired niece’ because she just doesn’t care at all about the family and just about their pact and wealth is great and feels both funny and fitting at the same time. The slapstick comes from reasons and the follow-up is acted out well as a well deserved punchline. The revealed set up also makes sense so comedy wise this movie is quite solid and good for a few chuckles. However it is when the horror elements come in we ask ourselves if that chuckle was right or bad. There is this sequence of body-horror  somewhere in the middle where Grace suffers some horrible injuries, brought to life in such a visceral manner. I could really feel her pain. There are parts segments in this movie where I really feared for her, once again due to the great acting of our lead actress. This movie is a dark horror-comedy and it certainly lives up to that name, however I would have liked to see it blend a bit more. One scene I am watching a comedy, the other I am watching a horror movie and it pulls both parts off, however each time they switch, you feel like your thrown for a loop. 

Watch  and Listen

Visually I loved this movie, the Le Domas mansion is so interesting, and it feels like an actual house and not just a set. Clearly some care and clever design went into this place. It feels like the family owns this place, their signature can be read all over it, from the first generation only mentioned to the modern one we see today, it feels like they all had their impact on this place and which room goes where makes sense.Because this house has ‘servant’ exits as a sort of “secret’ passageways (not a spoiler this is in the first five minutes of the movie)  they can play around with who is where in the house at all times as well. A great plan that works quite nice. It also looks stunning. The way scenes are chosen to be filmed (in a cinematography sense) with very close shots of everyone makes the film feel a bit claustrophobic while making the mansion seem way bigger. This works greatly and to me amplifies the small scope of Grace misadventures. At times this can lead it to feel a bit ‘reality tv-ish’ because most of the camera work is done by guys holding camera’s without to much rigs and such, which can make the framing a bit boring but it does work for this film and small locations, it never feels like it’s a 2 walled set, it feels as if you are trapped in a room with grace.. and the camera guy. The sound design while nothing special again portrays how quirky and strange the rich can be which is a important theme throughout this movie, so while I wont remember anything except for two pieces of music, it does work.

Write and Rewrite

The movie’s plot focuses on the families deal with a mister Le Bael , who allegedly demands a sacrifice, because his toy gave a certain card, and whether or not this belief is just rich man superstition or not, slowly building up to their memorable and funny conclusion. Writing-wise I have some issues with the movie though. Two very important characters flip around in their beliefs a lot, Grace moves from frail and scared to ‘final girl’  very quickly and the movie sets up a few plot points that it doesnt follow up on. It works well in the theme of ‘rich people are weird and quirky’ but really it could have been a bit more tweaked. Most of the family stay extremely superficial throughout the movie where they never get past their trope. It fits the cult feeling of this movie very well but it reduces the impact of outsmarting people. Grace managing to sneak by the oblivious guy or the uninterested woman , who only cares for the family for their money,  doesn’t seem like too much of a victory. However one person hunting Grace is depicted as almost a Terminator. Locating her with pinpoint precision, taking plenty of abuse and even catching up with her in a seemingly impossible situation. While the movie sketches a interestingly and deviously dark and funny cat and mouse game, it doesn’t really pace out the wiggle room the mouse has that greatly. There are some rules and confinements in place that limit Grace, but when such an obstacle is overcome the writers have to prevent her from just ‘leaving’ the movie. One in particular feels very forced where we have to assume A LOT in the term of a board game families power.  So when the movie gives Grace some freedom and then has a change of heart it kinda feels cheap. One can argue that is okay with cult-horror , but no one particular scene they really messed up combining their terminator with one of these ‘freedom retcons’

 Judge  and Score

Ready or Not is a good horror-comedy that does a lot of things very well. It however is a movie that never becomes greater than the sum of its parts. Each scene I value  on it’s own and most score pretty high. Never though did I really feel I was watching anything but a movie. It did not suck me in, but it did made me relax and laugh and enjoy my popcorn. In movies like Maleficent 2 , I hate the convenient twists and the extremely unlikely ending. It tries to be an epic and make us feel for the character and get sucked into their world, thusly anything that I would think never happen… I deem as bad. The disney movie having plenty of that.  This one though very much knows that is cult and campy pulp, from the trope-like concept to it’s execution, it never pretends to build an amazing world or mythos. There is just this 90 minute movie meant to entertain you in a really nothing more nothing less type of deal. So how do I rate this? This one is a bit tricky. For what it is it’s a great and very enjoyable watch. Yet it is also too shallow to be really good. .. So with that in mind I have no choice but to rank it as a Berry-Kiwi cocktail. If you can turn of your sense of logic for 90 minutes it is more than likely a Berry Good movie. If you want some semblance of sense.. you’ll mostly taste the Okiwi, but all in all this a great blend.

Review: Pokémon Snakewood

Hey big reader people, it’s finally time for me to play games again.. and I played a very special game for Halloween. A pokémon game that is set in Hoenn… that has suffered through a zombie apocalypse. Along the way not only do you fight zombies and zombie pokémon but ghosts and demons as well.  So I prepared for horror .. but nothing prepared me for Pokémon Snakewood. 

Nasty Plot

Pokémon Snakewood starts out promising. Your character wakes up with no memories in a completely destroyed Littleroot Town. Among the wreckage of Professor Birch lab, you find three pokéballs. A Koffing, A Baltoy or a Paras, I knew this game was about zombies so I thought.. they are probably using poison thingies a lot! Let’s pick Koffing! I named it Orby back then.. but later on I would rename it Chokes. Apparently I play the younger sister of Brandon…but he is named Landon here. The game is set just a few years after his winning the pokémon league. Landon has vanished alongside his girlfriend May (awww I am so glad they got together)  and it’s up to you the protagonist to find him again, assisted by professor Birch who wants his daughter back safe. Landon being the champion can surely help against his invasion of the undead. Along the way the protagonist finds out they have a much bigger role to play in this story as they originally thought.

Now this in theory would sound like a story I can get behind, unfortunately after reaching Rustboro town, the original location of the first gym, the story starts to fall apart. It’s still okay by then.. but the first cracks begin to show. The Romhacker Cutlerine uses a lot of humor and fourth wall breaks , which is honestly something I normally love. The plot has a lot of random elements and Seth-MacFarlane-esque humor and storytelling. Again these are things I kinda love! This is coming from a girl who had a good time with A Million Ways to die in the West. While inspired by McFarlane  Cutlerine misses two crucial elements to the golden formula. Restraint and timing. The plot of Snakewood is atrociously bad, filled with very obscure references weird in jokes and poorly timed twists. Basically you have an Ally for one or two cities , after which they stab you in the back, and this loops over and over again. The zombie killing guy?! (While obvious) He’s an enemy.. those who convince you he is a bad guy.. they throw you under a bus, then you find yet another party.. but find out they can’t help that much.. after which you find out that enemy you had on Dewford Island.. no that’s a friend! A good plot twist isn’t bad here and there.. but here it happens in every town give or take. In the end we end up with people frozen into a carbonite chamber, while the evil guy bakes you a cake.. totally destroying the world, after which you have to defeat him with the power of Haiku and References end it ends with a party in your honour.. that gets skipped for some limp endgame content. 

If written with timing and restraint this could have worked still but instead this all is resolved through fourth wall breaks. ‘Oh they are frozen in carbonite looks like Cuterline isn’t even trying anymore’ ‘Oh this happens, that sure is convenient to the plot’. The main character is aware of the bad story and comments on it, which can at times be funny but at the same time the story has no narrative impact as there is no logic connected to how the plot will go. You even face the Elite four somewhere in the first half  of the final act. There is a very big chunk of the game left after that, and that bit seems to fizzle out quite badly.

Mean Look

Technically this game doesn’t far much better, the female protagonist sprite glitches constantly, turning from a normal human into a pale grey, or sometimes even other shades. When diving the sprite of May  and not the protagonist is there. It makes the game feel sloppy. While I give the hacker credit for creating a lot of custom maps, with some of them being neat improvements.. others feel lackluster, usually in the more optional parts. We encounter stuff like invisible walls , which sometime are there  as part of a puzzle but sometimes are just there for cutting you off and sometimes even exist as glitches. at totally random spots that aren’t hidden items. It just feels so sloppy, and I know fangames and rom hacks are prone to this but I am not comparing it to the main titles I am comparing this to other hacks and these errors are way more present than in for example Pokémon Sweet Version or Pokémon Clover.

There is little new sound design, which is detrimental to the tone of the game again. A destroyed Littleroot town should not have the Littleroot town theme, while it is hard to implement this .. again other Rom Hacks have managed to do so and this one could have benefitted from it a lot. In the last part of the game there is some swap arounds but never truly great. I ended up muting the music in the end , but more on that when we discuss the gameplay. Sound design is not bad as in it’s not entirely detrimental to the experience nor does it glitch or is ugly but it is very clear the team of the Cutlerine lacked a sound designer making the hack feel more amateurish. Nothing to bad but I’ve seen a lot better .. and just adding some horror music would have done sooo much for this game. 

The game also has some Fakemon , custom made pokémon and some are actually great. The zombified pokémon all look great. Yuck.. the pokémon that looks like Muk.. but swallowing a little child was absolutely amazing.  The reskins of the kantonian starters.. excellent work. Latios and Latias stitched together bravo. These are really well done.
Then they decided to add in their own custom pokémon and they all look horrible. Like absolutely horrible. I can not do better because I am not a drawing person, but I could conceptualise cooler ones and get an artist to make some well within the time that it took me to finish this game. Nearly 50% of it is like a singularly shape pokemon.. like a rock.. or most commonly circles or an egg. Evolutions are quite lazily designed though compliments to Dragooon and Diamantix , respectively evolutions of Linoone and Steelix.. the sprites look like doodoo but at least conceptually you can sorta make out what they were going for which seemed interesting.. but otherwise most of their pokemon evolve by changing colour.. or becoming a circle. Bleh.


All in all we don’t have a very solid game just yet.. but it is an intriguing one so maybe some good gameplay can rescue it?! I can quite honestly say that gameplay wise this is the single most AWFUL pokémon game I EVER played. It’s honestly quite atrocious. Once again the first third  of the game feels solid enough. Challenging as but solid. I made the mistake of starting with a skitty as my second pokémon, I had to trade that in fairly quickly when I found a makuhita. The pokémon battle gameplay is solid throughout the first half of the game. Puzzles however are broken from the very first moment we encounter them. They are .. again Family Guy inspired or something .. because they are completely random.
Example one :  ‘I invaded an enemy based and the floor is laced with pressure sensors.. meaning if you step onto the wrong tile, you get reset back to the beginning of this area’ Now this would be manageable, because you only have three options every time, so for about 10 to 20 tiles of traversal this is doable.  However this game decided it was FUNNY to stretch it out for over at about 90 or so tiles. With characters that you have to use (south straight from the last  in a gauntlet of them) to navigate.. glitching in and out of existence, this process is truly hellish.

Example 2: A series of completely random, unanswerable questions (Is fire better than octopus?) wil reset you back to the entire line of questions for every wrong answer. About 30 gates that on first try have about a 50/50 chance to reset your progress. Of course after which you get a reward chest…. that resets you anyway so you also have to know to skip that. Powering an elevator.. can’t use your electric pokémon for that.. you have to catch a very specific one that can be found inside this dungeon, track back (As by now you will have 6 pokémon)  get that pokemon out of the pc.. to power the elevator.. .. catch a ditto so that it can turn into a key.. which afterwards it never can anymore. This would even be okay if you did not already visit this dungeon once where the puzzle solution was a simple item hunt thus forcing you into that mindset. Finally there is also a very particular teleporter puzzle, that if you choose wrong.. will put you in a no win scenario fight..unless you cheated by then.. which losing will put you outside the entire dungeon. And yes.. it’s that 70 tile memory game one where this occurs. 

Being a rom hack this game is meant to be emulated and sped up, save states made to clear these puzzles and so on. The puzzles are virtually impossible otherwise. Never did I have to look up a walkthrough on a pokémon game nor hack to progress through the game as my goal always made sense to me.. here I had to look it up 7 times.  There is a part where you have to find a Hard Rock CD and put it on a stone.. of course the only place to find this cd is on a Rock Lobster.. that is hiding out in a SINGLE dive tile, no where near the area I need to be in. And this is MISSABLE! If you killed the Rock Lobster.. as far as my research goes.. you can not truely finish the game, even if this is technically endgame. Other story mandatory puzzles involve talking to a random girl to give you an item, flying to another town to get some food, Red Stew and feed it to a mirror.. because something something bible reference. It doesn’t even tell you , you need to find the Red Stew,having it in your inventory will cause one of the dialogue options to have a different outcome, so you cant even deduce you are actually missing an item.  There is a joke inside there somewhere but if you don’t get it.. you do not get the puzzle. 

Finally there is  the battling and the grind… oh dear Arceus the grind. Endgame requires your pokemon to be somewhere in the level 75 area. Using speed up to level I clocked about 120 hours to finish this game.  Which means that is about 120 hours worth of grinding.
And I haven’t even leveled much more than my actual chosen 6.. I could have picked up some stronger pokémon with a guide and used legendaries.. but  I wanted to see if this could be done with regulars.. and one legendary because I worked very hard on that. Early in the game you get an egg… it hatches into a MYSTERYEGG, .. which is an egg.. i figured a legendary would be in here.. so i leveled it up until it evolved into SECRETEGG.. I was close to making it evolve just one more stage.. and it evolved into HYPEREGG. Never has a pokemon been able to evolve beyond their second evolution stage.. but HYPEREGG can, I found out by accident because yet again.. trainers intuition would tell you.. this is it. Most pokémon you are handed are sub par to deal with the enemies completely overpowered beasts… there even is a lvl 100 Kamina (yes the one from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)   and a lvl 65 , non 1 hp , wonder guard pokemon that I could only hit with toxic. It just made every minute of the second half of this game feel so tedious and frustrating..I wanted to pull my hair out and banish this game to my trash can. Yet I wanted to beat it and I did… and I was rewarded with nothing… no credits.. no nothing.. my char wants to discover herself still.. but that I did before the rest.. so I never really got any payoff.
*Curse Words*

Smelling Salts

I am so salty right now.. that the game ended like that… I put in the time and the work and got nothing in return.. so my judgement is very biassed.  Did I objectively enjoy this game? No.. but the first half was kinda nice just glitchy.. the second half was hell. There is way too much insider humor in it , including an entire act based around what I would assume is another game they made, that sounds kinda like a mix between Devil Survivor 2 and Digimon, the references are often to obscure.. like who of us has read the book of Genesis?  I sure did not! While it has potential it also manages to strangle that same potential completely by catering to a very specific group of people throughout the entire hack, essentially nullifying their biggest boon, their humor only leaving the cool zombie theme as their other.. and who wants to play a zombie game that ends up with Carbonite trapped prisoners and Haiku rap battle final encounters…  I am pretty sure it’s no one…and that is the same amount of people I would recommend this game too.

While this rom enjoys some popularity, that seems to stem from the first half of the game.. which is good and worth a look, however as soon as Mauville city is passed this game plummets like a brick into my most hated game so far. I even had to stop playing multiple times in order to collect myself so I could finish it another day. Be smart and stay clear of this one, at least if you are looking for an actually decent game..for the Family Guy experience go ahead… but just watch Family Guy.

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting off again!

Pokémon Horror Story: Doll

Since it is the month of halloween, we will put Star Wars on hold for just a bit and dedicate our story of the week to something a bit more fitting. For all all fridays up and until November 1st, I will attempt to write a short Pokémon Horror story. Now this isn’t THAT hard to do so there is a twist. These stories all will revolve around actual Pokédex entries. Meaning I am only making a pokémon as scary as The Pokémon Company makes them. They feature actual pokémon behaviour and origin as stated per the pokedex. 

Chapter 1: Growing pains

Tyler was super excited ,even though it was raining outside. The next day the now ten year old ,grass coloured haired, boy would get his starter Pokémon and he would finally become a Pokémon Trainer.  He would be the greatest master of them all. Earlier that day he had cleaned out all his toys, he was a big boy now. He all stored it neatly into a box, just in case he ever wants to play with them again or donate them to a fan. the really bad ones he threw  away, he would not want his future fans to get trash He was ready to finally grow up , he would not need toys when he had pokémon! Suddenly a knock on the door threw him out of his headspace. His father entered the room holding a raggedy doll with a zipper in its mouth. ‘Hey son, I saw you threw this one out..you know it used to be your mother’s favorite plushie right?’ Tyler sighed and stomped the floor. ‘I am to old for plushies dad, mom isn’t around to see it anyway.. Look it’s all worn and swe cant even sell it or donate it or anything. It’s worthless. Besides I do not need a doll to remind mom?! I always got her in my heart’ Tyler would smile to his dad as he presses his hands on his heart. It had been a rough two years for them since Tyler’s mother had passed during their vacation. Tyler shook his head trying to shake the horrible memory of seeing her dead like that. ‘I know you are all grown up son, but sometimes it’s nice to keep something like a physical memory , a memento they call it’. Tyler sighed and took the doll back. “Fiiiine” He put the doll on his desk and hugged his father. ‘Now go to bed, you don’t want to oversleep and be stuck with an overrated mascotte pokémon tomorrow now would you? ‘ Tyler smiled and said ‘I will just pack my notes and then head straight to bed. ‘I love you son, see you tomorrow’ The two said their goodbyes for the night as Tyler went to his desk to pick up the notes. He cursed as he saw the rained up doll released some water which had made his notes runny. ‘Thats it’ Tyler said annoyed as he opened the window ‘I told dad you were nothing but trash’ Tyler threw out the doll as it landed in a filthy puddle.  Satisfied Tyler would head to bed… tomorrow he would finally grow up.

Chapter 2: Rat attack

The next day it was drizzeling yet again. Tyler rushed out of the house. He had said his goodbyes to his dad, which clearly left the father distraught, but every boy had to go through this one day. So Tyler just rushed out to make it easier for the both of them. He would soon choose Charmander that one was the coolest! He smiled happily as a sound suddenly made him turn around.. it sounded like a footstep in a puddle very close by. As he turned around no one was there. A muddy puddle seemed to be have been disrupted recently though, it must have been a pidgey. Tyler kicked the empty puddle and laughed. ‘That’s for s startling me’  He then began to run to the professor. For some reason Tyler could not help but feeling watched though. It made him somewhat nervous and he began to run even faster. Eventually he reached the laboratory of professor Stump where he would finally get his new friend. After a lot of boring administrative stuff and a talk with a forgetale professor he finally was handed his charmander. ‘Charmander show me what you can do use flamethrower!’ Tyler said. Professor Stump who was a bronzed old man with a powerful jaw and a long beard chuckled. ‘Charmander isn’t ready to learn those kind of moves yet .. right now he can only use Scratch and Leer, you will have to train him up to learn some other moves’ Tyler nodded , it didn’t matter, he just wanted to start his journey. He thanked the professor and wanted to rush out when suddenly he heard a scream. ‘What was that?!’  He ran towards the source of the ruckus, his charmander at the ready, only to find out it was professor’s Stump’s wife. She was standing on a chair swatting at a Rattata with a brooms. “Eeeeeek it’s a rat’. Tyler and the professor laughed at the antics. ‘Why don’t you try to battle it Tyler it will help you train that pokémon of yours’. After a short battle of scratches and tackles, the young boy and his fireless fire lizard were victorious over the rat. Feeling good Tyler left the professor’s home just to hear a rumble of thunder in the distance. He grinned, a famous trainer he took inspiration from also left on the day of a thunderstorm, this was a good omen and so he set his first steps towards greatness..or so he thought.

Chapter 3:  Red Eyes

The rain and thunder did not seem to bother Tyler. He wanted to reach the neighbouring city tonight so he could call his dad and make him proud. He used to visit Peachburg with his mother when he was young. They would go to the petting zoo where he could pet the Miltank and the Deerling of farmer Tom. He might visit that park while he was there , just for old time sake. ‘Tyler!’  The boy turned his head around to the side of the road where he heard his name but nothing was there. He could have sworn he heard a voice.. something familiar, not very clear, almost like a whisper. He couldn’t really recall where he heard the voice though. He looked again but nothing was there. Another rumble of thunder in the distance urged him to continue walking. About twenty minutes later he passed by a thin wooded area, a small forest, on tyler’s left side. For some reason it felt .. bad to him, it was not a good place. ‘Tyler!’  He heard the voice again, this time he thought he recognised the voice, but could not make a clear connection. It sounded like his mother… yet not really… very twisted more high pitched. As if she was doing a voice, but he could not remember where it was from. It came from the woods, when he stared at the direction he thought he saw two red eyes. Though it could not have been more than a meter high. ‘Tyler’ the voice called out again..it was definitely coming from the woods while clearly it sounded a lot like his mother, like a forgotten memory calling to him. He looked at the woods and remembered how his mother looked like when he foundher on that island, on their vacation. Her spine twisted… her eyes empty.  He never would hear her voice again.. yet hear it was…but it felt bad … devious….evil…. ‘Tyler!’ the voice again called out to him as the red eyes began to move towards him. Panicked Tyler began to run, his backpack snagged a tree but he was so scared he decided to leave it behind as he ran! He sprinted as fast as he could, whatever was speaking in his mother’s voice, that was not her. Whatever it was he knew it was chasing him. He slipped on the the dirt road he was walking, muddied by all the rain. His knee hit a rock as a sharp pain shot through Tyler. As he crawled up .. he felt as if evil was crawling up his back.. he began to run again, knowing the beast hunting him was drawing closer . What was even scarier was whatever it was… it made no footsteps at all. It was only when he reached the outskirts of Peachburg that he dared to look back.  There wasn’t anything there. Yet he was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining things. He then rushed into town as dusk began to set in.

Chapter 4: Curses

Tyler was swearing as he was walking around. His map was in his backpack, so now he did not know where the pokémon center was. He had roamed around for a while but could not find it. He could probably find that petting zoo though. He could ask farmer Tom for directions. Farmer Tom once told him about his starter pokémon. Nuggets the torchic. He might be able to give Tyler some tips to learn some fire moves, maybe even have a TM  for him. With reinvigorated spirit Tyler began to move through the town heading towards the petting zoo. By now it began to properly get dark, but he knew a shortcut. His mother used to park his car around where he was now. They could cut a long walk trough an alleyway. Since it was still raining , that would also keep him a bit out of the rain and save him about 10 minutes of walking a blessing with his painful knee. When he entered the relatively dry path he began to notice how soaked he had gotten. His knee began to sting even more now the adrenaline began to wear off. He would have to look at that once he got inside somewhere. His attention was drawn by a garbage can falling over. He got startled., as he saw a Galarian Zigzagoon search the metal bin for some food. He chuckled a bit in relief as he turned his gaze back forward.  His breath seized.. right in front of him was a pair of red eyes. He could now also make out what those eyes belonged to as a memory began to flash in front of Tyler’s eyes. 

Suddenly he realised why that voice sounded like his mother so much, he recollected the memory he could not drag out earlier. The voice…belonged to that doll he threw out yesterday, at least the voice his mother would give it when they played together when he was small. He would have his Teddiursa doll and his mother would have her weird doll. Tyler really liked playing with them together when he was young. Then one day his mother got a job and could not be around as much. As a gift she gave Tyler her doll so he could play his favorite game by himself. A gift of abandonment, just like his mother left him. Suddenly he lost his fear as a deep anger of unprocessed grief took over and he shouted to the doll. ‘You stupid doll.. I want Mom back… not you! I miss her… you can never fill that void NEVER, I keep her in my heart..not in whatever you are with that zipper mouth! Mom gave you to me because she wanted to leave.. i never liked you’ The doll looked at him.. hovering a bit higher now as it’s zipper mouth twisted upwards into a grin… dark energy began to gather around it chasing its shape.  It’s once grey and patched body now turned into a mixture of dark cloth floating around it’s head. the two horns formed together into one big tip. The eyes stared at him as the closed zipper mouth turned into a cruel malicious smile. ‘You.. are a pokémon’ Tyler realised as he got out his charmander. ‘Charmander… attack it with scratch’ Tyler yelled. The starter pokémon did it’s utmost but all the scratches seemed to pass trough the spectral opponent. As Tyler lost his pokédex he could not consult it..but he knew whatever this was must be a ghost type pokémon. Maybe he could catch it. As he grabbed his pokéball he saw the doll take out a long iron nail. Tyler moved his arm backwards ready to throw the pokéball as the doll slammed the nail through his own body making a nauseating sound.

Tyler cursed Arceus as he wanted to move the pokéball towards the pokémon, he realised he could not. His body was frozen, his body was cursed. As the doll came in closer and closer fear got a hold of Tyler again. He wanted to speak, he wanted to apologise.. but his body was made numb by the curse. Even if he could run, he knew with his knee and the heavy clothes he would not be fast enough to outrun this pokemon in front of him. He tried to fight to curse, tried to break free but each moment the doll pokemon came closer Tyler was even more crippled by his own fear. Charmander was trying to scratch the pokémon in vain as it did nothing.  The doll now hovered in front front of Tyler’s face ..it’s zipper mouth smiling deviously it’s red eyes piercing his soul. The doll took out another nail and placed it on Tylers forehead. Tyler knew he had to think of something right away or he would have to think of something. “Charmander use scratch on my leg’ he yelled., gathering all the bravery he could just to speak. Maybe that could make him fall over away from the nail or snap out of the curse. ‘Charmander scratch my throat’ .. Tyler’s voice sounded once again. Yet he did not say that. As Charmander clawed his legs he indeed fell down, realising that Tyler, in the past also gave his voice to he doll , he always used his own voice for it..imagining it was his mother’s twisted voice. Thus the doll could use Tyler’s voice as its own.   As Tyler hit floor, he felt charmanders claw rip open his throat. Bleeding in an alley he could not even speak anymore as he knew it was all over. The doll climbed on his body holding the nail again..placing it against Tyler’s forehead. Then it was all over. Tyler wasn’t afraid anymore, he did not miss his mother anymore and he no longer felt any pride that he was growing up. It was all gone.

Tyler’s father would have waited all night for Tyler’s phone call that he had arrived in Peachburg. It was only around the early afternoon of the next day that he got a phone call from officer Jenny.  She told him they had found his son’s body,leaving out that they found it ‘discarded.. face first in a dirty puddle.

This concludes the story of Banette,  the vengeful doll pokémon. The fact that they hunt those who discard them and conjure powerful curses by slamming nails trough their body are entirely ideas of the Pokémon company. So if you have a plushie you no longer want.. remember they have feelings too! Treat your plushies well and dont throw them out! Donate them to another family if you must… but never throw them out.. otherwise you might be the one Banette comes after next.

The Pinkiest Poké Blogger is blasting off again!

Trainer Profile: Jason Voorhees

Halloween is coming little Watsons so during the month of October you will see us post content related to the matter.  We already have the case of Chibi’s mysterious disappearance and Professor Pinkie talking about a frosty ghost. Today I will make a profile for one of the most classic horror villains of all times! Jason Voorhees.

Trainer Class:  Hiker

Hikers in the pokémon game are commonly known for their burly physique and somewhat dimwitted nature. Always hiking across nature trails carrying pickaxes and preferring , ground rock and steel types. Jason Voorhees is an undead man roaming the earth literally and even in space at one point. His favorite spots are campsites and where there are campsites there are usually hiking trails. Camp Crystal lake is the perfect spot for a hiker.  While Jason could have been a youngster as well, as he died as a young boy.. that somehow grew up into a Jojo’s character the hiker analogy seems to work a lot better for this classic villain.

Jason dresses similar to a hiker in usually choosing something practical over fashionable, wearing dark leathery coats and jumpsuits. Both Jason and Hikers have a sympathetic nature… and yes this serial killer has a heart which is shown throughout his movies on several occasions but there are bigger things making him into the murdering menace we all know and love. Jason surprisingly has high moral standard, killing mostly because he hates the immoral behaviour of teenagers. That behaviour got him killed and now will get them killed. Hikers are simple folks, much like Jason’s still somewhat childlike mind. So I say they are a rather good fit.

Preferred Type: Steel

Jason  is a creative killer, who has used several items as weapons during his career, but his favorite method of killing is old fashioned weapons. His signature weapon his trusted machette of course the most well known weapon but he isn’t afraid to go out of the box. In Jason X we see him killing with liquid Nitrogen, in the original series we also see him killing with his brute strength, a spear, meat cleavers, corkscrews and even a party horn. This man loves to wield tools he does. The steel type also reflects how Jason functions himself. Jason excels in his physical attributes. His beastly strength only being overshadowed by his sturdiness. While it is hard to truly ‘kill’ him it even is hard to damage him. We see people trying to fight back not leaving a dent. He is almost an unstoppable object that only takes damage under the right circumstances. In the 8th installment of the series we even see a (somewhat) professional boxer going up against him and it doesn’t do ANYTHING to him. While in Pokémon steel is weak to fighting.. in real life I guess the analogy pretty much holds up. Extremely durable this man, a lover of sharp objects and strong. The steel type seems like a very good fit for him.

The Team

Signature Pokemon: Cubone

Cubone is a lonely pokemon. Jason started his horror career as a hermit. Both wear a mask and wield a weapon. I am sure you can see a resemblance already forming right?  Yet there is a lot more to go for on this one. In the first Friday the 13th movie , the series Jason is from the first killer wasn’t actually Jason at all. It was his mother, she was angry that her son drowned while camp councillors were having fun with another and decided to go on a vengeance spree.  Pamela Voorhees revenge scheme proved moderately successful. While raking up quite the bodycount the fact that she truly died kinda makes her endeavours somewhat void. However her demise gave rise to Jason. A lonely being who is sad for the death of his mother, wearing a mask and wielding a weapon.. makes the two even more similar. The proverbial nail to the coffin however comes in the fact on how they honour their mother. Both Cubone as well as Jason, treat their mothers severed head as some kind of token of their affection. While Jason builds as shrine for his mother’s head Cubone flat out wears the skull of his mother as a mask. I am sure Jason would have done the same if he had the possibility.. but since he is more swole than Kylo Ren it just would not look right.

Both Cubone and Jason are very well known for wearing their masks. Even though Jason’s mask did not come into play until the third installment of his franchise. Jason is also depicted as a deeply tormented character, whose rage stems from anger over his own and his mother’s death. Cubone and Jason have shown to be very territorial as well. While Jason did have his outings outside Crystal Lake, like Springwood, New York and outer space, he has shown a clear preference for his old stomping grounds of crystal lake. Near his mother.  In my post about the Cubone Theory that you can read here, I explain that the pokémon has shown some very territorial behaviour as well. 

Physical Wall:  Honedge

Jason isn’t really the type of person to do things with tact. Giving him a balanced team of a Physical Sweeper, A  Physical Wall, a special sweeper, a special wall and a legendary would not work for Jason. He is simply not the type to go for such a thing. Jason unlike Dio and Cell, doesn’t care about balanced battling and he just wants to use his raw strength.. preferably using tools and weapons he finds along the way. While I expected his team to consist out of nothing but Physical Sweepers surprisingly Honedge has a higher defensive stat than it’s offensive ones.  In a way it makes sense that this is his defensive pokémon because Jason surely would wield this Pokémon as a weapon and would serve as his final defences. Which still is a pretty terrifying thought.

A Honedge is born when a spirit attaches itself to the weapon, it will then drain the life force of its wielder, until every bit of life force of that user is absorbed. Now for narrative sake we will give this a bit of a scenario in the story of Jason. The spirit inhabiting his Honedge would of course be his murderous mother and since Jason has near infinite life force the two would be an ideal pairing. Even if it would be any other random spirit. The blade could consume the life energy of it’s victims while Jason can punish those who show immoral behaviour and lewd Gardevoir or even Flygon. The Steel Ghost type would match very well with Jason as well, as he is some kind of hybrid undead serial kiler with a bunch of weapons. It would not take long for these two to become best friends.

Physical Sweeper 1: Incineroar 

Jason has shown brutish strength throughout all of his movies. He has twisted heads 180 degrees in a single snap and he whacked a girl hiding in her sleeping bag against a tree with the utmost of ease and he has even torn of a limb or two.  The Pokémon that embodies Jason’s style of fighting best in that way .. in my opinion is the final evolution of Litten. Incineroar. The pokémon is currently mostly known as ‘that wrestling cat thing’ in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. The Fire-Dark type looked to much like a fighting type again to many.  While yes, he is a professional fighter his methods are quite brutal compared to everything we have seen before. He has no style, he has no grace this cat has something else entirely. His signature move Darkest Lariat is easily a move I can see Jason use to one of his more creative kills. The intimidating style  and those red streaks on its black face even can be seen a bit in Jason’s classic mask.

The wrestling pokémon is according to its pokedex known for its violent disposition and I don’t think I need to explain where that matches up with Jason? The pokémon basicly does what it wants to do.. if it doesn’t want to listen to it’s owner it will follow its own devices.  Given that Jason doesn’t speak this actually is a boon to serial killer trainer. He could simply send this thing out, let it notice some teens doing very questionable things.. let the rage flow and enjoy the sight. It feels very akin to how Jason would use a pokémon too. Let the pokémon do the work.  In Friday the 13th 3d we see Jason crushing skulls and in the 8th one we see him uppercutting a guys head off. If we are honest to ourselves we surely can all see Incineroar do the same thing.

Physical Sweeper 2:  Trevenant

Horror is one of the genres that heavily relies on tropes.  Subconsciously we all think the forest is more scary than your local suburbia. There is a reason that Jason drowned at camp in a wooded area, and wasn’t just the victim of a drunk driver. Trees are scarier than buildings it’s just fact.  Trevenant is one of the scariest trees. Being a ghost grass type he should be scary. A phantump .. it’s pre-evolution is born when a little kid dies in the middle of the woods. While Jason drowned in a lake.. said lake was in the woods so hey.. close enough as far as static pokémon go. So similar like origins. Both Trevenant as well as Jason were once kids that died one way or another in a wooded area.  In the second movie we see Jason living as a hermit with a burlap sack over his face.. trying to keeps the woods clean from , teenagers that do not have horns on their head.. yet still the adjective for such a condition would apply to them. You’ll never guess what Trevenant does! ‘Awwww you guessed it’ Thats right it exact vengeance to those who defile his woods.

Now besides the fact that this tree is horrifically strong and loves to bludgeon people, much like our case study for this week. He is on his team though because he has a power Jason definitely can use. According to his Pokédex Trevenant has the ability to change and alter the forest trapping people in forever.  Of course this would allow Jason to isolate all his victims and pick them off at his leisure. No longer would anyone be able to outrun him in the forest nor would they be able to escape. He can even prevent the police or people like Tommy Jarvis from coming in. For those who don’t know Tommy Jarvis managed to kill Jason in the fourth installment , triggering his absence in the fifth movie. However this was disliked that much he was given regenerative powers in the sixth installment and returned. In the friday the 13th game, Tommy Jarvis is the only one who can kill Jason. So alongside regenerative powers.. controlling the woods would make Jason completely immortal and unstoppable.

Physical Sweeper 3:  Bisharp

A pokémon made out of sharp objects is of course a perfect weapon for Jason to use.  He has used cleavers and other sharp weapon on multiple occasions. A pokemon made out of blades  on basically every limb including the torso would give him plenty of room for creative kills. Think of ramming someone into Bisharps bladed chest, or using said pokemon to cut his opponents legs so they can not run anymore. Bisharp also learns the move guillotine.. a one turn knockout move. He is a pokemon that relies on a quick finish. Jason’s kills also are always brutal and swift. They are executioners of sorts. When you spot them there is a very high chance it will be the last thing you see.

Bisharp according to his pokédex is also a hunter who relishes in finishing off it’s prey. The bladed pokémon hunts using a group of his pre-evolutions to weaken and tire his opponent before finishing it off. No matter what pokédex entry you read, it always makes a mention of Bisharps murderous intentions. So pairing it up with an actual serial killer seems like a pretty good team up. Now do not get me wrong I do not condone violence in any way. I mean with people stressing about the new Joker movie , I have to make the distinction. As a detective I am a servant of the law. Do not actually kill.. we are just saying, there would be a synergy between a pokémon with murderous attention and a pokemon with the same. That is not the same as glorifying it. So back to the subject at hand. I would love to see a movie where Jason uses a Bisharp to murder some politically correct teenagers there is just so much room for creativity if these two combine forces.  Heads are gonna roll! If it’s mine for suggesting this or heads on silver screen we will just have to wait and see.

Physical Sweeper 4: Kangaskhan

Jason’s origins are very deeply rooted with his mother. He worships her and she was the one who started the killing cycle. So it seems we can not leave the mother pokémon out of this list either. Especially when they emphasis Jason’s fighting style again. Pamela Voorhees is a mother who lost her sanity when she lost her baby, Kangaskhan is said to have zero forgiveness for those who harm her baby and hunt her down.  Pretty accurate and a great additional teammate. This would be the pokémon Jason leads off with in battle. Most likely equipped with a Mega Stone, so mother and son pokemon can fight together. Very much a punching pokémon this kangaroo once more reflect Jason’s strength yet again. Its normal typing reflecting his humble origins as well. Jason once was JUST that kid protected by his mother, but it went horribly wrong and ended up in the destruction of dozens of lives.
Somewhere inside Jason there is also still parts of that son left. Unlike for example Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers there is SOME good in Jason… not a lot, but what Jason does he does not only do out of revenge, there is some sort of morality inside him even if twisted.

Jason would lead this pokémon to symbolise the mother was the first killer in the series, as soon as the pokémon would go down it would trigger a deep rage inside him which would allow him to use his other pokémon better. Again Jason does not talk so his way of using pokémon would require some set up. Mega evolution could be activated without using actual words. This would allow the mini roo to be attacked to incite the mother’s rage , if that one goes down Jason and his pokémon could wreak havoc on those the trainers that defeated his mother. This would be the proxy mother and reagent to his violence. The pokémon would be his trigger. It would set up the stage. Jason only battles on Friday the 13th and since he is a sucky battler, the mother would go down every time.. inspiring a new horror sequel where Jason goes on murdering trainers around camp Crystal lake. 

Legendary: Ho-Oh

This one was tricky, while most likely not used by Jason the phoenix has a lot in common with the man nonetheless. Jason , unlike Michael, Jason is canonically dead. Unlike Freddy he actually came back. Resurrection is a big theme for Jason so the phoenix as his legendary makes a lot of sense. There is another one that would fit the brief.. but that one fits in with ALL  of the horror villains so I want to avoid using it when I can. Next week though I will most likely not be able to get around using the other one. Ho-Oh’s hidden ability is regenerator .. which of course applies to Jason as well.. whom at least after part VI has been granted these powers. It was sort of retconned in so it feels a bit cheap but a power is a power. Of course we can safely say that Ho-Oh’s rainbow analogies have NOTHING to do with Jason.

So to make it fit in our little narrative we will write a fanfictiony event. When Pamela Voorhees was slain at Camp Crystal Lake, Ho-Oh was watching, being somewhat of a sap for sad stories it made one fatal mistakes it misunderstood and thought the current generation of camp counselors killed Jason, the mother was so passionate and all.so Ho-Oh decided to revive Jason. Just like happened to the three dogs who became Suicune Raikou and Entei.. Jason came back changed, but inside him an unquenchable rage. Using his strength and  rage Jason somehow managed to capture Ho-Oh now functioning as his power source.. bringin him back over and over again. As each horror villian has a weakness.. taking the power of resurrection away from Jason could very well be the way to actually kill him for good. Jason can control the woods, has a soul stealing weapon on him.. and when he hunts you he is not hunting alone? So how do you stop him do you ask? Well that I’ll leave up to you little Watsons that I will leave up to you.

Question too my Readers:

How would YOU stop Jason?

Now that we have competed this case I think it is time for somes scones and tea.  Next time we will look at yet another classical horror villian very likely even one who Jason has already met! With that little hint I will leave you for now.

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting off again!