Spoink: The worst Pokémon

Aha good day readers, it’s so good to see you all. This week marks the start of us having an official domain, rather than that arceus-ugly one. http://pinkiespokemon.com Is now a fact. A much more pleasant name if I do say so myself. The new domain comes with some stylistic changes. Main-Pinkie has given her persona’s free range to write their content. Before we would to Mon-Days, from now on we have Professor Pinkie’s Pokédex. It’s still the same..but now run my me not bound to a day persé. As restyling is eating on our writing time a bit today I chose a bit of a shorter topic! Spoink, the worst Pokémon.

It’s not bad

First of all to not get our dear pokemon friend upset, when I do say it’s the worst I do not mean to decrease it value as a pocket monster. It is not a bad pokemon to run on your team, nor is it’s design atrocious, in fact it’s pretty cute. No.. spoink’s design flaws are much more set in it’s lore! In the world of Pokémon, it is highly unfunctional.  Let’s first talk about it’s design. As you can see here Spoink is an adorable piglike pokémon that was introduced in the Hoenn region. One of the first piglike pokémon, only outdated by swinub. It’s neutral grey body and stubby hands might make you suspect it’s a neutral type at first but you would be mistaken. The pink pearl on their heads are created by clamperl. A deep sea Pokémon that also was first discovered in the Hoenn region for those who mastered the craft of diving. As its name suggest it’s a clamshell pokémon. How the spoink managed to get these pearls is unknown because they are not indigenous to ocean areas. In fact the first place you encounter them is near a volcano close to Flannery’s gym! Throughout the entire series Spoink always prefers mountainous areas.   So the relation between Spoink and Clamperl is sketchy at best. However it IS know that spoink use these pearls to enhance their mental powers. Yes this crossup between Piglet and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh is a psychic type. It likes to feed on underground mushrooms and can be considered rather harmless. It is known to have two innate abilities, being Own Tempo, which prevent the pokémon from being confused by any means , or is directly healed from such effects in some cases and Thick Fat.  The latter is an ability which reduces damage Fire and Ice type moves by 50%. All in all, it has a cute mythos, a favorable typing for the metagame and some decent pokémon abilities. You can teach it some fun moves as well. How then can we claim its the worst Pokémon.

The Nuzlocke Pokémon

Spoink is what we call the Nuzlocke Pokémon. Nuzlocke is a method of playing a Pokémon game where  players choose to a self imposed permadeath system on their pokémon. Players can only capture their first encounter on a route and any pokémon that faints is considered dead. Of course the games doesn’t recognise this, although some fangames do, so pokémon usually end up in a so called death-box. How is Spoink connected to this system you might ask? Well because of its lore. If Spoink is knocked out in battle.. it will certainly die if you don’t withdraw it into your pokéball immediately. As if having your legs replaced by a spring isn’t hard enough of a life, the Pokémon company decided to mess with Spoink a bit more. They decided that it would be cool that this cute little pig’s heart doesn’t pump on it’s own. So when Spoink isn’t happily bouncing around, it’s heart is not pumping. Knocking out a Spoink thusly basically means certain death for the creature. Since I found out this lore titbit, this professor has never knocked out a Spoink anymore… how many have you killed? Such an oversight seems rather cruel in the world of Pokémon.

Poor Poor Spoink

Let’s take it a step further though and take a good look at the implications this lore fact might bring. First of all, by instinct they do know how to sleep while bouncing so at least we will not see insane sleep deprived Spoink trying to take over the world. You can also use sleep moves in a fight against this little one. Anything else however makes you either extremely cruel or a flat out murderer. Paralyse a spoink and it’s dead, freeze it… dead.  If you manage to confused it and it would trip due to its confusion it’s most likely dead! The status move burn will not kill it, but since a burned victim loses half their strength it is safe to say it creates major pain when you are physically active..for example let’s say burning. So if we consider it’s lor Spoink is completely and utterly unable to function in battle. It’s an easy prey for predatory creatures as well. Their own mortality urges Spoink to find bigger pearls on their heads to amplify their power even more. A noble goal for these brave little bouncy boys and girls. In comes the anime, which decided to add a flaw to Spoink! Because clearly it did not have enough of those! The weakness the anime chose is to give Spoink bad eyesight. We see Spoink trying to replace it’s pearl, but it is unable to recognise items at all. It becomes clear that it’s eyesight is so bad it can barely even make out shapes. It makes for a funny episode but if we analyse this properly it makes us realises that in a few generations we might only be able to get Spoinks from fossils. The pearl on its head is needed to function well in combat and if Spoink faints its dead. Not being able to recognise what actually is a pearl, really hurts it’s already slim survival chances. If Spoink trips , it might very well die as well but I bet a near blind pig hopping around extremely rough terrain will be fine…. right? Who am I kidding..someone really must have hated their own creation when they came up with Spoink.

It gets even worse

So maybe Spoink has good Pokémon moves, it would not be the first time we see a frail pokémon with some amazing moves. Well unfortunately this is not true either. By looking at it’s natural moveset and base stats we can deduce how a Spoink’s Solo survival chances are.. and things aren’t really looking good. The first giveaway is the fact  the Pokémon has Splash in it’s moveset! You know that move that doesnt do anything.
Spoink evolves into Grumpig at level 32 and until that time it learns *drumroll* ONE reliable damage move. Having access to Psybeam, Psywave, Zen Headbutt and Snore in total, only psybeam is reliable. Psywave is a move that does random damage, given the lore we know about Spoink we can assume that is related to how big their pearl is… the anime shown us..they sometimes dont even have a pearl at all.  Psywave thusly being disqualified as a reliable move for their survival. Zen Headbutt is a physical move and as to be expected from such a tiny springy pig, it’s physical stats are bad, both in terms of defence and offence. So should Zen Headbutt hit it would only put the little pig in danger, as it’s defences are very weak in melee situations. Snore requires the Pokémon to be asleep to use it. It’s nice that it can defend itself in its sleep but this move will not be very helpful in a direct battle. Spoink doesnt get acces to great boosting moves either, it can learn psych up which copies stat changes from it’s opponent.. meaning at best it can just even the playing field.
However it has the ability to learn magic coat which it can use to prevent it from being burned , frozen or paralyzed. Only moves strictly involving that status without damage are reflect though. At least it’s something. However if Spoink can recognise it’s opponent and assess the threat  should remain to be seen. 

It’s the worst

A Pokémon which dies when it trips, faints is paralyzed or frozen would be bad enough, and no we are not overreacting here. The Fire Red/Leaf Green and Black and White Pokedex explicitly state,in game, that Spoink dies when it stops bouncing. The text for all your kids to read literally uses the word die. 4Kids dubs could learn a thing or two from that stuff.
However with a barely passable moveset, with only one reliable move, bad eyesight and a hostile environment to live in this pocket monster has a lower chance at survival in the Pokémon world than my grandpa would in a match of Fortnite. Why poor Spoink is so hated by the designers I do not know, it must lead some horrible life. I would totally offer to partner up with one and train it up to a happier life, but if it’s even half aware of its own mortality I am afraid I would be tossing pearls before the swine. Which.. in this case..might actually help anyway.

That will do for now it’s time for us Pinkies to continue working on the website in the back as well as set up today’s online roleplaying session. What do you think about this cruel bit of Nintendo and Pokemon Company lore?  Who would come up with this? Leave a like or a comment!
This is Pinkie closing off and please remember I am not weird just very pink!
Until we read again!

My wonderful world of Pokémon

Hello there my little monsters!
I would like to welcome you on my blog and to the wonderful world of Pokémon.
You can call me Pinkie… or Professor Cherryblossom if you prefer.
And that little thingy on the picture next to me? That is a Pokémon.
Some people use Pokémon for fighting, others collect them, be it in handheld games or physical cards, while others yet again, use Pokémon to make dramatic video’s to slander others and ruin everyone’s fun time. These people are called Verli…. uhm I mean big meany poopie heads. I don’t really enjoy these people and I myself I like to use Pokemon to tell stories. So I founded this blog.

Pinkie Cherryblossom
Okay, this might not be my true name but it’s still who I am, consider it a nickname given by my original trainer…so you can’t change it anyway.
I am a 32 year old dutch woman, living in the south of her country…in poverty..but you can’t have it all. Due to health issues I can not go out and do a lot so , with the spare time on my hand i decided it would be need if I made something nice, like this blog. I have been a hardcore Pokémon fan since the first game came out. There is a story to that that will be shared somewhere in the near future. I have played through all Pokemon gens when they came out, Johto being my favorite region and Sinnoh being my least favorite. I played through a ton of rom hacks, bonus games and even sometimes still go out to play some good old Pokémon go. I have a few TCG decks, although my recent money and health troubles (related)  have stopped me from pursuing that for the time being. I would not say I am the biggest Pokémon fan out there, I am just healthily passionate about the adorable little monsters. I can identify all Pokémon, but I know very little about their stat-totals and move pools, though I am trying to change it a bit. I do host a bi-weekly Pokémon rp, which is the inspiration for my fanfiction that will be on this site, and I love collecting Pokémon knicknacks.  I am not a dedicated battler or shiny hunter… all Pokémon deserve love not just the strong and the shinies, and that is very defining for my mindset. I just wanna have fun, like that 80’s song (at least I think it’s 80’s .. music is my kryptonite)  says I would.
So with that in mind, I am not an expert on lore, or the science behind things, please keep that in mind when you scold at me or tell me I am an idiot for thinking Shuckles defensive stat is 250 rather then 230. I am frail…so if you tell me I am an idiot I WILL cry…. So I ask you “Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really wanna make me cry?!” Well … easy enough.. please don’t.

About the Blog
So what will this weird crybaby mature women playing children’s games bring to the proverbial blogging table? Well , I wish to tell stories , opinions and in general share my mind on all things concerning Pokémon. I planned to do this on Youtube originally but as for right now that is to much of a financial commitment to do right. Like over a hundred euros for an external hard drive… that’s a lot of food I can buy for that… so let’s use a medium, I have used in the past  and for a while even professionally first, while we set that up.
I need scripts anyway..might as well turn it into a blog first. So I will follow a bit of a “youtubey” structure in my articles. I will try to upload an article on a near daily basis. Each day determining what type of content there will be. I love alliteration so that’s how I came up with my schedule. Which I now will proudly present and explain a bit

On these days I will highlight a specific Pokémon, talk in depth about it , which can range from just discussing the pokémon to an article about pluches or even what hat looks best on Pikachu.
“Top 5” Tuesdays
If you have no idea what that could entail, you might want to ask your mother if she drank while she was expecting you.
“What-if”  Wednesdays
Here we take some classic stories or staples in the Pokémon world and apply some modifiers and alterations to them, little alternative stories of tales we all know and love.
“Theory” Thursdays
The science , dark plots and big ponderings will be dealt with on thursdays, maybe things are not what they seem… maybe Eevee will get a new eeveelution? Maybe Pikachu is not real? Stuff like this and more will be discussed #Illuminaticonfirmed. “Fan-Fiction” Fridays
Here I tell you the stories I have come up with myself of course they are Pokémon themed.
At first I will follow the story of my Pokémon RP Campagin, following six adventureres , in a world where Pokémon have only suddenly appeared 100 years ago, when Ultra-Space was first being explored. Mew lands in a world without Pokémon and does his thing… and then…
“Something-Something” Saturdays
Would it have been youtube these would have been Showdown Saturdays.. batteling video’s but this is not suitable for this format, so instead on Saturdays I am not bound by any rules. I can write about a nice romhack or fangame I played.. I could talk about scandals in the Pokémon world.. or reminisce on how good Pokémon snap was. As long as it has something to do with Pokémon.. it’s good enough for “Something-Something” Saturdays
Weekends “Weekly”
Sundays I have my Pokémon tabletop RP so I am not as likely to upload on this day. If I do it will most likely be stuff like “blog updates” and general Pokémon news and such. A summary of what happend the past week in the world of Pokémon and my blog. As this blog is in fact a channel update.. it will be flagged as a Weekends “Weekly”

Six Rules
I have a full team of six rules for this blog, they are all pretty simple but I WILL cry, if you don’t follow them.
Rule 1: On this blog no one opinion is ever right, just opinions. Feel free to disagree with me when I say Sylveon is the best Pokémon, however it’s all opinions. When commenting please try to phrase stuff like “I think you are wrong” rather than  “Idiot .. everyone knows that…” I will apply a burn-heal to all comments that claim to know better and factually., I do not want a saltwar on this blog.
Rule 2:  No matter what type you are, you will be allowed. If you are a fairy you are just as welcome as if you were normal, as per such I will disallow comments like “OMG you choose bulbasaur? Thats fucking gay” If Hector Ortiz comments you are disallowed to tell him to “go back to Mexico and learn how to properly play the game”  If you are being toxic I will shove a Pecha berry so far up your ass and then cry. After I have finished crying you will be super repelled.
Rule 3:  No one but me is allowed to use Attract or Cute Charm on my blog.
You may want people to be infatuated by your own blog or little webstore but you shall not do it in the comments. If you have a nice Pokémon blog and you want me to highlight it, feel free to contact me and we can do a collaboration or an interview or something neat, but without me, you will not self promote yourself. If you do.. I will release you faster into the wild then Ash released all his friends.
Rule 4:  Even though I am not an native english speaker, that will be the language setting for our little blog game. Comments in another language , when funny enough I might try to translate and post it for you, if I understand.. but if I am not able to I will treat them like a Missing.No and ignore it before letting it glitch out my blog.
Rule 5: Never EVER post personal information like email  or phone numbers or actual addresses in the comments, if I ever will be able to host a giveaway that will not be the way to apply, same goes for using actual names of people if you know or whatever.  In here we all like and want to be Unown.
Rule 6: A comment  will only be a comment if it is at least is to some bit toppical. Do not post “Yay I bought a new Bikini”  when I am talking about my opinion about Dynamax, though you will be allowed to comment you bought a new hat, when discussing Pikachu hats.
I do not have enough Lum Berries to keep fixing confusion, so non contextual comments will just be blocked from appearing because if I ever have fans, I would be an insta bitch if they hurt themselves in confusion.

And with that my first post here is done, do leave a like and a little post if you have enjoyed reading this, actual content will soon , as I plan to nourish this little blog, like a nicely potted Sunkern. Who knows what may sprout.
Until we read again my litlle monsters, have fun and stay pink!