ORAS – Pinkie's Paradise

Top 5: Pokémon Battle Themes

Being short on time and ill prepared, I would not want to leave you island guests without content. So let’s have fun with something nice and easy that is close to my heart. Pokémon stuff! I saw a bad horror movie yesterday as well, but since I want to blog about love now, rather than burning a movie to the ground I rather praise the franchise I so adore. Since I do not have a lot of time to photoshop I protected me from myself and picked a blogging topic that did not need images. MUSICA! So here are my five favorite battle themes from the games and series.

Battle Theme Number 5 : Blue’s Champion Theme (Pokémon Origins Version)

Now I could easily place this one right on top of my list for nostalgia reasons and use the original version but that would be a bit lame. While the original rendition is in my eyes till the best game rendition this anime version is truly the perfect symbolism to how it matured over time. Those beginning notes almost sound like an alarm going off, warning you that you are about to battle the toughest battle of your life. As a child this was…sorta true. Blue was a tough battle but I never found him that threatening.

Something in the way he is build up. You beat him over and over again so if you fight him at the end, he doesn’t really feel like a champion. If we compare that to for example a Cynthia or Leon who have been build up as super strong trainers, this fight does not feel THAT special to me. Had we not just encountered Blue outside victory road earlier I might feel differently, but all I could think was.. he could not have gotten THAT much stronger could he? When you battle Red at the end of Gold and Silver (and their remakes) he feels a lot more menacing. Blue’s theme was also used as the champion theme for Trace.. who even feels weaker so I just never felt situations where this dire when hearing this theme. Still it’s one of the very best.

Battle Theme Number 4: Zinnias’ Battle Theme (Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire)

One of my favorite pokémon titles of all time was Pokémon Omega Ruby, while other fans criticize it for being to samesies.. I was not allowed to get the original pokemon ruby and sapphire by my dad. He said Pokémon was for kids and I had outgrown it.. so I could only play that one as a illegal rom, and only if he was not watching. So in a way I never was at ease when playing the game. When I finally got to play it in peace and legal I felt so much more at ease. The mysterious character Zinnia, that is new to these remakes had fascinated me from our first encounter. She strongly reminded me of a real life girl I was having strong feelings for. I had not been open and out as being into girls for to long, (after realising it took me a few years to dare to flirt or show interest in girls in fear of pushing them away and due to this fear I just ended up not realy feeling in love)

Zinnia is a young woman who lost her child Aster due to unknown reasons. Being part of a dragon clan she travels the lands to try and prevent the world to end. Yet she goes about it in some dubious ways at times. She is constantly followed by a helpless whismur that she called Aster, which you trough research can find out is the name of her lost infant. I respected the character and it was one of the first mature characters your character sort of gets a bond with. Her theme has some darkness to it in it’s baseline while the main melody due to the accordion like themes sounds odd from which we can also read her scars. Zinnia got odd due to the pain of her loss, yet still is a brave fighter trying to do good. And this theme conveys that very well to me. Plus it’s the theme of the only pokémon character I ever crushed on.. so makes me look at it from rose tinted glasses. You could say that that is a bad thing but I would love to have pink glasses.

Battle Theme 3 : Ultra Necrozma Battle (Ultra Sun and Moon)

No matter how big of a Pokémon fan you are, no matter how much of a Negative Nancy or Positive Petra you are we can all agree one thing. Pokemon games are REALLY easy. We invent challenges for ourselves called Nuzlocke where a pokémon fainting equals it’s permadeath to make the dame more challenging. We hack the games to make them more challenging and even then we still manage to beat them. So imagine the surprise among the pokémon community when we first encountered this additional villian in Ultra Sun and Moon. When Necrozma absorbs Nebby (which is already pretty shocking) we see the birth of one of the most.. and most likely even THE most challenging bossfight(s) in the entire series.

I saw so many Nuzlocke fail under the might of this extraordinary and creepy pokémon. A legendary that basicly mega evolves AND gets the totem boost is nothing to scoff at. It’s moveset has super effective counters for SO many pokémon. If he hits you super effectively, the pokémon is basically dead as if you do not power grind , knowing that it will come it will be of a lot higher level than you should be. Very few pokémon can resist it. It’s battle theme feels menacing and celestial, it feels like you are facing something bigger than that which you have ever faced and this in fact ..at least until you face Eternamax form Eternatus. I love the theme of the latter..but that one feels to much like a big hero’s reversal so there is not as much tension as in this doozy!

Battle theme 2: Gym Leader theme (Sword and Shield)

Now I am not one to say that new is always better and some 16 bit and 8 bit music is truly great Yet in Pokémon’s case I do feel that the classic themes are somewhat overplayed. We all know it and love it and that is great. Yet in recent times we have begun the cycle of nitpicks and are beginning to critique everything on nitpicks and instead of looking at why we love a franchise we look for reasons to drop it. Pokémon Sword and Shield does indeed have pokémon locked behind time gates (not behind paid dlc.. except for the new forms and new pokémon) sure, the game is shorter , but it made endgame more accessible than ever.I do not mind the people who give Game Freak honest feedback, I do mind the people trying to boycott the game for having a shorter campaign or for being so anti DLC they do not see it’s simply a product of the age we live in. I felt really sad that my beloved community had turned into Nat-Dexxers hating on the new game and SwooShers hating on Nat Dexxers. Can’t we just focus on what we like about pokémon and stay united. You do not have to buy a game you do not like nor do you have to dislike a game because others critique it.

I felt alone and I was wondering if it became wrong to love pokémon still. I took my first steps in the world of Galar with some reluctance. Was it still okay to love pokémon? This all changed as soon as I stepped into that first gym battle. I loved the cute gym puzzle, I loved how Galar made pokémon feel so much more real. Like an actual sport! I loved the world building in Galar. That odd theme gave me an “as scene on tv” kind of feel. It was strange but good. Still okay just… until you knock out your opponents second to last pokémon. When we enter the final phase of the battle the crowds in the stadiums begin to chant .. and it was amazing. For the first time it wasn’t just my character standing in that arena! I was there!
Then I saw youtubers really loving this song as well. Wherever I watched I saw them doing that same crowd as the chant. Now when I ever doubt if it is wrong to love pokémon I hear all those youtubers and other video streams chant this song and I know that there is nothing wrong with me… and I want to battle some more! That is some powerful stuff!

Battle theme 1: Alolan Champion Theme (Pokémon Sun and Moon)

Pokémon Sun and Moon have some of my favorite music, my favorite city theme, my favorite pokémon professor theme, my favorite elite 4 theme and my favorite champion theme. That last one is so much greater than anything else. Not only does it walk a great balance of nostalgia as being its own track. It represents something that is unheard of and never been done in any pokémon game. When you face professor Kukui as your final challenge at the end of the elite four you would really think it is his theme. However is not. If you repeat this challenge, you can face various trainers and with all of them we see the same theme play out. Even if you fight Hau .. who has a very specific theme! How is this possible? Then you realise it… as soon as you beat the Alola league the words that show us the truth appear on the screen “Congratulations, you are the first champion in the alola league’ This song is your theme.

Starting with the first notes, the first pokémon game began with, this song isn’t about your rivals determination.. or the high stakes in this match. It’s about your journey as a trainer. Kicking of very tiny and swelling in intensity it has show how we have grown as trainers. With both intense and whimsical parts it encapsulates every aspect of being a trainer. Throughout the song we see a lot of classical elements of mostly pokémon main themes.
This is not just a song about your journey through Alola but your entire career as a pokémon trainer. In all the other regions there were champions before us and there will be after we have gone, but in Alola we became the first! We have become the very best.. like no one ever was.

Top 5: Games to start your Pokémon adventure with.

Subjects, it has come to my attention that a great many of you never really played Pokémon! I should have you flogged and put in the dungeons! I’d rather use the dungeons for my afternoon naps though. Quite cool and not a lot of light equals quality napping and this princess needs her beauty sleep! So instead I will spend the time until said nap to inform you how to get into Pokémon, what game can you best start with! So prepare yourselves for a wonderful journey across some amazing games in the radiant presence of yours truly.

Starting Point number 5 : Pokémon Let’s Go Eevee and Pikachu.

The game that was designed to get more people into pokémon is indeed in my top 5 but barely so! Some might find this controversial but I do not care about those feelings! Iamwright, my Aipom agrees with me. In let’s go you control a trainer of a new generation. Living in Pallet Town in the Kanto region , you’ll soon catch a super special Eevee or Pikachu to travel with on a journey to get 8 gym badges to challenge the championship known as the Pokémon League. Meanwhile you stumble onto the evil Team Rocket who is trying to capture the ultimate Pokémon. Featuring only 153 pokémon to collect this is definitely one of the least daunting games on this list. However this one is this low on the list because it enforces a lot of the stereotypes about Pokémon, nor does it truly reflect what it’s like to play a main line game. This game feels very mechanical and somewhat arcade like. Chaining together catch combo’s of 30+ to gain levels and shiny chances reduces the impact of a capture quite a bit.

It is super streamlined and sleek but the capture and improvement system is so slimmed down that it will result in the main games feeling odd. Now don’t get me wrong this is a fair choice to make if you do not want to be overwhelmed..but let’s be honest if you are reading this you have most likely past the age of 10 a decade or so ago at least. So we can handle a bit of depth. Lets go isn’t deep at all, it is a very shallow dive into Pokémon but a very charming one. Seeing your partner Pokémon interact and react to you is nice.

Dressing it up in a matching outfit to you has its charm as well. Eevee and Pikachu really shine as your partners..but they do shine a bit too much. They are infinitely powerful and get all sorts of moves they normally would not get. Pikachu gets a lot of weakness covering attacks and can breeze by every gym by himself. Eevee gets attacks of each and every one of it’s Eeveelutions ..and those moves are brokenly OP. With Kiddy names like Glitzy Glow and Bouncy Bubble and Zippy Zap it’s not that surprising people stereotype it as a kids only game. In truth it really isn’t. The game is a great trip down memory lane, it’s sweet and charming..but if you really want to know what Pokémon is about .. this is not it. If you are looking for some low brow , quick to finish Pokémon fun where you can catch them all in about a week or so, this IS the game for you.

Starting Point number 4: Pokémon Red and Blue

Available both digitally as well on the original cartridge the first games would be an obvious plays to start. Sharing the exact same story as Let’s Go.. with the twist that you can actually pick three starters it the form of Bulbasaur Charmander and Squirtle. In this game you have to work yo catch them all and you aren’t hoarding a million and one captures you have to train (or glitch) them all up the hard way, catching them is harder and getting them all is more rewarding on it’s own. However nostalgia tends to blind people and in truth, the originals could be a bit of a broken mess. Special Defence and Offence weren’t split yet, abilities and held items were not a thing and the Ai and a lot of the NPC things were quite busted. It isn’t that hard to break this game and create infinite loops , glitch your game into forcing a hard reset and others things.

Now these can have their charms and contribute to the retro feeling, but this isnt a list about the most fun to play Pokémon games. It’s a list on where best to start. For the dedicated completionist who haven’t tried this yet , but t I doubt there are any of those. here, this would be the place to start. If you want to do anything in chronological order this would be the place to start as well. Gold and Silver would be the best classic game to start , in truth were it not for one thing I had to mark it down for. They break. Gold and Silver cartridges can become unplayable because the internal battery can dry, the game will not start if this is the case. Pokémon Crystal is on digital marketplaces but do NOT buy Gold or Silver original cartridges it could get you into a lot of trouble.

Red and Blue however are safe to buy regardless of what media you buy it on, going back waaay to the beginning you will miss out on a few new types but you get a mostly enjoyable experience that was improved upon for next generations. I only recommend this one if you really want to start at the beginning! I do however think that starting at the beginning is very natural for a lot of people so that’s why this one takes the number 4 spot. Be warned though, unlike every other game of this list, this one has 0 post game. Well… there’s one thing.

Starting Point number 3: Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire (ORAS)

This one would be my ‘The Empires Strikes Back’ of the Pokémon franchise. The holy grail and shining beacon of the franchise. One of the best Pokémon games ever in quite possibly the best region. To me only trumped by Heart Gold. With the remake taking part in the 6th generation you have every typing available and you even have access to new features like Mega-Evolution which..for now.. is an important element in the games after. The story takes you through the Hoenn region as the child of a gym leader you want to make your father proud. Once you hear the cries of professor Birch and help him out, you get that chance by going on a journey with your newly acquired friend Mudkip, Torchic or Treecko, one of the best starter sets throughout the series. Hoenn is plagued by two criminal teams. Team Magma and Team Aqua, who want to use ancient creatures to reshape the earth. Team Magma wants more land and Team Aqua wants more water. You quickly find out that both these options will not do the world any favors and have to stop these teams from creating a cataclysmic event.

The game has a great journey from receiving your starter to claiming the title, quite possibly the best elements in every pokémon game are present (though I miss trainer customisation in this one..that’s more because I just love outfit stuff). It has an amazing post game story revolving around a meteor coming to end the earth. We have Wally, who takes the number 1 spot in my favorite pokémon battles. (ORAS holds the entire top 3) The music is spectacular. As a special character in this remake we have Zinnia. The Dragon Type trainer who named her Whismur after her deceased daughter.

ORAS shows Pokémon can be both cute but also can be a bit more serious and has a great diverse set of Pokémon. This would have taken the number one spot of it didn’t skip over some important game elements. The game little in terms of explaining HM’s , Mega-evolutions and some other elements. It’s not THAT hard to figure out as you are given some clues but you can tell this was designed as a bit of a follow up game. Definitely the best game in the series so far but less user friendly than number one and two.

Starting Point Number 2: Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon (USUM)

This one might be a bit of an odd pick for a number two spot , because this isnt exactly the most beloved game. However all gripes with the game come on how similar it was to the regular Sun and Moon and if we are talking about a great place to start, you wouldn’t have played those.. so that argument is invalid. USUM has a much more epic conclusion, better post game content and more pokémon so I do not see a point in recommending the originals over it. In this game you play the nephew or niece of professor Kukui, Pokémon professor of the much more traditional Alola region. As you came from Kanto you inspire KuKui to host the Pokémon League for the first time ever, but trainers would have to prove their worth by taking on the island challenge, which consists of a series of trials followed by battling the four Kahuna’s of the Alolain isles. Meanwhile you stumble upon a mysterious young girl named Lillie who is fleeing from something. She carries a mysterious smoke cloud pokémon she named Nebby..which doesn’t like to stay in it’s bag around and all you know her pursuers want Nebby for some reason or another. While you travel you discover there are.. for the lack of a better description, eldritch abominations dwelling in a realm named Ultra Space. These so called Ultra Beasts are different from Pokémon and you will have to stop the evil that is trying to bring them into Alola, but that is not all from Ultra Space comes a group of people saying that there is an even bigger threat in this timeline as they warn you for Ultra Necrozma which has the power to devastate the world.

This game by far is the most cinematic one. Lot’s of dramatic scenes which leads to tons of character development. The journey we see Lillie take as well as the roles we see your rivals named Hau and Gladion fulfill are all top of the bill. Rarely has a Pokémon game felt this alive. The second time you play through you’ll be annoyed as frizzlesticks because of all the cutscenes.. but again.. that doesn’t hurt it’s spot on THIS list

The trials and fights against totem beasts are a bit easier to get into than the classical gym battles and offer some nice variation, the lack of Hidden Machines or HM moves allow to get more creative when teambuilding, trainer customisation is neat.. but a lot better for a female trainer (but Ultra improved options for boys as well compared to regular sun and moon). The setting is very comfy to play around in as well, an adventure on subtropical islands is more compelling than seeing a reimagination of a very specific japanese region.

. This game is this high on the list because it does an excellent job on explaining mechanics. It also hands new players some proper tools to deduce which types are effective against other types. It will display which moves are super effective or are not very effective against a type. Not from the get go however, you have to discover it by trying stuff out against certain types or dual types. Once more featuring great music, fun new mechanics and a lot of support for the player this game will be THE game to pick up if you want to get into Pokémon right now and if you like to follow a narrative. It also will display symbols on maps where you need to go so unlike the other games you will never really get lost if you miss over some dialogue It also offers you a fair bit of challenge with the Rainbow Rocket challenges or the Ultra Necrozma fight for example. It will show of most villains throughout the show and overall is a very good choice to start with..

Starting Point Number 1: Pokémon Sword and Shield

Now my loyal subjects , I know it is weird to recommend a game that hasn’t event come out yet but here me out on this one. Sword and Shield has a lot going for it already to be a great starter game. First of all is the whole Dexit controversy, the region based on Britain will not have the full Pokédex and people are going mad over it. However it will have a fair chunk. However this is exactly why it will be a great starting point. You can collect around 500 to 600 pokémon rather than a daunting 1000 or so. What’s more , the new game will feature raids meaning you can play alongside friends who can help you get better and get better pokémon. The Job system will make it easier to EV train, the lack of HM’s will give you the ability to run a team in the way you want too. Battling will be held in tiers meaning you might even be able to enjoy a bit of the competitive side without being forced to spend a million hours on breeding.

Max Raids , which once more you do tackle with friends, offer pokémon with better natures and abilities already so it won’t be too hard to actually learn. The biggest reason I put it on this spot is actually how much of the game will change. Mega Evolution is gone, enter dynamax and gigantamax. Z-moves are no longer a thing but are replaced by Max Moves. We don’t know much about the story yet but it seems to be quite deep, with several rivals and an evil team that doesn’t seem THAT evil implying there surely is more evil lurking somewhere else. The rules of Pokémon are changing quite a lot as it would seem in this game with new options to play with and against others players it’s the perfect moment to learn alongside the veterans or show your skills against other rookies.

Being released on switch which doubles a home console and handheld only makes this easier. The displayed effectiveness of attacks makes it return as well as well as new cleaner menus being easier to manage. On the 15th of november we are entering a new phase of pokémon and you can be part of those pioneers which discover Galar… this time we can explore together……sortoff!

Of course these are only the main titles, there still is plenty other content to explore, such as the mystery dungeon series, the pokémon ranger games and even the Nobunaga inspired Pokémon Conquest. You can play Pokémon Puzzle League or Brawl it out in Pokken. Just as easy, potentially just as fun. Regardless of your preferred genre there more than likely is a Pokémon game out there for you as well. Though there isn’t a pokémon financial sim just yet. Let me know what type of Pokémon game you would like to play..or which game you would recommend to a starting adult or just write something nice in the comments and remember.
I am not weird! Just very pink!
Until we read again.

Time for a dungeon nap!

Spoink: The worst Pokémon

Aha good day readers, it’s so good to see you all. This week marks the start of us having an official domain, rather than that arceus-ugly one. http://pinkiespokemon.com Is now a fact. A much more pleasant name if I do say so myself. The new domain comes with some stylistic changes. Main-Pinkie has given her persona’s free range to write their content. Before we would to Mon-Days, from now on we have Professor Pinkie’s Pokédex. It’s still the same..but now run my me not bound to a day persé. As restyling is eating on our writing time a bit today I chose a bit of a shorter topic! Spoink, the worst Pokémon.

It’s not bad

First of all to not get our dear pokemon friend upset, when I do say it’s the worst I do not mean to decrease it value as a pocket monster. It is not a bad pokemon to run on your team, nor is it’s design atrocious, in fact it’s pretty cute. No.. spoink’s design flaws are much more set in it’s lore! In the world of Pokémon, it is highly unfunctional. Let’s first talk about it’s design. As you can see here Spoink is an adorable piglike pokémon that was introduced in the Hoenn region. One of the first piglike pokémon, only outdated by swinub. It’s neutral grey body and stubby hands might make you suspect it’s a neutral type at first but you would be mistaken. The pink pearl on their heads are created by clamperl. A deep sea Pokémon that also was first discovered in the Hoenn region for those who mastered the craft of diving. As its name suggest it’s a clamshell pokémon. How the spoink managed to get these pearls is unknown because they are not indigenous to ocean areas. In fact the first place you encounter them is near a volcano close to Flannery’s gym! Throughout the entire series Spoink always prefers mountainous areas. So the relation between Spoink and Clamperl is sketchy at best. However it IS know that spoink use these pearls to enhance their mental powers. Yes this crossup between Piglet and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh is a psychic type. It likes to feed on underground mushrooms and can be considered rather harmless. It is known to have two innate abilities, being Own Tempo, which prevent the pokémon from being confused by any means , or is directly healed from such effects in some cases and Thick Fat. The latter is an ability which reduces damage Fire and Ice type moves by 50%. All in all, it has a cute mythos, a favorable typing for the metagame and some decent pokémon abilities. You can teach it some fun moves as well. How then can we claim its the worst Pokémon.

The Nuzlocke Pokémon

Spoink is what we call the Nuzlocke Pokémon. Nuzlocke is a method of playing a Pokémon game where players choose to a self imposed permadeath system on their pokémon. Players can only capture their first encounter on a route and any pokémon that faints is considered dead. Of course the games doesn’t recognise this, although some fangames do, so pokémon usually end up in a so called death-box. How is Spoink connected to this system you might ask? Well because of its lore. If Spoink is knocked out in battle.. it will certainly die if you don’t withdraw it into your pokéball immediately. As if having your legs replaced by a spring isn’t hard enough of a life, the Pokémon company decided to mess with Spoink a bit more. They decided that it would be cool that this cute little pig’s heart doesn’t pump on it’s own. So when Spoink isn’t happily bouncing around, it’s heart is not pumping. Knocking out a Spoink thusly basically means certain death for the creature. Since I found out this lore titbit, this professor has never knocked out a Spoink anymore… how many have you killed? Such an oversight seems rather cruel in the world of Pokémon.

Poor Poor Spoink

Let’s take it a step further though and take a good look at the implications this lore fact might bring. First of all, by instinct they do know how to sleep while bouncing so at least we will not see insane sleep deprived Spoink trying to take over the world. You can also use sleep moves in a fight against this little one. Anything else however makes you either extremely cruel or a flat out murderer. Paralyse a spoink and it’s dead, freeze it… dead. If you manage to confused it and it would trip due to its confusion it’s most likely dead! The status move burn will not kill it, but since a burned victim loses half their strength it is safe to say it creates major pain when you are physically active..for example let’s say burning. So if we consider it’s lor Spoink is completely and utterly unable to function in battle. It’s an easy prey for predatory creatures as well. Their own mortality urges Spoink to find bigger pearls on their heads to amplify their power even more. A noble goal for these brave little bouncy boys and girls. In comes the anime, which decided to add a flaw to Spoink! Because clearly it did not have enough of those! The weakness the anime chose is to give Spoink bad eyesight. We see Spoink trying to replace it’s pearl, but it is unable to recognise items at all. It becomes clear that it’s eyesight is so bad it can barely even make out shapes. It makes for a funny episode but if we analyse this properly it makes us realises that in a few generations we might only be able to get Spoinks from fossils. The pearl on its head is needed to function well in combat and if Spoink faints its dead. Not being able to recognise what actually is a pearl, really hurts it’s already slim survival chances. If Spoink trips , it might very well die as well but I bet a near blind pig hopping around extremely rough terrain will be fine…. right? Who am I kidding..someone really must have hated their own creation when they came up with Spoink.

It gets even worse

So maybe Spoink has good Pokémon moves, it would not be the first time we see a frail pokémon with some amazing moves. Well unfortunately this is not true either. By looking at it’s natural moveset and base stats we can deduce how a Spoink’s Solo survival chances are.. and things aren’t really looking good. The first giveaway is the fact the Pokémon has Splash in it’s moveset! You know that move that doesnt do anything.
Spoink evolves into Grumpig at level 32 and until that time it learns *drumroll* ONE reliable damage move. Having access to Psybeam, Psywave, Zen Headbutt and Snore in total, only psybeam is reliable. Psywave is a move that does random damage, given the lore we know about Spoink we can assume that is related to how big their pearl is… the anime shown us..they sometimes dont even have a pearl at all. Psywave thusly being disqualified as a reliable move for their survival. Zen Headbutt is a physical move and as to be expected from such a tiny springy pig, it’s physical stats are bad, both in terms of defence and offence. So should Zen Headbutt hit it would only put the little pig in danger, as it’s defences are very weak in melee situations. Snore requires the Pokémon to be asleep to use it. It’s nice that it can defend itself in its sleep but this move will not be very helpful in a direct battle. Spoink doesnt get acces to great boosting moves either, it can learn psych up which copies stat changes from it’s opponent.. meaning at best it can just even the playing field.
However it has the ability to learn magic coat which it can use to prevent it from being burned , frozen or paralyzed. Only moves strictly involving that status without damage are reflect though. At least it’s something. However if Spoink can recognise it’s opponent and assess the threat should remain to be seen.

It’s the worst

A Pokémon which dies when it trips, faints is paralyzed or frozen would be bad enough, and no we are not overreacting here. The Fire Red/Leaf Green and Black and White Pokedex explicitly state,in game, that Spoink dies when it stops bouncing. The text for all your kids to read literally uses the word die. 4Kids dubs could learn a thing or two from that stuff.
However with a barely passable moveset, with only one reliable move, bad eyesight and a hostile environment to live in this pocket monster has a lower chance at survival in the Pokémon world than my grandpa would in a match of Fortnite. Why poor Spoink is so hated by the designers I do not know, it must lead some horrible life. I would totally offer to partner up with one and train it up to a happier life, but if it’s even half aware of its own mortality I am afraid I would be tossing pearls before the swine. Which.. in this case..might actually help anyway.

That will do for now it’s time for us Pinkies to continue working on the website in the back as well as set up today’s online roleplaying session. What do you think about this cruel bit of Nintendo and Pokemon Company lore? Who would come up with this? Leave a like or a comment!
This is Pinkie closing off and please remember I am not weird just very pink!
Until we read again!