Turkey’s, Trailer Trash and Tires : Rubber (2011) Review

I held a poll on my twitter to see what type of movies I should review for Halloween. Good Movies, Bad Movies, Weird movies or Candy!  Two people wished me to review good movies, one person wished candy reviews and the rest of you were quite neatly evenly divided between bad and weird movies. With weird movies taking the win! So for my first movie review of Halloween month I picked one I think is both weird and bad…. but the movie reviews fairly well…That movie is 2011’s Rubber

Who Directed This Movie Pinkie?

Rubber is this quasi-artistic horror comedy created by Quentin Dupieux! A director known for …… some french movies I never saw! It “stars”  Jack Plotnick…who plays a failed Superhero in Mystery man! Roxanne Mesquida known for “other French Stuff” and Stephen Spinella who was a barely named character in Sean Penn’s Milk. The chubbier supernerd from CSI Cyber is also here …for a bit. Getting a 5.8 on IMDB a 46% on Rotten Tomatoes with a whopping 69% critic approval and a 5.9 on Metacrtic.. this might oly be a weird movie. .I really REALLY dislike it quite a bit more though.

What is this movie about Pinkie?

Well the plot of this movie is a bit complex. A cop/actor is trapped in a scenario where he has to solve a series of mysterious murders..realising he is in a movie he tries to manipulate the audience into dying so the movie ends prematurely so he can go home. On a second level the actual Movie is about a Tire coming alive and it discovers it has quite a bit of homicidal tendencies. Having fun killing things the tire travels across a desert state blowing people up with psychic power it discovers after being unable to destroy a beer bottle with normal means. It’s murderous travels allow it to cross paths with the beautiful Sheila who it wants to win over. However his killing spree has attracted the attention of a very persistent cop!

Haha Funny Joke Pinkie, No Seriously what is this movie about?

No no! I wasn’t actually lying, that is actually the plot. It’s a story about a killer tire blowing up people’s heads with it’s psychokinetic powers! With a subplot of a cop finding his movie to dumb and trying to boundary break it. Topped of with a sauce of the movie trying to be pretentious while actually being dumb. Which is my biggest gripe with this movie. While it might not be actually pretentious and clearly fakes this in a self proclaimed homage to ‘No reason”  there is something really vexing about that pretentiousness The way it is shot almost feels as if the creator is trying to say “ooooh look at me.. I am so artistic” and while he does say that it is in a sarcastic tone.Which could work..but for me a story about a killer tire played off as something more and smarter than that…doesn’t really connect.

So… you aren’t joking?! Really?!

Listen guys you wanted me to do weird or bad movies! But yes! This movie starts with the main policeman played by that guy from Milk..talking about movies I would much rather see! But not before he drives his copcar to hit some chairs spread out on a desert road. Or well excuse me.. his driver is doing that while he is riding in the trunk. Why?! Well he explains it trough those movie questions! “Why is the Alien in E.T. Brown?  No Reason…Why doesn’t anybody go to the bathroom in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre… No Reason!” This keeps going on and on telling things in movies that happen for no reason. He then tells us the movie we are about to see is made for no reason and made in the spirit of no reason. We then see the camera pan to where we the audience would be..and suddenly there is a group of desert tourists… called the audience who are going to watch the movie as a live experience.. They are given binoculars and someone mentions it is starting and we pan to a title screen and meet our main character.Note from here on out there will be spoilers but also notes .. I don’t think spoilers matter at all for this movie. Just I can not discuss how weird it is without discussing the plot.

The screen shows a tire covered in sand that for no reason wakes up.. it straightens up and tries to roll by itself. An art it has not fully mastered yet. So Bambi style we see a tire rolling a few feet ahead and then falling over again…….. until it is good enough to travel of course. Yet we find the first obstacle in his path! An empty water bottle! The tired seems surprised at how little resistance the bottle offers and pushes further into it. Enjoying the sound of the bottle warping. How do I know how it feels? I don’t know! They do cleverly film that way. It is even happier when it kills a scorpion..which I am pretty sure was actually killed for this movie. I bet they also had to kill more than one! It figures out it can not break a beer bottle and it gets angry as its need for destruction goes further. It manifest psychokinetic powers and by shaking slightly it can blow stuff up .. so the beer bottle gets blown up.. than a rusty tin can.. and while it swerves cheerfully across the sand it encounters a bunny and blows it up… let’s hope they did not blow up a real one!

Omg Pinkie is this real what happens next?!

We cut back to the crowd and see some exposition being exchanged by people as well as movie audience grievances playing a big role in this. You have the girls that want absolute silence, the guys who just want to have fun, the guys who loudly theorise with each other and the audience that doesn’t understand. As they bicker more we get some more tire scenes until eventually the tire gets tired..and just drops over and sleeps. The audience sleeps in the desert as well as the movie isn’t over yet. One guy in a wheelchair never sleeps however and studies the tire all night.

The next day the tire hits the road! Literally! It finally reaches the main road and decides to follow it. Here it sees Sheila for the first time ..but not before we get a serene scene of the tire drinking from a body of water……… which later is completely omitted but hey.. If you have never seen footage of a goodyear tire drinking in a shot that looks like a nature documentary about the tire.. then this movie has something new for you! I mean I am not sure if I ever saw a movie about a horney tire trying to romance a human girl either… in fact I am pretty sure this is the only movie about a tire! Regardless..most of the time we follow the tire is a close third person perspective which I think is  shame. This movie might have been more interesting and less faux pretentious if it looked like we were watching it through our binoculars. The movie flirts with the idea of two worlds but then doesn’t keep us connected to the first one enough making the subplot feel more stupid than smart.

It’s easy to see what the makers are trying to do here, but there is no real commitment to anything. While the tire is chasing the woman for example it gets run over by two guys speeding. Since you established the tire having to learn things and it having simple moments like needing sleep and needing drink.. it would be nice if you made the tire feel pain or something here..It would not make sense either.. but it would consistently not make sense. Now we get a weird mix of it just being a tire and being a living thing. Eventually though the car reaches a gas station where it makes its first human kil. A semi decent head exploding effect the maker liked so much that from now on out it is all the kill we get. The tire travels on as the police react to the head blowing up thing..but since it is a tire rolling around a road and could in no way be a dangerous obstruction the police ignore it and move on ahead. The tire reaches a motel where it watches Sheila shower… it likes it!

Hahaha this sounds like a joke with a punchline! Does anything really interesting happen after that?

Well.. we cut back to the desert again and see some guys really enjoy the shower scene as well. Some women are offended that they are so loud about it and tell them to show up. “If we are bothering you go sit somewhere else”  is said and so the movie delves further into the issues of a movie audience. Luckily not for that much longer as this horrible subplot is about to come to an end…sort off. By here I must say the choice in music is very strange.. as most of the time there is non.. which could work and make things creepy..but not if it’s a movie about a tire feeling lusty for a lady! Or if we see it merrily roll along a road. It makes the movie feel dull.. and unfinished. This movie could have really done with an 80’s like Killer soundtrack knowing that the tire is about to strike again. Unfortunately we just get room tone.

The Tire gets a room in a hotel and without any explanation mages to get himself onto a bed where he manages to turn of a tv and watch the Fitness channel.. liking this new girl he sees. He likes her a lot because after he is done he has to take it cold shower! That is right .. the tire .. gets a shower scene.  And before you mistake this for a cgi movie.. no this tire has no face or no eyes, no expression it’s an actual tire being filmed in a shower. He can’t roll over beer bottles but somehow he can manifest in a shower…no reason why! Oh dear Arceus am I beginning to appreciate this more as I write this out?!.Nah?! Right?! ……

A few rooms away and a little earlier  from the tire is one of the producer assistants, the one in cahoots with our main officer man. We see him get a phone call from a person called “the Master ”, a plotline that goes nowhere.  As he apologies  to this master he says he will do his duty tomorrow morning. He gets up and we see him in his boxers and a living turkey in his room! Now you may wonder.. Why does this guy who has something to do with the fake audience have a live turkey in his room?! Well  it’s so that he can feed it to the audience later of course. Which he does by dumping it in the sand and everyone just pigs out over cold turkey that has been prepared by a stranger who earlier stole your stuff .. and he dumped it in the sand…why?! Oh right! … No reason!

The tire gets found in the shower and tossed out by a maid who thinks it’s a prank..so obviously she gets her head blown up in another room as the tire traps her for some reason. Again.. no visuals or no music to increase tension a little bit.. The movie knows it’s about a killer tire so it isn’t trying.While I do not mind that vision not trying because it’s needed doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it. Give it a synth-wave killer theme! PLEASE!  Give it something.  But no.. the tire gets nothing and as it stares at Sheila in the motel pool we as an audience get treated to a shot of a tire on concrete.. now with a bit of music but the still shot holds on for half a minute or so….on a tire! Not a cg tire that stares at us or something.. no a piece of rubber!!….Hey title of the movie right there!

Wait when you say the audience do you mean us or the audience in the movie?!

Oh right sorry! I mean us.. because the other audience is gone. They are dead. That turkey guy poisoned the turkey and everyone except for the wheelchair guy dies in complete agony! Even the little kid is in pain while he dies. Wheelchair audience guys says he will make sure their deaths are not invaine by watching the entire movie..as we move into the dumbest part of the movie yet…As the tire falls in the water of the pool it becomes trapped there it can not move underwater.  Cop guy breaks the fourth wall and tells the people on the set now that the audience has died, they can just stop the movie. Demonstrating he is immortal by having them shoot him…of course this works. He demonstrates it is all visual effects..but since the other cops don’t seem to acknowledge it he knows something is wrong. Turkey guy shows up and tells that one guy is still alive and reluctantly the cop continues the movie.

A young boy fishes the tire out of the water and has his father the motel owner tells him to do so.  The cop pretending not to know the killer is a tire tries to interogate the motel owner if he knows anything about the murder of his maid..but before he can talk the tire comes around and blows up the man’s head. It turns out he did not want the young boy’s love. The cop, annoyed now, decides to spoil the plot to the other police officers and reveals the killer is a tire..which they after a while reluctantly accept. Meanwhile turkey guy tries to convince the wheelchair guy to eat a poisoned cupcake..but the man refuses so out of frustration turkey guy eats it himself and dies.  The tire kills some cops who find him and the cop guy realises he needs a smarter plan. So he finds Sheila explains stuff to her.. and together they build this explosive mannequin or something that looks like Sheila.. hoping the tire will hump her… so they can blow it up?! I am not sure about that part..my attention kinda started slipping. It is somewhere along those lines though.

As this operation seems to go the way they want we suddenly here a knock! Wheelchair guy has traveled into the set and tells the cop-guy this trap makes no sense. Again it is filmed really ugly. It’s almost shot as if it is some visual novel with a character just standing there  spouting lines for a while and then at a reaction shot we get a brief visual change.  The sexdoll plan fails indeed and the cop is tired of it and is annoyed the man is still alive. So he picks up a shotgun.. storms into the house the tire is in and murders it off camera. He throws it infront of the wheelchair guy and tells the stupid movie is over and exits stage left. He is done with this movie. And with the tire killed so are we!…….Is what I would have said in a more sensible movie.Because we find out the tire is not dead! Well it kinda was… but he reincarnated immediately………………as a tricycle He blows up a wheelchair guy..and is done with his attachments to the mortal human flesh! This time he has a new power. He can now raises other tires and as a leader of an rubber army he sets out to murder the people of the world. The end.

Wait A Tricycle? Really Why?

No reason!

That sounds pretty bad is it really as bad as you say?! It scores better on IMDB and all! Critics gave it pretty decent grades?!

Rubber is a weird movie, it is bad as well. Yet something can be good despite being bad if you are self aware enough. This movie has self awareness in spades and some of the choices can make for an entertaining watch. My friends all liked this movie a lot more than I did. Yet I can not deal with this artisticy tone the movie tries to display. I am fine with a movie being artistic or clever if you think it through.. but this movie feels smug! It’s fake smug but still I dislike the tone of that smug so much that it still sours my experience.  The comedy is almost Meme-like.. Trollish and that is not my form of humor. It is too humble for its own good!  It knows it can’t make a tire scary so it never tries to.. while I think it would be hilarious to give it a big final destination like set up.. or killers of old with a soundtrack.. and them… oh right it’s just a tire! As a result it never shoots for horror .. which it kinda does aim to be?!

This movie is like a huge meme, with you or me or anyone watching this movie as it’s laughing stock. While that is pretty Meta and could turn out great there are so many details where it skips out on that same tone that I never really felt engaged with that and so it’s a dead meme!  Some people can still have their fun with it.. there is some clever design but it is just a meme that isn’t all that enjoyable to watch. I still would advise you to watch it as it is absolutely an experience… it’s just not one I will remember all that fondly… and I adore weird stuff normally. I would have loved this as well if it just had a different tone! So don’t get my lowest grade, and I do really recommend you watch it because even if I went over the plot it will still offer you such an unique experience. It is a movie that has to be seen to be believed even the credits being weird… it’s just the tone that irks me a lot.

With more commitment to it’s sub plot or without it entirely it would have scored much higher!

If you think this movie is the only movie about a killer piece of rubber you are mistaking! Because if I can get my hands on it, the next movie reviews a movie about a killer johny! And I got some other WEIRD stuff planned out for you! Until then please consider supporting my Ko-Fi I could use a bottle of booze with these movies!

Pinkie Gets Anime Powers: Soul Eater

Yay I am getting buffed again with more fictional powers. In the last post I hinted that I would tackle Beyblade next. Upon researching though I found that there is so much to Beyblade. It has a active competitive scene, people talking about parts, set up etc. While I could make a dumbed down variant based on the anime I feel like it might snuff out someone’s hobby so for now I tend to not do it. The Holy Mailman suggest Soul Eater to me, and now he is stuck with me!

The Meister

Meister Name:
Pinkie Liefmans
Human (With Demon Weapon Ancestry)
Great Sword Master with Utility Master traits

Partner Name:
John Howitzer
Claiming to be younger than John when clearly she is not
Guest Character
Combat Role:

Otaku, Weebspeak, Pegasister, Cute Freak ,Claims to be from another world

Soul Eater did not have any particular naming conventions, though last names seem to reflect where a character is from. Liefmans is Dutch and Belgian surname which one could basically take as “Sweet Person” Which would fit the character well NB It’s not my real last name. Her age would be slightly but noticeably older than whoever would be the main character. So say if we place her in the original series she would most likely be 18 or 19 with John her partner being around Maka her age. Pinkie and John would be a form of comical side characters but not like Jarjar or even Excalibur. The episodes she would appear in she would take a very prominent role. Pinkie is a very detached character not having much ties to this world, even claiming she is not from there at times. Claiming she was Isekaid whatever that may mean. She speaks in odd ways, clearly drawn to all things cute.  She would be seen in episodes because she happened to chase a cute puppy around town trying to pet it, or if the main heroes get a task that involves interacting with a cute life form she would force herself into involvement. 

Pinkie hates to be lady or woman instead of girl even though in most scenarios we put her in she would be a mature/ish woman. She and her partner John would work as a sort of counter-weight for the normal Meister/Demon Weapon Partnership. Where Maka and Soul and Black Star Tsubaki can argue outside of combat mostly and have this polarised relationship, Pinkie is very much in sync with John in their free time. So much so their wavelength resonance stems from that. Yet more in the wavelength later. John uses the same weeb-speak out of combat. Their antics would involve fourth wall breaking adventures such as picking up a dirty novel and John then mimicking Kakashi and Pinkie forcefully launching herself with an anime nosebleed when she sees a pretty girl. Seemingly aware they are characters or at least enjoying and ridiculing some anime tropes. Very much in sync about that.

In combat though their demeanour changes with Pinkie very much not liking the look of her blade. It should look cuter, so when battle begins she usually starts with decorating the Great Sword first. Pinkie carries plenty of purses filled with cute stuff like glitters and ribbons alongside her. Outside of combat she tries to decorate John, a bit in the hope it would mean he would shift into a more cute weapon as well. He gently brushes all these decorations off before she can get very far, so she oftenly results to trickery in an attempt to decorate him. Like using explosive gift boxes to cover him in glitter or trying to drug him so she can decorate him in his sleep. However they have been traveling together for a while he knows her trough and trough so these attempts never succeed and are often turned against her.

While very whimsical  Pinkie is incredibly sharp of mind and can analyse characters very quickly and she has shown great adeptness for manipulation. Though seemingly genuine in her attempt to befriend people she never really ends up worse off. She joins a mission and somehow ends up sharing the reward, she asks you to fight with her so she can get a cute ribbon, even if she just dances with you she always seems to gain.. when asking her she just claims “Friendship is Magic”. Pinkie would rather befriend people than fight them. Claiming that if she befriends 99 evil souls it will be way easier and they wont leave. She is also very adapt in telling peoples motives and emotions. This can backfire creating socially-awkward situations when she blurts out the two main characters or others are romantically interested in each other, or if she catches characters hiding things.

The Wavelength

Pinkie’s Unique wavelength is the Pinkoro wavelength. Unlike other wavelengths it allows Pinkie to let others adapt onto her wavelength. In a way she is a counterpart to Kilik Rung who can jump onto other wavelengths to use multiple weapons. Pinkie’s wavelength stems from friendship by befriending other Demon Weapons she can use them in combat as long as there is an emotional need from the Weapon to assist Pinkie.  Pinkokoro is called the adaptive wavelength  which as Pinkie often points out is a half truth. More so than the other way around it allows others to mimic this wavelength momentarily.  This results in Pinkie easily having won a tournament. Rather than win it fair and square though she simply befriended all the weapons of the opponents than made them synchronise with her.. rather than their meister, effectively rendering them powerless. 

People question what she could do should she turn evil or betray them but Pinkie always susses these talks telling that if she was evil they would not be friends anymore and it would not work. She just used the power so less people would get hurt during a spar.  However since Pinkie likes cute  things she actively tries to steer away from weapons she thinks are not cute. For example when interacting with Tsubaki she would act super sweet, even flirty at times , same would go for the Thompsons, however she would show very little interest in Soul even trying to act Tsundere like against him though she clearly is bad at mistreating people and does not mean it. She just doesn’t want “another ugly weapon but would rather have a Kawaii one”

The Weapon

John Howitzer is a hybrid between a typical american army man and an edgy teen.  He keeps coming up with code names for Pinkie and himself and mostly those of himself can grow pretty edgy. “Pinkie for this Mission your handle will be Duckling.. and I will be Crimson Toxic Mist!’ In his human form he much like Pinkie can act pretty geekily. Very akin to the pink lady he seems to be aware he is a character or at least he tests out tropes.. using “this new body” to put Death the Kid to shame. Death the Kid and him would have a bit of a rivalry going on at times not getting along to well.  Where Pinkie wants to make things cuter, John likes to put skulls on everything or paint stuff black.  The two seem to have no trouble sharing though with John most of the time willing to part with some findings if Pinkie really wants it. At times Pinkie shows the same sentiment by acting like she doesnt want particular items.  They always seem to be trying to collect stuff or find a way home. 

As a weapon John turns into a Eldritch looking like sword equipped with some military tech. His demeanour changes very much. His Goth persona fades away and the military trades take over. His lingo shift to full on Military speech. Pinkie “Bogeys at 3 O’Clock’  “Enemy encampment detected five clicks from here’ This confuses Pinkie as she becomes unable to understand him so in time their wavelength will desync. As a pair they have a timer.  In return for this timer John as a sword holds incredible power. As a sword he is very capable of letting Pinkie  use the combat style of Instantaneous Maximum Fire Power.  A way to reflect their Isekai’d fighter gimmick However throughout the show it never really becomes clear if they actually stem from another world or not in fact there is proof for the opposite. 

John as a Sword akin to a One Punch Man in the Soul Eater universe. Whatever he hits dies. However by the time that Pinkie has decorated enough so she is confident it looks cute enough to strike with some time will have past, usually near their deadline before they fall out of sync. As a result the fights they are in usually end up having the main characters fight stuff they can not defeat and defend the pair until their setup is complete. To offer them another way of fighting. Changing up the rules.  Action would still be focused on the main characters  however they would fight to stall out their opponent often against superior force. A twist which works well with John’s wavelength… much to complication of his Meisters set up.

Like Pinkie John is part of the Pinkokoro wavelength so much like Pinkie he can convince fighters to move into his wavelength. However since John mostly does this from the desire to protect, when he syncs up with other people he becomes a shield. A super could light glowing shield.. almost akin to how the Green Lantern would be able to conjure up as a light construct not having the time to properly manifest.  After a hit has been taken by John and the immediate danger is gone he reverts back and Pinkie has to start all over glamping him up again. Usually moping she wanted a cute looking thing like that.

Extra Powers

Aside from John’s technique Pinkie comes with a few powers of her own.  These come in the following forms

Super Soul Perception

Pinkie’s wavelength made it easy for her to master this technique. Because she is aware of wavelength changes she is very much aware of how other souls works and uses this as one of her big assets. Lie detection is something she seems to have instinctively and given how John’s abilities work people also assume together they can negate a witches soul protect. Usually to be able to do this Pinkie has to at least converse with the person or observe them for a bit though.. claiming she can then understand their soul.  To get the base knowledge of the soul she can do as simple things as offer someone a choice between two pieces of candy or asking them for a small story. 

Meister Techniques

Pinkie’s Meister Techniques are almost all non combative, when wielding other Weapons she clearly is not as capable as their usual Meister, having more openings and less accuracy in return for a damage boost. Which she calls the Isekai gene. She posseses great physical strength that she treats with some form of obliviousness.  She can lift boulders and heavy weaponry with ease, she doesn’t seem aware of what is normal weight to be able to lift. She can wield the great sword John with one hand while decorating with the other.  While lacking combat Finesse she is skilled at dodging and is even able to decorate her sword while dodging.  Defensively she is lacking though mostly due to being pre-engaged with her sword. While she has no problem dodging on command her environmental awareness is lackluster. She does seem to be very durable though, claiming this sort of stuff happens a lot and she hardened up.

Weapon Change

Pinkie does seem to be able to turn into a weapon, much like Maka there does seem to be an ancestor in her bloodline who was an Weapon which would seem to invalidate her claim from being from another world. While Pinkie doesn’t show her full weapon form it will incur when she sustains enough damage to not look cute anymore. Desyncing with John before they could finish it off she would get knocked out.. or seemingly so.. instinctively getting back up again growling about not being cute spiky but pink spiky protrusions can be seen forming.. possibly indicating that she is a mace or something like that. In her hybrid form she just slams herself into her opponent with great speeds, losing the abilities that come with Super Soul Perception and instead gaining a blind rage that make her seem impervious to pain.

While certainly overpowered, Pinkie’s Set-Up would offer interesting scenario’s for a main cast to work around. Forcing them more into protective, and distracting fighting scenario’s. Combining some tropes into a character that is both cute and frighting and who seems quite off, without explanation.

Her and John’s super friendly behavior out of combat would also offer a nice role reversal. Keeping the concept of Pinkie throughout these anime power series cohesive troughout the series.
So would you be a Meister or a Weapon? Let me know!

Previously on Pinkie Gets Anime Powers:

My Stand
My Zanpakuto
My Digimon

My Yu-Gi-Oh Deck

Pinkie Gets Anime Powers: My Digimon

Welcome again my dear island guests to the already third installment of Pinkie Get’s Anime Powers. Today I am gonna be that Trekkie that is enthusiastic about a Star Wars Movie. So get your nooses ready! We all have wondered how it would be to insert ourselves into anime. Today I am going on forbidden ground for every harcore pokémon fan! I am stepping into the digital world… if DIGMON!

The Digidestined

Character Name:
Pinkui “Denise”  Nettainoshima.
Digimon Partner:
13, Keeps saying she is 12 to be the youngest of the group though.
Digivice Colour:
Group Leader
Fighting Style:
Brain and Brawn
Wears goggles over her glasses, pacifist, cries easily.

Digimon has a weird trope to give characters a western nickname. Taichi becoming Tai, Yamato being nicknamed Matt.  So I thought I should honour this and go for an a japanese name with a typical western nickname. Why Denise? Because that is my username of preference in the real world! Big reveal!. Like most digidestined I’d have to go back to being a child, but since my real life age of 33 at the time of writing is something my friends mock me for..being so old. I am gonna include a gimmick that Denise is a lot older than the rest of the group but lies about her age.

Unlike  in Bleach and in Jojo’s I’d take the role of the main character. The goggle wearing Digidestined leader. Why? Because I think my journey fits that of a leader very well. I could also fill the role of TK being the good hearted benjamin of the group ..but I don’t really have peers to bring with me for that. Hence I take the leadership role for this one. Denise would travel to the digital world during an online shopping spree with her friends Midori “Bean” Kuraitamashi  and Futotta “Lyn” Kohatsu. A three member all female cast that can later get two new members. So since your in the digital world feel free to insert yourself if you wish.

Being the group oldest Denise has to lead the group and be prepared to save this world from an unspeakable evil. Let’s go Meta here and say that Denise is trying to spread positivity around the internet while it is becoming more and more negative. The digital world is slowly becoming more corrupted creating negative versions of Digimon.  Yiyimon would have brought some positive internet people to the digital world to fight these Nega-mons as the new digidestineds. These negative digimon reduce the power of natural digimon so they cant fight for themselves as they are being pushed down. Denise would have a hard time coming to terms with this task though. I am very pacifistic in real life and will do anything to avoid a fight. But sometimes we have to realise we do have to take arms and fight for what we believe in. Sometimes in a more literal sense than we would have though

Thus she is paired up with a Warrior digimon.. something that doesn’t immediately gel with her. However during their journey they both learn to accept each other. Denise trying to outsmart while her Digimon is trying to overpower. Both can bounce of of each other fairly good as well. With Denise talking to get under their enemies skins to create openings for her digimon. Or by having her digimon display their powers by words Denise uses that example to lower morale. In the end both would prefer to spare their targets and save them from the negative corruption if possible.. but I would take a much more reluctant role in it. Trying to cling on to the false idea that violence never solves anything.. (in an anime world)

The Setting

Before I adress the Digimon itself a quick summary of the rulesets I am using. Digimon across its (I want to say )  six main anime series and plethora of games had several rulesets to play by.
First of all there is the classic Digimon Adventures Rules.. later added upon in Adventures S2 trough armor eggs and mode changes as well as an emphasis on DNA digivolution (or Yogress) Digimon Tamers added the aspect of swipeable modification cards.  Blue cards and fusing with your digimon to achieve your mega form. Frontier had the digidestined collect figurines/spirits which they could transform with and could become digimon, completely eliminating the rooky stage. Saviours had alternative evolution pasts and a guy punching Digimon for energy as well as burst states and more. X-cross did not focus on evolving but on combining digimon and Applimon focussed on chips like megaman battle network and installables and such.


While for a collectable creator admirer like me the Xcross universe would be well suited it has no narrative element. My story would be… “fuses a bunch of pink things to create a bigger pink thing that looks like those other pink things combined” . It just doesn’t translate well. The Frontier Ruleset would be too much of a collectathon and it lacks that digimon feeling. It would just be another transformation. Applimon I really disliked so that one is out of the question. Armor Digivolutions where something very heavily connected to the story arc of S2 and I would not want to tell that same story over again so those are out.  Which leaves us with the ruleset of Tamers or the original series. I feel like explaining every modify card would be to tedious and uninteresting but I do have some prepared for those interested to know. I feel for recognisability going with season 1 and subsequently tri would work best. That being said I will use any and all digivolution lines that have been established in all forms of media. Kotemon (my rookie) for example was introduced in Digimon World 3.. but mine follows another evolution path. Since in the world digital world evolution is not a straight line like pokémon but an ever branching path. Still by all means my digmon SHOULD be able to achieve any of these forms. 

Lot’s of goggles lots f rules!

The Digimon

In Training Stage: Kapurimon

When first traveling to the digital world Denise would be paired up with her digimon in it’s In Training Stage. It’s the same stage as Koromon and Molitmon for example. “That pink blob face” for the most of them. Unfortunately for me.. mine would not be pink. I get a  white and blue cat ball thing that looks fluffy and adorable as well. Like virtually any intraining digimon it’s attack is to shoot slightly acidic bubbles. It can also emit a soundwave from his helmet that paralyses the enemy. Yet this form would not last long. I would say that it would not digivolve the first episode because we try to avoid battles from the offset.. but definitely in the second one.

In the first episode Kuwagamon (it always has to be the first thing you fight in digimon) shows up.. drastically influenced by the Negativity.. not a Nega Digimon just yet.. but close to losing its mind. While Bean and Lyn’s digimon evolve in the first episode and they get their signature Lopmon for Lyn and Kamemon for Bean early.. two are not enough to hold off the feral Kuwagamon at bay. But I do not want to hurt it..after running in the second epsiode Kapurimon convinces me to let it fight as well .. paralyzing Kuwagamon before bravely dashing in and digivolving into………. KOTEMON!

The Rookie : Kotemon

Kotemon is a tiny dragon like person in a Kendo suit. It’s signature attacks are Fire Men and Thunder Kote (both based on Kendo terms/strike areas) . In this form it would be my companion throughout our digimon journey. It would be a very loyal and brave digimon that does tend to rush into battle if I am not there to stop it.  For me to compliment it it would have to be a rather naive digimon.. she would be brawn I am the brain. I chose for it to be female as well because that way I can try to cute it up at times.. much to it’s dismay as knights do not look cute and pink! Luckily I carry a lot of ribbons with me. Kotemon and me would be fairly far apart in the beginning but get close rather fast when we both realise we do not seek to harm others. She learns to respect how I can negotiate and I respect that sometimes we have to brute force our way into things.

We both learn of each other. It might teach me some basics of Kendo.. like splitting a water melon on a beach. She refers to me  as my Lady even when teaching me something she treats me like a superior. II would teach tricks to get her way without being the bad guy.. and how to read an opponent. As a gag I try to keep peaking behinds it mask and it keeps hitting me on the head going “Menmenmen”.. knocking me out or scaring me of.Bean who has to learn patience gets a Kamémon a turtle like pokémon that is very mellow and slow.  Lyn who is always tardy and not very strict with her promises gets Lopmon.. an energetic little bunny. Lyn adores turtles and Bean adores bunnies so it’s almost as if they have each others digimon which cause some interesting group dynamics.

Kotemon is a Data-Attribute digimon that is of the Reptile type. While Typing does not oftenly matter in Digimon (unless it’s somewhat logical like setting a tree digimon on fire)  and doesn’t offer super effective attacks or something.. Attribute is quite important in the world of Digimon.. even if it rarely mentioned. Digimon generally can be of three attribute types. Virus, Data or Vaccine.  Virus monsters are stronger against Data, Data beats Vaccine and the latter trumps Virus.

It is nothing of major importance unlike in Pokémon but I thought you should know. Some are digimon are attribute free. Kotemon can attack with her flaming sword (Fire men) or give people an electrical gutpunch (Thunder Kote). It is a bit of a balanced digital monster with both decent defence as well as a good offence. Which landed it in the Balance Digimon pack in Digimon World 3 along with Patamon and Renamon. For those who don’t know who that are it’s that bubble firing ear bat wing ears piglike thing TK has in the original series.. and that yellow thing you found when googling furry. 

Champion Stage: Gladimon

Imagine Silver Chariot from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures and the Kool-Aid Guy doing a fusion dance.  This is what you get … Denise’s Champion Pokémon is Gladimon. One of four possible Kotemon digivolutions.  In case I refer to it as evolutions that is not actually a mistake. In Japanese the term digivolution does not exist. There when the great theme of brave heart plays the digimon shouts out their name followed by Shinka. Which literally j means evolve.  The term was most likely changed to not overlap with pokémon as much. Being a sub girl myself though part of my brain clings onto my first experiences while another draws from recent memory. Hence the confusion! Gladimon would arrive to our show in episode 3. Kuwagamon returns but now as Nega-Kuwagamon. It power has increased and having accepted we have to fight I evolve my sweet little Kendo dino into … chibi Alphonse Elric. Gladimon is a Vaccine type.. and is part of the Virus Buster family which would seem like the perfect tool to stop Kuwagamon.. who is a virus type!  But than we find out that a Negative Digimon changes it’s typing..so it is strong to what it was previously weak to. So nega-Kuwagamon is a Datatype! After a hard fight Gladimon still manages to pull out the win! But then we get introduced to the Dark Destineds. Self imposed travelers who have gained access to the digital world where they are harvesting parts of the digital world to form an army that can rule the earth and bring back an ancient evil that will wipe out all that resist.

Gladimon has only existed in Digimon Masters and not a lot is documented about it. It’s attacks are Wheel Rush wish we are going to assume works a lot like sonic’s spin dash and sword dancer.. which probably speaks for itself. Gladimon is a fair bit tinier than most champions. It would be about human size.  Maybe even just kid sized. It’s a sizable increase from Kotemon , about 100% but compared to Greymon or Birdramon and basically all the Adventures cast it is a very tiny champion. It does seem to have stretchable arms though to compensate. In this form Gladimon would have the personality of a kid playing a knight. She would speak in clichés about glory and knightly things!  In this form she would call me Princess, and her catchprase would be “I’ll save you Princess “ before rushing into battle. It will get is in trouble a few times.. as in this form she is a bit of a Leeroy Jenkins.

Oh yeah! I am so onto something!

Going Further Beyond

The Crest

In the original adventures series you needed a crest of virtue to push your digimon to the level of Ultimate.. the third main stage of a digimon’s line. Usually signifying a trial to overcome. Perseverance would be mine. I have to save the world and bring positivity towards people and to do that I sometimes must do things I do not like. I must endure some hate and negativity and I must not let it discourage me.  It is a journey that I figured would make a lot of sense as a counterpart for Tai’s bravery. We hit the same story elements while offering me some choices that are much more in line with my nature.

I will have to accept we have to kill some digimon who are tainted so they can be reborn as clean versions but in the area that holds my quest we encounter a digimon that once helped us and befriended us..but now he has fallen to the corruption.. the only way to  save it is to kill it. This is the path we were set upon and even if things get very rough we must persevere.It seems like a nice heroes journey that fits in the world of Digimon.
Bean would get the crest of patience and Lyn would get the crest of  Commitment. Two real life friends who have to learn those lessons but something I also feel could  be good journeys for an anime character to learn. 

The Ultimate: Knightmon

When exposed to the energy of my crest and my perseverance Gladimon can digivolve to Knightmon!  Now this is a tall digimon yet still not as large as some of it’s peers. In this form my lady knight actually becomes a full fledged knight whose signature attack is called Beserker Sword.. which basically means she goes monkeydoodoo with the thing. She also has the ability to slam her giant sword into the ground or use it as a bashing weapon to blow enemies away. According to my sources she will also have access to an attack called “the Duel”  speaking of duels.. next episode will be about what Yui-gi-oh deck I would use. I shall be honest though I have no idea what the attack does.. so let’s say for narrative purposes Knightmon says she has the attack but I think it sounds to omnious and ask her not to use it because I do not want harm to come to her. Then in one episode we finally have to use the attack.. and she seems to lose the duel.. I actually toss a rock at the enemy which than glows with a strange energy! “Stay away from my friend”  I would shout.. before my Digimon gets hit again.. but the impact sends the rock to me. A strange gem called a positivity gem is formed.. and by believing in my digimon she could achieve her final form.

But before we move onto that some semantics first. Knightmon is a Data Attribute. Hey it switched back again! It still is part of the Virus Buster family and is known for its tremendous physical strength and extreme loyalty to it’s master.  Which at one point can create another point of conflict for me as I do not want something or someone to blindly throw their live away for me. I want it to think on it’s own as well. Which is why it decides to use “the duel” eventually. In this form Knightmon would call me My queen. Her personality is a bit more “out there”  being very stoic in rest but as soon as I get a scratch she practically turns into a barbarian swinging around her berserker sword.. falling back into old habits. After Kotemon originally transforms into her she starts to see herself more and more as a tool and less like a person that matters and I have to save her from that image! She matters to me after all. In the end with a gem of positivity ..or a little ray of sunshine if we rebrand it later we can finally fully connect and we get it’s final form…. and it’s PINK!

The Mega: Crusadermon

Crusadermom is a Virus Type, Virus Buster Holy Knight.. Jeesz! She did it all! Good job my friend! It is one of the Royal Knights in the digi universe. These are basically the guys protecting the gods. Even though they are powerful enough themselves. Her fighting style would be a mix of that of the pokémon Bisharp and Goku from Dragonball Z.  Where she uses her extreme speed to use the slicy ribbons on her body to damage the enemy. But she can also at an instant teleport in their face and shoot sonic booms at their chest with that cannon thing! Which apparently is called a Pile Bunker. She can create laser nets with her normal hand palm and Tornado’s with the Pile Bunker as well. So she is definitely a  force to recognised with and one of the stronger Digimon out there. Something we would definitely need to stop Nega-Apocalymon. Have I told you already her design is pink! PINK! So perfect for me!

Pink, Ribbons, Monarch.. Definatly mariage material

In this form Crusadermon would refer to me as Denise. Signifying she finally sees me as her equa instead of her superior. Which in my turn makes me realise how much I meant to Kotemon and it’s other forms. Since it’s a bit of a staple to give the destineds something that goes beyond the level of Mega for the final battle we would use something like Positivity charge.. where Crusadermon becomes Posi-Crusadermon or something of that nature.  Or maybe we learn to do a synergy attack with that mysterious new member? Who knows? Why do I wear goggles over glasses? Who knows! Maybe because I can hide my tears better as I was a crybaby! Maybe to be hipster.. or maybe you have your own answers about all of this. Let me know how you’d finish the final boss or why I double dip in specs in the comments or tell me what would be your digimon!

Remember I love you all, and don’t forget to keep smiling! Stay Positive


Previously on Pinkie Gets Anime Powers:

My Jojo’s Stand
My Zanpakuto

And Next time…..!