Top 5 : Twisted Non-Ghost Pokedex Entries

Hey little subjects, sorry it has been a while, my kingdom is kind of falling apart as of late.  My trustworthy laptop Sir Lappington has broken.. or well at least it’s screen is gone and being an old troubled beasty, it is time to say goodbye. Not having money this process however is taking its fair share of time. Luckily a friend of mine we shall name Bear borrowed me a screen to hook up to it. Unfortunately a lot of time is now spend on making back ups, finding new laptops and liberating money. So expect a bit of an irregular upload schedule for a little while.  Today however I have a brand new top five for you, something that fits my somewhat glum mood. The top 5 darkest pokedex entries. Yet there is a twist, because all the darkest pokédex entries and the most well known ones are ghost types. So today we will focus on the others!

Twisted Entry Number 5:  Metapod

Most of you know Metapod, the Gen I cocoon pokémon that probably annoyed you as a kid because it only knows .. or at least spams harden. It  only moves very minimally and if you catch it .. it doesn’t move at all . Pokémon Snap showed us how it can descend from a tree using string shot but even then it just descents not moving a muscle.  If you think that is because it’s a cocoon and I can not move, you are wrong. According to the Pokémon Sun pokedex and I quote: 

Its shell is filled with its soft innards. It doesn’t move much because of the risk it might carelessly spill its innards out.’

That’s right subjects if this little green bean looking thing tilts over it’s innards will spill out. Which are so soft they are basically a liquid. While Pokémon Moon describes the shell as breakable.. which would be a major problem for this pokémon, so it has to avoid massive battles,  Pokémon Ultra Moon adds a bit to the darkness scale. It basically states that while tiny bird pokémon can not even crack its shell a tiny bit, that same attack will make it fall over.. causing its insides to spill out. While it’s not stated that Metapod would die from this.. losing your organs seems pretty fatal to me, yet even if we consider that it could do without looking back and it’s earlier pokedex entries state that is has to ready it’s innards for evolution. In other words IF .. and  we are already making things look brighter than they actually are here, Metapod doesn’t need its organs and it’s just evolution juice.. it still means that as soon as this pokémon tips over ONCE.. it can never evolve anymore and is always stuck as a unmoving Metapod. I do not know which fate is worse.

(So that makes this a Deadapod)

Twisted Entry Number 4: Slowbro

Another Generation I pokemon that got twisted by the wonderful minds that made the Gen VII dex entries is Slowbro.  You know that lovable pink goofball that evolves from a Slowpoke once it’s delicious tail has been bitten by a shellder? Well this  pocket monster has it rough. The synapses of it’s pre-evolution are already quite slow.. taking about five seconds to feel any form of pain, it’s a lovable goofball that just loves laying about and things do not seem to change much it just fuses with a Shellder into a symbiotic thing?  I wished for Slowpoke this was it’s fate, but unfortunately the pokemon Sun Pokédex Entry states:

It spaces out while gazing at the sea. With Shellder poison flowing through its body, it becomes even spacier.

In other words, Slowbro is a pokémon that is constantly to experience a personality diminishing high, as it does gain more intelligent .. for a brief moment as explained in Moon’s dex entry where it has a moment of clarity upon being bitten, but then all memories fade away. Slowbro is also one of the few Pokémon that can devolve if the Shellder on its tail ever lets loose. Which is neat for Slowpoke in the wild I guess but for a trainer that is absolutely terrible, other trainers can just knock of the shell to return it back to a mediocre slowpoke. Ouch…. well ouch after give seconds.However a Shellder doesn’t want to let go. Ultra Moon describes the Shellder on a Slowbro’s tail as a greedy being, who loves to suck more and more sweetness from Slowbro’s tail. Basically it’s addicted to the delicacy of Slowpoke tail.. and as we know Team Rocket cuts of these tails to sell them on the black market as high quality food as well so it all does line up. While Slowbro has some amazing stats  to work with it’s symbiotic relationship basically involves having , what little bit it had of, its personality being deleted by a constant poison in it’s system while it’s tail is being sucked dry of it’s essence. All it gets is one moment of enlightenment.. and that is gone after a few seconds. Poor poor Slowbro.

(Mega Slowbro …because Mega Evolution is cool kids!)

Twisted Entry Number 3:  Komala

The cutest little Koala pokémon you have ever seen is one that is arguably debatable. Komala does not suffer, probably, it does not experience pain, probably and it doesn’t seem to have a care in the world as it clutches to it’s little log like a baby to their first plushie. It is known as the Drowsing pokémon.. but that is a falsehood because Komala never drowses.  To drowse is to be half asleep and Komala is unable of that. The move Yawn can make a pokemon drowsy but this move doesnt work on Komala either. No .. it’s not an insomniac, that would be dark enough. It’s ability Comatose already reveals what you can expect but boy does Komala trump that name. Pokémon Sun quote incoming:

It is born asleep, and it dies asleep. All its movements are apparently no more than the results of it tossing and turning in its dreams.

While it is born into this world, Komala never EVER experiences this world. It will never wake, it will never know it’s trainers face and no one in the canonical world of Pokémon has EVER seen a awake Komala. The log is a gift from its parents which it clings onto in a dreamlike state. If the dreaming Komala gets close enough to their trainer.. or their dream interpretation of it , it will cling to them as well but never is it fully aware. It just dreams something that sort of aligns with reality. While Komala probably never really suffers, not experiencing reality seems like a pretty dark. The reason that this little grey fellow will never wake up is because it only eats the leafs of a plant that are a powerful sedative, as stated by Pokémon Ultra Moon. Komala’s fate is to fall into increasingly deep stages of sleep until it as Ultra Sun stops moving all together. 

(Komala sleeps like a log..forever and ever..)

Twisted Entry Number 2: Bewear

Oh Bewear another Sun and Moon pokémon, (what else did you expect by now)  that has a very dark story to tell. This one however is not only telegraphed through the pokédex but troughout the entire Alola region. Warning signs can be found throughout the Alola region and  the theme of it’s entire evolution line is Irony. It starts out as a stufull a pocket monster based on a teddy bear that hates to be hugged or touched intensely.  Wielding tremendous power, it will flail about when hugged and those flailing paws have enough strength to take down a pro wrestler or even split trees in half.  Stufful is being described as an incredibly dangerous pokémon by the pokédex, clearly it doesn’t look like the face of danger. When it evolves however it gets a lot worse.

This Pokémon has the habit of hugging its companions. Many Trainers have left this world after their spines were squashed by its hug.

This quote is the Moon dex entry for the now bipedal bear. It is a pokémon that is SO strong.. it doesn’t even comprehend its own strength. The problem is, the pokémon now deeply desires to hug, therefore it’s habitats are off limit throughout Alola. Pokémon Sun calls it immensely dangerous while Pokémon Ultra Moon pronounces it THE most dangerous  pokémon known in the region. This would be okay for the pokémon I guess if it has a predatory nature, but it just wants love. This implies that this pokémon is doomed to be unhappy either way. Either it gives love and kills or it gets denied love and dies sad and alone. There is no winning here. In fact it knows it can not help itself but to claim a hug, and it tries to warn trainers by flailing it’s arm in an intimidating matter. It wants to love.. but it KNOWS that it love is deadly, yet it can not stop itself by its very nature . The final pokedex entry for Bewear goes :

It waves its hands wildly in intimidation and warning. Life is over for anyone who doesn’t run away as fast as possible.

Pokemon Ultra Sun
(Free is a big word when Hugs cost you your life)

Twisted Entry Number 1: Sliggoo

When this slug dragon was introduced in generation VI , it did not seem to have a lot of trouble. It’s eyesight was incredibly bad  and sure it could fire acids at his opponents that would dissolve stuff but we’ve seen worse. Sliggoo is the evolved form of Goomey.. the weakest dragon type pokémon (aww poor thing)  it’s just an orb of slime that needs to stay moist to be able to will suffocate in the bright sun (can you guess which version added that bit of trivia yet?) so it sticks to caves and damp places. As a result when it becomes a Sliggoo it’s eyes devolve rendering it virtually blind.  ‘Pinkie surely being blind can’t give it the top spot when we have a liquid organ thing and a permanently asleep pokémon there? That would be silly’ Well my friends.. it is time for YET ANOTHER Sun Entry.

It has trouble drawing a line between friends and food. It will calmly try to melt and eat even those it gets along well with.

While a Bewear will kill anyone…  Sliggoo eats it’s friends! Somewhere inside it’s brain can’t distinguish the line of food and friends and it cant even see what is is doing either.  How does he do it? Pokémon Moon has the answer : This Pokémon’s mucous can dissolve anything. Toothless, it sprays mucous on its prey. Once they’re nicely dissolved, it slurps them up. It can dissolve ANYTHING so you as it’s trainer are not an exception in fact if you walk with it it a lot.. leaving it out of it’s pokéball will spell inevitable doom for you as a trainer as  you are reduced to goo .. to be slurped up by your loving pokémon. It is unaware of what is is doing because somewhere in that brain of his .. friends equal food.. That’s seems like a pretty rotten fate to suffer to me. Having my spine snapped would at least be quick. Turning into pudding to be gobbled up seems like a pretty nasty way to go.  The biology of the creature is quite special too. It’s organs and brains are in the shell like goop glob on it’s back. Sliggoo also does not have ears or a nose, it uses some sort of radar system with its four horns. So while it can perceive you has none of the tools to sense your distress. When it dissolves you it can not even hear you scream and it will proceeded to slurp you up happily.

(Taking love goes trough the stomach a bit too litteral there Sliggoo)

Question to my Readers:

What is your favorite Dex-Entry

Thank you Sun and Moon for those happy little images! You really know how to make a happy little game. While I do hope I haven’t traumatised my subjects beyond belief.. I am still a princess and really good at this so.. I will probably see you, after some hot cocoa and marshmallows, in the next post! 

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting of again

Froslass : The Yuki Onna

Dear Nintendo, I know you you did it first and better, but basing pokémon on yokai makes me think about that imitation with the time telling and the orange cat. What should I feel? I really like this pokemon but I do not want people to think I am into that other series! I WATCHed it once.. but  I really like you so much more! I am devout to Nintendo, Game Freak and the Pokémon Company so please forgive me when I say. These creatures based on yokai are awesome! I only mean it for you! Also hey their are sort of monsters or spirits at least so it ties in nicely with Halloween.

A friend’s favorite

Welcome back my little aides to another installment of Professor Pinkie’s Pokédex. Today we shall discuss the Ice-Ghost type Pokemon Froslass. Froslass is the pokémon of my dear friend Angel. As a result I have come to identify her with such a pokémon. Both are very girly, and she is a northern european. Which means I’ll always imagine her living in a snowy area, quite frail as well I oftenly keep one my team to name it after her… and then I teach it destiny bond so I can sacrifice it to take down hard to kill pokemon. Of course I would not ever do this to Angel *shifty eyes*. Anyway.. Froslass is the evolution of Snorunt, who looks kind of like a shivering Dorito, it is actually a little black oval creature wearing a warm parka like triangle. These creatures are oftenly Jolly and happy folk who are very social and love to interact with other Snorunt and sometimes come to visit human homes to have fun as well.

By using a Dawn Stone on a female Snorunt you can evolve it to Froslass. A ‘slightly less’ sociable creature.  That’s right since when it evolves Snorunt changes from a pure Ice-Type to an Ice-Ghost type.. and everything with the ghost typing has to be twisted in some way! Yet more on that later. Froslass is a cute looking pokemon that is very reflective of its only possible gender. It looks elegant and feminine, yet portrays a coldness quite well. When you look at her you just know she isn’t just a sweetheart. There is a hint of danger around her. She wears a stunning white garb reminiscent of a kimono, tied together with a bright red obi (a belt for a kimono oftenly with an ornamental bow or pillow like at the back) The kimono moves over her head like a cowl only revealing some holes for the eyes, mouth forehead and horns, which are two stumpy ice crystals. Behind the holes in the cowl we see a deep purple body  and a cold yellow eye with frosty blue iris starting at us. Her hair is in the same colour bending behind her hat into the shape of the cowl. This is by far my favorite ice type design pokémon and I can see why Angel likes it.. but is it any good?

Dead ghost

The short answer is no, she isn’t very good. Basically every fully evolved ghost type has a higher base stat total than this one. With a base total of 480 she isnt that much behind the pack, but  having no bad stats means she also doesn’t have really excellent ones. There are better ghost when it comes to defense and there are better ghosts for offence as well. With only her speed being in the ‘good tier’ her special offence and physical offence are tied do mean she can swap roles to suit your needs though. Decent enough in everything to function  there is however little room for her in the metagame. There is one main boon to having a froslass on your team though. She has a great speed stat , outspeeding even most legendaries as well as many many other pokémon. This means unlike most ghost , who can be on the sluggish side she is a great swap in to quickly finish something already damaged off. After which you try to safely swap her out or you use Destiny Bond.  Destiny Bond is a move from the second generation of pokemon games. A pokémon that has cast the move upon another pokémon, will make that pokémon faint .. if that pokémon knocks out the caster, a revenge kill of sorts.

In an official match, should the last two pokémon go down together due to destiny bond, the trainer using the revenge move wins. This mechanic makes Froslass worth carrying because she can easily be sacrificed for a Pokémon you otherwise would be unable to take down.Unfortunately usually it means sending this pokémon to it’s death (or fainting at least). Othermoves you can run would be high attack power attacks of it’s typings, like Shadow Ball and Ice Beam.  Perhaps a boosting move like Calm Mind if they dont have something super effective out against you, but Destiny Bond is kind of a must have! A gimmicky pokémon whose theme seems her inspiration. This one likes revenge.

It’s not Ikea!

While it evolves out of female Snorunt and a Dawn Stone,  pokedex entries for this pokémon state that it once was a woman. A woman who was left alone all in the cold, usually  on a snowy mountain top or so. When she passed away she became a froslass. Her pokedex entry is kind of messed up. It’s first ever pokedex entry in Pokémon diamond stated that it’s breath has a temperature of -60 degrees Fahrenheit.. which would be around -51 in Celsius. It uses this breath to freeze it’s opponents. What we see as its body is actually just a hollow shell. So this ghost chose to animate a frozen shell , this shell is shaped into a cute little feminine entity to fulfill its greater desires.

What those desires are being made clear her pokedex entry from Pokemon Platinum.  This time the word opponent of foe has been replaced by prey! Slightly reducing her coldness to -58 degrees Fahrenheit. The term prey is used because it doesn’t just use it in battle anymore. She freezes her victims shit and relocates them.. collecting them in it’s den. Later Pokédex entries specify this a bit more clearly. It looks for both Pokémon AND humans to display, picking everyone they think would make a nice decoration. It preys on people hiking the mountain trails and collects the pokémon and people to make their home as stylish as possible. Now since we are dealing with anime and game logic there is several ways to freeze someone. Pokémon  can recover from being frozen and people are perfectly fine after defrosting. In case of Froslass not so much. Someone really thought the pokedex entry of Froslass wasn’t dark enough and in Pokémon Moon it was stated her favorite food is the souls of men. In pokémon Ultra Sun, they somewhat retconned what she collected and says she only chooses handsome man to be her victims, while the Ultra Moon pokédex entry has her going out in blizzards to collect people from their villages. I’d rather have furniture but that is just me. One thing is for sure, if she devours souls I doubt this is a freeze status you’ll just shrug off.

With skin as white as snow

The inspiration for this amazing pokémon dates back too as early as the Muromachi period of ancient japan. This period dated from the mid 1300’s up to the the mid 1500’s. (Around from 1336 to 1573) where the poet Sōgi made a reference of one. It is likely stories have even been told longer than that.  The Yuki-Onna has an abundant number of variations and forms. From and old lady in a white kimono, to a fully naked young lady. Young ladies with white Kimonos however their most described form. With their skin so unnaturally white it blends in with the snow and the white Kimono. Ravenlike hair.. which lets be honest is nothing special in Japan and blue lips.  We immediately see some design similarities between the general image of the Yuki-Onna and Froslass. Also the snow-lady’s origin story appears to be mostly considered the same. It is fairly common belief that the Yuki-Onna was once a woman who fell in the snow of the mountains. There the snow can be deep and trap you inside making sure you meet a frosty demise. Imagine quicksand but with snow. In the Aomori prefecture , which lies at the utmost northern part of Japan’s ‘main’ island  , we find the most commonly known story, know as the Shigama-Onna. This tells us about a Yuki Onna who is hugging a child on a snowy mountain, she would ask passerby’s to hug the child as well. In doing so the child would increase in weight.. each hug bringing it closer to sinking into the snow and death by freezing, dragging the unfortunatly soul who hugged it last with it into the afterlife. To refuse the ghostly lady would result in her throwing you off the mountainside. 

There are many others stories , most of them quite gruesome and yet somehow Game Freak has seem to have chosen a mix of the most gruesome stories. In the Iwate area it is believed that the Yuki-Onna uses her looks to steal the vitality of her victims, while in the Niigata prefecture specifically  mentions her freezing people to death with her breath. This same variation would feast on children’s livers and rip them out of their still living bodies. In other myths they tell how on nights of blizzards Yuki Onna would rattle the door and if you opened it would certainly spell doom for you or like in most myths your children. Yuki-Onna have also been described gathering many children and ‘putting them’ into a field. Which seems to be the inspiration for the collection part of the myth. However for some reason all mentions of children have not made it to the pokédex.  Now don’t get me wrong I do get why you can’t describe Froslass ripping the liver out of young trainers, that might be too scary and describing them as child killers might make players fear it, but Drifloon was said to drag children to the afterlife in the pokédex so it doesn’t feel completely consistent. 

Now we hope that in future generations Froslass gets an evolution to make her a bit more viable than a speedy sweeper and sacrificial pawn. In one myth a man took a Yuki-Onna in during the night of a blizzard and he treated her well. He most likely given her hot tea (which is a recurring theme in her myth that seems to end stories favorably) took care of her and shown her kindness. When the man woke up the next day he found out the woman had turned into gold.  It could be interesting to see Froslass shed her ice typing and become a steel-ghost type trough leveling up with friendship and it would grant a ghost type line a somewhat happier pokédex entry. I certainly would like to see it. I wish I could say the same for a Yuki-Onna in my life, even though I would treat her with kindness it would never work out between us… she likes children to much.

Question to my Readers:

What is your favorite Yokai?

Now that we had our fun in the snow it is time for some warmer thoughts! So I suggest you make yourself a hot coco, subscribe to my blog if you already haven’t , which you can easily do on my home page and even on any page of the official site,  have a good day and don’t forget the marshmallows in your chocolate milk!

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting of again!

Mawile the Futakuchi-onna

Greetings little monsters, welcome back to the ‘wonderful’ world of Pokémon. Today I will take a look at another pokémon and look at it’s abilities , skills and mostly it’s mythological inspiration. Today we discuss one of my least favorite pokémon of my favorite type. Mawile! The deceiver Pokémon.

Mixed emotions

The fact that this pokémon is one of my lesser loved ones among the fairy types doesnt mean it is not a good pokémon. In fact Mega-Mawile, introduced in the sixth generation,  can be quite good. However here lays my problem with this little monster, it really does need it’s mega stone to be good. This means you kind of have to run it as a mega set, in order to make it live up to any potential or for it to have solid stats. While Mega-Venusaur and Mega-Garchomp for example feel much more .. optional, with a lot of potential ways to play the pokemon. Mawile in its regular form just has its physical traits going for it the rest of it’s stats really are quite bad. It is an interesting typing though. It’s fairy typing covers it’s steel typings weakness to fighting moves and the steel part gives the fairy part of it an immunity to it’s poison weakness. In fact Mawile resists ten out of eighteen typings and is immune to two besides that. That means two thirds of all typings can not hit it effectively.  On paper this would make the little lady like pokémon a good defensive pokémon, unfortunately it’s weaknesses are ground types and fire types which are very common moves and a lot of pokémon can learn elemental punches, bites or even earthquake. You can not equip it with an air balloon to negate this because it does really need to hold its mega stone.

It is a nice pokémon to nuzlocke with but for a regular playthrough or competitive play it is quite lacking. It’s design is good, it has some creepy elements to it as well as some cute, which is meant to be part of it’s design , yet I can not help to feel like it should evolve somehow. It is just a bit too basic for a non evolving pokémon. The mega evolution fixed that but at the cost of giving it an item. While it does learn some decent moves, it only starts learning those past level 33 and up to level 49 and even then it’s just really has one viable way to build. So all in all , while a useful pokémon, I would not particularly call it charming. There is little room for playing around.


While I already went over how it’s design looks just looks a bit to basic let’s talk about it some more , but this time we also take into account what the makers want it to be. It’s backstory and all those qualities which can explain why a pokémon looks the way it does.  It’s design is based on depictions of the japanese entity called a Futakuchi-onna, whom we will talk about more in the next ‘chapter’ but basically it is woman with a mouth in the back of her head. When we look at Mawile we can clearly see the mouth is not in the back of her head but actually is in the back of her hair.  However Mawile can be both genders, which is a bit odd given it’s inspiration can exclusively be feminine, it is explained that what we see as hair is actually a steel horn, to explain it’s steel typing. The fairy typing was only added after generation VI (Kalos) so before that it was just a pure steel type. Perhaps this is partially why I do not like Mawile as much, it just doesn’t feel like a steel type , with what it was based on a dark type would have made so much more sense. But I guess Hoenn , the region it originated must have needed some additional steel types or something.. because I can not see a relation to most of its lore.. the only thing is the steel horn thing which feels forced.

Nani?! That is ONE weird steel horn Gamefreak!

Mawile is being described as the deceiver, it lulls pokémon or people into a false sense of security  with it’s cute face before turning around and beginning to chomp on them with it’s bigger mouth. The bigger mouth can not taste anything so it will eat anything just to get enough sustenance, the mouth can even chew through iron beams.  Weirdly enough Mawile doesn’t get the Strong Jaw ability. It can learn intimidate.. which makes sense cause it is scary as hell to see such a mouth, or Hyper Cutter (an ability that prevents abilities from being lowered) which also makes sense.. because it deceives making people think the cute part is the actual monster while it kinda actually is the mouth that is in control. It’s hidden ability (you can get by transferring)  make it a lot more impressive fighting wise and symbolise it’s sheer determination to eat and nothing else. This pokemon just wants to consume. Many dex-entries warn for how extremely dangerous a Mawile can be. The egg coloured body looks cute while the mouth does look quite ferocious so they do a good job at that at least but you get the sense there is more. We see that more when it Mega-Evolves.

Mawile says! ‘Eat your vegies kids!’

Mega-Mawile looks a bit more feminine than i it’s base form, her dress has now been given multiple colours and the hair mouth has now become two even more evil looking twin tales. It’s ability now becomes Huge Power, which doubles its physical attack stats that now has ridden to an already quite impressive 105. Compared to regular Mawiles 85, that is quite an increase. This makes Mega Mawile quite good in fact, at least in the ‘useful’ sense of the word. Alignment wise this pokémon seems to be quite evil. The pokédex says the mouths have become extremely vicious after transforming and now use one mouth to catch their prey in while the other mouth tries to rip them apart.  The mouth seem to be able to fight over the food. Imagine that two T-Rex scene from Jurassic Park the lost world but on a cute girly pokémon with a pokemon in between two of her three mouths instead. Yikes! A single gash from them is said to be able to turn a boulder into dust. Not so cute after all, but hey if you ever want your Porygon2 to be two Porygon2 we know whom to mega-evolve.


Now let’s see how much Mawile looks at its inspiration the Futakuchi-Onna. I was looking for a way to abbreviate this  but somehow Futa seemed like a bad choice. There are to many other onna’s so I will refer to them as ‘ladies’ from now on. This lady is a yokai , not that weird anime with the orange cat that is sort of like pokémon but ancient japanese folk-tales.  Like I said earlier they are women who have transformed , while sources differ on their origin all seem to have a theme of neglect of something. Depriving something of someone.

  As far as we know the transformation to this demonlike state can happen for three particular reasons. First of all a woman can become a Futakuchi-Onna  if she neglects taking care (step)children. In one of the oldest tales there is woman of moderate wealth who is very stingy despite being off well enough.  She has a child of her own she keeps well fed. However she refuses to spend money on her stepchild allowing to to die of starvation. The kid’s spirit becomes a spirit of vengeance attaching to to the head of the lady’s actual daughter. You can probably guess where the story goes from there. As the stingy woman transforms from sinner to dinner. The trickster part of the mythologie seems to come from this part of the myth and possibly part of their design too. Mawile looks quite cute and young, hairstyles are either twintails or a single ponytail which I usually associate with something young and cute. Since mawile uses it’s cuteness it could very well be the spirit of a child that their mother let starve to death or something in a similar vein. 

The second possibility to become a ‘lady’ is to neglect your own need for food. Woman starving themselves to look good can turn into the yokai over time. It is said that at one point during their hunger they can feel their skull splitting while new lips and a mouth begin to form. A mouth that needs twice as much food as the ‘main’ chomper. This new mouth is perfectly capable of feeding itself having control of the vessels hair. It oftenly whispers hateful or spiteful things to the vessel to make it more meek to its own wishes or simply manipulate it, usually not in a charming way though.  The second mouth in nearly every source talks you down, never up. A lot of elements from this version can also be seen in Mawile, the way that the hair is being depicted as the dominant side, the pokédex entry that the second mouth doesn’t taste so Mawile uses that one to get enough food even if it doesnt like it. It hits the tones of the lady being forced to eat twice as much. The malicious character of the second mouth has also been shown in the Pokémon adventures Manga where a Mawile body got in conflict with her hair. The ability Hyper Cutter and intimidate seem to fit this form quite good as well.

The demon’s food must be Condoleezza Rice

The third and clearly less documented way to get your skull to split and form a mouth is by not speaking your mind. Women who hide their true feelings can form a mouth that will spout any idea you have going inside that big brain of yours. I do not think Mawile has any connection with this type of the lady. At best we could argue that as a deceiver she never shows her real mind but that feels a bit flimsy, especially when  food and eating plays such a big part in her story. Then again.. maybe Mawile was once a girl that once starved because she wasn’t taken care off, starting out as a ghost pokémon trying to tell people what happened to her she failed and thusly grew her ‘metal horn’ now she is hungry for more.

This is why we women never shut up! We grow demons otherwise!

Whatever it is I am pretty safe from becoming a ‘lady’  myself. I love food and cooking way to much to go too malnourished, even when lacking money I try to be creative to produce at least some kind of meal. I always speak my mind, even when it might not be that appropriate my opinion is who I am and should I prematurely die I do not want you to know the woman I pretended to me but the Pinkie I truly am. I would however starve children cause I am really not into them. Luckily I will never want or get children myself so there is no one to starve. (Don’t worry I won’t let a random kid starve I would buy him a krentenbol, that’s a raisin bun. I guess from the Pokémon Mawile and the lady we learn to take care of yourself, those around you and to speak your mind when something is troubling you. Troubling like seeing a pokémon bisected by mega-mawiles gaping maws, or even myself.  I’ll go catch a mawile now, nickname it Lisa, mega evolve it and let it eat me. Just so I can yell ‘You are tearing me apart Lisa’…. for the memes.

Question to my readers:

Have you seen: Tommy Wisseau’s the room?

Let me know your answer in the comments. Now it is time for this professor to take a nap.  Though I might grab a little snack first. Takling about devouring has made me kind of peckish. Not really in my stomach.. just a feeling you know, a little gnaw in the back of my head.

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting off again

Arceus: The Pokémon God

Greetings young trainers, Professor Pinkie  here , after a two week Hiatus I am finally back to teach you a bit about pokémon again. Today we will talk about religion in the pokémon world.. and the single deity everyone in this world worships. The Alpha and the Omega of the Pokémon world Lord Arceus. 

The Omnipotent

Good day dear sir/madam/person do you have a minute to talk about our lord and saviour Arceus?  There really is a lot to talk about. Introduced in the fourth generation of Pokémon as a mythical Pokémon. At first it seemed like a bit of a generic pokémon that tied in heavily with the so called creation trio. The creation trio were the Pokémon Palkia , representing space, Dialga representing time and Giratina representing chaos or antimatter. These represented pokemon Pearl, Diamond and Platinum respectively. Yet we found out there was a pokémon above them Arceus, the creator of Sinnoh. In retrospect it became clear that people .. rightfully so were worshipping this pokémon. Yet it wasn’t that strange to find out that a Pokémon was responsible for the creation. Yet on a closer look, this had a much larger impact than people initially had thought.  In subsequent games it was revealed that people in Johto also worshipped Arceus and in ancient times Arceus also created the island of Ransei.

Ransei was a region shaped entirely like Arceus itself and housed 17 kingdoms of samurai warlords including the great Nobunaga. If Arceus was worshipped throughout the world and it could even create islands in it’s own image.. perhaps he was more than JUST the creator of Sinnoh It does make sense that the being that created time and space created everything. The theme of being all-powerful is quite interwoven with Arceus from the get go. Arceus depending on how it’s depicted either is said to have every type (it’s depicted in it’s own movie as such)  being able to switch types (the anime) or being every possible type depending on a held item (the video games). An argument is easily made to disqualify the view of the games due to technical and balancing limitations. After all, Omni Type Arceus would have seven immunities and would only really be weak to rock type moves, which aren’t THAT present  in the battling scene. Most mythical pokémon are only released after a movie about them triggers an event or the event promotes the movie so it is a safe bet to take the movie’s depiction as their intended vision of the actual character. Reinforcing the belief of an almighty pokemon. The games , though bound by balance try to confirm this in their own way by giving Arceus the highest base stat total (let’s compare it to a dragon ball power level)  at 720. Respectively Mewtwo .. the runner up has only 680. Though the latter can overpower god with his mega evolution and moveset. Arceus is also the only pokémon that can learn the move Judgement. Now that seems like some divine intervention to me. In the anime it’s shown watching from above in dangerous situations when it needs to .. wielding several typings.. to intervene if it has to.. choosing an advantageous type. 


Now Giratina might be a pokémon that is older than Arceus itself but things get a little vague. Cynthia and a nameless hiker that can be found exploring Sinnoh on multiple occasions are our biggest source of exposition on our one true god. Pokémon at least answers the question what came first the chicken or the egg. Answer THE EGG.  At first the wonderful world of Pokémon was nothing but pure and primal Chaos… which may or may not be Giratina already existing, when suddenly an egg appeared in the midst of it. When the egg tumbled from the vortex it gave rise to the original one. Since Arceus here is referred as the original one it would seem like it is the first pokémon yet chaos already existed so it’s somewhat unclear.  To create Order.. from itself Arceus created two beings.. (though unnamed in this story they refer to Palkia and Dialga) as time began to flow and space began to expand (Palka represents space and Dialga is the pokemon of time).

(Palkia Giritina and Dialga)

Later Arceus created 3 living things.. that wished for it and so spirits came to be. These three living things would be identified as the lake guardians Azelf, Mesprit and Uxie.

Even though the story the hiker tells us ends there as it states that Arceus went to sleep after creating the Lake Trio iit is pretty commonly accepted, if not confirmed, that Arceus also created Mew (who created all non legendary pokémon) as well as other creation pokémon like Groudon and Kyogre and Rayquaza (who created land and water and air). Arceus is believed to have created all legendary (and mystical) pokémon or at least created the legendary every pokemon can be traced back to Arceus… with the exception of Ultra Beasts which are like the eldritch beings of the pokémon world. Cases can be made for Time, Space Chaos and Spirit creating the rest yet the limited typing of the 5 Arceus factually created makes people more inclined to think Arceus had a bigger hand in this. 

Theorycrafting is more Detective Pinkie’s thing.. so we will not delve to much further into who created what. I simply wished to highlight two fairly common streams of belief.  Now the mythos of Arceus seems very similar to the shinto religion. Arceus is said to have created everything at the location of the spear pillar. In Shinto religion there is a god named Amenominakanushi, whose name is much too to type again, was the first god that came into existence by itself. The name roughly translates to something like divine ancestral deity that is the originating heart of the universe. So yeah… I am nicknaming it First-First. So when First-First plopped into existence he created Izanagi and Izanami.. a brother and sister who ‘loved each very much’.  Aside from playing with her brothers spear..Izanami actually had another spear, which the two used to stir the chaotic sees to create the many islands of Japan though this required some more incest and pillar building for some reason. I guess it’s wincest after all. She ended up dying and becoming an evil deity after though unsure. 

While there are definitely some similarities with Shinto religion arceus connection to theology goes a lot deeper. If the player in the fourth gen Pokémon games has an Arceus on their team the man reveals he is actually a philosophy major who is researching the creation story.  On several locations he gives you the type changing plate items as well as some insight to Arceus story. At one point he says “When that spirit came to be, there followed awareness about the world. Within the Newborn spirit, time and space were intertwined as one, People and Pokémon where but the same presence’ Unlike Shintoism Arceus seems to have a lot more in common with a monotheistic views. There are a lot of hints towards christianity and judaism in their lore and symbolism. For example the Judaistic principle of Kabbalah has a symbol known as the Kaphtziel. 

Some people of faith wore this symbol as a tribute to Cassiel, the angel of Saturn. Saturn the planet as you know is known by its rings. Arceus currently typing is depicted by it’s ring. Even more so followers of arceus carry their own symbol that looks A LOT like that symbol the Kabbalah used. Too much to be purely incidental. 

Yet this is not the only symbol that is used to identify Arceus with. There is also a circle inside a triangle that is seen in the Pillar.

 Cynthia has her visions on how these symbols symbolize Arceus and the creation trio.. as well as the roles the lake guardians play in the story, and of course she is not incorrect. The gear symbols refer to space and time.. which was later reestablished in the pokémon mystery dungeon games. Leaving the third one to be giratina represented by the triangular symbol.

Yet once more this symbol is eerily similar to a thing tied to yet another religion. Christianity! The symbol is a spot on match for the Shield of trinity. Depicting the holy trinity of father son and holy ghost with god sitting in the middle. Though it might be inverted it still is pretty  much spot on. I would be willing to believe it was a coincidence if but one religion shared some symbology, but three separate cases of religion? That seems a bit unlikely.. but you can judge for yourself. 

Alchemy and Philosophy.

Pokémon HEAVILY relies on a few alchemic concepts throughout their mythos and Arceus is no different. Let’s begin with kicking in a open door it’s golden ring. Arceus literally has the ability to turn his circle gold. Now.. Arceus ring..  is a circular shape with crosses on it. This has nothing to do with christianity but everything with alchemy. Ladies gentleman and other readers let me introduce you to the alchemical symbol for lead.

Pretty right, though it might not be directly linkable to Arceus ring.. their shape is kind of similar. Now before you crucify me for overreaching here.. because the symbol is not THAT similar.. Lead in alchemy is considered as the original metal.. the first into existence.. like Arceus. Still reaching for straws? Well remember that jewish symbol that looked a lot like Arceus religious symbol? The Kaphtziel.. that represents Saturn.. and guess what planet in alchemy is connected to lead in alchemy? That is right Saturn!

(I totallly wanna buy this )

Now I will come back to the links with Alchemy in a bit, but saturn returns once more in the mythos about our divine pokémon and to explain that we will have to delve into some greek philosophy first. Alchemy is part of what is called Western Esoteric Tradition a collective name for many doctrines which also include Astrology and Kabbalah for example. Like pokémon all come from Arceus every doctrine in the WET share roots in the Neoplatonic Philosophy works of Plotinus.  This philosopher described The One in his work as someone consisting of three aspects. The divine mind which was the impulse for creation, the physical reality in which matter and multiplicity exists and the Soul World or Anima Mundi which is quite complex but basically can be described as the force that actual makes things happen.

(Anima Mundi depiction)

Now returning to our dear hiker’s story.. the chaos was Arceus impulse to create the world. The creation of space can easily be tied to the physical reality, and though  the Anima Mundi is way more complex than anything in the pokémon world it is basically the engine that makes things happen.. much like time. Now when we remember the hikers words ‘When the new born spirit came to this world time and space were intertwined as one.  People and Pokémon where but the same presence. This does seem to be applicable to Arceus and Plotinus ideas. With the new born spirit resembling the principles of the divine mind very closely and the intertwined existence being a manifestation of both the anima munda as the physical reality.  Now this concept has been utilized in both Alchemy as well as the Kabbalah by their Tree of Life. A upside down tree.

(Seems like Thanos would like this tree as well)

Paracelsus (whose name sounds like a battery)  was a alchemist in medieval times who also used this tree. The roots on the higher level represent gods coming into existence from nothing.. quite like Arceus. Then in the second phase , whose details I shall spare this tree begins to emanate a light that is slowly moving down the tree.. the life energy leaking into the material realm. Granting it souls.. to make it go round.. making things move as it were.The lower level is just plainly the physical level. But Paracelsus described a plain of existence that as it were is a border between the physical reality and the astral plane. A level of the astral plane that was so dense it can basically manifest in the Malkuth.. or the physical plane. He called this form of existence ARCHEUS. Now Arceus is a pokémon.. it materially exists..sort off not always.. it can cross between those layers. So the intangible pokémon only exists to us.. when it’s in the ‘Acheus’. Now.. since battery-bloke was an alchemist things seem to come together quite nicely yet earlier I told you that before returning to alchemy teachings I still had to tell about a link with saturn right?  Well.. the Archeus in a fair few translations or subsidiary works is referred to as the path of Saturn. With so many references to Arceus ring.. we could deduce and hypothesise that the pokémon we know as the god is not goat or quilin like animal in the middle at all. Arceus the Pokémon.. might very well be the ring.. and that what we know was it’s true body might just be how it can manifest in the Archeus. For those who do not know, this is a Quilin vairant. Usualy more dragon like this one came closest to our god.

Now I  could go on and talk about the Azoth of Philosophers, the alchemic alphabet and their link to Unown script or the teachings about alchemical shapes, the principles of the lake guardians and Arceus impact on the human spirit and link that to Plotinus and other beliefs but let’s save that for another time, as it would involve a plethora of other pokémon I would need to explain as well, to fully finish Arceus tale. I would rather close off with some rather convincing proof that Arceus is indeed tied to alchemy.  In Pokémon Heartgold and Soulsilver you can also encounter the Alpha Pokémon. This time you find him on YET another symbol since linked to it.. this one is vastly more complex.

Many people use this one to figure out which pokémon created which in the pokémon universe. Plopping in Pokémon at all the little dots. Though I have seen many convincing variations of this idea there is something else this picture very much resembles. Those who ever watched fullmetal alchemist might already have an idea what I am talking about. Arceus new symbol looks very close to a transmutation circle.. an insanely complex one but a alchemy circle nonetheless.

Now what not a lot of people know is that the outer circle is required for ritual but the shapes inside  tell you how complex the transmutation is.  The triangle is the simplest form and provides mind matter and energy… space replacing matter, time replacing energy and the determination to end chaos replacing mind in arceus case.  The triangle is outside the circle though symbolising they are infinite power Arceus has.. basically being its own philosopher’s stone, the interior patterns consists fully out of circles so iit is my belief that what we say in Pokémon HG/SS is Arceus transmutation circle for all existence The only circle fit for a god. Oh and Shiny Arceus is gold as well.. if you need more links!

So you see my eager little knowledge students, no matter what religion you follow, from christianity to judaism . From astrology believers too pseudo scientists, much like in the games there seems to be a type of Arceus for you. Explaining a god feels really good after this professor was forced to be absent for two weeks. Would you like to hear more about pokémon connected to alchemy?  Do you have suggestions for my next post? Do you want to pat me on the hat for all this research i’ve done? Let me know in the comments and remember!

I am not weird, just very pink!
Until we read again



Spoink: The worst Pokémon

Aha good day readers, it’s so good to see you all. This week marks the start of us having an official domain, rather than that arceus-ugly one. Is now a fact. A much more pleasant name if I do say so myself. The new domain comes with some stylistic changes. Main-Pinkie has given her persona’s free range to write their content. Before we would to Mon-Days, from now on we have Professor Pinkie’s Pokédex. It’s still the same..but now run my me not bound to a day persé. As restyling is eating on our writing time a bit today I chose a bit of a shorter topic! Spoink, the worst Pokémon.

It’s not bad

First of all to not get our dear pokemon friend upset, when I do say it’s the worst I do not mean to decrease it value as a pocket monster. It is not a bad pokemon to run on your team, nor is it’s design atrocious, in fact it’s pretty cute. No.. spoink’s design flaws are much more set in it’s lore! In the world of Pokémon, it is highly unfunctional.  Let’s first talk about it’s design. As you can see here Spoink is an adorable piglike pokémon that was introduced in the Hoenn region. One of the first piglike pokémon, only outdated by swinub. It’s neutral grey body and stubby hands might make you suspect it’s a neutral type at first but you would be mistaken. The pink pearl on their heads are created by clamperl. A deep sea Pokémon that also was first discovered in the Hoenn region for those who mastered the craft of diving. As its name suggest it’s a clamshell pokémon. How the spoink managed to get these pearls is unknown because they are not indigenous to ocean areas. In fact the first place you encounter them is near a volcano close to Flannery’s gym! Throughout the entire series Spoink always prefers mountainous areas.   So the relation between Spoink and Clamperl is sketchy at best. However it IS know that spoink use these pearls to enhance their mental powers. Yes this crossup between Piglet and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh is a psychic type. It likes to feed on underground mushrooms and can be considered rather harmless. It is known to have two innate abilities, being Own Tempo, which prevent the pokémon from being confused by any means , or is directly healed from such effects in some cases and Thick Fat.  The latter is an ability which reduces damage Fire and Ice type moves by 50%. All in all, it has a cute mythos, a favorable typing for the metagame and some decent pokémon abilities. You can teach it some fun moves as well. How then can we claim its the worst Pokémon.

The Nuzlocke Pokémon

Spoink is what we call the Nuzlocke Pokémon. Nuzlocke is a method of playing a Pokémon game where  players choose to a self imposed permadeath system on their pokémon. Players can only capture their first encounter on a route and any pokémon that faints is considered dead. Of course the games doesn’t recognise this, although some fangames do, so pokémon usually end up in a so called death-box. How is Spoink connected to this system you might ask? Well because of its lore. If Spoink is knocked out in battle.. it will certainly die if you don’t withdraw it into your pokéball immediately. As if having your legs replaced by a spring isn’t hard enough of a life, the Pokémon company decided to mess with Spoink a bit more. They decided that it would be cool that this cute little pig’s heart doesn’t pump on it’s own. So when Spoink isn’t happily bouncing around, it’s heart is not pumping. Knocking out a Spoink thusly basically means certain death for the creature. Since I found out this lore titbit, this professor has never knocked out a Spoink anymore… how many have you killed? Such an oversight seems rather cruel in the world of Pokémon.

Poor Poor Spoink

Let’s take it a step further though and take a good look at the implications this lore fact might bring. First of all, by instinct they do know how to sleep while bouncing so at least we will not see insane sleep deprived Spoink trying to take over the world. You can also use sleep moves in a fight against this little one. Anything else however makes you either extremely cruel or a flat out murderer. Paralyse a spoink and it’s dead, freeze it… dead.  If you manage to confused it and it would trip due to its confusion it’s most likely dead! The status move burn will not kill it, but since a burned victim loses half their strength it is safe to say it creates major pain when you are physically active..for example let’s say burning. So if we consider it’s lor Spoink is completely and utterly unable to function in battle. It’s an easy prey for predatory creatures as well. Their own mortality urges Spoink to find bigger pearls on their heads to amplify their power even more. A noble goal for these brave little bouncy boys and girls. In comes the anime, which decided to add a flaw to Spoink! Because clearly it did not have enough of those! The weakness the anime chose is to give Spoink bad eyesight. We see Spoink trying to replace it’s pearl, but it is unable to recognise items at all. It becomes clear that it’s eyesight is so bad it can barely even make out shapes. It makes for a funny episode but if we analyse this properly it makes us realises that in a few generations we might only be able to get Spoinks from fossils. The pearl on its head is needed to function well in combat and if Spoink faints its dead. Not being able to recognise what actually is a pearl, really hurts it’s already slim survival chances. If Spoink trips , it might very well die as well but I bet a near blind pig hopping around extremely rough terrain will be fine…. right? Who am I kidding..someone really must have hated their own creation when they came up with Spoink.

It gets even worse

So maybe Spoink has good Pokémon moves, it would not be the first time we see a frail pokémon with some amazing moves. Well unfortunately this is not true either. By looking at it’s natural moveset and base stats we can deduce how a Spoink’s Solo survival chances are.. and things aren’t really looking good. The first giveaway is the fact  the Pokémon has Splash in it’s moveset! You know that move that doesnt do anything.
Spoink evolves into Grumpig at level 32 and until that time it learns *drumroll* ONE reliable damage move. Having access to Psybeam, Psywave, Zen Headbutt and Snore in total, only psybeam is reliable. Psywave is a move that does random damage, given the lore we know about Spoink we can assume that is related to how big their pearl is… the anime shown us..they sometimes dont even have a pearl at all.  Psywave thusly being disqualified as a reliable move for their survival. Zen Headbutt is a physical move and as to be expected from such a tiny springy pig, it’s physical stats are bad, both in terms of defence and offence. So should Zen Headbutt hit it would only put the little pig in danger, as it’s defences are very weak in melee situations. Snore requires the Pokémon to be asleep to use it. It’s nice that it can defend itself in its sleep but this move will not be very helpful in a direct battle. Spoink doesnt get acces to great boosting moves either, it can learn psych up which copies stat changes from it’s opponent.. meaning at best it can just even the playing field.
However it has the ability to learn magic coat which it can use to prevent it from being burned , frozen or paralyzed. Only moves strictly involving that status without damage are reflect though. At least it’s something. However if Spoink can recognise it’s opponent and assess the threat  should remain to be seen. 

It’s the worst

A Pokémon which dies when it trips, faints is paralyzed or frozen would be bad enough, and no we are not overreacting here. The Fire Red/Leaf Green and Black and White Pokedex explicitly state,in game, that Spoink dies when it stops bouncing. The text for all your kids to read literally uses the word die. 4Kids dubs could learn a thing or two from that stuff.
However with a barely passable moveset, with only one reliable move, bad eyesight and a hostile environment to live in this pocket monster has a lower chance at survival in the Pokémon world than my grandpa would in a match of Fortnite. Why poor Spoink is so hated by the designers I do not know, it must lead some horrible life. I would totally offer to partner up with one and train it up to a happier life, but if it’s even half aware of its own mortality I am afraid I would be tossing pearls before the swine. Which.. in this case..might actually help anyway.

That will do for now it’s time for us Pinkies to continue working on the website in the back as well as set up today’s online roleplaying session. What do you think about this cruel bit of Nintendo and Pokemon Company lore?  Who would come up with this? Leave a like or a comment!
This is Pinkie closing off and please remember I am not weird just very pink!
Until we read again!