The Sound of Stupid!

Hello Little Lights, my old friends!  I have kept silent long enough! But there is a huge problem in our community! It is rotten to the core!  Rotten indeed.. you see our blogging scene is filled with fake fans!  Not just of anime who only watched Naruto, Dragon Ball Z , Sailor Moon and whatever else was on that guys list.. but also  fake gamers!  Like Naja who mostly plays Otome games or Irina who almost exclusively plays RPG’s .. or me.. who didn’t  denounce Pokémon Sword and Shield for having bad tree textures.  But our community is more rotten than that my little Lights… among us are FAKE OXYGEN FANS!

YOU are a fake fan.

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Ozone.. of course a true fan would know that

You see Oxygen is one of the most important elements in our nature and we need the dioxide variant to breath!  We also have the element in our water, as it is the O in H2O. 
But just because you breathe and need water doesn’t make you a real fan of oxygen!  You are all friggin ‘N(O2)rmies! Stay the fuck away from my air! Many of you do not even know of Ozone or its chemical formula , it’s O3.. that is a whole extra O!  If you have never thought about Ozone … you are a fake fan! You do not deserve O2 if you can not appreciate O3!

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Choke you sheep!

I am sure many people will take this message out of context and say “Well but you need to breathe as well so if you breathe O2 as well you’re just a fake fan as all of us”. To that I say .. No I specifically said if you only like O2 and H20 … you can still like them.. but if these are the only oxygen combinations you are font of … you ARE a fake fan and you need to stay away from my element!  I am a true fun! Take all of those environmental hippies for example trying to reduce CO2 output! See O2!  That is just as much as the air we breathe! A true fan can see the beauty of these precious molecules while a fake fan.. trying to “save the earth” is misled by the trend .. and the popular stuff! Following public opinion like sheep! Baaah! Choke on that you N(O2)rmies!Now I hear what you are saying.. if O2 is healthier than NO2 .. why make a problem about it? It makes people happy right?!  Everyone should be happy?! Wrong!  Companies will take examples of your cause to reduce CO2 in the atmosphere and those who can appreciate it will get less content because you n(O2)rmies just want to breathe? Fudge that shit! You are ruining Oxygen for the true fans! 

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Lungs of a true Oxygen fan!

Here is a take you might dislike… but it is the truth! I love oxygen and I need to preserve my Fandom!  Keep it pure for those who are really fans!  If you do not smoke you might just be to much of a casual to call yourself a true oxygen fan!  You see I am sick and tired of the fact that people say, “Oh I love breathing oxygen so much!, without knowing what oxygen really is and what it is in?!” People say cigarette tar is bad for example.. but let’s take a look at the chemical formula! C28H36S5O6(NH4)2 … .. So a little research into the deeper formula is very clear!  06! That is 3 times the O that all the normies enjoy! Six times!  You are not a real fan of oxygen if you do not know these chemical formulas… a real fan would at least take a look at what their beloved product means and research and see deeper meanings. N(O2)rmies just think smoking is bad.. because it takes your breath away .. but that 6 doesn’t lie!  It may be poisonous but a real fan would make a few sacrifices for their fandom!

Only for the Real fans

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If you swim Under water.. you should drown!

Now I get that some people may not have the ability to hold such much scientific prowess as I just displayed, but that does not excuse you from just assuming!  You know you can google all these things! Yet if there is one thing I hate more than  the feeble minded and the lazy.. it is the people who say they are a fan of oxygen and then go diving or something… I am not talking about scuba diving.. but those posers that swim underwater while holding their breath!  If you do that as a hobby, you deny yourself from Oxygen.. and you simply do not breathe enough of it to be called a true fan! Why would you deny yourself the pleasure by having other hobbies beside breathing!  These people have their opinion about oxygen as well.. they will determine what gas mixture goes into that scuba tank eventually! While they are no where near as versed into breathing as me! You see .. I never stop breathing.. even if I have the hiccups I just keep breathing because.. I am a true fan!\

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Oxygen fans cars go Brrrr

N(O2)rmies also try to find love.. love that takes their breath away! If you pursue a love like that… you are also a fake fan! Kissing in general is not really great for how much oxygen you can enjoy either!  So a true fan knows they better not do that!  If you drive a car that is not powered by NOS you are a fake fan of oxygen!  Yes, everything gets better with extra oxygen! Can you imagine if this was about an anime fandom… saying you do not need to drive with NOS is like saying that you do not need to see Tetsuko no Tabi to be an anime fan! I mean come on! Everyone knows if you haven’t watched Tetsuko no Tabi you are a poser in the anime world.. so why would you drive your car around without NOS. 

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Lidocaine is not Oxygen!

Speaking of Nos.. people who choose a needle over gas at the dentist’s office are posers as well.  If you get a chance to use oxygen and you refuse.. You are a fake fan! Saying I don’t need those unhealthy varients of Oxygen is like saying.. I mostly play Otome games in the world of gaming… if you want to be the laughing stock of the oxygen world go ahead but don’t be surprised if people call you out for it! You act like a poser.. and just like we are allowed to call out False Valour, we are allowed to call out fake appreciation!  Think of the consequences these N(O2)rmies can do the the oxygen world. 

They will fill in polls that tell you they don’t want to buy NOS or use gas at the dentist office. So whatever garage you use, or dentist office might listen to those forms and stock up less NOS for us to enjoy!  That means that the true fan is being hurt because fake fans think It is not that necessary! They ruin the oxygen industry resulting in more and more casual oxygen products flooding the market with little to nothing interesting coming out for the true fan! Who can appreciate all facets of oxygen! We can not have that.. so I will ask people to start a petition for me.. to me. I have been banned from the site for having too many hot takes!  But the people can not silence me I will fight on! Together we can take oxygen back from the N(O2)rmies and claim back what we love! Yes they may die.. but fake fans deserve nothing less.

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Fake fans taint our polls!

I am better

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High Oyxgen Brain Takes

Even if you disagree with this take, you at least have seen that I am a special snowflake that knows more about Oxygen than you do, so whatever arguement you may bring in is worthless.. I have more knowledge of the fandom and therefore deserve higher status in the oxygen fandom. Segregation is important because it gives me self esteems. I enjoy a openly available entertainment product more than others therefore I am your superior, and inferior opinions will not weigh as heavy! So feel free to argue with me all you want.. but if you did not know the chemical composition of tar .. by head.. you will only prove my point that there is always someone more deserving of your oxygen than you.. and that person is me!  I am saying this because I want people to validate me and respect me.. for being brave and having enjoyed so much oxygen!  I also only watch dubbed anime! It is superior because dubs costs twice the oxygen!

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Priorities! Wear Pink and Oxygen Training!

My lung capacity is 7.8 liters of air.. which means I am equipped better than enjoy oxygen more than people who have lower lung capacity! Quantity is super important! So what you have a 9 to 6 job, three children and some friends you need to entertain..  your other priorities do not excuse you from being a fake fan!  I on the other hand did altitude training.. simply to increase my lung capacity! On my mothers birthday I was training at high altitude…. at my grandpa’s funeral.. I was receiving oxygen preprates. I could have fed my kid a sandwich after school but instead  I went street racing just so I could burn some NOS! It’s called priorities, people! A true fan always has their priorities  at their fandom never at something else..  One day I hope to become Vegetable so enjoying oxygen is the only thing I do.. only then will I achieve a status higher than I already have.. and if you have a status below me.. in the hierarchy I explained earlier.. do  not bother to disagree. I don’t react to   P(O2)sers.

Dumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumd

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Gatekeepers suck!

My sweet little lights, let it be known that this post in no way reflects how I truly feel. From the ground of my heart I hope that you thought the little text I wrote was dumb… because this … is how I see gatekeepers.  What they are spouting is THIS dumb.  No matter what you gatekeep for. The arguments are always the same and I tried to make these points stand out from my fake little rant as well.  It’s all empty semantics..and in a way anime can be just as needed as oxygen!  Anime or games are a form of entertainment, everyone needs entertainment. People are allowed to like the entertainment they enjoy and call themselves fans of it.  I am pretty sure there are a lot of games of throne fans that do not know how to spell Daenerys Targaryn, who the frick cares.   Just because you like something does not give you the right to ruin an entertainment product for others.

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I am happy that Summer is interested in my Pokémon posts even if she has little experience, I am not afraid that her love for mobile games might spawn a pokémon fishing game I have no personal interest in.. good for her and the people who would be into that stuff. The industry does not cater to your special snowflake; it caters to all of us.. Just like how trees and greens produce oxygen for all of us without bias so do the industries. Yes more people embrace the genre of Shonen and yes that might make people more likely to produce that stuff… but Gatekeeping will only make that worse.   If you tell a “normie” to fuck of from your fandom, that normie will have only watched Shonen.. you denied him or her that bridge from advancing. As a result he will just stick to Naruto or My Hero Academia, meanwhile the next generation comes in.. whom you also call fake and once again they never move past Shonen because people do not encourage them to!

This is not where that cycle ends because Naruto Fan Boy  of Generation 2.. never watched anything else so he recommends only the stuff you find labelled as “fake”   to a new generation. Generation 3 as a result lives in a shonen bubble.. because you alienated generation 2 through gatekeeping. So Gatekeeping enlarges the very concept you are trying to fight. You are not very intelligent if you gate-keep in my opinion. You cause segregation, between real and fake.. or as I prefer it Casual and Hardcore.  Say you succeed in your mission .. make the division officially acknowledge.. which side do you think will get the media?!  It’s not that casuals are not open for other anime.. that causes this divide.. it is you telling.. These people who only watch Naruto and Digimon are a different demographic than you are.  One demographic is severely larger than the other.. so if gatekeeping is successful.. which side of the coin will land face up?!

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#ItsforEveryone!

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Anime is for everyone! Games are for everyone and Oxygen is for everyone! It’s all products we can get entertainment from. It’s great if you are able to think for yourself and follow your own opinions and make your own choices despite what is popular, I applaud that.. but that doesn’t make those people colouring inside the lines worth less than you.. at best they might be slightly less interesting or strong willed.. but that doesn’t make them undeserving of great content. I have a few Dragon Ball fans who mostly watch casual stuff.. but I enjoy discussing Toriyama’s work with them very much! They got so much insight.  Same goes for games. I know nothing of Otome games but I find Naja’s insights in them often much more cleverly written and inspiring than someone who only played “I love you Colonel Sanders” , but Fortnite and Minecraft and Breath of the Wild as well. Both can lead to great interactions .. but different. Both are super valid energies to enjoy! No one’s opinion or way to handle this is ever the correct way. We all have various wants and needs and that is why anime became so diverse in the first place.. if you invalidate others and map out what a true fan should be like.. you are only creating a new form of casual.

Don’t gatekeep! You will sound as dumb as me in this article! Don’t be like me! Yet if you feel you are more entitled to call yourself an anime fan, if you feel you are more of a gamer than others.. or if you consider yourself a superior in your fandom in any way… I do not mind if you unfollow me!  We are all equals and no matter if it is books, anime games or even lewd drawings we are all just seeking entertainment, and we are not you so we do it in our own way! Let everyone do their thing in their own way!  This opens up the argument that you destroy other people’s hobbies as your entertainment and we should let you, but in that case I think you dear gatekeeper are just a shitty person! I rather hang out with the fake fans then! But I swear to you guys! I am a real fan!

Told ya I was real!

The Movie that made me hate Uwe Boll : Postal

My dear island guests… I will warn you. This review will contain extreme negativity as well as very controversial movie subject. Today I will talk about not the worst movie I have ever seen, but the movie I hated most . When Uwe Boll makes a horror movie it becomes so bad it “devolves”  into a comedy. It is so bad some bits are funny .When Uwe Boll makes a comedy it makes me wanna go postal on all the people involved with this film.

The movie Postal is a comedy movie based on the equally titled film series and this movie has 2,2 critic  rating on MetaCritic and a 6,3 user review rating. So I thought.. hey this film might not be so bad. This movie also has a 9% tomatometer and a 34% audience score.
I find every single of these reviews to be too good!  The movie’s box art proudly tells it is super offensive and I’ll be honest.. I don’t always dislike offensive movies. There are a few times where offensive humor can give me a chuckle… the key word.. humor being part of the equation. That is not the case here!  Uwe Boll can not make comedy! This movie proves that. He  is worse at comedy than he is at horror movies.  but before I began tearing this thing apart let me tell tell you this movies plot.

We follow a main character that never gets a name and is just referred to as that Postal Dude.  His story starts  up when he starts applying for a promotion in a corporate job where A douchebag manager lets him do all sorts of weird things while he stares at the severed heads of some other corporate drones who failed at their job. They make jokes about them being a fake and blood drips off them as soon as they say it. He goes home to find his obese wife who lives in a trailer cheating on him… or well he finds out she is cheating on him. But I am already getting ahead of myself. This movie opens up with the Hijacking of the 9-11 planes. Al Qaeda terrorists have taken control over the ship because they want to surprise  the others by actually taking them on a trip to Cabo or the Bahamas or something nice and tropical. The people who fought for their lives on those planes break in and try to  subdue Al Qaeda actually cause them to crash into the twin towers. On this briljant opening… we move to the Dude.. and the stuff I told you happened. Why do I mention that intro now? Well because it ties in with the rest of the story. Osama who is actually living in the states and is best friends with George W Bush is planning to steal a shipment of Krotchy dolls. Krotchy is a crotch plushie that is the mascotte of some sort of weird  thing. But they are not the only one who wants to steal this doll that is a penis with a set of balls.

There is also Dude’s uncle who started a bogus christian sub cult to get laid. However his organisation is not paying their taxes and now has a few million dollars debt. His attendant warns him about this and points out these Krotchy dolls sell for like 3000 dollars each or so.
It turns out that these dolls have vials with Avian Flu hidden in them which Al Qaeda wants to use to destroy the western civilised world, while the attendant who actually beliefs the new bible of the uncle character to destroy the world. Dude and his uncle just want to earn some easy money! The only way that Dude can keep the world safe is by killing everyone else.. so he has to go postal!  For this he has to kidnap Verne Troyer and let him get raped by a 1000 monkeys team up with some random gothic chick from a coffee shop and use a cat as a silencer for a gun among other things.


Now the cat silencer was in the games so I see why it was in there.. but Postal has never been this much about being offensive.. it was always more about just going on a random meaningless killing spree… that is NOT what this movie is. In Postal you can pee on the elderly before whacking their head of with a shovel but it always gave you a choice. You did not need to be offensive, you just vented a shitty day… in a very trash way..but there is a difference in choosing this or seeing it.   The humor in this movie is akin to that of your average Scary Movie film..with the offence meter dialed up to 100 and the comedic timing turned back to 0. Each joke is so cheap.. and meaningless that it isn’t a joke anymore it is just offensive. Let me take you through the movie in more detail.  We begin with that dreadful 911 joke… While I am iffy on those already I think in a movie like these you CAN actually make jokes like that. It’s for a very limited crowd but you could still do it. Take for example the Family Guy joke where the terrorist fly through that seattle arc. Sure I’ll chuckle at that. Turning heroes into villains for the sake of comedy however isn’t fun.. it’s a role reversal that thereafter gets completely negated by having Al Qaeda be their classic evil.  Had they made it so they were actually the good guys but kept being blamed.. maybe ..you had a funny joke.. but no.. it served no point! They even add in a window washer to make it more slapstick!

The song about the evil corporation and  them actually cutting of heads is not funny either, the joke has been done a million times before  and it leans heavy into such standard timing and is sooo in your face obvious that it isn’t fun at all.. also the company doesn’t come back at all so again it is completely pointless. It just shows this guys life sucks. When he moves back and finds out his wife is sleeping around while he steps in dog poop.. we get the message. His wife is just made so gross that it is almost as if Uwe Boll says.. every woman has to look super fit.. and slightly slutty.. because literally all the other women are super models or goth chicks.  That are super skinny with flawless skin and etc. Everything else is trash. Why?!  You could have made the man miserable with a normal looking woman she did not have to be Jabba the Hutt.  Religion is than mostly seen as a sham and we see cops kill minorities for not understanding the language.. that joke certainly aged well.A dark skinned cop shoots an old Chinese lady who is old and flustered and doesn’t know what to do under a traffic light anymore! I get that people too old to drive can be annoying but again these cops are mostly a side story.. they actually follow a line skewed to the plot… It’s almost as in those Ice Age Movies… where we see scenes of Scrat trying to get his nut.. these cop show up and mess with the Chinese people or with a crippled man just to be offensive.. but never is there a joke.. as if Uwe Boll things that offensiveness IS the joke. 

Again I am not that squeamish.. there is a way to make offensive jokes. They are not for everyone.. but they can when used correctly make us aware of our flaws. South Park used to be able to do this quite well. Yes it was offensive but it also held us a mirror this is us. It has been made more cartoony. South Park and Family Guy can make this (subjectively)  work for two reasons. There is more behind just an offensive punchline.. there is either a clever idea or a lesson to be learned OR  they get away with it because it’s a cartoon. Inhuman behaviour is acceptable because we do not see a human we see a cartoon character.  Postal’s character are more one dimensional than the “offensive” cartoon shows.  Take Verne Troyer playing himself for example… he has to go to speech at the Krotchy doll festival because he looks like the thing and people want to use him as the spokesperson for these dolls. He travels with a suitcase bigger than himself..because HAHA he is a tiny person, but when he gets locked inside the suitcase we find out there is nothing but Dildo’s  and crossdressing stuff inside. Where is the joke?!

It took me 3 days to finish this movie as 30 minutes a day was about as much as I could stomach! I never had to turn off a movie before for not being able to work my way through. Even Coco Avant Chanel.. which I found an atrociously boring slog I managed to sit out.  This actually hurt me to watch. Nearly all of my gripes are all directly Uwe Boll’s fault. The actors aren’t the worst out there, I just wonder what made them this desperate. I know a few of these actors , mostly from tv and these are like B/C list actors that are quite passable. Postal Dude looks really awkward in front of a camera though maybe that is his character I am not fully able to tell.. he is a kind of awkward guy. His Filmography isn’t all that great either.. but come on! JK Simmons is in there just to do his JK Simmons thing.. only to be blown up by a suicide bomber in a sort of running gag.. where nobody wants to do it so Al Qaeda keeps tricking their members into doing this task. There is talent in this movie but it just doesn’t come out.  The writing in this movie is so bad nobody gets to shine. 

There is ONE joke in the movie and it goes a little something like this.Krotchy is going to be revealed in a place called little Germany so Postal Dude and his uncle’s cult .. mostly some bikini models who walk in bikinis for the entire movie.. have to dress up as Nazi’s not to stand out. So they all get a hitler Moustache and a Swastika added to their outfit and everyone thinks they belong.. but that is not the joke ..because who else is in Little Germany but Uwe Boll.. who is being interviewed as a celebrity why all his movies suck! He makes a joke about stealing money and mysterious funds.. which was a serious case against him and Krotchy suddenly rips off it’s head.. revealing.. the lead developer of the Postal Game.. blaming Uwe Boll for ruining his game with this movie.  He begins shooting at Uwe and Boll kills the man.. but not before they killed about 20 children who were all there to get their own Krotchy doll.. as no one can see the mascotte is a crotch.. or balls and a penis. Uwe Boll gets shot in the crotch and dies as well.. also he wears a Bavarian outfit..because it’s funny cause he is German. A journalist piles up all the dead children to make it look worse and the Postal Dude is blamed for this.. causing everyone in the world to want to kill him now. 

The way the action is shot is terrible. In a movie about shooting and killing everyone, you’d think there be a few good shootouts but  this is just a series of guns being shot and random people falling down.. even if they weren’t really in the shot. It again looks like a cartoon.. but that is not being sold because it is still live action.  If special effects are used they are very underwhelming OR super exaggerated.. they never get it right and I mean never. The Cat silencer was semi.. funny but in the world established so far it made not sense physics wise.. nothing else functions fantastically.  The cat doesn’t explode right away in Postal games but after a few uses it still does.. having the cat be unharmed felt like a whimper.  A bit of a funny whimper but a whimper still.  The Uncle gets betrayed by his attendant and in an order to convince him not to kill him the guy says he has become gay and a chubby chaser.. and he agrees to have Verne Raped by the 1000 monkeys mentioned earlier but is shot anyway.  A weird twist further and we end up with everybody firing on Postal Dude in the trailer Park.. he is hiding behind a car and killing them by the bushes. Not a single person thinks about walking around again demonstrating no one is sentient here.. it’s just unfunny movie characters.

Osama asks George Bush for help and Postal Dude and his girlfriend get away. While he tricks the Attendant guy to blow himself.. plus the fat wife and the two cops.. who also did her for no specific reason up. However Bush pissed of some people and now America is being Nuked.  While Postal Dude ride off into the sunset with his new flame.. ..his fifth one in this movie Bush and Osama hold hands and skip through a field while all across them Nukes impact. Destroying America and any hope left we had off at least a single funny scene.  It is all filmed with very cheap angles, never is a a set properly used and all the locations are boring and bland as hell.  I was so glad I could turn of this movie and it made me reconsider my watching all Video game movies idea. Before I thought Uwe Boll was just a bad director..now I think he is a horrible person, who has zero understanding of film and less understanding of comedy.How bad he is was always a joke.. but seeing him attempt comedy.. made it more than a joke.. at least a joke would have been funny..

There are a few things that are okay with the movie. The filming angels are very boring but never bad. The fights are extremely boring and do not convey the game at all but I’ve seen worse, the cast is passable except for the barely understandable Boll and the very poorly acting Lead Director of  the game. It’s just that it is so painful and unfunny. Characters have been written just to offend, and woman are only good if they are bikini bimbo’s once again.  Eye candy and nothing else.  There are  no jokes because Uwe Boll thinks being offensive is funny on it’s own and this is the result.. a movie that has less flaws than many that will be on this list.. but is so empty that it easily is the one I hate the most.  And I don’t mean of my movie viewings.. this is the movie I hated seeing most…EVER.

If I were to compare it with something it’s a screaming Monkey. We all know monkey’s can be funny when they do monkey things.. but Uwe Boll things.. just having a monkey on the screen is enough..well he also makes it scream so we KNOW there is a monkey on the screen.. but never does it hop around or toss a nut or do anything it just screams and rages and smells like monkey! One of those monkey’s you are scared off or annoyed by rather than entertained.. but Uwe Boll says we are wrong because it’s a monkey.. that is what funny is.  This movie is like putting bread on your cat and seeing it distress.. but you think it’s funny because of the memes.  As such I am giving this movie one grade lower than my lowest grade!  This movie is unwatchable. And I used this pun in his last movie! Now Uwe Boll has made me so angry … he gets a grade below my lowest named after him!

Next week’s movie will undoubtedly be better and I do not know yet what that movies is going to be. This thing was awful but if you think being offensive is funny this might be a movie for you! If you are a Movie Maschoist like me.. the movie is on YouTube and no one bothered to take it down for well over 6 years! So I will share that link with you!.. Because I am nice like that!