Sometimes we need to take a break from all the spooky stuff going on and just have fun with cardboard! The Cabana boy was like always doing his own thing. Strolling around the beaches of Paradise looking for lost treasures! He got really excited with something he discovered. So Sunny has lured you good Paradise guests to a table at poolside with good humor, drinks courtesy of Kuro, and a deck of cards. Not a regular deck, but Dungeon Mayhem.
More Street Fighter Than DnD
Although it says Dungeons and Dragons right on the box, the actual game is more like Street Fighter. As a DM I usually take great care to be sure my players don’t get into altercations with each other, but in Dungeon Mayhem there is no dungeon and one big brawl. You might even imagine it as sort of a bar fight!
The game requires 2 to 4 players over the age of 8. You have a choice of playing Sutha the Skullcrusher (Barbarian), Azzan the Mystic (wizard), Lia the Radiant (paladin), or Oriax the Clever (rogue). Each character has their own small deck of cards with spells, attacks, defenses, and special powers specific to each class. The game is quickly set up and also quick to play – well under 30 minutes and often quite a bit shorter than that. The object is to be the last player alive.
The art on the cards and the captions for the special powers and so on are clearly created for gamers with a bit of tongue in cheek and a sense of humor about it all. Kyle Ferrin has done a great job on the illustrations. I mean, you only have to glance at the card Vampiric Touch and you know what it does.
This game is simple, quick, easy to learn, and under $20 USD in price. It’s great if you’ve only got a few minutes to kill, or you’re taking a break to stretch and get a snack and people are up and down from the table for a few minutes. It could even be a filler if someone is late for the regular game night, or absent. Or you know, if there’s just some guests of Pinkie’s Paradise hanging around the pool with nothing much else to do but watch anime on their phones or play mobile games.
It is time to step out of the spotlight and into the role of the comical relief side character again! In this series I Isekai myself and reincarnated not as the powerful main character.. but the one that provides lines of fun! I asked the god person thing not to change and just be a amplified version of myself. Figuring it would boost my wit and creativity and intelligence.. little did I know my bad traits would be amplified as well! How unlucky am I! If you missed the previous part, you can click here!
Dear Diary.. I would like to say that I woke up feeling refreshed but I did not! In fact I did not wake up at all! I didn’t even sleep! First of all I spilled ink all over my bed and it got like all inkey and soggy! And when trying to clean it up by washing it off I got it soaking wet! So I tried sleeping on the ground but my new tail really did not like that. So I spend the night reading.
I think I might have learned a spell from one of them! These books are like super easy to remember! Elle apparently was studying to be a mage so I guess that will be my class. I think my Intelligence stat is rather high after reincarnation so that is good! I might make a good Wizard. That morning I went to the guild that Maine is part of. They called it the Owls-Nest. Apparently it is one of the lower ranking guilds in Windmere Port. That is the town I seem to live in. Upon Inquiry why it is not Port Windmere a villager said that there are a few Windmeres across the world of Tenretni. I think she wanted to ask where I was from because she looked at me really strangely before she vomited all over my shoes! She apologised and hurried away! I slipped on something icky and could not catch up anymore! She seemed cute.. perhaps she was my romantic encounter. I would see if I Would meet her again. On my way to the guild building I saw two other people vomit! I guessed cooking in medieval like towns isn’t great for your stomach! My shoes look kinda crusty now though.
I arrived at the Owl’s nest, where a friendly dark skinned Cleric woman helped me apply to the guild! She told me I was now an Owl… I told her that was incorrect and that I still possessed the goat-like, humanoid en demonic features that come with being a race called Tiefling. I would also not obtain the skill to polymorph myself until I gotten to a decent level 7 which is when I get my first 4th level spell. She asked me what a level was. I explained to her that this world seems to be connected via the multiverse trough another world where this all unfolds as a board game and trough inter dimensional quantum entanglement I should be able to use this knowledge to learn spells.. but that a level had no defining qualities in this world…like another plain.
But I could tell her that level 7 is reached after obtaining around 23.000 experience points. I also explained to her that easy skill challenge like for example killing some boars would most likely award me with 25xp but said challenge could exist out of 1 to 3 boars so I would likely have to kill between 920 to 2760 boars before i could actually be an owl. Given how my luck was treating me I’d say I’d have a 50% chance to run into a 3 boar encounter about a 35% chance to run into a 2 boar encounter and a 15% chance to get just a single boar. Which led me to expect with, while of course considering a mild deviation, I would have to kill 2162 boars to obtain the required skill. She just nodded and said “Okay…… But the title for our members is Owls, I am not talking about literal Owls, All our members regardless of their species are called that.
When I finally was signed up, which happens after a few more miscommunications I was ready to take on the quest. Yet of course I took a good look around to the place first. Trying to see if I could locate Maine or Rho. Aside from the dark skinned human Cleric woman there were three other people there. A human female monk.. white skin..whiter hair..though some peach snaps was spilling into it tinting it lightly as she lay on the bar passed out drunk with a crow on her shoulders.
A Paladin in white armor..whose race I could not identify due to the weird helmet with a tacky golden ornament to it. Then there was another girl at least I think they are! It’s a dwarf.. Gimli was hard it’s really hard to tell! Anyway! They were throwing a tantrum and wielding axes and skins! I assume she is a Barbarian! Daria seems to be her name For some weird reason they do carry some sort of spellbook. The monk clearly is of the drunken fist Archetype! She kept shouting things like “Daria is raging again.. take a sip” ..so I assume she wasn’t fully passed out. Daria told her to “ Fuck Off Mirina”.. So I assume she is called Mirina the monk that is … but why would she need to have intercourse with a person named Off.. that’s a stupid name, could it be the knight?
Maine walked in and greeted everyone calling the knight Oscott.. so is Off the crow then? Would that not be forbidden? As she walked across the guild hall she seemed to be floating. I never seen such grace from armoured people, but then again..up until yesterday I haven’t seen many armoured people anyway.. also I died and this was my new life..from which I woken yesterday.. so even if I did before I guess it resets the score! The white knight had not moved a lot yet so little to compare it with. I made my way up to the quest board when I slipped on a bottle that Mirina probably dropped. Maine walked to the board and helped me up with a smile! ‘I see you joined us Elle’ she said. ‘Oh I’ll take this quest.. a mysterious disease is plaguing the city” Oscott, Mirina, Daria? Do you wish to join me? It is a four man quest I think. I would love to get to know you all better ?’
The three seemed to agree and before I realised what had happened they went off! ‘But I encountered the girl that vomited all over my shoes! That quest was set up for me!.. Frugpoodles!’ I said while I puffed up my cheeks and stomped on the floor.. but the bottle was still there and I wounded my hoof-foot, I am still not sure which it is. Maine looked at me sympathetically and said.. first have your foot checked out by Ynaja over their..pointing at the cleric. ‘I’ll take you next time.. ..or at least sometime soon, you know when we have a nice and easy quest so we can relax a bit’. She then walked off with her newly formed party. I saw there was only one other quest remaining.. an old lady lost her frying pan I needed to get it back for her.. I sighed as I hobbled over to the cleric to have my leg healed.
I had a nice lunch with the woman named Ynaja she treated me to some soup as she healed my foot. She talked about how I was an odd new member to their ranks but that she liked that. Maine had only joined recently as well and Rho immediately took on his first quest, to track some bandits in a forest. Now it was time for my first quest.. it did not pay well but at least I could do it alone. As I made my way to the old ladies house that posted the request I began thinking about Maine some more. She really was pretty..but probably super straight as well. Now she’d even get the new characters introduced to her and I could not even see them! Well at least I had a quest now and a mystery one to boot! This would work great with my intelligence. The old lady had a bit of a dirty cottage, she really should clean her windows, as is way her vitamin D intake would be minimal. The creeping veins would also impair the structural integrity of this piece of real estate and devalue it’s price when put on the market! It’s grime had a aesthetically pleasing effect though.
“Oh good the guild finally send me someone, I lost my favorite frying pan dear” So I asked where she last left it.. as she pointed to her kitchen, which made sense in hindsight of course. Yet what I saw there was not what I expected. There was a enormous pile of dirty dish network on there. Like there must have been 23 frying pans and big kettles on top of them. “ One of them had a little message inscribed in the bottom..left by late husband.. but I am afraid they are so dirty I can not read it anymore.. Could you help me deary” she said. “I am too old to lift and clean all those heavy things” Nani! my first quest was doing dishes?! I hate doing the dishes sooo much! “I guess all heroes have to start somewhere” I said to her and she just nodded while she sat in her rocking chair.
I cleaned every single plan.. even the big ones.. because otherwise she would lose it again! It took me well over three hours to get everything clean.. but not a single pan had a inscription on the rim. I told her this and she looked at me with strangely gleefull eyes “Oh dear.. then it must have been the one that I loaned out to my grandson, how silly of me” I reassured her it was quite okay she seemed to feel so bad! “He is a cook somewhere.. I can’t remember his name.. but I know he wears a very odd hat chef, you could ask around in town people are sure to know who he is” “My grandfather kept forgetting the names of his grandchildren as well especially my brother.. gods have mercy on his soul’. I bid the lady farewell as she said I could call her Daisy, which weirdly is the exact name I would have come up with for her?! Townsfolks meanwhile where up and about.. apparently Maine and her party had discovered a evil necromancer had settled in town hiding in our ranks..cursing the people of the town. Now they were investigating who it might be.
I tried to find them.. thinking they might suspect me! I was new in town and I knew spells.. so it would make sense. I found them and Maine chuckled when I reported in! Oh no Elle dear! I do not suspect you, I honestly doubt that a high level necromancer would knock herself out using a garbage can, you also don’t seem to know people all that well and you told me you feared fire did you not?” I nodded.. I had discussed that with her during one of our talks the day earlier. “Well then it can’t be you, Mirina found out that this curse requires ashened flesh as well as some very intrinsic hand motions and seals, since you are afraid of fire and have the dexterity off a ochre Jelly I don’t think you can be our suspect. That’s so weird.. how does she know that?! I would classify my own dex stat as 6.. I fall more than zombies! What a peculiar guess! Maybe it’s really iconic. I decided to ask them if they saw a guy with a weird hat. “Bah, you talking about Ematt, he’s the chef for our guild .. but we ‘ve got a necromancer to find! Good luck with the pan hunt’ they took off. I rushed back to the guild.. the pan was there all along.. the classic! I might matter after all! Yet dear diary.. you never know where I found it.. it was in ANOTHER huge pile of dishes!
My arms hurt so much when I finished all the dishes! I broke quite a few plates by accident so that would have to come out of my quest reward Ynaja said, but she said it was okay I would keep about half still! I had finally found the pan! I had a horrible day .. but I completed my first real life quest ever! Washing dishes was not a skill test I guess but completing a quest surely would award me with some XP, that way I could earn better spells and become a great help to Maine.. part of the main heroes! Destiny awaited me! With the last of my strength I rushed back to Daisy’s house so I could get my money! Than I could buy some food as well! Later I could then move into the forest and find out Maine’s secrets! It would all work out. When I drew closer I suddenly saw sparks or at least lighting coloured lights from the other side of the dirty windows. I could not tell if it was an arc, or a spark because of how dirty those windows where. I hoped Daisy was alright. I bravely dashed in.. and then the door flew out of its hinges and into my face.. Mirina was riding on top of it being propelled by something. Then the familiar blackness came over me.
When I woke up I saw Daria bend over the corpse of Daisy! “Oh no, they were evil! I found out and I would have to stop them.. Maine was a villainess with an evil crew.. like Aizen from Bleach. Maine stood next to me and reached her hand out to me “Are you alright “ she asked. I got really scared and might have peed a little. “Please don’t kill me?!” I said. “Why would I do that” she asked. “Because you are evil and murder innocent people in town pretending it’s the work of some disease or something” I said! I was onto the plot I was sure about it.
Unfortunately I was wrong! My Intelligence might be high but apparently I failed my wisdom saves. It turns out Daisy was the Necromancer all along. She compelled people into believing she had lived there for ages. Altering memories so that they believe she was part of the community. Each night she would throw a dinner party and then curse people! Once they died she would dig them up.. cut off their flash and Ashen it in her kitchen… when people would just think she would be preparing the feast for the next day. No one suspected a thing. If she could murder the entire town she would have a vast skeletal army with whom she could rule the world. I nodded.. “I did not see that coming”..
Well at least everything was done now all that I needed to do was ……wait a minute… my quest giver died! I just failed my first quest! I just spend six hours washing dishes for nothing..well three hours for nothing.. the other three improved the quality of life for people in the guild. Ematt probably would be happy to.. now that his not grandma …grandma was beaten to a pulp by a barbarian two fighters and a monk I bet his mental disposition would not be with the dishes! I began to sniffle.. that I failed my quest. Now I had to pay Ynaja with money I didn’t have either and I was hungry and tired! Maine smiled at me and gave me a gold coin saying “I will settle your debt with the guild .. use this to buy some food, get a long rest and try again tomorrow, you can do this Elle” I swooned a bit and did exactly as she asked .. she is so pretty!
I managed to get a bunch of food from a store that was still opened way past convenient times. Stores in fantasy worlds are so weird! Do they ever close?! Well in Skyrim they did.. but in a lot of games.. they do not! I guess I got lucky for once. I got some bread.. and eggs and potatoes and even some meats.. with a gold coin I could last a few days! Of course I saved some silver because meats spoil. Still Maine said I should get a long rest! That’s the DnD term for an 8 hour rest or so that restores your spells. Yet again.. she almost talks like a DnD player! Maybe it was a coincidence.. maybe I looked tired.. covered in ink, sick booze and dishgrease! I would find out more that night! First I washed up! Then just just a tiny egg sandwich and a short rest! I’d be good to go! I woke up..at first light.. Crusts of my egg sandwich still in hand! I missed Maine’s secret meeting! I missed the main quest! I missed everything again! Besides that my house was smelling kinda funky! Like.. ..Oh no! I rushed back to my stove and my worst fears have came true! There was the pot I cooked my eggs in.. all blacked. another pan I wanted to fry an egg in but never did was blackened too.. Argh! I don’t wanna do the dishes again! I wanna go home! I HATE DOING DISHES!!!!!!!
Will Elle discover more about the mysterious Maine the next day? Will she be able to bond with her new guildmates and will she able to kill 2162 boars? Would she even try? Will she ever be a true owl? How about Maine..what is up with her? That we will find out in the next episode of : What Bad Luck! I got reborn into another life, and Now I am a Side Character!