Pinkie “Shops” Adorable Home Additions for a Moth-Girl!

Konichiwa my little lights! I have yet to be sponsored by Japan Trend Shop to promote their stuff..but until then I will continue to do it for free… in a rather silly way! Fairly random as well! I always pick a theme…. this year instead of making New Year’s Resolutions I decided to pick New Years Wishes… Not something I really will buy..but something I like to dream about! Because it’s good to have dreams…and lamps!

All I want for 2021 is…… A Thousand Dollar Plushie!

So you all know I like plushies right? Turning into a Kaijuman did not stop me from loving soft fluffy animals.. but Japan Trend Store usually doesn’t have a lot of them.. so when I was browsing and encountered this one.. I was really intrigued! I really wanted to hug this thing… and battle it to the death..but mostly hug…after I killed it?! No! Behave! You are a nice Kaijuman! Regardless.. it is a nice plushie!  Why would I want a thousand dollar plushie you might ask?! Well It’s made by Steiff!  Steiff is like “THE” brand for Teddy Bears and those things only go up in value. So rather than seeing it as a plushie you can see it as an investment in Mohair and stuffing! And with only 1954 made .. I could actually kill 1953 .. and hug one and make my investment worth it!

Why were they made in 1954 made? Well that is the year in which Godzilla first was seen. That’s right he is a fair bit older than most of us.. In 2014 Steiff made this toy to commemorate his 60th anniversary. Coming in at 50 centimeter it will also look like a Kaiju compared to most of my plushies and if I get some Lego’s I can build a city and let my thousand Dollar Toy destroy the city! RAWR….CRASH..STOMP! .. WIND BLAST.. wait now I am destroying my own lego city!  Oh well! guess Zilly and I are nakama in being destroyers now!  Smash! Just look at it’s cute face! It looks so fluffy! So if you want me to come destroy your toy.. buy this for yourself!  As long as you don’t live in a tiny house you should be fine and we can hang out afterwards! 

Okay so I might also want ……… a Pineapple Scented Lamp

If you are a bit like me you’ll often sniff your lamp in melancholy! “Why can’t my lamp smell like a Pineapple?!”  It is such a shame because I find myself close to lamps a lot lately. Yet they all kind of smell like plastic!  How am I supposed to get that tropical island feeling from that?! Well luckily the clever scientists made a thingy just for me! That is right the Pineapple Scented Lamp is here! No I am not talking about one of those lamps you add oil to! I tried those but they aren’t very lampy!  Oftenly I over oil and one of those oil bubbles sucked into that little nozzle thing and the thing barely works after unless you clean it for hours! This one is different! With just glass and Paraffin fragrance there isn’t too much to hold you from admiring your lamp in full glory! It will set you back €32,- or $39,-  which is a bit pricey for a Lamp that seems to be able to “run out” but these clever people of Japan have thought of a solution for that!

You see.. the light is not just a cutesy light! It also features a beautiful starry Cityscape as a pattern!  All lights look purple and cute when extinguished but when activated with the power of two CR2032  Batteries your scene comes to live in beautiful colours. There are three scents we can purchase. Raspberry, which colours your night sky in a beautiful sunset purple and pink.. then there is the Citrus scent.. which colours the sky orange and yellow, like a sunset on the Spanish Orchards.  And then there is the Pineapple Scented one.. which turns the sky Yellow and Green…. and now all of you naysayers will wonder.. V-Pinkie, the sky isn’t green!  Well it is on Namek! Most of us Kaijumans can go into space you know.. though I really would need help from Elon… regardless green skies do exist.. like the Aurora Borealis that is green as well!  I bet  it would really be nice to smell pineapples in the regions where you can see it too! It doesn’t grow on trees there! All in all.. it might be worth the money and after it is done you can smash the lamp on the ground real hard! HEHEHEHE! Bye bye little city HEHEHEHE!

Might as well wish something else when that runs out … LED Pokémon Wall Light

So even the non Virtual me would have liked this.. but I love it even more! I genuinely and truly do think these would look amazing as well decorations in my  bedroom.  Plus I could use a bit of a night light as I am pretty blind in the dark… that MUST be why I like Lamps so much!  Anyway this Pokémon LED lights look cute as a button! With five varieties to choose from you can truly catch them all… though it is a bit of a shame that two of these are Pikachu! *Sigh* Merchandise caters so much to the normies.. what great Pokémon like Lampent and Chandelure!  I think they would have made great wall lights! It’s not like I am asking for hard stuff like Xuriktree! But at least we get Mimikyu and Gengar.. I can vibe with those so those would be the first two I would get as well.. and lucky me they are the cheapest as well.

Coming in at 51 dollars these are quite adorable!  And you can get the set of all five for like  256 dollars.. which is like a 10 ish dollar discount. Since the Pikachu’s and Eevee’s cost extra. … Hmmm paying extra to be basic..the horror! At least when you get them all you don’t pay extra for the crowd favourites.. so I guess that is the only way I would buy those…is that smart marketing? I am not sure! I also wonder why Mimikyu is the only one that has eyes! I get why a shiny ghost night light SHOULD NOT have eyes.. so I go understand why Gengar doesn’t have eyes.. and the eyes on Mimikyu’s fake head aren’t there.. but those aren’t his real eyes!  It’s the tiny ones we see down below! Well… I want the one with eyes the most so I guess I will go for the Mimku one!

Oh and I also want…. One Piece Nico Robin Sunglasses

This one is on my wishlist because I find it comically over priced.. and hey it’s nice that I desire something other than a lamp right?! Well I find myself staring at a bunch of light recently so I figured finding a good pair of sunglasses might be useful! Those are kind of hard to come by right now for me though ..because it’s Winter.. not a lot of sunglasses on sale… I know I am a Megane Moth  but.. I can wear contacts for the right pair of Sunglasses.. and since these cost $365 they better darn be the best sunglasses I have ever had. Of course.. for that price it is not just sunglasses it also comes with a wiping cloth with Nico Robin printed on it.. and a case with the One Piece logo! the frame has to be by a designer right? I mean…. otherwise $365 for two sheets of some acrylic glass and a thin frame seems a bit overpriced… NO! It’s made by Bandai’s Toy Division… So this is a toy?!It does look stylish. I will give it that. It has UV400 Protection so that is good.. but as a cosplay article.. I have seen other yellow tinted glasses before and with such a thin frame like the one Robin uses.. no one will really fine tooth comb that stuff… you pay because this is OFFICIAL.. this is not just a cosplay prop! These ARE the exact same glasses Robin wears or something.. well.. I want them.. I just would never pay for them.. but if you are a millionaire and are looking to give me a cute gift.. I’ll happily take this as it will let me look at the world a little bit more as if it  was a lamp, all yellow and all!

Honourable mention here goes to the Fun’iki Digital Eyewear.. which are glasses.. that flash in a colour every time you get an email or a phone notification! This so that you don’t ever have to check your phone to see if that email already arrived. For $450 dollars you can save all that time you spend looking on your phone falsely.. and instead you get constant flashing eyes in your face.. I am a Moth and I am afraid I might get epilepsy from this…if things seem dire.. there should really be a way that you can tell a new notification has popped up on your phone.. you know maybe a sound signal.. or a vibration?!…. Oh wait! Talk about solving a non problem!

Check out this video hyping them up though!

And Finally I’d really like a ……… Godzilla Humidifier

Now that we have to spend so much time at home here in lockdown, we might as well assure it’s the best quality time we have. With a quality time becomes a quality climate. In 1992 Momma Mothra fought Godzilla and  well, I kind of want revenge! Now for $125 dollar I can make Godzilla work for me! To make sure my wings don’t go to try! He got downsized a bit to make sure he fits my home to about a 20 centimeter size.  So even if I am not using the humidifier! It will look like a cool decorative piece in my plushie and figure cabinet. Unlike my figures though it has a bit of a function and generally one I kind of actually need!  It looks sturdy enough so I can probably slap it around a bit and tell Mamma I beat Godzilla so all the more reason for me to like it. 

What Godzilla does, he does with flair! Of course he doesn’t just breath a  delightfully moist mist! A little blue Led Light will tint the mist blue in dark rooms!  So when Indigo dims my lights again! …. Baka! …  I will see the blue mist!  Just like Godzilla’s atomic breath! It also comes equipped with sounds from Mothra vs Gozilla. Mostly it’s roars of course… which might be kind of distrubing for my neighbour, as if Godzilla cries I tend to do my cry as well. I still need to work on it because I keep ending up with Wrrrrrryyyyyy but people will always remember another guy for that.  Regardless… Godzilla comes with a second “tail”  that you can hook up with your power grid (provided you have the right  adapter as it will have a Japanese plug). Shinji Nishikawa  has designed the packaging. Well.. kind of, he helped illustrate it so the box art is nice.. and just look at the little guy! Doesn’t he look adorable?!

This one has promotional video as well! So be sure to check that out if you are not on Reader!

As you may have noticed I have kind of expensive tastes.. I am trying to reduce those urges but hey a moth needs pretty lamps! I saw a VTuber review toilet once.. I could do that with lamps!  Still tough , if you want to encourage my purchasing behaviour please consider joining my Patreon. I have recently lowered the price of my second Tier to make it a little bit more accessible. I might add another tier to play the D&D with Coconuts in the future as well (without some of the other advantages)  so check it out!  OR leave a nice little gadget lamp or something else in the comments!  I love comments almost as much as I love lamps!

How to survive the Zombie Apocalypse with Japanese Gadgets: Pinkie’s Geeky Solutions 2

Hello again mortals who dwell on these haunted Islands!  Last month I told you how to get a Japanese Girlfriend through japanese gadgets. This month for Halloween we are doing something a bit more spooky! Zombies are out there.. and if they aren’t there yet.. 2020 isn’t over yet!  So the chance we have to deal with this is pretty real! How do we survive but keep our geeky image intact either fictional or non fictional ?! Like last time I searched Japan TrendShop for the best geeky gadget to deal with the situation.

*This time I provided a link to the gadgets/items on Japan Trend store! If you want to check out more simply click on the pictures! I am not sponsored! I just want you all to survive the zombies….seriously I am not sponsored I just like doing this!*

Scavenging and Tinkering

The Walmart, that Piggly Wiggly or that other super store you are used to.. those will be the things that first get attacked by the zombies. If movies have taught us anything it is that zombies REALLY seem to like shopping. Especially in big malls!  You will have to scavenge. Your electrician..well he just got ate! The plumber.. managed to make it to your house..  but then he tried to eat your brain. In the new world you will have to scavenge build and loot! Luckily there are plenty of gadgets for us out there! To keep our geek image up! So make sure you order these before all hell breaks loose.

Evangelion Tools

You will probably have to get a wire cutter to cut trough some fences in your way trough the devastated world…but normal wire cutters make you look like such a huge “Basic Normie”. You don’t want that!  The internet will be gone! There are some pockets of electric grid left.. but crunchyroll.. that is inaccessible to us! So how do we tell the world that anime is great?! Well through our tools! Evangelion apparently is very good at giving us tools and no I don’t mean Shinji Ikari. I mean Hardware.. tools that go in a toolbox! So of course there is a Evangalian themed toolbox as well.. In fact there are three! Eva 0 Eva 1 and Eva 2 are all design options for all of these tools! The purple one however is most visible! THe orange one might bland to much with the glow of fire reflecting on the broken concrete and the red one might make it  hard to stand out in the pools of blood of a thousand eaten innocents. So be smart and stick with the EVA 1 tools. The toolbox cost €101 or $118

.For about 26 euros more you can get an Evangelion Screwdriver to go with it. However you need to multiply that by three since EVA 0, EVA 1 and EVA 2 all have different shapes and sizes. Eva 0 being the flathead of the bunch is the most important but Eva 2’s Tiny phillips head might be nifty as well and even EVA 1’s tool is neat! At worst you can jam them through a Zombie skull! So there is plenty of reason to invest in getting all three! add €78 or $90 dollar to your survival budget. A plastic/wire cutter is the next tool you need! Boobytrap creation is the way to survive after all! The snipping tool has the Evangelion logo and once again comes in three colours.. but this time they are the same. The purple one you find quicker on the floor and the yellow one is most noticeable inside your toolbox! So pick your poison! Do not buy them all as a single snipper will set you back €62 or $72 dollars.Pliers almost have the same design and cost about the same..but well you need pliers to pull all that debris out of your legs and bullets of raiders out of your shoulder.  Finally we have a tape measure. All versions come at 5.5 meters so pick  your favourite again. €27 or $32 dollars and this key tool to survival is yours.

The cost of Survival So Far:  €331 or $386

Totoro Carabiner

Zombies for some reason also seem to love the big roads. We see very few people drive around in Zombie movies unless they have armored vehicles.  With all the cars crashing on the streets you will have to drive slow and with normal windows you are prey! NO!  You are going to have to do things by foot! That means you will need to carry a lot of stuff.  Create yourself an utility belt! But with basic carabiners attached to it you kinda look like those wanna be camping dads, who never really camped out.. but thinks he looks cool by having a bear maze carbined to his belt and all other sorts of tools! No we don’t want to be that! We want to be geeks! 

So why would you buy a regular carabiner when you can buy a Totoro one. This Carabiner is made by Ghibli’s merchandise studio themselves so that means that even if you buy it before the apocalypse begins you are not supporting some dudebro who uses his tool money to become an even bigger tool in real life! With this you support the geek community.  The carabiner comes in two colours Silver and Green  and can carry weights up to 26 kilogram.  Let’s say you will need about six Carabiners, 3 silver ones and 3 green ones. Since we don’t want one colour to feel less beloved.. that will run you about €222 euros since they cost €36 euro a piece. Americans can get this for $43 dollars or $258 dollars for the recommended amount.

Total cost for Survival so Far: €553 or $644 

Muscle Suit Every Wearable Exoskeleton Tight Fit

The final gadget deals mostly with looting and hunting for supplies!  If you are physically weak you will have to make multiple trips to get all those canned goods from that camp you looted…after doing what needs to be done…  to your safehouse.  The more trips you make.. the more likely you are to die in this zombie apocalypse. So you will want to carry as much as possible.  The Japanese apparently found strength an issue for stuff like regular groceries and decided to create a strength enhancing suit for commercial use. So if it can help you pick up groceries it can help you pick up scavenged materials right?! This suit is designed to strengthen your back allowing people to pick up items much easier by using an airflow of sorts! I have no idea how it works but apparently it does! Air is pretty amazing!

The suit comes in two variations: a soft fit and a tight fit. The soft fit is better for the people who deviate from Japanese dimensions but the tight fit models allow for more serious muscle power. It is said that the suit will help you with farmwork like tasks.. and pulling turnips out of the ground is something we might need to do to survive zombies. It can help you with carrying people and I am sure I don’t need to tell how likely that is in the zombie apocalypse!  As a bonus  there is an exoskeleton around you, that will work as some  fairly specific armor.. but hey if it prevents you from a single bite it might save your life still.. unless you are bitter anywhere else. Still the suit requires no training, no batteries and it only weighs 3.8 kilograms so you can hang it on one of your Carabiners easily if you are not using it… this one is a big investment though! But for €2455 or $2868 dollars you have a suit that can..slightly..increase your strength! Every extra tin of beans you can carry is another day of survival here!

Total cost of survival so far: €3008 or $3512

Protecting yourself!

So now that we have discussed the way we can obtain stuff and build a better world for ourselves let’s take a look at how to keep ourselves safe. How do we protect ourselves? Personally I would build a huge suit of plushies and like a beautiful Katamari I would just roll everywhere I need to go. If zombies can’t get into my suit to bite me I am safe and zombies are dumb. Now not everyone has as many plushies at me so let’s take a look at some safety gear. 

Kamiyoroi Cardboard Samurai Armor

For this spot I almost considered a complete Batman decorative Samurai armor that sets you back more than €5000  but it came with some big problems. Metal armor slows you down, it is very heavy so you lose lifting power and we do not know how fragile this decorative armor is.  So I looked for a better option  and then I found this Samurai Cardboard armor. For just €88,- or $103 you can have  armor with which you can look like a samurai sponsored by BIC. If you don’t like the colour of cardboard however you can paint it in every colour you like! Paint camouflage on it.. or Goku’s Gi! Maybe something of Demon Slayer to represent! Draw your HighSchool of the Dead Waifu on it so she can always come with you! The options are plenty! The set can be given a size you want so if you fit in a tight fit exoskeleton you can adapt this to fit OVER it. Sugoi!

Now Cardboard might not be the best armor but Zombies usually just scratch or bite with all the ornaments you get with it. You can design a pretty good bite proof armor yourself.  You can even glue stuff on it that you find! It’s thick paper after all. Put some nails trough it from your side to give yourself some spikey protection,  Superglue a flashlight to it to give it a gadget. Cardboard armor provides plenty of solutions and if it weighs you down in a chase you can just destroy it to move faster. It is a a very tactically sound option! …as long as it doesn’t rain outside or if you need to cross a body of water. If you bleed too much you will also destroy it or if zombies bleed on it too much.. but that will teach you to stay indoors, and keep  your distance from the zombies! It’s just cardboard.. it will protect you but never make you overconfident! A must buy! Samurai also look cool!

Total Cost of Survival €3096 or $3615

Derup Cap Collapsible Safety Helmet

Unfortunately I did not find a Cardboard Samurai helmet to go with it.. but I am not sure it would be a good idea. For everyone who ever wore a cosplay helmet that protects the ears knows that it sucks to only be able to hear what is in front of you! This goes ever more so in a Zombie apocalypse. You are the one with the working brain so you really want to anticipate both visual and audio cues. So I looked for a helmet that  doesn’t cover your ears.  As armor for your neck you can wear one of those japanese neck cooling fans.. or just a fluffy neck pillow! Even a series of scarfs would be good.  Something you have at home. However you still need a helmet from all the falling debris from when all buildings became structurally unsafe because of the zombie fighting. You can dive into a lower area head first to dodge zombies and do other helmet stuff. I am sure it will give you some higher Armor Class somehow.

Foldable helmets are very popular in Japan because of the many earthquakes and putting away full sized helmets for the entire family is a hassle. If I know my survival games I also know inventory space is pretty limited so everything that can save you inventory space will be an amazing blessing.  This helmet is stated to be a disaster helmet and I am pretty sure that the Zombie Apocalypse counts as a disaster so it is bound to be good for that.  For €69 euro or $81 us Dollars you can keep your head safe and give it a nice drill shape! I love drills in anime!

Total Cost of Survival €3165 or  $3696

Sanwa Home Privacy Tent

Zombies are dumb creatures, they usually only attack a fleshy mammal when they can see one. Hiding in a tent, a freezer, a cabinet or whatever oftenly is enough as long as they can’t see you. With glass..they suddenly become able to open doors, break glass with tools or just punch at it until everything breaks but out of sight out of mind. So why not carry a little black box with you that obscures you from sight.It fold away in a very tiny space, and only requires one touch assembly meaning that within a couple of seconds.. like 30 or less you can have this room set up! 30 seconds hiding spots are invaluable while running around the devastated planet earth. Just make sure  to not make the zombies spot you through the optional window.. point that to a wall if possible  or cover it up with some cloth! Again it requires no storage space  and can be hooked to one of your Carabiners at all times. You can even sort of use it as a shield if absolutely necessary.

Right now Japanese people use these to build a small officer in their home to have some privacy for work away from their partner. While I do not really have claustrophobia I do think I would feel very locked up for what is basically a €118 escape pass to having to “say” honey please please leave me alone. One could work from the bedroom and one from the living.. but hey I live in a studio right now so maybe for people who live a bit like that or require a Wifi cable. Still a privacy tent isn’t seen nearly as useful as a pocket zombie shelter. I would test this by putting someone in it during Black Friday.. but with the 5 foot rule I am not sure we will have a Black Friday this year. So results on success are still pending. As a self proclaimed Zombie expert I think it will work but don’t come haunt me if you die! If you buy it at least it well help you with people screen cheating at LAN parties!

Total cost of survival €3283 or $3834

Keeping your Sanity

Everything you once loved is gone…most likely.. if it’s not gone yet it will be gone soon!  Rarely do you see more than one family member survive nor does a pre-established group of friends survive… if any zombie movie EVER is to be believed you will be relying on strangers who will become your friends for life… which usually ends at the end of a movie. There aren’t that many success stories!  Post infestation life will suck and it will eat at your mind so purchase these two gadgets to keep your sanity!

Panasonic Shoedeodorizer

This seemed like a bit of a silly gadget to me at first. In normal life I also can’t really believe it is a very relevant gadget. How stinky can shoes that you need a device to clean them.. why would you not just get new ones?! I mean the gadget is easily 10 pairs of cheapish shoes/on sale shoes. It will take a long time before those go stink to the point of no return. Seriously! It also is an overnight process it’s not like you can suddenly realise.. ooh these shoes don’t smell good let me device them for a minute and they are fresh again. So this is one of these non issue gadgets to me. that I find looking very funny! €351 or $410 is what you would pay to get this non issue resolved. I never really smelled anyone’s shoes unless I am really close. 99.9% of the time I do not live on the floor and if people have those foul smelling shoes I hope they toss them  before their stench reaches sitting height.

But okay in Japan shoes are off a lot more and standing at strangers places a lot more so I kinda get it.. still pretty useless but for a zombie Apocalypse this is a tool that you will NEED! Let’s be honest at best you can take 1 or 2 pairs of shoes with you and since you have to scavenge a lot.. you will be doing a lot of walking on them. You will often sleep in very small spaces so I can imagine you getting nightmares if the place smells too much of dead cows. There are strangers with you most likely so if they are too bothered by you they might just “not save” you and your stinky shoes!   So this will definitely keep your sanity up a bit!
One pair of shoes means it needs to be cleaned and hydrated regularly.  You could still go loot a shoe store but that comes with risk as we already established zombies like to hang in malls and shopping areas. Keep your sanity and smell fresh!

PS. I would defiantly wear those quasi heels during the apocalypse, I like the colour as well!

Total cost of Survival  €3634 or $4244

Sitting Atom Astro Boy Communication Robot

Your friends are dead, your family is dead, you had to eat your pet and the two survivors you hang out with only talk about sports or even worse Fortnite and/or Roblox. You have no one to talk to! Even if you make a friend they soon get eaten by zombies again. There is that one fellow that killed himself driven crazy by the scent of his own shoes! Poor guy never read Pinkie’s blog.. he was doomed from the get go. You sure as heck aren’t able to communicate with those who are still left and you kind of mistrust them. You’ve seen them eye your fabulous cardboard armor. Everyone needs someone to talk to and if that conversation is introducing yourself every time and you never make progress socially that does not feel good either. “Hi I am Pinkie I survived the great burning zombie Tornado of 2022’  is a nice story to tell but if the people who keep hearing it die it becomes less fun really quickly! So you need someone who can talk to you and remember what you tell them! A buddy! A robot friend!

Sitting Atom Astro Boy is basically a REALLY advanced Furby! Who over time learns to converse with you, remembers what you told him and reflects back to that. “Remember the time we survived the Zombie Tornado of 2022 Pinkie” he could say.. and I”d be like “Boy do I?!” “It was bad-ass” . Happy that someone remembers my adventures and being able to recognise 12 faces and voices to bond with Astro Boy can  be the councilor of your camp! He doesn’t need food, he will not die! He will sing and dance for you (while sitting) he will introduce himself every time with a gesture and he only needs to be hooked up to the power grid to function! No hoarding for batteries either. However you get power doesn’t matter Astro Boy takes it! You might need an app to connect to him so you better get him fast before the internet goes offline! He costs €2457 or $2870’s which seems like a lot but for a lifetime of therapy and an undying friend during an apocalypse it is nothing of course. After all, your money will be worthless soon anyway! I mean what else are you going to talk to?! A volleyball?! Man sports goods are such normie stuff. This one might even motivate you to study Japanese! Take that Wilson!

Final cost of survival: €6091 or  $7114 

Note: This blog is made for entertainment purposes. Pinkie and her staff in no way claim these items would offer actual protection against a Zombie Apocalypse.. they MIGHT come in handy but we do not guarantee your safety or actually suggest you buy these in preparation for such an event. Pinkie does not ACTUALLY think the Zombie Apocalypse is approaching…however should you really lack the brain capacity to recognise this is not for real……. “Onegai! Tasukete! .. Please help me! I do not have the money for the complete kit! Please help me out by supporting my Ko-Fi! I don’t want to be Zombie Food”

Pinkie’s Geeky Solutions 1: Japanese Gadgets to Date Japanese Girls!

Welcome again my dear island guests. Pinkie’s Paradise does not only have the sweetest coconuts, most delicious cocktails and best staff you get in a resort! We also really like our gadgets. Well at least me the manager does! The Japanese culture is something a lot of us people here love and strange gadgets are a part of that “Japanese” Lifestyle! Since I love randomness so much I decided to create a series in which I solve every day trouble.. with odd Japanese gadgets. Since last week I talked about my inability to flirt.. I decided this week to start off with gadgets to help me….and you guys.. date a Japanese girl.

This post will feature some YouTube Video’s so reading this post on my actual website is advised

Getting Ready for Your Date

All these gadgets came from the same website! Japan Trend Store! The first step towards a successful date comes with preparation of course. You want to look nice for your date. If you are a bit like me though.. you HATE ironing! It is so awful. I go out of my way to avoid having to iron and for the measly price of €206 euros or $243 respectively I can look pristine without having to iron again! All I need is a Laundry Dryer and Wrinkle Remover. Just place an airbag over the steaming device, put your blouse or pants on the air bag and bam! Within “minutes” you have a dry outfit.. and if you look at how it bloats around the bag a lot more body confidence as well. 

A blouse or a gentleman’s shirt will only take about 30 minutes to dry and it can even blow dry denim jeans within 100 minutes! If you have a dryer though you can even use cold air and do it even faster. And look how amazingly fun it looks! It’s like you have a bloated friend over! I would definitely build a head for it! Imagine your mother coming over and she sees  two legs sticking up from behind your couch! This can be used for dating AND pranking! If you use cold air, you get a perfectly huggable buddy if the date doesn’t go well either.. and based on the comments I got on my flirting post we all should very much consider that option.

Now we are all geeks here so I would assume like me, the prospect of dating terrifies you all and causes immense stress. Stress that can manifest physically!  When I get stressed I turn into a wooden board or even a brick!  Muscles cramp together and I look like one of tangled up marionettes. Not very attractive to my date to say the least. I know Japanese people are a bit more tense.. but that does mean I won’t be able to get a relaxing massage after! So I should massage myself before and I have found the perfect one! A quadruped chicken! It’s name is Rilacocco! You can relax those tensed up muscles by letting it waddle on your skin!

Setting you back €96 euros or $114 dollars this is not a cheap massager, or from the looks of it a particularly good one!  Maybe if they are really finely built but I doubt this counts as a deep tissue massage. It looks Kawaii as heck though so you can even bring it to your date and show it off! With stickers you can customise it’s looks! What kind of eyes do you want it to have? It is yours to choose! You can even have a great conversation on why you customize Rilacocco the way you did! She is a Japanese girl after all.. I mean these things might not work AS well on a Western Girl.. or in actual real life… but for fictional Japanese girls.. it’s perfect!  You can compare your massagers! She might even have a Rilapiyo the Duck variant, which is cheaper and comes in pink and instead of wiggling it beams heat into you… okay.. I gotta steal my date’s massager now!

Now one thing you need to do before you go on a date is the Sniff test! You know! Sniff your armpits and see if it’s passable! Yet what if you are scent blind to your own smells?!  That could easily ruin a date!  You could ask a friend but we are all geeks so chances are we got those in short supply!  Let alone that they would like to smell our armpits and are available on the day of a date! Plus they are our friends! Those who’d do that for us would probably have been our friends for years so maybe they are also scent-blind.

Luckily one again there is a gadget that now can tell us how stinky we objectively are! Introducing the Konica Minolta Kunkun Body Odor Checker. A device that analyses your scent and rates your body scent on a scale from 0 to 100%. Now I am not sure if 0% means that you are 0% clean and you stink like that villian from Dragon Ball  or 0% noticeable so that could be awkward but we can experiment. Like I wash and sterilize and then measure it and if it’s closer to 0% I wash and sterilize till we reach that or if it’s closer to 100% we wash and sterilize till we reach the big score!

I am not sure if it detects perfume so best not perfume before I use it!  Then during our date check a few times and if needed visit the bathroom to clean my pits! So this device seems kinda pointless at first when you think that a normal human would regularly shower and clean their pits and stuff.. but apparently in Japan , body scent shaming is a very big thing!
Nothing kills romance harder than your date calling you Nioi or Stinkui. Well her being a psychopath murderer maybe.. but I would be kinda into that to be honest. Her calling me Stinkui.. instead of Pinkui would crush my soul! This gadget comes with a price tag of €487 or $576 dollars which is a rather soul crushing price to find out if you stink or not..and I still prefer the sniff test.. but this is objective! Maybe she carries one with her herself and if the reads are too high she will dump you and leave you with the bill of that cute Izakaya you visited. The thing sends data to your smartphone from which you can read stinkiness so you can also hide this device in the bathroom and use the app to make a documented list of who takes the stinkiest number 2. Or if you hate baths you can say! Mom! I don’t wanna take a bath. I am only at 12% stinkiness!. This device is worth its weight in deodorant.

Going on the actual first date!

So now you might be wondering! Pinkie .. did you make her a Japanese girl just so she can counter every argument not to buy these silly gadgets.. to which I say… mostly yes! But it is also so I could promote a very special gadget. You see the Japanese people have many skills. Most of them involve writing amazing 2d characters or deciding who in the world is gay and what not trough the art of Yaoi and Yuri art. They are also very good with using dead fish in creative ways, like making it go across little conveyor belts in the most colourful forms! Also making it very delicious! Yet they aren’t very good at speaking english! Luckily they are good at making gadgets so they made a device that seems like something out of Star Trek. The Startalk Voice Translator Hatsune Miku! A Translator that can translate 53 voices using an interface of 9 languages. So English is properly required to operate the device.. but it can help you understand your date.

What is even better is that the device is equipped with the voice of the adorable vocaloid. So if your Japanese Date whispers sweet nothings in your ear as the date progresses Miku will electronically repeat them understandably! So if you ever wanted to hear Miku say.. I think you are very handsome/pretty, this is your best chance! Plus your date can hear your compliments in the voice of Miku too! If you ever  have seen a concert of her in Japan we know Japanese folks LOVE her! So if she on a subconscious level ties you to the idol you are golden!  Even if your date doesn’t go well you can always talk to Miku.. she will just repeat after you but you can make her speak another language so you can just pretend it is something else!  Let just hope Miku never tells you your date thinks you are stinky, but since this gadget will run you about €382 or $452 you might have to cut down on a certain scent detector.

Now if you are like me you will be pretty nervous during your date. Miku might translate things with a bit of a stutter! However, nerves means sweating!  Even though  we can detect our scents to wash all the grime away.. and new sweat doesn’t stink.. only old sweat does.. you still can see stains on your coloured clothes. I like wearing brighter colours so sweat stains kind of stand out! For a date I would also usually wear something fancy.. which usually means it’s a lot hotter. I will never wear a short sleeve to a date so I either have to wear a vest or a long sleeve dress. Make up will also make me hotter hopefully also in the figurative sense.. but also in the literal sense.. so bodyheat is  a thing that quickly goes out of control! Most Japanese cooling gadgets do not look very sexy!  I will discuss more of them in a future post but today I will discuss something you can wear under a dinner jacket or a nice pretty vest. It’s the Surei Water Cooling Vest Lite! 

This vest can move water around it’s lining with temperatures as cold as -10 degrees celsius. Which is like 14 degrees Fahrenheit! Which means I definitely won’t sweat. It might even make you shiver with cold so she is forced to give you a warming hug! It won’t help because -10 is being created underneath the hug but hey you gotta take your victories. Also since it is so cold you can’t really put it on your skin as that won’t end well.. but this is invented for people that want to wear a jacket.. but don’t want the heat the jacket provides. That kinda seems like a bit of an jackass thing to wear a jacket just for the looks but wanting to negate the heat and it definitely will come to haunt you in the ass if it is a date that ends in the bedroom.. because.. a cooling pack is not sexy.. but for date number will keep your pits clean! Plus and this is a big one.. it can be worn inside a Hazmat suit.. let’s face it it is 2020 after all. For just $376 euro’s  or €318 if a blonde man doesn’t destroy your currency value you can have this sweet vest. With icy temperatures us girls can even use it to perk up a little! 

Securing a future!

Now one successful date is not enough to get a Japanese girlfriend! I think at least.. There are bars where us Gaijn can go to pick up ladies looking for some western meals but let’s be honest we all want love and not lust right?! *Pm me for the bar name I can help you out if you don’t*  So.. how do we make our date our girlfriend. Well I was born in the 80’s. Back then and in the early 90’s the way to secure a date is to give her a romantic mixtape!
However providing her with a YouTube playlist isn’t exactly the same. Since we want to go retro all the way and you want her to have some cute song quality.. why go for a mixtape when we can upgrade it to Vinyl! Presenting the Gakken Otona no Kagaku Toy Record Maker! A toy that allows you to make an actual record for your lady love using recordings you have on your smartphone! This means you can just put your favourite love songs on there.. but you can also sing a song yourself and put it on a record! So if you always wanted to be printed on Vinyl while not having a girlfriend I guess you can do that as well you narcissist meany! For just €168 euros or $198 dollars you can blow the mix tape people out of the water and give your love a record album of your love!

It also melted my date!

Skipping ahead a few months you are now in a relationship but of course your visa has expired so you had to go home for three months. Things are still good as she still has that record with your voice on it! Everytime she listens to Hatsune Miku she thinks of you too! So everytime she listens to either she calls you up on Zoom! How sweet! But also really annoying because that is the time you would go out drinking with your friends..or play a western game. Yet you can not blow your girlfriend off! You need a ruse to talk to her for a bit.. then go do your thing without doing the I love you more thing.. No I love you more! Yuck!  So you just say your internet is very bad and you buy the Loading Circle  Online Meeting Escape Machine! It costs $75 which is just €63  and while chatting with her you freeze up and pop the button on this machine then pause your camera.. and she will be none the wiser.  You can then send her a text on discord or whatsapp saying my phone just crashed.. I am going to bed. I am sorry Uwu! I wuv you!  Then you go out with your friends, have fun and your relationship will not suffer for it either!

The final gadget can be for yourself if you are a girl or for her if you happen to be a guy! It is the Ravijour Love Tester Bra. Three months have passed and you can move back into Japan..and it is time t o wrinkle the sheets.  Yet being a geek we are all devoid of the knowledge of opening bras. Nothing is as unsexy as you wanting to get things on and you are yanking on a bra of your significant other trying to get it off. Most of us will lack experience in that department.. so instead of letting her undo it herself.. you gift her this electronically locked Bra that is controlled with an app! She can undo it herself with the app but if you can get her heartrate up enough within a certain interval for a little while.. the app will make the bra pop off itself. The sad thing is though.. as for right now this thing isn’t really for sale! It was a promotional thing in 2014 aimed at offering protection to intoxicated women who could easily be sweet-talked into doing something they don’t want!  Yet for us geeks it could also be a sexy toy that lets us avoid our kryptonite so I say bring this back!

Don’t worry! I have no Japanese girlfriend yet.. I first need to gather upwards of 1757 euro to go on a date in Japan and that is excluding the ticket, and of course the actual date. So you got time! Until then I hope I made dating a bit easier for you people! Now you can find your Japanese Angel! If you want to find these gadgets for yourself go to Japan Trend Shop! I am not sponsored but I love this website and will make more of these posts in the future! So maybe one day.. they sponsor me.. and I could actually GO on that tech date! Of course you can help as well by supporting my Kofi!