Raul Julia Goes With Everything: Street Fighter (1994) Review

Hello again my dear island guest!  While you may very vividly remember the day my content graced your life for the first time… for me it was wednesday. That’s right I have crowned myself General of my own island so I can wear capes and stuff!  I am still attempting to review all Video game movies ever made.. and what made me experience this change is none other than the amazing Street Fighter 1994!

Actually it’s based on Super Street Fighter 2 The New Challengers..but also not much!

Double Lariat to the Lore!

Street Fighter (1994) is a movie written and directed by Steven E Souza. It stars Raul Julia, Jean Claude van Damme, Ming-Na and Kylie Minogue as it’s most well known actors.  It holds a score of 40% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 10% critic approval rating and a 20% fan approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Which is waaaay too low! Considering that Postal gets a 60% approval on RT this  is so much better. Don’t get me wrong.. it’s not good.. but we are talking video game movies here! This is easily top 10. In this movie Guile is sent to deal with Bison in a..let’s call it non canonical approach to this story we are treated to what almost feels more like an 80’s set action movie than a martial arts movie. It reminded me of a buddy cop movie more than anything with an all american hero! The only problem is.. this all American hero can not speak American all that well. In a strange mishmash of scenes we get a very interesting cheesy movie that is much more fun to watch than it has any right to be. Nothing really works together and in a way that is what makes it so amazing. While the legend of Chun-Li (which I will unfortunately review soon)  takes it’s lore fairly loosely… this one.. feels like it has been written by just having a few words written on a paper sheet with a picture of  a handful of characters. 

Guile arrives in a place called Shadaloo which now is a country instead of an evil organisation run by Bison. Here Bison wants to build the great nation of Bisononia and it’s main capital, Bisonopolis. For this he has a bunch of evil plans which for now involves capturing the innocent people of Shadaloo and asking for a 20 billion dollar ransom. Poster boy of the Allied Nations Guile arrives there to stop him. When his best friend Charlie Nash… I mean Charlie/Carlos Blanka gets captured by Bison and slowly turned into a green skinned war machine, by the likes of Dr Dhalsim, the stakes are on. Meanwhile reporter Chun Li Zhang with her camera man. E Honda and her sound guy Balrog have a hidden vendetta against the tyrant as well. Which puts them right in the middle between the Allied Nations forces and Bison. Then there is Sagat, who is the mob boss of Shadaloo! After he gets scammed by con artists Ryu and Ken he ends up in jail with them along with his priced cage fighter Vega. Guile discovers who Ryu and Ken are and decides to enlist their con artists’ skills to win Sagats trust. Sagat will be an arms dealer to Bison leading into his hidden base location.  Then they can all get their revenge and free the hostages including Charlie.  Cammy and T.Hawk are also there! Oh and Deejay is the second in command for Bison!

So as you can see there are a few slight changes to the story! The only thing this has in common with Street Fighter is a few names, some looks here and there and an easter egg like a movie looking..sort of similar to something people use in games. There are no super powers though. Bison can wield the power of Electromagnetism trough having Electromagnets in his gear but other than that we just get punches or pocket knives. No Hadoken, no Sonic Boom. It feels more like Beverly Hills cop on steroids with the balance of comedy and action swapped. This movie walks a bit of a comedy to action balance from the 00’s marvel movies. With a character occasionally spouting a funny line. Mostly Zangief! Who in this movie is sooo dumb that he causes a few chuckles because he doesn’t fit in this universe at all. It reminded me of Brendan Frasiers Mummy movies a bit. The tone of the world is so disjointed it feels as if we got several directors and no one really knows how the Street Fighter characters work. For example Chun Li turns into a Ninja at one point and Bison uses aquatic mines by playing on a Street Fighter Arcade Control Stick! It’s not Street Fighter but it sure is fascinating!

Sure you can’t …act

The most glaring flaw in this movie is that nobody seems to be able to act. There is promise in a few of them but no one seems to play in the same movie. Ming-Na plays a very gloomy serious Chun-Li that is your average 2000’s broody super hero. E. Honda and Balrog and Ken and Ryu play almost buddy cop like pairs including the classic motivations of one being more righteous than the others. Cammy seems to just be there to look pretty and as a pairing for Guile.. but there is no romance there and in the end he might date Chun Li?!  Guile is your standard 90’s action movie. With one-liners in the line of the greats. Stalone , Arnie, and of course JCvD himself. Zangief seems to come straight out of a slapstick comedy as if he is like a Scooby Doo character. Sagat and Vega meanwhile go a bit with the Jojo’s Bizarre adventure menacing style with a bit more 90’s cheese. Basically they are Bond-Villains. Dhalsim and Blanka go for the morally grey tormented style and play this movie a bit “Power Ranger” esque mixed with some classic Mary Shelly Frankenstein type acting. Then we have Raul Julia.. who plays Bison..who leans so heavily into overacting that he seems like a comic book character or maybe even anime. I can see this Bison having Tea Parties with Dio.

Bison steals this movie! He is by FAR my favourite character and it gives this movie so much flavour. He is not playing the Bison from Video games but rather his own thing. In fact M. Bison is not the real name of the Shadoloo commander anyway.  In Japan M. Bison is known as Vega and Vega is known as Balrog. Balrog the boxer is there called M. Bison as a pun on M Tyson. Yet the western world thought that would give problems in the legal department so they swapped the names around. Why they did not just change the name of the boxer I do not know but something similar happens with M Bison in this movie. On paper Julia portrays all aspects of Bison’s behaviour, as the ruthless, megalomaniac insane ruler he is. However these words get swapped around. Where game Bison is mostly Ruthless, movie Bison is more of a madman. Then his ruthlessness takes second place but being very different in its depiction as game Bison was well. This Bison is a showman!  Setting up a whole thing where Chun Li tells her story and then scoffing. “For you the day Bison graced your village, with an unforgettable event, for me it was tuesday! That is cruel indeed.. but other Bison would just snap your neck for looking at him funny! We got a character that looks the same, and has the same name.. but it’s a different beast all together.. A much more flavoursome and awesome beast than that in the games! I wish this Bison was cannon! He is much more intimidating. I truly see a madman on my screen!

Unfortunately the same can not be said about Jean Claude van Damme’s depiction of Guile. His acting is very bad and barely understandable. The movie does well to steer into comedy as it plays into many actors’ strengths.  It fits the goofy tone of the movie.  Cammy and Guile however do not really have comedic timing as actors. Minogue has a cute line in the end and little enough dialogue for it to not be too abrasive but when it comes to Jean.. he does not have the talent or at least the timing for comedy.  As a result  he doesn’t come off as strong. When Guile defies the Allied Nations and their call to pay Bison.. he gives this inspirational speech about being heroes.. but it somehow feels like it is also meant to be funny.. with that guy watching. Guile isn’t funny!  When he threatens a group of Bison soldiers with a tiny knife, he gives his blade this look as if he did something great but he can’t really do it right. 
He has a few one liners but they happen too late! When the victim is already dead or during a loud explosion in the background. They aren’t even that memorable! So he can’t fully help it maybe! There might be direction involved here but he is by far the worst character in the movie! He really brings it down a few notches.. unfortunately he is the main character so he gets a lot of screentime. He makes the least amount of sense as a character as well.. Why would the army hype up a single soldier who fights along on the front?! 

Putting the Haha in Hadoken

I really enjoy this movie, I watched it once I was really sick as a kid and I found it pretty horrible but ever since I started to appreciate the “so bad that it’s good”  thing .. I love this movie. It isn’t THAT bad even it is just so camp and B-movie level that it is so good to watch. Physics in fights makes no sense. Someone flies straight back from a Roundhouse kick for example or a punch makes someone spin around so they have to resort to a move that sort of looks like that in the video game. It all seems so incredibly funny to me. For example Bison gassed his own bedroom, he has a panic room built in his weapons display to keep him safe.. but the windows of that quarter are open.. as in.. it’s one of those gridwork doors so all the air and thus the gas would flow out. Everyone blindry runs into that small little room as well. No one standing guard or going ahead to find an exit or whatever.. everything is so scripted by movie logic that it becomes a delightful guilty pleasure to watch.

Raul Julia, rest in peace,  as Bison causes so much of that guilty pleasure. The way he goes crazy on those Street Fighter controls .. while we only see four mines explode is already super funny, as in he pressed the button 30 times but only four explosions happen. Yet the fact that we see a lot more mines than buttons make it so much funnier. There is no way this real and the suspense of disbelief is completely gone!  Yet you see a man getting consumed by this part having fun and going absolutely nuts with it. I laughed when Dr Dhalsim got bald for no reason whatsoever but just so they can end with a bald indian and a fire ball.There is so much wrong with this movie but that is what makes it so amazing at the same time. Had we gotten the classical Bison this movie would have been utter trash but it’s not! Julia saves this movie by bending it’s tone  almost single handedly to something that makes this work.  You could be pissed that Ryu is a con artist.. but  then this Bison is like.. “Look at me.. we are  an exaggerated cartoon and your like.. I guess that is pretty funny, and this too.. oh and the fact that they mixed Charlie Nash and Blanka ha! Way to get Guile involved with lore but also with the actual Street Fighter roster.

Zangief had me chuckling out loud for the dumbest jokes. For example there is a scene where he sees something bad happening on the security screen and he says “quickly , change the channel” . It’s a classic joke but it felt so out of place and not in line with what happened before that I just laughed out loud. The chaotic tone for this movie is so great for that. That moment Chun Li turns into a ninja in a really lame set up.. where the camera causes the idea of stealth but a normal person would have had the perception! I had way too much fun for that. It does so many things wrong. E Honda gets tortured at one point and he acts like it doesn’t hurt but then it is revealed that actually it did.. by showing the rounds and they look so tiny and badlu framed that once again I laughed out loud. That happens a lot in this movie, the gun scene at Sagats hideout is another great one that had me snickering. Their stealth boat had me in stitches! So heck.. this movie sucks.. but in such a good way!

Solid Boom

Now I could easily mark it down and say the fighting sucks, guile sucks, there is no rhyme or reason to the logic of this world.  There is no consistent tone, not all comedy lands and so much more. If I objectively would count the good things I might indeed end with a score like most people give it on Rotten Tomatoes, but in the end I was entertained. I had fun.. not in the way the movie was going but I had fun all the same. I can’t say I had that much fun with Bloodrayne.. I had fun writing about it.. and thinking of bad things to  say.. but this movie just kept me entertained. I don’t care that things aren’t right because they are entertaining. We often make to much assumptions expecting something to be “like the video game”  or “ should not contain plot holes”  but if it is fun to watch who cares?  I can see some actors having fun, I can see silliness and a chaos that is not in a lot of movies and because of that I qualify my viewing experience in the good half. 

But where to put it?! It lacks the total lack of the rules that Mario did, it also lacks a good soundtrack and it lacks a captivating lead. It has an amazing antagonist.. but so was Dennis Hopper. Bison is better than king Koopa but not by that much! However where you to take King Koopa out of Mario I think you could still have a fun movie but if you take Raul Julia’s Bison away from this movie it would fall flat quite fast.  Where I’d call Mario’s viewing experience very good, this one is still a bit below that so it’s time to pull out your Pina Colada again because this movie sure packs some kick! I had a good time with it and would watch it again.. so to me this movie is ranked:

Some of the action scenes in this movie were legitimately funny! I liked the E Honda versus Zangief Fight, Chun Li versus Bison had me laugh out loud and somehow I was happy everyone except for like three?! Characters survived. For some reason the only warrior that doesn’t appear in the movie at all is Fei Long! Instead we get Captain Sawada played by Kenya Sawada as Capcom tried to push him as their mascotte! Fabio was considered for the role of Vega! Have you ever seen this movie?! Did you recognise the characters? Let me know in the comments?!

A BIT of Nostalgia: Ducktales

Look at the past, my darling Island Guests!
Game are and Strange and Vast, Filled with wonders and tests.
Face each old game with eyes clear and true!
Today will be awesome..as I play Ducktales Woooohoo.

Pinkie is going to piss some people of with these opinions

Incredible respect for those who were able to sing that opening rather than reading it! We are kindred spirits. Today I re-review what is possibly a contender for my most favorite game ever. Along with Final Fantasy VI and Chrono Trigger this game means so much to me. So I will already tell you it might receive a high score!  I wanted to see if my treasured gem still could stand the face of time. It sure did.  While it’s length is very short in this day and age, that applied to many other games. What it still gives is an amazing unique mechanical platform experience.  A game that heavily inspired Crankey’s Moveset in the later Donkey Kong games and of course the noble Shovel Knight. This without a shadow of doubt in my mind is the single best licensed game ever made. Beating Turtles in Time, Epic Mickey , Kingdom Hearts and even GoldenEye.

The reason it’s better than those last two, DuckTales hasn’t aged as poorly. It’s controls are still butter smooth in its simplicity, the enemy attack patterns still work and challenge you, the hunt for the best ending is not that hard because the game lasts about an hour  or so if you  are a bit thorough but well versed in it. Maybe a bit less even. Despite of it being easy there is a sense of joy in hunting these treasures and playing these stages which all are quite diverse. We have a jungle theme level, a horror themed level, an underground one, a snow and ice themed one and of course the moon. Home to my most beautiful memory and my favorite song ever..probably. Every stage has just a bit of a different feeling and some secrets to unlock. Mind you.. there is not much secrets.. but is just a great joy to boot this game up a few times and just play through these great stages. GoldenEye’s controls now deeply disappointed and Kingdom Hearts gameplay really shows its age when it comes to collecting and progress.

She is totally being genuine though she really loves this game!

The graphics are vibrant for NES all sprites are very recognisable for what they should be. Even the tribal guys I can still very distinctly tie to when they encountered similar character in the series.  Yet for some weird reason Dewey wears green look Louis.. why?!  It’s a quirk I always wandered about and one the excellent remakes fixes, yet now that I played the original I can say I vastly prefer it over the remake. The speed of which you can run through this game is what makes it so timeless. The Remake added some extra exploratory requirements to all stages, that are much more in your face.  You need to do so.. in the original .. you COULD do that if you want. If you want the good ending it is probably wise. You can also make things very hard for yourself and try to get the bad ending (which is extremely hard to do.. without hacking nigh impossible) It’s that type of game that isn’t very challenging but you make your own challenge for.. We can do that to old games but Ducktales lends itself even better for such things than Mario because of its  unique jumping system (at the time).

This whole game is build around the pogo jump! A bouncy but deadly way of attacking using a cane. I guess if Dr Jekyll tried this out he might have not had such a sucky NES game.  The pogo stick is unique to Ducktales even though it later got mimicked.. this was the main gimmick of the game and boy was it used well. In a way Mario stole from ducktales when they came  up with the spin jump as it basically does everything the pogo jump does. It allows you to bounce of spiky objects or in mario’s case spike enemies. It can break blocks and it destroyed enemies.  When Mario steals from you when it comes to platforming you know you are on the right track. The life system is also nicely done in Ducktales. Lives are finite and a single game over makes you start all over but you can spend  money for extra lives as well as find extra lives and health upgrades across the stages. This means that you always have to balance exploring and clearing with each other. Getting sidetracked may drain your life..but you might gain life as well. Even if there is not you can buy lifes using your overworld score make sure you reach the end.. but without having the best ending.  Balanced!

Seriously if this game was an anime girl she would waifu it!

Ducktales is not hard to beat, not even on the harder difficulties , it’s fairly forgiving and any mistakes you make are your fault, there is little cheap enemies here or impossible to dodge attacks.  You just need to learn…or remember by heart because you played this game so much. Yet Ducktales would have been made for younger kids most likely so it makes sense they get a game of this difficulty. When I was a kid it had the perfect difficulty for me and now.. now I just need to expand my challenges from time to time.  Back in the 80’s and early 90’s this was a common practice in gaming.  “I challenge you to beat Mario 1-1 without collecting a  single coin’  ‘Beat Glass Joe without taking a single hit’  we used to egg each other on for extra challenges. In fact Nintendo even made a few retro collection games around this concept.

Ducktales is very cleverly designed in a way that this game can be used in such a way. We have a money score we can use for high-scores, there is a timer we can race with, there is several routes and additional tricky obstacles and several methods of traversing obstacles that making challenge each other or yourself  is super fun. While maybe not especially designed around it back than that was possible. Nowadays games hold your hand to much or offer you so much freedom that a choice of playstyle is irrelevant.  Playing a  game alternatively now doesn’t work because either a game tells you to finish this boss with X or there are 20.994 ways to defeat a boss and your chosen options is just.. one.

While the Ducktales game could use some more iconic bosses the whole world building still feels like a part of it’s world.  Of course we have the boss from the African Mines which directly links to the show and the Magica Despell fight in Transilvania , a moon rat and and an amazone statue feel a bit meh. Why not Glomgold or Mother Beagle? Yet I do feel the statue and the moon rat really make sense at the same time.. like they are supposed to be there.   Where most video game enemies can feel forced in, I never had that much with Ducktales.. except for some Beagle Boys underneath the surface of the moon. Effort went into building this world and back then.. Capcom basically was the only one to really do that.. at least in such a diverse setting. It is simple but it works and thus it becomes timeless.

Yep she is gonna talk about THAT again! Crazy Fangirl Alert

Of course Ducktales biggest charm is it’s presentation. All the characters  except for Dewey look like their series counterpart. You can tell everything apart. Purple was a colour that could not be implemented in the game so Magica Despell and Miss Beakley have some weird moments, but they are in there, you know who they are without reading a manual and they do what you expect.

Everything does what you expect..well maybe not Turbo because he doesn’t crash but can actually fly! Still despite of it’s limited graphics I never had trouble imagining how it would look like, plenty of iconic characters are hidden throughout the game. There is just a lot of love for the series and gaming in general in this little cartridge and it shows…. and  is audible
Yes time to gush about the moon theme as well. One of the most iconic video game music pieces of all time. Yet also the opening theme using the actual series theme was great, the sound when you climb up a vine or rope, the theme in the amazon.. the sound your pogos-tick makes. It’s all fantastic. 

I seriously spend about two minutes in the amazon just climbing up and down on the first rope just to hear those sounds again..searched for the hidden  room in Transylvania so I had to do a lot of mini pogo bounces. It all is just perfect for a platformer. This is what my childhood sounds like.  Wiggu Wiggu Wiggu and the Moon Theme. This music still leads a life to this day..making its way into official new products, becoming cannon in ducktales lore. Capcom where the masters of video game soundtracks and this one is amazing once again.

2:50 for some good Wiggu Wiggu Wiggu Action

I could stretch this post out and pretend like I care about the minor flaws like how it was not needed to press down to activate the pogo, or how the mine carts have a bit of a sticky control scheme making them needlessly tricky.  I could tell you about a scene where Scrooge actually tosses his cousins off a cliff with a minecart he is riding and telling you they could have done that differently. No.. that all doesn’t matter. Nowadays we think a 10/10 game should have no flaws and we should remorselessly point out everything that is wrong with it. That is not right. A 10/10 game to me is a game that is so fun to play that despite its flaws you will boot it up again. Each time you play, regardless if it crashes regardless if controls can glitch a bit or some elements seem wrong, you smile. 

Ducktales is a game I love so sooo much that whatever flaws are in there.. don’t matter to me. It has no impact on my experience with the game. Each time I beat this game and I think I have beaten it (across both version) well over 30 times now (if not closer to 50) and each I keep on smiling. Each playthrough as fun as it was my first. Ducktales was the first game I loved.. so in a way this is my Number 1 Dime.. this is what made me a gamer and when I play it today I still feel.. this is why I am a gamer.  No matter if listen to the soundtrack, play a single stage or complete the game, when I play Ducktales I feel like the richest person/duck in the world.

Mana Potion or Money Sink? Pinkie’s take on Remakes

When it comes to video game remakes people love to tear it apart. It’s nothing like the classic or it is an easy cash grab move made by greedy people are amongst the most heard complaints. Yet a remake can be so much more. It’s all dependent on what lens we are looking trough. Since we all should stay inside there is no need to put on those pitch black sunglasses. Let’s put on some rose tinted to goggles to give your house and your games a fresh new look shall we?

Evil Corporations

Nowadays we treat Capcom or Square Enix  or anyone reissuing anything, as the evil corporations once only depicted in games. The legendary RPG maker is giving us two games  (maybe more) instead of one… They want to empty our pockets three times over. They Remake the third resident evil game in the same style als RE2… thats so easy.. it’s just because they want money.  While to an extent that might be true it also is not. Gaming has evolved, development is easier and done on a much larger scales. Companies don’t have to pay 6 employees they have to pay 100.

Back in the days not a single developer was like “we don’t care about money.. all we want to do is create good games.. let’s wait a few years and then release the one because it feels right. No! Teams were small, the same squad working on  Chrono Trigger would have to be put on the next game as well. That’s why releases where few and far apart. They aren’t more money hungry now, earning money is what they exist for, that would be like calling an alarm clock evil for waking you up every morning!

As it stands there is a lot more money to be made in the industry and would you own the company you would do the same, we all pretend to be better but if we ran a company we would want to get as much profit as possible as well. If we would not we would fail. In fact it is because they gain so much money games have developed so fast. It brought us in the amazing world we are in today. Back in 1996, if I did  not like the newest Final Fantasy I’d have to wait for years.. hoping one MIGHT come again.

Nowadays, Final Fantasy XV comes out and it’s not for me..but I know that I will get a game I like in some shape way or form. Few years later I got treated to Final Fantasy VII Remake! I am thirty three years old and I am well into my “been there done that years”, new games do not feel new to me anymore yet thanks to remakes, I can still enjoy modern gaming without it feeling to samesie..because somehow Nostalgia cancels that. That doesn’t sound evil to me that sounds smart.


I believe each and everyone of us has a saturation point. Bob can play twenty demon based first person shooters before beginning to notice the twenty first really looks like Doom, the first one he played. The twenty second is..surprisingly similar to Hexen. Johny might be a bit more of a sourpuss and will notice Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley after just two games.I believe people reach a saturation point for new IP’s or franchises at one point. The better the originals in a genre the faster it happens.

Take for example the Party Racer (Karting Genre. Mario Kart made such a strong base that only a handful could stand up to them. Crash Team Racing, Diddy King Racing and maybe those Sony and Sega Super star racing games are in general the only ones people think can stand up to the big one.  No one really likes Little Big Planet Kart or that Shrek karting game.

I have reached that Mario Kart level, with many genres, I experienced games I found so good, that the new stuff doesn’t impress me as much. This isn’t even because I am cynical, this is because I gamed for over 25 years. Just like people remember their first kiss more  fondly than their 37th. While new games and franchises can still be great, they can’t be magical to me anymore.

The remake of Toad’s Turnpike wasn’t as good! But there was magic.. and blue shells!

Remakes however still contain that magic, because that magic was never in the game itself.. it is within ourselves, within our minds. We only have so much magical memory to give away, our sense of wonder unfortunately is a finite resource and a good remake or even a half decent one at that can bring back that magic a bit. Within limits, but more on that later. I am happy with a new Pokémon Game because it brings back the memories  and that magic, but even though I love my Snom and Falanks encountering them.. never feels like seeing Pikachu pop up in the grass for the first time.

Now as much as I like Red and Blue, Gold was the game I was much more aware of playing. Less overwhelmed more armed for the task. To this day I think Pokémon Heart Gold is the best pokémon game ever.. and with me many people agree. A good remake can not only bring back that magic but amplify it. They keep what work and make it better and maybe.. just maybe they can allow you to gain a bit of magic back to give..it will never be as much as you put into that game.. but by seeing what they did to make our beloved things better, we might appreciate that same more modern mechanic in things we did not believe were magic before. 

Best Remake, Best Pokemon Game, Best Boy Cyndaquil!

Bob and Sally

Now not all remakes invoke this sense of nostalgia. A lot of the Final Fantasy games for mobile do not work for me, the new Pokémon rescue squad is cute.. but I kinda prefer the original GBA version.  This applies to sequels even more. Vice City was the best GTA game in my book and while I still enjoyed San Andreas a bit and Chinatown wars, GTA IV and V did not do it for me anymore. Sequels carry over less magic than remakes, when I see Sobble, Scorbunny and Grookey I am like.. let’s pick the little crybaby thing it’s cute. When I played Heartgold and I saw Cyndaquil in it’s pokéball again I was like “It’s my BOY!”

Like meeting new people at a con is great, but meeting an old time friend you haven’t seen in five years is so much better. Remakes are harder to do right however. While we do not mind a new friend asking a bit of an odd question to us here and there.. with a friend of old we are much less lenient. We are easy to blame them or scold the, for doing something wrong. So how do you make a solid remake?! Well it’s time for another  analogy.

Gotta get some anime girl from these hits in somehow!

I could explain what exactly we want to see in a remake going in depth in the power of nostalgia. However I do not care for that and instead have opted for another route! We are going to imagine that first kiss again.. or your first crush I mean we are geeks, so no harm no foul if you have never been kissed. Imagine you are 15 or 16 and have your first real romance with a woman named Sally or guy named Bob. You share a magical moment together.. but as time is cruel, you move away.. or  maybe they do. Now 20 years later sit in a bistro or walk across the street when suddenly you see a familiar face. Now there are about three to four ways this situation can unfold.

I did not know this was a thing I just googled the names and this was all that showed up! ALL of it.

Option A: They are exactly the same!

Oh my Arceus! It’s Sally/Bob! They have aged but you can still recognise them and you proceed to talk with them. Things are just like 20 years ago.. a little to similar. While Sally obviously looks like a 35 year old and wears clothes of the time instead of those colourful nighties neon jumpsuits she still only talks about My Little Pony.. and I am not talking about the Friendship is Magic show from 2010 here! She keeps yapping about the 1986 one and refuses to acknowledge anything beyond that.  She also thinks cellphones are a bit to modern so she gives you her home address and home phone number so you can call there within a set time. Bob still has the exact same newspaper route and hangs out with the exact same people as he did in middle school. While it is nice to catch up again, you can’t help but feel they are a little bit sad and wished they would at least get with the time already.

This image makes sense if you watched HIMYM

Option B: They are completely unrecognisable?!

Remember Sally?! Well he is called Sander now, that my Little Pony thing they used to talk so much about has completely vanished, they did that to conform to their gender role back in the time, right now they are into dark and edgy stuff.  Sander is a Roadie to My Chemical Romance and a blacksmith in real life. While Sander might be a great person, he is in no way that person you kissed twenty years ago. Bob is DECKED out! He used to be a fat kid, who would shyly write you a little poem about your hair being winter fire, January embers, where his heart burns too.  Now twenty years later he is a buff billionaire, scrumptious to all the sheeple! He is people magazine’s most eligible bachelor of the year, everyone wants Bob now.. but it is not Bob… sure you might like to sink your teeth into the beefcake regardless.. but it’s not Ben anymore… I mean Bob! That magic isn’t there you just want to jump the bandwagon.

So After typing my chemical romance typing m behind it was enough for google to auto suggest this!

Option C: They Added to Much

Sally looks great, she got a facelift, she has plenty of new things to talk about, like a career fitting ot the times. However She now comes with sixteen cats. To be able to “play” with Sally you are going to have to make sure the cats are fed and satisfied.  The woman also developed an allergy to bought stuff, particularly that of a rubber persuasion. So to be able to enter the further stages of romance you will have to visit an Native American Shaman in order to craft the items you need to proceed. It really doesn’t fit Sandy to be like that.. I mean it’s not like she crafted all her my little pony stuff back in the day…but now since DIY is hip she suddenly is really into it..and you have to be too. Bob has a bunch of kids, one of each ethnicity and sexual orientation of course. In order to win Bob’s heart you are going to have to go bowling with one kid and treat the other to Taco Bell, the youngest needs you to play hide and seek with them. This is not what you signed up for! More stuff to do is not always better! Even if it’s modern and popular!

Do tedious things before you can play! Objective: Play with Kids

Option D: Bob and Sally Improved.

Sally is a lawyer now, Bob is a well paid male nurse. Both have clearly gotten a facelift, and some Botox. She is wearing a sexy dress that is in fashion and he has opted to go for a more classic look the fiber count in his suit is much better than they used to make it.. making it still feel contemporary. Sally still loves My Little Pony but she went with the time and talks about the actual Friendship is Magic show.  Rather than being called on their home phone you can now use modern technology to call them more easily or even send out a casual text message. While some locations you would use to visit when courting them went out of business you will just plan around it and make due with what you got. You might not be able to take them to the Drive In, like in those memories of old.. the new option of Netflix and Chill is pretty solid as well.

Okay Bob and Sally’s age is incosistent I know! But at least the movie title is relevant!


In all cases I described above there is a case of subjectivity though. There is no universal measure for too much of something. There are plenty of people who want a remake to barely change anything, but if it’s to different for them they can still play the original. The remake still will invoke that desire to play that game. If you play the old one or the new one the remake can still trigger horus of fun, even if it is just by proxy bringing back relevance to that forgotten title. Some want to see something significantly different, if they can not get what they want either a new franchise will rise up to give these people what they want  (How Temtem caters to a specific demographic of disappointed pokemon fans for example) or someone in the comments will point you towards a game you might like who is similar but still different enough, allowing you to discover things that went under the radar. 

Remakes will always off something! At worst conversation! At best hours of joy!

Regardless if a remake is good or bad it brings activity to the fandom.It makes your favorite game either celebrated or talked about again.  Perhaps a new generation can discover your gem.. even if it has kinda lost is shine to you. While RE3 remake may be to short and to much like RE2 remake it will allow you to talk about Nemesis again. It opens discussion again if Claire or Jill is better. Just by existing regardless of quality. New games don’t do that!
Besides, maybe someone has not played RE2 before so this remake meant less to them than this RE3 remake did! When someone tells you about their first kiss with Sandy you don’t tell them.. Oh it’s Sander now.. you let them reminisce and enjoy. Who cares that you have to pay a few full games to get FF VII’s full story, each part has a lot more content and bang for your buck than many other games. You still have the option to play that story in one game anyway.  Some people are thrilled because now they get that magic they got all those years ago.. not once.. but multiple times! Do not hate on remakes for the sake of them being that.. because while it might just be a cash grab to you.. it is magic to some. While if you dislike it you can play the original.. or join a debate instead.. and you get robbed of something that could have been, by being a jerk and joining on reddit to prevent this sort of content in the future.. you might be robbing someone else of magic. I’d say that magic is a much more valuable good.

Ruin other people’s magic and Nemesis will come for you!