I Look Fancy! I DESTROY Karen! Overpriced Japanese Knick Knacks for Glamour and Glory!

Dear Guests, dear Subjects, todays royal decree is a challenge to the worst enemy of commerce!  The thing that managers have nightmares about! Today is a post on how to stick it up to …… Karen!  Karen for those who don’t know is a type of woman that complains about company policy in order to get financial again! This is often done in a very toxic way!  Your rules will be read through a double standard.. no matter how well you phrase them out. So finding better worded rules would not do. I would have to find a way to make her respect me…despite the rules. Thanks to briljant CEO Seto Kaiba I got an idea!

Screw the Rules: I have a $100 lip cream!

Conversations with Karen tend to be lengthy and loud. Big mouth movements are required.  So it will often be a painful experience if you go into this conversation with cracked lips!  So with the first product of JapanTrendsShop of today, we will make sure we never get a bleeding lip from yelling back at Karen. We also take our first step in shutting her up!  Just walk up to the counter or desk where she demanded you and take this lip cream out.. carefully applying it to your lips! She knows you are getting ready for an inevitable confrontation and she know it won’t be pretty… unlike your lips AND your lip Balm!

Ojamajo Doremi Pirika Pirilala Color Lip Creams

Presenting the Ojamajo Doremi Pirika Pirilala Color Lip Creams!  This product will cost you $91 or €80 and you will not get one but TWO amazingly visually impressive lip creams of about 12 centimeters per stick worth of lip moisturizing cream. The designs are based on the anime Magic Doremi and it is being marketed as Lip Cream for kids!… Despite the disclaimer saying it is for the ages of 15 and up! So… regardless it is perfect for my demographic!  People of ages 15 and up.. who are all still children at heart. The Peperuto Pollon is the pink one and it taste like strawberries due to strawberry extract. The Picotto Pollon is the red one.. and it tasted and smells like roses due to rose hip oil!  I did not even know roses had hips, but clearly they do! The more you know! 

The product is made in Japan and moisturizes your hips by a product called squalane.. which at least to me sounds very tasty!  Yet.. having perfectly balmed lips in front of Karen is only the first of two great effects! The second is that with your little magical girl wand you look super intimidating! Karen WILL think “Oh no! She just burned $100 dollar on two sticks of Lip Balm… if she has that much money to burn.. perhaps she doesn’t need my business!

The first battle is yours with this neat Knick Knack!

Screw the Rules:  I have a $1200 Pokémon Bag

Pokemon Longchamp Top Handle Bag XS

For this whole gag I am going to do we need to take a fair bit of stuff out of our bag and hand it over to Karen or wave it in her face, so we might as well include the handbag in our gag. Karen always thinks that she is the center of your universe. She is your goddess! You must respect her!  So by showing her you worship others that will hurt her case!  Obviously Karen is a fudging normie so you can’t put Madoka or Evangelion characters up and expect her to know who it is… but she probably will know Pikachu.. from that time her son wanted a pikachu cake and this apprentice patissier said they did not do Pikachu  cakes.. So by wearing an iconic character on your bag.. she knows.. she is not your god! Pikachu is!

The Pokémon Longchamp Top Handle Bag, can help you achieve this for the price of $1152 or €1031. The bag comes in three colours that all have nothing to do with Pikachu.. but that will help you combine it with your outfits rather easily! Red, Black and White! It is made by Longchamp which are a renowned french accessory maker… apparently!  It is also officially licensed Nintendo Merchandise! It is made with cool materials such as real leather and Black nickel!  It has a Zipper and a snap to put all your goodies away safely… well some of your goodies.. it’s an XS bag!  Having dimensions as small as 14x 17 by 10 centimeters. Which basically means fitting in two juice boxes. .will be a very tight fit! Paying so much money for that will definitely upset Karen though!… And the next item on our list will definitely fit!

You will definitely have Karen in the bag with this item! Though not this bag..it’s to tiny!

Screw the Rules: I have 50 Cake Toppers

By now Karen’s ego is really beginning to hurt.. and this is where you launch your true offensive, you see Karen’s goals are twofold! First of all she wants to inflate her own importance!  Because no one gives her compliments so she wants to be a queen in a store.. and secondly she loves free stuff. Decent human beings get gifts  from friends.. but Karen is not a decent human being! She is just frustration embodied in an average looking woman!  And I am being generous to Karen’s looks here!  Regardless of how hard you dominate.. Karen will not leave untill she gets a small victory..usually in the form of free stuff! So we will give her a laxative infused cupcake!  Because.. if you Karen me.. you ain’t gonna get your micro victory.. they will all be mine! So if I give you stuff.. it is to make you hurt more! Plus this ties in nicely with the next product Teehee!

For €40 or $45 you can get four  cute Mario and Luigi Cake toppers as well as an amazing warp pipe to serve them in!   I can not deduce if they can be placed in the oven.. so from the looks of them I would not…  but they probably can! They make 5cm cup cakes.. so you know Karen isn’t getting a whole lot of cupcakes!  Plus she needs to give the cake skewer and the cup back to you!  Which already is a thing Karen won’t like! These cupcake toppers are fairly overpriced and once more show Karen.. you have actual heroes! They are called Mario and Luigi and this is a super cute way to eat cupcakes when Karen is gone.. just make the cupcakes without the laxative!  JapanTrendShop really wishes to make clear that the cupcakes you see in the picture are not included in the actually officially nintendo licensed product… and I am kind of glad… though I guess a cupcake that stale could have worked as a laxative as well?!

Karen will feel pretty shitty when you confront her with these amazingly cute cake items!

Screw the Rules: I have $125 Toilet Paper

Luxury Toilet Paper Gold Gift Set

It is time to fully mute Karen, you see handing back the cupcake cup and the topper was only to keep her in your office or at the desk so you can finish her off completely!  In this final step we will destroy her pride, intimidate her father and even do some classic blame shifting. You see when she asks you if you can use the bathroom you will point her to  the staff bathroom, under supervision so she can’t steal.. she will object at first but the laxative will soon convince her otherwise. As she agrees you send an employee with her to the staff bathroom where she will find this special toilet paper set from Japan. It is a gift set.. but well you can buy this gift for yourself and to break Karen’s spirit. 

With the fire down below burning properly she will see the gold leaf gift box these 8 rolls of toilet paper come in. She can see the craftsmanship of handmade and unique wrapping around every roll , as she has to break one open!  She is about to break into a 15 dollar roll of toilet paper while a staff member outsides can hear her do it!   She opens a roll to find the amazing unique designs .. one unique for every roll out there!   Each sheat of double or triple toilet paper of a material is so soft that it feels like a baby’s skin.  She thinks it might be extra thick so inspect it.. but no.. it is 2 or 3  sheets thick just.. you can get thicker in grocery stores.. it’s not scented for luxury either.. so it’s just the rest. No hiding behind a scent Karen.. you are washing away 5 dollars worth of toilet paper just from a single shit, and still she hears her stomach growling. She is starting to feel guilty and your victory is complete!

Broken Karen emerges from the toilet.. she just stumbles outside the store!  For a manager who can afford all this without any regrets she knows she is nothing!  She knows you do not care about the rules, you have money!  She knows she is not the center of your universe.. but all this weird japanese stuff is!   She will just come into your store or resort to do what she needs without complaint.. she has learned her lesson and is Karen no more.. now she is Kara.. that’s a superhero name right? She googled it?! Perhaps you will like her better now!

Karen’s spirit really will be flushed after she sees you burn money on this!

No more beans!

Karen has been defeated.. but your blood pressure is kind of spiking! While defeating Karen this way is fun, usually dialogue with one of her kind  makes you wish you had a spiky baseball bat instead that you could just swing into your face!  You need to unwind!  An average stress ball costs you about 50 cents.. that is so cheap I don’t even need to to  a price correction.  But for about 48 times more money you get this anti stress thing that looks like a coffee grinder. It is super tiny so it can’t grind any actual beans but according to Japan it will make you relaxed and I found the commercial at the end fairly funny because I don’t get why half of that commercial is there.. or why this product needs a commercial!  Gori Gori  though!  Check out the commercial down below! 

Relaxation from Karen is only $28’s away…

I probably would get stressed from holding such a tiny thing! Might as well grind real coffee.. but I have servants for that!  Aaahhh now that’s an idea that makes me relaxed. In fact.. I might go take a princessy nap right now!  Enjoy your stay in Paradise my loyal subjects! Oyasumi!
Oh and if you want me to realise this anti Karen Plan please consider supporting me on Kofi!

This or That: Which Pokémon is Tastier

Where did I put my new headgear… frick! Oh well , hi Island guests!   I decided to have a bit more fun with my blogs and well that means I am doing a lot of silier topics rather than reviews!   It has made blogging a lot more fun! Yet also a whole lot less  useful!  So let’s hope you read these things because you like me or my content rather than that you read my stuff to see if an anime or game is for you! I came up with a new little concept where under certain conditions I pit two options against each other.. and then I  pick! Today we will answer the important question! Which Pokémon will taste better?! I only want the finest cuisine now that I am going to ascend manager status!

Beef:  Tauros or Miltank

There aren’t all that many Bovine options in Pokémon, Bouffalant escaped the Abattoir because of the relation Miltank and Tauros  seem to have.. almost as if a male and female side of the same coin. We all know which one  of the two is scarier, but which one of the two would be tastier?  For those of you who don’t know, yes it is established that people eat Pokémon and these two are the most commonly mentioned being turned into burgers. Fan theories basically say they are the same pokémon in a way but gender variations..like Gardevoir and Gallade as it were. Or Glalie and  Froslass. So we already start with a pickle.. they will probably taste fairly similar. Tauros meat will be a bit more muscular and chewie while Miltank is a bit more plumb and has more fat.

So  I do believe that Miltank would be the more commonly used protein. It has the less pronounced taste. However I do believe that Tauros would be the more flavourful one. Miltank lives off its own milk a bit..which I can only imagine reducing it’s taste.  Tauros seem a bit more wild.. and might have a bit of a gamey aftertaste which I really could fancy..but best of all, Tauros has multiple tails.. Oxtails are great in taste and for soup  and sauces. Good for graveys as well.  So I am convinced that Tauros is the more flavourful one. Yet is it always  tastier?! The common population says  no. Chicken Fillet is still a lot more popular than chicken thigh and people really prefer the more neutral tasting meats. I however am not the safe cut kinda girl! I prefer the pieces of cow others pass up on , so I’ll go bull as well!!

Pork:  Grumpig or Pignite

I’d make chicken a category but there is only one chicken pokémon, so I think white meat is scarce in the world of Pokémon. So let’s pick our source of Pokémon Bacon. PIloswine is another option but I’d say that that again is more gamey and it would be the Miltank and  Tauros story all over again. Besides Ground, Ice type sounds like the meat would be really tough and would need to marinate a lot.. we don’t always have time for that so for today we will  compare two pigs with similar body types. Pignite is a fire fighting starter from the fith generation, while Grumpig is a psychic type from the Hoenn region. At first glance the latter has a lot of things going for it. It’s a psychic type that is known for using its psychic powers to eat berries. Which means it will have a lot of sweet, subtle meat that could be delicious! I am also very interested in eating something purple!

On the other hand Pignite is a fire , fighting type. The meat would be more firm and probably not as flavorful as it would eat whatever 10 years old starting their journey would feed it… so it will probably be fed a lot of pot noodles and redbull. Yet it has a very plumb body and some fats that can be beautifully rendered. I bet it could taste nice with some apple and thyme, maybe some sauteed onions. The most important clue to which one is the tastiest we find in their pre-evolutions. You see Spoink the prevolution of Grumpig dies if it ever stops bouncing on it’s own tail.It has an insanely stressful life. 

Stress can be tasted in an animal. Alternatively , Tepig is a starter which means it is bred to be friendly towards 10 year olds. Which means it probably has a plushie little life as soon as it is born where it is groomed to be friendly to be people.  Which I assume would be done by getting food, pets and other forms of love.. so it hungers for that same type of affection in a 10 year old.. those who evolve to early or who aren’t picked live with the professor for a while .. but some will eventually just be sold off for meat, but before that a Pignite will have had a good life.. and you can taste that. Besides it’s a fire type!  Which means it practically is self crisping bacon! That alone would make it the winner.

Duck: Kantonian Farfetch’D or Galarian Farfetch’D

So since I wanted to do at least some form of edible bird comparison I settled on a bird that I love to bits… but also love to eat!  Ducks!   In this case.. we even compare the same Pokémon.. but  from different parts in the world. You know much like how Irish Mutton is kind of tastier than Dutch Mutton. And yes while I would love to have a pet Duck, I still would eat them. Same would go for other pets.. on the premise they were bred for meat.. not as a pet that got  not picked and turned into meat instead.   So which one of these ducks… would be the tastiest. They both have a leak, in varying sizes. Galarian Farfetch’D has the bigger leak so I think it is safe to say that would be the tastier leak! It has also much more rich and vibrant colours.  Ratio wise I also think Galarian Farfetch’d would be the more balanced meal!   

Yet when I look at the duck itself I can not help but feel that the Kantonian Farfetch’D would be tastier. I do not know why… but sometimes you see a pig or a cow and think.. that seems like a tasty animal.. while other times you think, eeeew, I don’t want that in my Big Mac.  It’s that whole Bancho-Vibe Galarian Farfetch’D has. I’d think kissing a princess would be nicer than Kissing Jolene Kujo or  Poison from Final Fight.. would be not as  nice of a kiss then  Sailor Moon.  Sometimes you just know these things right?!  I feel Galarian Farfetch’D would be the junkfood duck! The one that ends up in the peking duck at that budget chinese restaurant while Kantonian Farfetch’D would be found at Bistro La Duchesse du Carnard Douce, or something!  Now it would be awesome if we could mix and match! Kantonian Bird.. with Galarian Leek.. but that sounds like that might be a delicacy I can’t afford.

Fruit: Cherubi or Applin

I failed to come up with a good vegetable this or that. My initial idea would be Oddish vs Bouncesweet.. but Oddish is Poisonous.  So out go the turnips. Then Amoonguss versus Shinotic for Mushrooms.. but Amoonguss is poisonous.  Shroomish and Shinotic are too different. In the world of Pokémon.. if it’s green it is most likely bad for you!  The kelp of Dhelmise drains life and don’t even get me started on how many leafs might actually be Razor leafs?!   No it’s best not to eat your veggies in the world of Pokémon!  Fruit however offers a few options. Cherubi and Applin are both tiny pokémon with relatively low stats and a mostly harmless move pool.  I think Applin might learn apple acid….but apple vinegar is a kitchen staple so that is safe. Apples and Cherries are both fairly popular fruits but both have a bit of a problem. The cherry has mutated into having a second head which might be a bit of an unsettling sight.. after all cherries might be to tiny to cut off the face.. so for those not wishing to eat something with a face.. this could be trouble.

Applin however is an apple that has a worm in it.. only in this case the worm is a tiny dragon.. somehow this causes it to merge with the apple and the idea of a worm in an apple is a pretty gross idea. Besides that there are plenty of normal apples in the pokémon world, but cherries are uncertain. Why eat the one apple that can fight back? I personally think that a worm living in an apple and having merged with said fruit is probably ceviched in the apple acid and might actually taste nice, still it is a pretty gross idea.. much more so than a two faced cherry!  My favourite cake is a Black Forest cake and my favourite fruit is a cherry!  Though peaches are close.. but since there is no peach Pokémon.. I had to pit the cherry against the apple.. and while the Apple definitely has the  tastier evolution.. I can’t escape the feeling that the little red guy looks super tasty! Both in it’s regular AND shiny form!

Dessert: Slurpuff or Alcremie

Let’s end with desert!  This one is a tough one. Alcremie is very VERY close to being my favourite Pokémon of all time, but could I imagine myself eating one?!  Yes!  Alcreamy is the whipped cream Pokémon, decorated  with fruit and other things. That is pretty tasty! I loved whipped cream, it is neutral and you can make a delicious dessert with it by combining it well.. it’s everything’s best friend!  Slurpuff on the other hand is a Meringue. which means it is egg whites whisked into stiff peaks and usually a lot of sugar! Meringue is a great desert if you combine! Like with Sea salted caramel and dark chocolate.. or with lemon!  Slurpuff also has a great nose .. amazingly so!  So he can help you find the ingredients… but that is kinda cruel! So I won’t do that! I really love Slurpuff and Alcremie so I would need to eat pieces of them in a dish I can not make a dish with them!

Alcremie has a big pro over Slurpuff though, it comes in many flavours and options!   Depending if you spin your cream right or left and how hard you can whip there are 71 Alcremies for you to whip up including it’s gigantamax cake form. However there are a few pretty gross sounding Alcreamies as well! Mint cream with Clover?!  Salted Cream with Ribbons?!  Those don’t sound very tasty… but they do look adorable. So this begs the question.. do we compare the average Alcremie flavour against Slurpuff.. or the best tasting one?!  Caramel Swirl with Strawberry sweet Alcremie sounds pretty delicious!  Or how about a Lemon cream with Blueberry one?! Pretty good if you feel like something more tart!. There is an alcreamie for every mood! And they are not that hard to make either! Meanwhile for Slurpuff you have to find some whipped dream… and I might prefer that to eat that over a Meringue. Plus spinning is good to lose all those calories Alcremie will put on!

And that’s it! A feast of Pokémon has been served! Which ones do you think I called wrong? Do you have another good idea for a This or That?!  Which Pokémon would you not mind eating? Let me know in the comments while I go rest up after such a hearty meal! May all your pokémon be tasty! Oyasumi!

It’s time! To C-C-Catch them All! Pinkie Plays: PokéDuel

Hello Little Lights!  For those who have been keeping track of my Twitter Account this might not come as a surprise!  Yet I have recently played a RomHack of my favourite franchise that I really want to talk to you about today!  What if we combine Pokémon with YuGiOh?!  I got my game on and tried this rom!  A journey began …but I felt like this game was missing something, perhaps some spirit… or maybe even the heart of the cards?!

Creature Swap

In the past I have already played Dragon Ball Z Ultimate Team Training.  Which was a Dragon Ball Rom hack of the same base game. Fire-Red.  However where in that game we do see some locations reskinned and renamed here we travel through good old Kanto. No Domino city here.. though that makes sense. YuGiOh is fairly barren of locations. As it is very much set in one city and one island and maybe the Egypt of the past.

 Yet even then in that ancient egypt there wasn’t much dueling going on. PokéDuel also only really has references up to to 5d’s and those are very minimal. Rather than being Pokémon YuGiOh this kind of feels more like Pokémon YuGiOh Abridged. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. There are 163 new creatures to collect, so for those well versed in YuGiOh lore and even those who just saw an arc or two of the first season.. there are still plenty of monsters to add to your team that you will know.

Gym Leaders have also been replaced  including their respective typing. A lot of monsters even have custom typings and every monster has somewhat altered movesets so they seem more interesting. For example Dark Magician Girl will learn psybeam, but also a lot of moves like attract, sweet kiss and barrier to mirror the role of a card she had in the series. It goes so far that this actually has a fairly large impact on the game as YuGiOh monsters tend to not have a lot of moves in the anime,, the card monsters in this game reflect that and get a lot more stat boosting, or status inducing moves.

 This game is not something you should play without a healthy dose of full heals! So gameplay wise, I actually found this rom to be a fairly interesting departure from the Pokémon formula ,and instead we go for a slower type of gameplay, with more tactical plays to be made. Neat!  So just by swapping creatures around and typing availability the game changes a lot!

Examples of gameplay changing is very noticable in Dragon Type cards. If you know a bit about YuGiOh, you’ll know Dragon cards are very common in the game, so Dragon Types.. are not always that tactical to have. Dark type is SUPER common as well , so is the normal type. So fighting types are very strong to have in this game, many of the 5d’s cards are steel type after all. Water types are really uncommon only existing in the form of Humanoid Slime and Archery Girl as well as the Legendary Fisherman and a handful of other cards.. but going from one of the most common typings to one of the least common means you will have to adjust your strategies! And that is the saving grace of this game! It offers a very interesting take on Pokémon battling and will make you a better fighter.. Unfortunately the rest of the game isn’t very good.

Dark Mirror Force

First of all this game is UGLY! I don’t want to rip on peoples pixel-art and people are still working on this game but it is made public , so I think I am allowed to have my opinion here.. and this game isn’t pretty! Overworld sprites are okay.. because famous duelists have been ripped out of those GBA store games like Resheff of Destruction or that narrative god cards game. You will recognise them  Tea, Tristan and the others quite easily! ..It does result in some problems though!  

For example Pegasus is an Elite 4 member.. but instead of his iconic look we get the Reshef of Destruction restyle.. where he called himself Sol!  Odd choice!  Dartz is a Gymleader and obviously he has no sprite so that one looks very odd!   And then there is the fact that a YuGiOh sprite is twice as tall as the trainer sprite.. so we get some odd ratios in the overworld.. as well as regular pokémon still appearing in that world.. it looks odd to find a Kabuto Fossil while the item uses the dome fossil to revive Exodia Necross. It just screams fan remake.. something that was less apparent in a few other hacks.

In battle though is where the game really looks like a digested Kuriboh. The Dark Magician sprite is FANTASTIC, so is her back sprite… but some of the duelist and some monsters look like …..crabcakes..that have been eaten by a dog.. and passed out.  Some art is really good! The starters look pretty amazing! Other art however looks like it has been drawn in paint.  Some of the monsters are absolutely non recognisable.  Like Change of Heart of Buster Blader. What am I looking at?! However I could find myself liking this if it had been done ironically!  

The problem is that there is no style which makes that paint work look uglier than an Orange shouty man.. if you had soaked him in a tub of red beets.. all pruned up and all!   Some trainer sprites are just heads. Their portraits from Starway of the Destined Duel.. while some have been made in pair style. Other times they are simplified version of the overworld sprite.  There is no style though!  Odion’s head is completely  blown up large and in your face, while the Elite 4 is custom sprite work.. The same goes for the monsters. I should be scared when I see a five headed dragon for the first time! Not laughing my ass off.  Cyber End Dragon is supposed to feel menacing. .. not like a nest full of baby birds crying for momma to feed them.

Release Restraint

Besides the ugly sprite work is how limited the game feels!  Dialogue has been replaced with YuGiOh dialogue.. but it has been done randomly! Up to a point where one guy in a Pokémon Center can mention his Pokémon while the other makes a comment about dueling on MotorCycles. There is no immersion in this world as the game is very much unfinished at least in terms of feeling. There is no cohesion, and what is said feels a bit like a retread of YuGiOh Abridged.

Take Lavender town for example, the entire ghost tower is one giant Pot of Greed joke!  Which is fun, I laughed but if  every character in the tower there makes the same joke, I would have rather seen a funny reference elsewhere. It feels as if the creators of this Romhack were to afraid we would not like their jokes so they mostly used the ones of little Kuriboh.. and that is a shame!

Because WHEN the game does it’s own thing with the franchise it does it nicely. Before entering Rock Tunnel for example you encounter a duplicate of the old man laying on the ground sprite.. with a little  girl sitting besides him.  She makes a joke that her Grandpa had a near heart attack at the announcements of Pendulum Summons!  I hate that mechanic myself so I laughed really hard.. it also combines this iconic Pokémon thing with a relevant joke in the YuGiOh  and that is where this game can shine! In lavender town you can find a man who makes a very good yugioh/ this is a rom hack joke. Where they used to burry pokemon and people… now they bury cards. \

 There is soul in that! Yet then  they add in green hair Kaiba.. as a reference to season 0 of YuGiOh, but when defeated he says, screw the rules I have green hair. I like the joke.. but  not as a line for when defeated. It would be funny if they had replaced the Saffron City guard with it. and when letting  you through he could say the line. Weevil is in Erica’s joke and he makes a joke about all women that surround him.. yet the old man outside has not been given new text.. missed opportunities. Team Rocket is just a team rocket. That would make for a great henchman joke.. with finger guns! It just lacks that sense of cohesion.

Mai replaces Surge and could have been made more interesting  by replacing “there is a switch there”  by .. what’s this you picked up a strange scent.. and the second line with, you found a scented card.  Just something, Blaine’s Quiz was still a pokemon quiz, I would have loved Yu Gi Oh questions!  It just feels like random people did random parts of the game and it has been stitched together like a patchwork quilt..  where the creators tend to thread on the safe side just a bit too much, despite their amazingly interesting battle system.

Kaiba versus Marik

In the end we end up with a game that feels a bit like a match between Kaiba and Marik. It definitely has some interesting back and forth in terms of gameplay.. but something is not feeling right!  The two personalities are too similar and the same kind of lines are repeated back and fourth without much to keep you engaged. You’d miss that sense of Grandeur that Joey or Yugi can bring to a match!  Kaiba versus Marik also seems like a match that is not meant to be.. if it was in the anime, we would probably see Joey and Yugi doing some other stuff at the same time.. time skipping trough the match with the field constantly growing bigger and crazier but we would lack the rhyme or reason!  And it’s a shame!  Because the ingredients for a great game are here!

I had some of the best pokémon battles in this game from a tactical sense and it was fun to play the game at a different pace! Yet at the same time I kept asking myself questions, why does Kuriboh evolve into Kuribabylon with a Moonstone? Why does Relinquished transform into restrict with that same item?!  I get why Neos turns into Neos Aqua Dolphin with a water stone, but why is Celtic Guardian a Grass type.. and at that why is he pretty much the only grass type in the game?!  It is a game that gets really close to getting it right.. but leaves too much work undone to feel as a proper attempt at a crossover ..for now!

Give it a try if you are a big fan of both franchises AND Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, otherwise I’d say it’s a good idea to let this one sit in it’s cocoon of evolution for a little while longer. I really enjoyed the more status and effect heavy way of battling , yet at the same time it slows the game pace down a lot, and Pokémon already has a fairly slow pace of it’s own! So it is something you would need to keep in consideration. More times than you’d want you’ll find your monsters Paralyzed , Confused and Attracted, which does fix some gameplay issues..but creates others of it’s own. In the end I think that is really what this game is. Rather than an evolution of Pokémon Games, this aims more to feel like a Spin Off…. as if we would get Yu-Gi-Oh.. but on Motorcycles..or something!

City Crisis

Generally this is where I write a little segment about my life on the resort. How despite the fact I am relegated to bashing rats with hammers, clearing out asbestos from around the basement pipes and cleaning up the sidewalks after the tourists have had too much to drink it’s still pretty close to paradise. Somewhere in Southeast Asia the weather is beautiful and the food is even better. But this introduction is different because this City Crisis game – if that’s what you would call it – this “game” is as far from paradise as heaven is wide.

If you hate someone. Stop what you’re doing and search “City Crisis PS2” on Amazon. Then – buy one of the BILLIONS of copies available and send it to your enemies’ address. Upon arrival they may think it was an accident or maybe even a gift. Surely if they do make the mistake of playing the game it’ll be one of the last things they ever do. After an hour or so of gameplay they’ll be sure to leap from their high rise apartment window. Or maybe just start hitting their head against a wall until eventually they’ve lost so much blood it all fades to black.

It’s impossible to tell how many copies of City Crisis were actually unleashed on the public but thankfully not enough to actually create a real city crisis. I can only imagine that if hundreds of thousands of people raced to the store to buy this game the day it came out there would have been deadly riots in the streets only hours later.

Even if I have been told by reliable sources that Germans absolutely love helicopter and farming games. My father in-law is off the boat German and has never mentioned his love for either. But certainly if he loves this game than he is ashamed and would never want to show such poor judgement to his son-in-law. Any fans of City Crisis are surely too ashamed to come forward. As they should be.

Developed by Syscom Entertainment which has disappeared off the face of the Earth (probably due to overwhelming shame) and published by giants Take-Two Interactive.

The game was released on July 17th 2001. Meaning it also shares a birthday with someone inexplicably popular in Germany as well. Yes, you immediately know who I’m about to drag into this. The Hoff was born on July 17th. He single handily tore down the Berlin Wall brick by brick with songs of rescuing babes from maritime disaster and personally woo-ed the Soviets back into loving a capitalist system (kind of). That’s what they teach American school children at least!

But like every good balance in the universe – if David Hasselhoff is pure good born on July 17th then sack of shit Gavin McInnes is the flip side of the coin. If you don’t know who he is then you’re better off.

But where were we? Ah yes, back to City Crisis. You are immediately thrust into the cockpit of a helicopter named after incredibly lame animals to name a helicopter after.

Helicopters are named: Dolphin, Lobster and Goldfish.

“Sir! The skyscraper you’re in is burning! We’ve come to save you!!”

“Oh, thank God for you, heroes! Thank you so much!”

(*Begins to notice that the rescue helicopter is named LOBSTER and has the animal painted on the Helicopter tail*)

“Ya know what? It’s fine. I’m good! Go rescue someone else. I’ll just jump”

Not to mention there is something seriously wrong in this game world and the constant burning buildings is not nearly as big as an issue that needs to be addressed compared to whatever fictional country they have pissed off. In one flying/rescue segment it’s not unusual for seven to eight different buildings to just randomly explode on opposite ends of the city within a few minutes of one another. Are we at war? Is this The Blitz? Faulty gas lines? What the fuck is actually going on around here?

Or is it that the graphics of this fictional city are just so poor the citizens themselves have just had enough and are destroying their own city in a desperate cry for help? We may never know. But the Helicopter Rescue Budget for the city has to be through the roof. I’m not sure how they could afford much else.

Speaking of affording things you can find this game for like $2.50 on eBay. And some asshole is even trying to sell it for $71.00. Don’t pay either of those prices. Just don’t buy this game, sweet Germans. You deserve better helicopter games.

Periwinkle’s Lowing Hanging Fruit Punch Ingredients

1.) A small chunk of fur from Parka (Cold Winter)

2.) A thimble of Jack Bauer’s sweat (24: The Game)

3.) A can of Reservoir Dog Food (Reservoir Dogs)

4.) A handlebar mustache (American Chopper)

5.) Blood of a Backstreet Boy (American Idol)

6.) An impossible to control Q-Tip (CSI)

7.) The tooth of a terrorist (Fugitive Hunter)

8.) One Mona Lisa Smile (The Davinci Code)

9.) One Copy of, “Night Rocker” by The Hoff (City Crisis)

Text me

I want a Real Estate on Paradise: Reviewing Video Game Castles

Hello Little Lights! In real life I am quite content with my new place in my real life. Yet virtual me has much more of a struggle! I am not made for a tiny little hut! I need an Estate to keep all my things!  Not one of those villa mansions either.. I want something special! Something that screams.. someone who is more than just a manager lives here! 

So I hired a realtor as we checked out some fairly iconic real estate.. You know I’d probably alter it just a bit so it is safe for me to use.. but you know a girl has to have inspiration. Anyway I found this Realtor named Phil.. he kind of is a geek! Met him in some virtual game.. and today we are looking at some of the most iconic Real Estate in video games.

Dracula’s Castle (Castlevania)

Dracula’s Castle

Phil : So this is the first place I would like you to see, it’s a  classical gothic structure, stemming from  1094, and belonged to a guy named Mathias Cronqvist, a powerful alchemist that lived up until the end of the 1990’s. It has about 200 rooms and can travel dimensions and locations, as it has shown up in Europe, Transylvania but also Japan as well.   It is also known to change shape and sizes to fit wherever and whenever it is needed.  I will be honest, the original owner has passed away in the castle.. as I am legally obligated to tell you this… in fact he has been murdered in his castle by a blonde man with long hair and a whip… and the palace might be a bit of a fixer upper.. but I think it can provide you years of happiness

Mathias Cronqvist

Pinkie: Phil this is Dracula’s castle from Castlevania isn’t it?!  Why do you use to name Mathias Cronqvist, now I have to explain to my readers that in Castlevania lore, Dracula is not an alter ego of Vlad Tepes, but of an alchemist who made himself immortal through his science and all that stuff. Besides I am not sure this place is for me.  It looks quite gloomy. I might become more than a manager soon, but I am pretty sure I won’t be turning evil or a vampire! If anything I am trying to become less nocturnal and Rainbows can’t be out in the dark.

Phil: Well it has a library, it has a dinner room, it has a piano room  and even it’s own swimming pool! You made a big deal out of wanting your own swimming pool which I don’t really get because don’t you have some amazing pools in Paradise?! I guess this palace is a bit of a fixer upper, you might need to fix some staircases fixed but that should not be to hard! It comes pretty cheap ever since the creators wanted to fix more on pachinko machines, the castle has been neglected a bit so you can pick it up without overspending. 

Pinkie:  Sure Phil, then tell me how we get from the main hall to the dining room. If you can explain it to me in less than a paragraph I will consider buying this place. 

Symphony of the Night Castle map

Phil:  I think that’s a bit unfair.. it is easy enough! All you need to do is gather a red orb from the music room, then kneel at a pond , a staircase that leads your underwater will be revealed.  You need to follow the tunnel and then choose the third mirror on the second floor from of the study and enter it and it will take you straight to the drawbridge that if it is open will take you to the dining room, If not you might need to take a little detour by getting a grappling hook..to move onto a higher platform.. but we can just build a staircase there to work around that.

Pinkie: I think you know why I am passing on this. I don’t want to need Nintendo Power to find my bedroom each night.. let’s go look at the next lot.. but before we go.. I really need to pee, could I use the bathroom here?!

Phil: Sure all you need to do is walk up the half broken stairs,  take a little leap of faith down  from the overpass, defeat the giant bat in the pantry so it drops a key that lets you access the west wing. Follow that to the end by jumping a few gaps and dodging some medusa heads and it will lead you right to the clock tower the bathroom is at the top.. it really is nice for the drainage.. you never have any smell or annoying kids throwing fireworks in the sewer to make your toilet spill.

Hyrule Castle (Legend of Zelda Series)

Hyrule Castle 64

Phil: Okay.. I am sorry you died twice while trying to get to the bathroom, that was my fault.. This palace is actually owned by a titular character. It follows a more classic structure and has plenty of space. A princess much like … Oh right… A Smash Brothers character I guess, lived here and many of her incarnations have found happiness in this castle.  Her father has been murdered in it only once .. so it already has way less deaths to it than most other castles we will visit. It already has been restored properly for the potential of Breath of the Wild 2.. and it has only gotten larger over time.

Pinkie:  This is actually quite nice Phil.. but  there seems to be a very thick wallpaper on the walls, I don’t really like it. .can I paint over that?!   It seems like it might go a bit soggy if I do.

Phil: Don’t worry you can paint over it.. the thick wall paper has been in place because the castle got devastated and converted to a fortress of evil for a bit.. during the era of the hero of time.  You know six magical seals were placed. spirits of some sages were imprisoned.. it all resulted in a bit of an edgy architecture, the rightful owner restored it to its previous condition.

Pinkie: Ah I see.. how unfortunate for the rightful owner! I would not like it if someone came and took my castle and made it into a dark fortress! So what’s that greenish looking residue on the ceiling, it kind of looks like mold!

Submerged Hyrule Castle

Phil: It’s dried in Algae actually, you see a couple of years later the country of Hyrule got completely flooded and the castle became completely submerged for many years! The princess became a pirate and all that unless a new hero could be found.. but after the evil was defeated it dried right up!  You might find a few pin bones here and there..but nothing a good round with a vacuum cleaner can’t fix up.

Pinkie: Okay.. but is it still a flooding hazard now? I mean I am Dutch so we know how to make dry land…but that sounds awfully costly! I also notice a lot of plaster work has been renewed and the cellar has  a do not enter sign? Why is that then?

Strike on Hyrule Castle

Phil: Well fairly recently the entire castle was destroyed because the evil forces took over four fire  giant animal mecha’s and layed the castle in ashes. The hero of the wild took control of them back.. but not before the evil  created all sorts of spider cyclops.. it really hurt the drywall.   The evil was defeated by the giant animal mechas firing a combined beams at him… but unfortunately the wine cellar now is just a crater. You know.. this castle does end up getting cursed or destroyed a lot.. given how unlucky you can be this might not be the purchase for you… I might be able to sell it to Pepper though.

Pinkie: Who is Pepper? Why would you sell him this thing? This is a timebomb! It gets destroyed like every other generation?! And why do all the shadowy corners of the castle have this dog pee scent to them?!

Dr Wily’s Castle (Mega Man)

Classicc Wiley’s Castle

Pinkie: Phil are you really trying to sell me Dr Wily’s castle?! I mean the music here is SOOOO good that I would almost consider it ..but this is an architectural nightmare. I know my taste in things can be a bit garish at times.. but this is pushing it. Maybe Indigo and Kuro would like it but why would I like a building that has a huge satellite dish, a  giant skull and some ribs.. a rocket.. that in the original design actually is more like a bullet.. and some silo’s that look like they belong on a farm?! I want a brick castle not a steel one! That is super cold and I am a fairy type! Steel is super effective against me!   So no I can already tell I will pass on this one. 

Phil: Yeah I guess this one might not be for you, you are going for a more classical vibe right? You know as Realtor I am obligated to at least show you a different style. But if you look for a princess castle we will look for something traditional. Sorry about that sometimes I can make this mistake as I come from such a Modern Family. 

Pinkie: Okay.. I wrote that joke.. and I might not get any emmy’s for it .. but for the sake of this post i’ll say, You are a funny man Phil!

Phil: Thank you, it’s actually a fact that if you look up the word funny inside an encyclopedia you  see my face! I am very proud of it! And sorry for wasting your time! But hey isn’t it cool to see this in real imaginary life?!

Wiley’s Gear Castle

Ted: Actually that word is pronounced encyclopeahdia!  I do agree with Pinkie though this place is an architectural nightmare.. besides it garish looks those eyes in the skull will give very big problems with heat regulation, the use of such varying materials such as bone, steel , brick and red plastic will also make sure that your house expands in various degrees when it is heated up by sunshine which would cause significant  structural damage over time.  The palace also has a lot of self destruct buttons which is trouble when you run with a cast as wild as Pinkie’s.

Pinkie: Who invited you here?!  You know what.. you can stay.. lots of these palaces have been needing changes , you might be useful. Besides.. now I got two sitcom characters and WandaVision is super popular right now.. I might be able to bank on their success by doing this weird cross over thingamajig myself.  

Ted: Cool, while we go to the next lot , how about I tell you the story of how I met the mother of my children?!

Phil & Pinkie: NO!!!!!

Princess Peach Castle (The Mario Series)

The Castle of Castles

Phil: So you seem to like Nintendo so I figured let’s try this one as well, this one might be a bit pricey to get but it needs the least work.  It is in functioning order.. and it also doubles as a dimensional hubworld , you can hang up a painting of Scott and jump straight through his blog by jumping through a painting. I love Scott! he talks about such great tech!  There is room for a lot of those rooms.. and the castle is pretty much cleaned of all other furniture so you can move right in! The times of the princess being kidnapped is mostly over now, she recently plays a more active role in adventures so she is looking to move into a bit of a smaller place. With a bigger kitchen so she can make more cakes!  Also perhaps a bit of added security! So yes you might need a few tech upgrades here and there but over all I think this could be the perfect castle for you!

Pinkie: You actually might be right Phil, I really like this one.. though I really need to do something about that stained glass Window that is shaped like Princess Peach! I mean  I don’t like the coconuts of the island to start worshipping the wrong person!  I know I am getting some design changes soon.. so I might not look her a lot.. unsure do you think we can change that window Ted?

The Skylight

Ted:  That may proof a bit trickier than you think you see that  skylight opens up a dimensional portal to the sky domain if light shines trough it.. if we wear it down at the wrong time of day…or take to long we may actually rip a fabric in the space time continuum which could have disastrous results..  We may even be dragged straight to hell as depicted by the Poët Dante who’s famous work Inferno has become the blueprint of ultimate dystopia as we know it!  If I were to quote him in the original Italian it would go a little something like this….

Pinkie: Shut up Ted!

I really wanted to use this

Frederik: Oh Hai everyone.. I see you chose a second grade realtor.. while actually I am the one that should have been listed, so I just came to tell you all that and maybe start a bit of a fight with Phil.. as it will be good for the ratings! I know what you are going to see, Frederic you work in New York and the Mushroom Kingdom is not in there.. but if you have ever seen the Super Mario Bros movie.. you know the Mushroom Kingdom is actually set beneath Brooklyn.. so this is my turf! How dare you take on other Realtors.

Pinkie: Go away Frederik I doubt any of my readers will know who you are!  I wanted to use a Realtor for this post most people know and I first selected Kirstie and Allan from House Hunters UK .. but I opted out of that as well.. so you can go away too! Don’t you dare bring Josh Altman into this either.. these castles are not Million Dollar listings.. we pay fictional money here not real!

Frederic: Oh.. why did you not say that from the beginning anyway.. not interested then.. see you later alligator! I must say I love Paradise though! Can I grab a cocktail?! Maybe some of the delicious food as well?

Pinkie: Yeah yeah go ahead.. I am am busy! Phil… I love this place. It’s so cute and girly and it has a nice garden . how much would I need to offer to get this.. and could you please send these toads away?! It might be kind of unprofessional to let them hear how excited I am about this! They may make sure Peach gives a higher counter offer.

Phil: Oh no you don’t need to worry about these Toads Pinkie, they won’t spy for Peach, they come with the castle


Pinkie: …….. I’m Out!

Where did the "Shaking Toad" gif come from? - Album on Imgur

A Minecraft Palace

Ted: Pinkie, is your existence not based around that of the V-Tuber and do you not seek to return to YouTube once your health Issues pick up?!

Pinkie: That is true
.. why?!

Ted: One word:
Minecraf
t

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is confused-pinkie.png

Pinkie: Building my own castle?! 
That seems like a lot of effort.

Ted: For Realz
And hey the effort could be video content!

Pinkie: I don’t want to spend two months building a palace and I bump my head all the time! If everything has blocky edges I’d hurt myself a lot! Plus I ‘d have to use a lot of cheats.. unless we find like a very little version of Steve that can just build a huge palace that it seems round it might not be a very good idea.

Ted: Look what I found though it is a tropical  Sandstone palace made in Minecraft set on a tropical island! It has a lot of space, and you can completely customise your house! It could be a fun thing to do with some members or Staff as well. You know build Paradise Island in Minecraft! There. Sandstone will keep you cool on hot days but also holds some heat in winter so it is a good way to build a home, it beats making a house of wool blocks and then getting a fire don’t you think!

Pinkie: Wow that’s a pretty palace I’d like to make something like that.. but let’s be honest I do not really have the patience for that. Could we not just imagine this is kind of like my palace?!  Just a lot of pinker?! Also who told you about my wool castle?! It still hurts! It was so fluffy! Then it was all gone! Let’s pass on Minecraft for now and wait untill I have enough followers to help me build such a thing! 

Stormwind Keep (World of Warcraft)

Stormwind Keep

Phil: Okay this one might be a bit bland for your taste, but it is highly customisable.. It’s built out of mostly white bricks,  and has held kings of Stormwind for many generations. It’s also set in a world where cities and castles can fly.. so getting it to Paradise should not be too hard.   It comes with a courtyard, throne room and has several rooms that can easily be adapted to suit all your needs,  it even has a bit of a protective wall, to keep the simps out!  It hasn’t been destroyed as much. Lot’s of rooms and no Toads.  It doesn’t come with any staff as most people  prefer to be stuck to a Stormwind of the past.  There is a lot of time shenanigans with a gnome, it somehow exists in several realms and some of them are pretty dead and we might be able to snipe one of these during a server merge or a Timeweaver event or whatever they are called.

Pinkie: Hmm I don’t dislike Stormwind keep! It does look nice without looking braggy! Those Lionheads can be replaced I assume?! How about the blue roofs can we make them pink Ted?!

Ted: I got into a lot of troubles due to Lionheads so I will happily take this one down .. Stormwind itself has coloured roofs for all districts, the mage district has purple shingles if we sun bleach them those will appear Pink.. .. Would you like to change the Lionhead into an effigy of yourself?

We need prettier decorartions

Pinkie: Eeew No! But yeah the Lionhead is a pretty tacky icon..  like .. oh we are a human organisation in a fantasy setting.. lets use blue banners and golden Lions.. .for some reason that is really unoriginal.  It is a bit of a bland generic  and the castle has that around it as well but.. to be honest it is filled with a lot of characters that are spoofs of other things, so it does really fit!  Let’s make an offer!  So how much do you think we should offer Phil?!

Phil: Oh don’t worry all we have to do is tweet that Diablo II Remastered will NOT have HD cutscenes.. that should shut down a server or two!  It will be cheap! Oh and have you heard about the new subscription plan?! This place will be a steal!

Pinkie: Ahhh Cancel Culture at it’s finest!  Now we should go on a hunt for some nice things to customise my new place!  Thanks Phil.. Thanks Ted!  And thanks to the reader who put up with this entire post! I hope you all shine on little lights! Oyasumi! Oh and if you want to help me in the accessory hunt.. you might want to consider supporting my Kofi!

Pinkie’s Fantastic Five: Anime Character I’d want as Staff

Hello my little lights, Irina’s Twitter recently reshared some of her older content.. and I am not sure if it is automated or if she randomly selects posts to retweet herself… but  regardless, a post came up that inspired me. Top 5 anime characters I want as personal assistants that one was.  Given the hyperlink I put in there I am pretty sure it is an automated response! Anyway.. I have Staff.. but I can never have enough servants..Uhm I mean Staff.. so here are five fantastic picks for new staff members.

A Maid: Tohru

For the Powerful Women tag Irina sniped Tohru as my answer… and Summer’s as well and I ended up picking Rem as a roommate instead.. but in this new list I can finally admit that in hindsight I do like Tohru more then Rem. Points for Irina though for having such a objectively true opinion! She is more fun to hang out with, she is way more openly gay then Rem is/might be and she comes with an adorable baby dragon, that I do not want to lewd but just feed her living things and see them vanish in her gaping maw in one big swoop! That alone could keep me entertained for days.

She can even bring Kobayashi  , I do not need to engage with her romantically .. though a dragon and a prin…. I mean the manager would be an interesting couple and  I bet we could hit it off.. I am fine either way though as Tohru loves her job and doubles as air transportations. I live on an island but I get seasick very easily but not airsick so this would be a great way to circumvent annoying little troubles.  I could play with Kanna, geek out with Fafnir, drink with Kobayashi, Cry with Elma and ignore the other one..but I bet her assets will draw in a whole lot of business to Paradise. All she needs to do is loaf around on the beach!

I do need a maid because my pool boy keeps inviting people to pee in my pool.. I know that “(definitely don’t) Pee in the Pool.. just means Pee in the pool.. but it has been manager proofed. . Sunny while great at his job.. is only great at it when he does it…which is completely random!  Cabins might get cleaned, or it might not happen and people get a fish in a bucket as an apology instead. I love them both and the content they provide is swell but I need a backup plan. Besides..I am not very clean myself. I would not get down to the floor and clean it! I am so stiff I probably could not get up! Too much soapy stuff also makes my hands all dry and scaly! .. So better just use a dragon! I don’t think they will complain about dry skin.. Maybe Elma would.. but not Tohru! So she is a great Maid.. an okay mode of transportation and a powerful means to defend the island.

A Singer/Pianist: Maki Nishikino

I got Barry Manilow’s bill for booking him each night and let me tell you.. that guy is NOT cheap!  Of course on his day off we have Jimmy Buffet on Paradise but let’s just say that Copacabana is getting old fast for me!  I do it because Winstof keeps yelling for encores and Manilow is getting old enough that he forgets he already gave an encore. I know HER NAME was LOLA and I KNOW she was a showgirl.. Now shut the fuge up Mannilow!  I am not even paying Jimmy Buffet… he just shows up!  Cheeseburger in Paradise.. my touchie!  So it may be a great idea to have our own little artist on the fictional payroll.  Someone who can just play piano during dinner time or bring us singing entertainment in the evening at the bars.  She can also play at my cast…house.. yes A cast house.. is a house thats like a castle.. I totally don’t have a castle!  Ignore that!  Either way a musician is a great idea to have. 

Finally, Barry can take a break!

Maki is an ideal pick because she comes with lots of outfits to fit every mood. She has sung in an idol ensemble, solo and in a tinier girl group so she is very experienced in any form of singing, meaning she has great range. She is skilled at playing the piano and is a sing a song  writer, which also means she wont be running out of songs and we can innovate our repertoire and even play around with the seasons. Snow halation in winter, Natsuiro Egao de 1,2 jump in summer and  a lot of Aishiteru Banzai.. the anthem of Paradise.

Lyrics that roughly translate as “Smile when you’re sad, let all the sadness blow away, because if you can keep smiling, the weather will change, skies will clear, even if you are unsure , the road to happiness will be revealed under blue skies.  Some days it might rain, but remember that this water will also nurture the little tree that is our dreams. Cheers for Love!  It gives the courage to never give up! Now let’s enjoy the present! Cheers for the love, let’s wave goodbye to yesterday, let’s move forward.  Which is a very motivational song! And it’s pretty easy to learn even in Japanese!  Cheers for Love! Singer Hired!

A Tailor: Nui Harime

So is it weird I want a homicidal character as Staff?!  I am not sure, I mean it’s not my dad Nui killed so do I care?!  I don’t think I do.. I mean he was the dad of anime protagonist anyway.. that’s a death sentence either way. So if she had not murdered him it would be a tragic accident,  or a mysterious disappearance. She had to do it by a force greater than herself. Nui is very polite to the people who she serves so as the Royal Couturier of Paradise I think I am in the safe zone.  Did I say Royal.. I mean grand.. her title will just be Royal to avoid confusion with her function in Revocs! Either way Nui is a person that is very compatible with me.. we both love pink, are kind of childish and  are morally slightly more flexible than some of our peers. But hey at least we create our own happiness!  If I see the style of outfits she makes for girls, except for that bancho one.. I love them all Nonnon and Ragyo get such cool outfits from here and her own is cute as a button so that is a thing.

Now you may wonder, why would a tropical resort need a tailor! Well do you know how hot it is in a tropical Paradise.. you have one outfit on for your day at the beach and then one for the night life, equalling to two outfits per day. I don’t launder every day so I have to have a lot of outfits on Paradise.. if I am in my moth-form I also tend to have a nervous tick where I chew on my clothes… except… it’s not just chewing, it is also eating my clothes. Besides.. I can’t host a ball at my place and show up in the same dress  as before.. it’s all duplicate dresses of each other since I still AM an anime character in a way.. but just know each dress you will see on me is always a different one .. once I employ Nui! To this day I have never ever had my white socks turn pink and I am not about to start.. mostly because I am not sure if Tohru would do all laundry.. so just to be safe a personal tailor could be neat. Tailor Hired!
Who.. could also be a good bodyguard!

A Chef: Alice Nakiri

Those who read my Halloween story know my current chef has a bit of a drinking problem! I blame Irina, but hey she comes here for the cheap cooking wine and shares it with the chef once service is done. Then I have to find whatever bush he has passed out and sober him up. It’s just a hassle so I might as well replace it with a bit of a fancier chef that works well with people of stature. The food of Paradise has to be fancy because competition between resorts is fiercer than ever.  Even though Paradise is is only semi fictional still people seem to think they can’t come over to my imaginative island to hang out. 

Alice , kind of looks like the original Irina model..or at least the one I knew as the original.. it’s the white haired one at least.. I may be able to use my chef as a marketing tool by trending it is a much more popular blogger than I am AND she is a chemist…which means that even if I cant fool people there is definitely  a secondary source of income here! I mean she only has to be a chef at lunch and dinner time.. the drunkard can still fry some eggs.. that means Alice can cook something else in the morning or help me teach a few things about high society! She is so useful!

In terms of character Alice seems to walk a fine line between high standards, yet also prefers it if she has the moral high ground while also not shying away from being selfish or petty if it is in her own best interest. I admire that, Alice is tactical and a shrewd business woman.  If you haven’t been able to tell yet, we burn a lot of cash on Paradise and cash management isn’t great on Paradise so far. 

We have Periwinkle who burns a lot of money on very bad games, Kuro who tries every pot noodle in existence, I am not sure if Sunny even knows what money is and Nui seems to have expensive taste. So does Alice.. but she comes from money and she isn’t  unwilling to share it if it improves her working conditions! She is a good team player that is quirky enough to make her interesting. She is super pretty as well.  Which is kind of neat because Alice seems like the chef that really wants to introduce herself to fancy guests at the resort. I need someone like her who can be a bit serious and shape up.. speaking of which this also brings me to my final pick.

An Attendant/Personal Assistant : Marcarita

So any angel from Dragon Ball Super would make for a great personal assistant but I chose the one with the Twin Tails. First of all I could have picked Whis for having the pink uniform but I find him a bit too patronising to his boss. Besides that I feel like someone named after whiskey would become chummy with Indigo! A personal assistant would need to get alone with me.. so that’s why a female angel is a better option. Vados might vocalise her concerns about me to much and makes me more insecure than I need to be. Besides I am not sure if I like Calvados! 

Marcarita is based on the Margarita drink.. and that is a pretty girly drink and I like it! Besides that her personality is like hyper formal will make her look very posh! She would treat me like a little princess in my service and always with the utmost respect. She is used to dealing with clowns and she is fairly strict so she can bring some moral fiber to the rest of the staff.. while allowing me to do whatever I want.. because of hierarchy! She will respectfully advise me though which is a good thing!

Why do I need an Attendant?! Well.. uhm… she can take some tasks away from me and let me nap a bit. If Whis and Beerus are the less formal variant iI am sure this angel can pick up the moral slack of the rest of the staff. She can shape them up a bit while I go play weird video games to provide you with some new content!  It also is a bit of a status symbol and that means if Karen wants to speak to me I have some emotional leverage. I’ll have you know I am important enough to have an angel as a personal assistant madame, your petty complaints are beneath me! 

I could use my assistant to let go of some things,which is good because I am a worrywart!  It’s also doesn’t conflict as much as a butler and a maid. Because I can just let Tohru serve me my food while Marcarita can manage my phone for me. You know do all the text messages, help me be more social on Twitter.. do dailies in my mobile games. So much possibilities! Wipping Paradise back into shape while giving me more nap time! This is an angel I really need to hire! Plus I could try some angel pick up lines!

Time for me to take a nap.. after all this work finding people who would work for me! Now with the staff expanded, it will be time for me to upgrade my tropical hut to something a bit more worthy of a person of my stature! So in our next post we will be looking at some amazing video game real estate! Untill then… Shine on my Little lights! Oyasumi!

A Dozen of Sunshine: The Sunshine Blogger Award 12

Hello my Little Lights, while I would not have minded keeping the Sunshine Blogger Awards I have gotten at 11, the lunacy number, McKenna tagged me in this post with some REALLY interesting questions. I won’t tag new people though as I already tagged well over 50 for these.  So feel free to take my questions I post at the end and turn them into a post, no need to even make it a Sunshine blogger award if you don’t want to! Thanks McKenna for the awesome questions though! Reader click on her name to visit an awesome blog! I’ll be skipping the whole rule thing as well, if you need them, there are 11 other posts on my site that explain them! I really just want to get to these awesome questions.

What’s your favorite dish to cook (or that someone else has cooked for you)?

Amazon.com: Adorable Cute Kawaii Anatomy Body Part Cartoon Emoji - Cuterus  Uterus Vinyl Sticker (12" Wide, Liver): Automotive

I will admit that my sister is way more chefworthy then I am and she has cooked me some great food in the past, however I would not say I am a slouch in the kitchen either.  My favourite dish to cook is a grilled liver, with bacon bits, onions and carrots, in a beer reduction and black peppercorn gravey/sauce.  With big oven baked potato chips.. like Flemish chips.. and served with a spinach and mushroom salad. My blood iron values aren’t always amazing so a meal like this really puts a spring back in my step and the o2 back in my blood. It’s pretty good, savourey and wholesome.

It’s pubfood.. but I love the wholesomeness that good pub food has to it.  I love to experiment when I cook as well.. each week I try to invent a new dish. Last week I made a grilled capsican and onion puree, with beef that I gave a crust of bread that I soaked into hot sauce before.. “Red Pepper Crusted beef I called it”  with some Broccoli and mushrooms to provide some earthy flavours. I hardly ever plan a dish.. I think about what flavours I want to taste tonight and then I think up a meal that would give me those flavours oftenly in a new way… doesn’t always work out though!

What’s your ideal simulation game like?

This one is tricky since I dont like simulation games all that much, it depends on what you call a simulation game though.. Do we call StarDew Valley a farming simulator?! I do love that game!  To me a simulator game has a simulator in the title OR Tycoon!  Not sure why.. but well if Stardew Valley is a sim.. it is pretty much the perfect one. If we go by my definition it would probably be something close to what Cooking Simulator is right now. The game can’t take itself too seriously and has to have some whimsey, you have to be able to do much about it.

Farming Simulator is huge in germany, back when I had a job/internship in video game reporting I wanted to Cologne Gamescom and kind of had to play it … but darn is this boring stuff. I want to get in a tractor and run over my pigs..well not really want that.. but I want to be able to do that if I so choose. In Cooking Simulator I can make a meal.. but I can also just try to light a candle with a Cremé Brulee burner thing and accidentally set the floor on fire.  I can feed cardboard people and go crazy and toss all the dishes…so in short I pretty much want it to simulate the ultimate murphy’s law effects of whatever I am simulating.

What should the next eeveelution type be? Feel free to choose a brand new type

Honestly I think they should make an Eevee Counterpart rather than a new eevee. Something that gets every type that Eevee doesn’t have.  Eevee currently basically has every typing that has a special attacking bias, with the physical evolutions not being available to it… even though Eeveelutions bounce between physical and special themselves a bit. So I would love to see a slug-like creature that can transform into the Steel, Ground, Rock, Bug , Fighting, Ghost and Dragon Type.  However since Eevee has long since became mascotte number 2, I doubt she will ever get competition.

In which case I would love a Sound Type Eevee.  Why Sound Type.. it’s a typing many of us have been asking for. It would be strong against the Steel and Fairy types to balance how powerful these types are a bit.  Sound types would be special attackers, which I think is a tradition they need to keep for the Eevee line .. to keep the dream of my slug alive.  It would evolve by turning your volume on your Switch to make.. in handheld mode when Eevee Levels up from battle.  It’s name would be Symphoneon. It would get moves like screech , Hyper Voice and Perish song and function a bit as a counterpart for Sylveon.. less bulky , harder hitting, speedier.. with a design that is more cool than cute. 

Do you like bubble/boba tea/drinks? If so, what’s your order?

Kawaii bubble tea illustratie | Premium Vector

I do like bubble tea, it isn’t very easy to get here as we have very limited locations that offer it.  Though locations are popping up more and more, finding one in the nearest city isn’t really a guarantee yet. If they do the flavours are limited. As such I usually save it as a convention treat. If I am at a convention I will get bubble tea and will go crazy for it. I really love the melon soda variety, maybe with some very citrusy flavoured bubbles or lychee flavoured bubbles. I’d love to see a green Melon soda with Water Melon bubbles combo if I could pick anything but I haven’t seen that one yet. I have seen either or though.. so in theory it should be possible for me to get that! One can always have hope Is there any flavour etiquette for these?! I do not know I usually just pick something!

How to make a decision when you have too many choices | by Brian McFadden |  Be Yourself
How I feel , at a Bubble Tea Place!

When character customization is available, do you make your character look as close to you as possible or do you change things up?

Almost never, why would I restrict myself to my physical limitations when I can be anything.  Stardew Valley is a bit of an exception and in the sims I always make a character that is like me.. but I love to walk around with twin tails in video games..It isn’t very doable on the streets though. So it’s more like I’d make the Sweet Lolita version of me I want to be rather than the pink wearing Otaku I settle to be. 

On occasion I also roleplay and those characters tend to create something more evil looking. I do try to incorporate some of my features though, I love it if I can have glasses and I tend to make my characters fairly flat and not the prettiest.  Keep them human..it will also help with role playing them a bit. So actually I do a bit of a mix of what I want to be plus what I am.. both in a combination to scratch an itch yet not create a toxic unlivable self image for myself?!  I create hybrid me’s?! is that weird?! I don’t know anymore.. but that is how I create characters.

Do you have any non-gaming hobbies that overlap with gaming

I hate to kick in an open door but yeah I do have a non gaming hobby that overlaps with gaming… It’s called blogging. It overlaps because I talk a lot about games when I blog.. so I am pretty sure it counts. Healthy prevents me from picking up my YouTube right now BUT?!…..when I get back to that, that also has overlap.  I am such a huge geek that everything I do overlaps with gaming. When I go out with friends, I talk about anime and gaming. When I go to play crane games at the fair.. I use gamer tactics and when I go shopping, I love to buy pop figures.

I love gaming.. and other forms of geekdom..but all my cosplay has been video game characters..technically Megurine Luka is  a bit iffy… but I think she counts.  At anime conventions I spend a lot of time in the game room. Even one of my jobs had overlap with gaming.  When I bake a cake it looks like Pacman! .. There is no real overlap with gaming there though.. I just get the first piece before any of you can share my cake so it will always look like pacman!

Rosemary Olive Oil Cake - The Flour Handprint
Wakka Wakka

What upcoming indie game are you most excited about?

I usually don’t really follow  the development of Indie Titles, a lot of the stuff I like either gets cancelled or we never hear from the people again so I tend to just look at what’s out there currently…early development is allowed of course. Yet there is one title I am super excited about, and it is actually a title McKenna turned me onto.and that game is Monster Harvest. This is basically a combination of Pokémon and StarDew Valley. I actively think about this game now!  It has no release date yet, but near the end of february the announced that coding was done and that seems like a good thing.. I assume that means all events are written and thus the story is finished?! But hey I do not know how coding works I just assume stuff here. I also really liked the idea of Battle Gem Ponies.. but the Demo of it was pretty terrible! I know it is in Pre-Alpha but man… if I see they have been making this for over a year I can not help but feel a bit anxious this might not be as good as I hoped.

Monster Harvest op Steam

Do you collect anything?

Do Sunshine Blogger Awards count? I have like 12 of them!   Just kidding though, I haven’t really been actively collecting anything recently.  I collect Pokémon Plushies and Unicorn plushies as well as other cute plushies but with a twist. I can’t just buy them in the store and put them in a closet, there has to be a story to it. Say I find a unicorn in a crane game while on a theme park adventure with friends… that’s a unicorn I can get. This does include gifts though, because gifts always come with a story. All my plushies come with a story , some more interesting than others but non of them were bought just because I think they were cute.  

Buy Authentic AMUSE Micro Pig Giant Plush at Tofu Cute

My Giant Micro Pig Plushie, Miss Genevieve Luckybutt, I got because I wrote a post on Plushies for OWLS and I wanted to set an example of supporting your favourite dealers you normally see at conventions.  She is the closest I got to “flat-out” store buying though.   I also do a similar thing with Pop Figures, each convention I usually do buy a Plushie and a Pop but never with an intention of finding a specific one.. I always let earlier conversations or events guide me.. I do prefer weird pops though.  I have a Bob Ross Funko for example with his Raccoon! 

What color pallet represents you?

So I think you can guess this one pretty much. We start with #FF89CD pink as a basis it’s a nice bubblegum like pink  in the center of my pallet,  to the left would be white and to the right black.  Then in between it’s basically just shades of pink with the  #ff89CD towards white side of the pallet, dealing with some pastels, while the right side towards the black deals with increasingly “hotter” shades of pink. Pink to me stands for identity.  I spend a lot of time in the hospital and in different hospitals.. and you begin to notice how they say ‘Good Morning <Miss Lastname>’  in this weird tone of utter nothingness. As if spat out by  a text randomiser almost. A translation of your patient number.. but eventually I became Pink girl… an identifier when  there are non… and so it became a trait and a symbol to me.. so my pallet is all sorts of pinks!

The developers of Crypt of the NecroDancer got to take on The Legend of Zelda with Cadence of Hyrule. What game would you like to see Cadence explore next?

Well we need a game that has some bitchin music  and maybe something that is slightly different gameplay wise to the other two games. So one of the options I would love to see is Cadence of  Mega City, a Megaman Cadence game. I think that would be a great candidate. More focussed on shooting but there is a lot of platforming in Megaman that required very specfic timing so I think that would be emulated as well. It would not be easy  but perhaps it could even be combined with the battle network gameplay.. while still being a legacy game.  I do see some options.

Another option that would make a lot of sense to me is Cadence of  Underground , covering Undertale as a game. I feel the battle system of undertale can be crossed with a bit of a Cadence style gameplay as well as it already lends itself to rhythm based dodging from the get go. Reason I am not picking Final Fantasy here by the way is because it already has it’s own rhythm games and plenty of other support. Undertale, having visited Switch, would be a fairly viable candidate as people really  remember it for it’s unique gameplay but it’s music as well. 

What’s your favorite shade of blue?

I wonder who will be the first to answer.. Light blue or Dark Blue to this!  So I need to keep track of the other people tagged!  My favourite shade of blue is Ruddy Blue.  Specifically the slightly faded variant on the Ruddy blue spectrum. Hex Code:  #8BB8E4. It is connected to the bill of the Ruddy Duck. This duck is also known as Oxyura jamaicensis, so let’s please call it the Ruddy Duck so I don’t have to type that again. It’s latin name .. and it Dutch name Rosse Stekelstaart, refer to it’s stiff tail. Rosse in dutch basically means ginger. So it’s a duck that is stiffer than most and kind of an outcast for being ginger! I am bound by all my laws to love this!   I love ducks! The colour that is based on a duck is therefore an amazing colour and Ruddy blue combines fairly well with pink! So cheers for Ruddy Blue!  My favourite shade of blue!

duck bird | Birding Is Fun!: Ruddy Duck - featured bird of GSL Bird  Festival | Bird festival, Bird, Duck bird

Questions from Pinkie, to anyone willing to answer them!

Kawaii Sun by amis0129 on deviantART | Free clip art, Kawaii drawings,  Animated clipart

So as I already said.. I am kind of dropping the tag as it’s my twelfth go at this!   I can’t keep forcing people into this.. so I am dropping the tag.. but giving people the option to keep it alive themselves. My questions this time will be around the theme of sunshine.

1. What is your favourite , good weather game.. or anime.. you know just something that you enjoy for the sunshine scenes and where the scenery makes you smile.
2. What is your favourite thing about spring?!
3. What is your favourite outfit to wear on a sunny day?!
4. What is your favourite drink to enjoy on a sunny day?!
5. How do you feel about that scary sun in Super Mario Bros 3?
6. Do you have a favourite crops/plant growing game or anime?
7. If you could host a picnic for yourself and three other bloggers, who would those bloggers be?
8.  What would be in the picnic basket of aforementioned picnic.
9. How would your picnic blanket look?
10. Who or what would come to ruin your picnic?
11. Who is the sunshine in your life?

There we go, use the Sunshine blogger logo if you want or have some fun with it.. and if you want me to answer my own questions let me know in the comments!  Shine on my little Lights! Oyasumi! Feel free to buy..or enjoy a Kofi for me!

Periwinkle’s Art of War (02): The Fogs and Forgotten Battles of Alaska

Recently playing the classic Metal Gear Solid for the PlayStation had me daydreaming and wondering about the history of the real Alaskan Peninsula Islands the game is said to take place on. Upon reading the Peninsula’s history I stumbled into a forgotten chapter in World War Two history and by re-examining the past I find new perspective of where we are in America today.

The fog never seems to end on the Aleutian Islands in the Alaskan peninsula but the low visibility has never seemed to slow nomads and explorers throughout history. Even at times acting as a strategic cloak or even a blanket burying the remains of soldiers long since forgotten.

Most of the islands themselves now belonging to the U.S. state of Alaska. While some farther west belong to the Far Eastern administrative district of Russia – known as Kamchatka Krai.

But hundreds of thousands of years before oil rigs, English colonists, Russian traders, merchants and Christian missionaries danced across the isolated piano teeth islands, the archipelago itself acted as Gaia’s horizontal ladder between worlds. The only land linking the continents of Asia and North America.

But it wouldn’t be the last time North Americans and Asians would find themselves co-occupying the territories for better or worse.

The “Alaskan Bush”

For gamers this setting would be most familiar with Metal Gear Solid fans. With the original PlayStation, writer Hideo Kojima realized that the 32-bit technology finally had caught up with his story telling and he aimed to redo and expand on his original MSX game, Metal Gear. He saw the updated technology the perfect platform to expand on the game’s lore and story in a more cinematic manner.

He wrote the entire game taking place on the fictional Shadow Moses Island. An island that is said to belong to a part of the real Fox Island Archipelago in the Alaskan Peninsula. Foggy year round, the adverse weather makes the destination extremely hard to navigate and naturally isolated.

But unlike Kojima’s fictional military conflict set in 2005 a real conflict unfolded between the United States and Japan in the same area sixty years before.

June 3rd 1942 began the Aleutian Island Campaign in the American and Pacific Theaters of World War Two. In only the second invasion of American soil ever, the campaign saw a small force of Japanese soldiers occupying two small islands on the archipelago.

Both Attu and Kiska islands, two of the westernmost islands in the territory of Alaska were occupied by Japanese forces. The Japanese reasoned that control of the Aleutian Islands would prevent the United States from an attack across the Northern Pacific.

Japanese troops raise the Imperial battle flag on Kiska Island in the Aleutians (6/6/42)

At first very little changed for the Unangans (the indigenous people living on the islands) under Japanese rule but that would soon change. Many Unangans would be captured by the Japanese and shipped to Hokkaido where they would be kept in internment camps in harsh conditions. Fearing the Japanese advance the American government forcibly evacuated the remaining Unangans into internment camps of their own where many would die due to exposure of Measles and Influenza. It would take nearly eighty years for the United States Government to formally apologize for the internment and treatment of their people.

Vehicles couldn’t maneuver across the island’s rugged terrain. United State’s soldiers here carry supplies by hand through Jarmin Pass

At the time the American and Canadian fears were growing to a fever pitch. They feared having most American troops already in engaged in the European and Pacific theaters of the war that there wasn’t a lot to stop the Japanese from moving up through the peninsula and overtaking Anchorage, moving south to Vancouver and ultimately settling in Seattle, Washington.

The Japanese opened up the aggressions with bombing Dutch Harbor in the city of Unalaska, Alaska. The aerial bombing which made use of the foggy weather conditions as cover lasted over two days – the second of the two days being much more effective – leaving a burning hospital, oil storage tanks and a breached barrack ship left burning in their wake.

140,000 American and Canadian troops were sent to the islands to meet the Japanese. Rugged terrain and ruthless weather would have devastating effects on both sides of the war effort. By March of 1943 a Japanese fleet was engaged in the naval battle of the Kormandorski Islands. One that would cut off Japanese supplies to the Imperial ground troops on the island indefinitely. Setting the stage for the largest forgotten battle on United States soil ever.

Operation Landcrab

On May 11th 1943 – “Operation Landcrab” began with the sole objective of recapturing Attu island from Japanese forces whose numbers only estimated around 8,000. Japanese forces despite being outnumbered and outgunned held the higher ground while Allied forces struggled with booby traps and frostbite.

Finally on May 29th following fierce entrenched combat the Japanese without warning led the largest banzai charge recorded in the Pacific theater. Led by Colonel Yamasaki the charge penetrated Allied forces so deep they wound up face to face with American rear-echelon support troops. The fighting that commenced there after was barbaric. Furious Hand to hand, face to face battle. Completely outnumbered, the Japanese troops were virtually exterminated.

Shortly thereafter Allied troops landed on Kiska island only to find it abandoned. Under the cover of fog the Japanese chose to remove their remaining troops from the area. Like ghost ships drifting back to the expanse of the sea the forgotten battles were now left to the mercy of time and history books which would bury them soon enough.

LEGACY

American military propaganda during WWII. (We’ve come a long way.)

In a foggy, frozen hell hole killing one another with their bare hands it would surely seem unthinkable to both American and Japanese soldiers that less than fifty years later both countries would be incredibly close military and economic allies.

But a theme Kojima constantly reminds his gamers of is that the enemies and politics constantly change yet the battlefield remains the same. Despite a time period’s politics and conflicts – despite yesterday’s rivals making todays greatest allies – despite what propaganda and claims of righteousness on either side of a battle may be – war is just as barbaric as it ever was.

After all of the decision makers and mouth pieces lay down and go to sleep at night it still all ultimately comes down to men and women – human beings – brutalizing and killing one another over an ever changing political landscape and societal policies that are bound to change soon enough on their own.

After the war the wounds began to heal and culturally the times changed as they always seem to do. With the increase in trade, the meteoric rise of the internet, video games, anime and more the love between our two cultures has never been stronger. I, like millions of other Americans LOVE everything about Japanese culture and Americans and American influence is met with an equally enthusiastic adoration in the Far East.

In a particularly heartbreaking week following the senseless murders of eight people in Atlanta – six of them women of Asian descent – it’s imperative for us as a melting pot to mourn the senseless loss of life together and to be angry on behalf of the victims together but most importantly use this time to embrace one another more than ever. To reach out to one another. To love ourselves and each other. To not let the despicable actions of not just this psycho but any racist shit head divide anyone.

To use our common loves as a constant reminder that we all are human beings and none of us are alone in this world. Sometimes the news cycle can make it look bleaker and darker than it is – but seeing the propaganda and history of the past one hundred years – even if we have a ways to go – we’re still heading in the right direction. Together.

Message me on social media and say something cool like, “Yo”

Pinkie’s Fantastic Five: Video Game Writers

Hello Little Lights, and Periwinkle in particular, today I got tagged in a top five by my pool guy. In Mallow spirit he tagged me in a regular post that isn’t really meant to be a blog tag I think?! But I am not sure.. so at least from me , I won’t be tagging people but I will encourage people to take on this challenge themselves. You see this is an interesting topic for me. Video Game Writers.. neither in anime or video games or even movies for that matter I worry too much about the back office.. I enjoy the bigger product.. as an experience of everyone…in most cases. But who are responsible for some of my favourite works? Today we find out!

<Disclaimer>
This post is not an official top 5,  there is no ranking nor do I claim that these five are my absolute favourites. I do not like ranking people and telling one is better than the other, so these can be put in any order and in no way are meant to invalidate YOUR favourite writers!
<End of Disclaimer>

Jonas Kaerlev

So immediately I started with someone who was the subject of some online scrutiny.  However, whether those accusations are true or not does not reflect on his work. They say our guy Jonas stole the work of an artist and when they struck back he tried to defame them or something.  For some this may be a reason not to buy a game but for me this is something that happens anywhere in the world. It’s up to the people involved to resolve this. So him being a potential meanie-bo-beanie to his staff, doesn’t affect his skill. I would not be able to buy a lot of food if I had to boycott every dickish boss.  So.. by now you may wonder, who the heck is this Jonas Kaerlev person?! See I got you interested in him at least?! … Well he is the writer of A Hat in Time and Ceo of Gears for Breakfast.  As a lot of you may know:   I LOVE A HAT IN TIME SOOOOO MUCH!!!!  The writing is ON point.

Lil old Jonas , is a gamer and he has a love for cute cynismsn and that just oozes out of this game. Which gives it such a personality!  It is cute as buttons, but it has so much sas. Much like Kazooie from Banjo., but in Kaerlev’s work it feels much more genuine. It fits these characters so much and there is a crude irony that some of these characters discover about themselves near the finale or during the game that makes these things so incredibly fun. A Hat in Time’s characters feel so unique and vibrant and the mission structure tells a story while also keeping this video game whimsy about it.  The story is largely irrelevant yet you really get to know these characters and you know what is happening still, feeling both retro and modern and for this writing I adore it.

Yuji Horii

I could have easily fitted this list with just J-RPG writers, but that felt a bit cheap.  However mister Horii can not be omitted from this list. He started out as a journalist for something called “magazines” which are like very old fashioned blogs… but offline?! Weird huh!  (Yes I am writing this so people in the future may enjoy it as well).  A random contest issued by Enix led the man to develop the concept for a game called Love Match Tennis. He won the contest.. among others and this inspired him to start making video games.  His game Portopia Serial Murder Case is one of the games that is creditted by Hideo Kojima as the thigns that got HIM into making video games…. see now my post and Perwinkle’s are linked! Sugoi Sugoi!  Yuji Horii would then move on to be one of the creative aspirations behind a little franchise called. Dragon Quest…or Dragon Warrior if you are an old school American! 
WhileI absolutely adore Dragon Quest, especially part VIII ,  that is not the reason he is on this list. No Horii is on my list because he is the writer of Chrono Trigger.

When I did the powerful female tag, I put Celes Chere as a woman who has been trough a lot , mentioning she might be one of my favourite JRPG characters of all time.Yet there is one character that comes to mind even stronger and that is Frog from Chrono Trigger. And no his real name is not Frog and he is not just a frog.. there is a huge backstory to that featuring a powerful sword and evil mage and time travel, yet that is not even the main plot of the game, it’s a “side-story” integrated in the bigger picture. Chrono Trigger has so much story it is insane and it is perfectly interwoven into each other, the very monstrous Lavos as a villain is quite different from what we normally see. JRPG villains tend to be , what I like to call “Frieza Variations”. I know he wasn’t the first.. but he is well know. A charismatic ruler, of immense power that will transform a few times as you fight him. Usually very cold hearted and a megalomaniac.  Chrono Trigger went a very different route, and our journey was different from what we are used too! And while Horii was not solely responsible.. he started it all!

Tim Schafer

While making this list I wanted to make sure to include people throughout genres and throughout the world, so I was brainstorming on genres in which I really enjoy the story.  The idea of horror came up.. but I realised that was not completely true.  I wanna be scared. I’ll leave the Deus Ex writer for Indigo if he decides to do this tag so shooters were out and western RPGs are oftenly really generically written. Then it came to me.  Old school Point and Click adventures. I often care more about their funny stories than about the puzzles all that much. I love the genre and I love the characters. Yet which game should I pick.. my three favourite point and Click adventure stories are: Day of the Tentacle, the original Monkey Island and Day of the Tentacle. So now.. I have to decide which one to pick.. oh nevermind they are all written by the same guy, Tim Schafer. 

I do want to Schafer a slap though for the HORRIBLE ending of Monkey Island 2…. seriously, that is one HORRIBLE video game ending, but his sense of humor is sensible in all of his games. Comedy is hard to put into a video game, it rarely worked in anything other than Point and Click adventures but Tim Schafer to me is the king of video game humor. He proved that it can be done outside of the point and click genre with Brütal Legends and Psychonauts (he also wrote the sequel)  but to me his greatest achievement will be Grim Fandango. The Film Noir and day of the dead inspired the world is so amazing. The adventures of Manny are beautiful.. and the threat of being killed by a flower never felt more real!  It has the perfect balance of comedy, suspense and puzzles that are challenging but feel logical to that world.  Also Tim probably imagined most of the concept for Guybrush freaking Threepwood. Praise Tim!

Hironobu Sakaguchi & Yoshinori  Kitase

Hironobu Sakaguchi

The penultimate slot of this list goes to two people.. and as you may expect by their names, yes they are responsible for a JRPG choice on this list.  So why do I chose two people?! Well because they are co-listed as writers of a few video game gems. Such as Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy VII and of course my all time favourite JRPG, Final Fantasy (ambiguous) VI. I can’t really choose between Sakaguchi and Kitase, because while stories of Final Fantasy games only began to get very good when Kitase showed up (I don’t really care for the story of I through IV) Sakaguchi was the scenario writer for Final Fantasy IX, which might be my second favourite Final Fantasy. So they both made this list. Regardless of what is your favourite Final Fantasy, these two have something to do with it.  Kitase himself says he loves VII the most and his favourite character is Cloud Strife. Now imagine how cool it is to say in their context. HIS favourite character is Cloud Strife. These are THEIR characters. Cloud Strife.. one of THE most Iconic video game characters of all time. It becomes even more epic if you think that unlike Mario, Sonic and even Solid Snake’s design.. who originally just ripped off Kyle Reese from Terminator,  his origins do not stem from just a cool design.. he was probably written first and designed after. Almost none of the other icons will have that feature.

Yoshinori Kitase

So  that already is a testament of their amazing writing prowess, but to me it is still best embodied in Final Fantasy VI. A SteamPunk game that again breaks with a lot of the video game storytelling traditions?!  It created an incredibly complex world with characters that would exist in a world, even if there was no story line. Cecil is an okay character..but without the game there is little to him. The first three games you literally play blank paper sheets or at least their abilities can be traded in. Terra.. without the crown incident would still be interesting, given her heritage. Celes would still feel conflicted about her job without the events  that really drive this game. Edgar would still have his conflict with Sabin. Final Fantasy VI is a great example on how to create a world for me.. the way characters get lost in the woods, do something stupid and end up in more trouble then they bargained for.. it was not just a story that was being told it had it’s characters interact with it. It felt dynamic and is to this day one of my favourite video game stories, and most likely it will be until the day I’d need a Phoenix Down!

Suda51

I know I don’t do rankings, but Suda51 is a top candidate for the number 1 spot on this list.. which is also why I made him my final entry. It is no secret that I like weirdness and randomness and Suda51 is the master of weird. So much so that it can feel convoluted at times, maybe weird for weirds sake. However you just need to see two minutes of a Suda51 game and you will know it is a Suda51 game. His style is on everything.  This can be said for his colleague David Cage, who was on Periwinkle’s list but I do not like David Cage games, they tend to feel a bit preachy at times, there is a heavy bias to certain plot-threads or ways things unfold. Suda51 doesn’t have that for me. Say a David Cage script gets mixed up with these semi-super drama’s like Izombie or the 100, I am not sure I would be able to pick it out of the pile as his work. If I throw Suda51’s writing into a pile of oddball scripts I would still be able to pick out Suda51.. I’d need to throw it into a creative writing course at an Asylum, not to notice it is him.. and even then.. I’d imagine I’d still be able to do it.

I think it is both Cage’s and Suda51’s strength that among games, you can recognise their work for miles. To each goes their own very specific audience and Suda51’s audience is me!  Killer7, Lollipop Chainsaw, Killer is Dead, these all just ooze with flavour and I adore these games. However they do not have Travis Touchdown. No More Heroes is such a unique and strange franchise that really feels like the artists creation. I do not like to do this whole back office thing and look at writers.. but with No More Heroes or Suda51 games, I do not have too.  I know. With all due respect to my four other entries you could tell me another name made them and I would believe it… I can not play No More Heroes and deny Gochi Suda had something to do with it. The way a girl commits suicide by biting down on a grenade.. for losing to Travis, the extremely over the top story that gives room for the strange visuals, the overly cool protagonist that still has to do menial jobs, there is a consistent inconsistency in these games. A way these characters talk to each other that feels larger than life. Larger than normal video games, it’s predictably unpredictable. It is goosebumps and a squee-sounds of joy all over. It’s Suda51!

Like I said I will not be tagging people but I do encourage people in the gaming blogosphere to pick this up and try it themselves.  I don’t think it’s an official tag post and more of a challenge… so I will keep it at that. Challenge yourself to find five other names that are important to you and let’s talk some more video games! Until then, Shine on Little Lights! Oyasumi!

Art by LiciaLurie

The Great Change: A Paradise Story

My dear little lights, the story I have for you today is a new adventure set on Paradise Island, while based in fiction it is also based in reality, just not a whole lot. For the most part this story is just a figment of my imagination..  a springboard for what is to come next. A teaser.. for season four?!  I hoped we could get a few famous guest stars but unfortunately all of them are still locked in their houses due to Covid. Brian Cranston told me he would do it.. but that guy is so overused!  So I passed!

The Beach

The manager of Paradise Island woke up, making some awful wake up sounds, wiping some drool from the corners of her mouth, apparently she bit on her plushy in her sleep again.  Groggily she got up and noticed a feeling of pain and nausea in her system. The dull experience of either a to low blood pressure.. or that sense of uncomfort you get.. just before you get really carsick! Not the  actual sick part.. but that bad feeling you get before. That was her new normal now.  No matter how many vitamins she took, no matter how much walks she would go on and no matter how healthy she ate.. the feeling stayed and it wore her out so often. For days the manager could not get out of bed and she cried. She wanted to make the guests of Paradise happy with all the content cocktails she used to serve before. Yet there simply was not enough energy! Could it be the poison from her own mothiness that kept her down? Unlikely! This problem started slightly more recently.. around the time she started YouTube.. but that dream also gave her so much energy? So what could be wrong.

Doctors could not tell her and explained to her that this might be an advancement of prior conditions. They were trying to help her but no immediate help could be offered, and so yet another day without content cocktails passed on Paradise. The Manager got so frustrated by it that that very frustration made her even sicker. She tried to work.. but for the first time  since she started it all did not sound good enough either. This could not be her glorious return.. and the frustration got bigger and bigger… and because the manager was such a worrywart.. that frustration made her sicker and sicker. Eventually she just lay in bed.. with some lemon tea beside her when she started hallucinating a beach where you encounter all sorts of familiar people…because Grey’s Anatomy did it and it’s really popular now!  So we are doing this.

The sound of the waves were different from that of Paradise island.. and they sand grains weren’t star and heart shaped…which is an actual thing,  no this was not her beach.. this beach was something more akin to that Train Station where Harry Potter met Dumbledore  after he was killed.  As the manager walked on the beach she noticed her footprints left no impressions in the sand.  “The Fudge”  she said.. when someone pulled on her dress. It Design 1 Pinkie.. the Chibi Maker one. “Hi” she said.  “I am the ghost of Paradise past”. 


The Manager patted the O.G. Pinkie on the head but then said sternly. “No!, we are not going to do that, I love you and respect you but we aren’t going the Scrooge route with this story it is so overplayed” Chibi-Pinkie sniffled a bit. “Aren’t you glad to see me then?”  The manager smiled. “Of course I am glad to see you, you are always welcome here and if you chibi maker was still thinking I would use yours more oftenly”. She paused for a moment and hugged the chibi. “Look, I know I had less fun with blogging then when I just started okay, I have become disillusioned with a lot of stuff and might be a bit bitter, I am not striving for the community anymore, and in a way that is wrong but realise this, that is not because I do not want to give these amazing people my attention, I just really lack the energy”.

The Revelation

Chibi Pinkie looked sad and asked “But they are your friends, surely they deserve your time” to which the manager nodded. “Of course they are.. but writing and making content is also my hobby, right now when I am done writing something, I need to lay down that’s how easily fatigued I get, I want to try to be there for these amazing people but it is hard to balance it all and I am looking for the balance, as much as I appreciate you, my sweet Chibi self.. I think I need to  find that balance myself, I do not need a vision of how I changed. So tell me who the ghost of Paradise present is okay?”  Chibi Pinkie nodded and said “It’s Periwinkle.. you used to spend so much time on images and now he isn’t even added to the banner yet”  The Manager chuckled.

“Yes.. I was planning to do a new banner.. but this whole story is kind of the reason why that new banner isn’t there yet, there are more things changing so he’s gonna be on the banner that is coming soon, I promise” The manager smiled looking at her former self.. and then had a thought! “Why don’t you stay around for a little.. I might have a job for you if this story is going where I think it is going.. and I should know cause I am writing it. “Soon we will reveal your thing too”  Chibi Pinkie cheered! 

“So who is the ghost of Paradise future” the manager asked after the celebration was over. “It is your best friend in the whole world,”  Chibi Pinkie said.  The manager smiled. “Ah I haven’t seen him since just before christmas”.  She then looked up at the sky and called out it’s name “Tamago Tomodachi, come on out I know you are there” Please come down from the sky and bestow us with your wisdom”. Both Pinkies looked up to the sky as a fried egg descended, smiling.. and smelling. “Yay it is I the ghost of Paradise Future, come with me Pinkie I have to show you a vision of….”  The manager waved it away “Yeah yeah yeah.. we are skipping that part, we know I have to change.. but how… but let me ask you first.. how did you become the ghost of Paradise Future?” .

The Egg pondered a bit and then began it’s tale. “Well You see, this is a Christmas Carol spoof, and when the three ghosts are brought up the third ghost usually is some obscure cameo of a character you saw in whatever franchise does the spoofing”.  Pinkie nodded as it made sense! “And how do I change.. I mean.. the moth stuff kinda seems wrong to me know”. The Egg shook it’s yolk. “It was not a mistake Pinkie, it was a step you needed to take to find your true self, anyway to find out how you become the new you, you first must discover what you are”.

“Find out what I am? I am a Kaijuman , I went over this a few times”. The Egg nodded while closing his eyes looking all smug and wisey. “While this is true, it would  narratively  prevent the development you have commissioned that will arrive in the near future. So nay you are not just a Kaijuman”. The egg spilled some yolk into the ocean as  giant eggplants grew from  that spot. Just to remind the audience this was a fever dream of sorts… maybe?!  “I am VTuber and VBloggger does that have to do anything to do with it?” asked the manager. “Yes , you are a virtual being, only existing in the online atmosphere.. So what would be an other word you could use for this” said the egg, while trying to look like a japanese Kung Fu master, which isn’t easy if you are just egg whites and yolk. 

“Fake”? asked manager Pinkie. “You are to sincere to be fake” the  egg said. “Digital?” Asked Chibi Pinkie. “Correct little one” the egg now said. The manager pondered and then gasped. “Wait , I am a digital life form that over my nearly two years of blogging has evolved three times… each form bigger and more powerful than the other… am I a Digimon?”.Tamago Tomodachi smiled and said “I can not imagine we would be allowed to use that trademark..but you are basically exactly the same” The manager then shivered. “Does that mean I have to be shot by my family to achieve my Mega Form?” . Her best friend laughed so hard more yolk fell and  the ocean almost became entirely obscured by eggplants. “No, that final evolution needs something different each time, you need to find an item this time”

The Item

Pinkie was very confused by this revelation, so I am something like a Digimon, but not quite…. because of copyright stuff and such.. and I have been trough my Rookie, Champion and Ultimate form.. and to find my perfect form I need an item?  What is the logic behind that?” The rich buddy of the manager finally stopped laughing  and said “Travel to fictional Japan and it will be clear”.  The manager got annoyed and crossed her arms. “If I leave here Periwinkle will let everyone piss in my pool! Indigo has been gone for  while now, Kuro likes to drink from her own bar and Sunny is Sunny. I can not leave this place alone! I am the manager!” The egg nodded compassionately “And there-in lies your problem, you are to weak right now to work every day… you need to become a ruler of this island that doesn’t need to be here every day, so you can recover and get your strength back” . Both Pinkies crossed their arms “And what type of boss would not need to take care of her staff all the time” they said. Tamago Tomodachi  replied sternly. Go to Japan inside your imagination and find out.  Once you are there you will be given your final clue.

“Guess I can finally use these wings for something,” the manager said while picking up Chibi Pinkie. “Let’s go little one” As the two zoomed across the ocean they both realised they were lucky that the fictional Island of Paradise was located somewhere between Fictional Indonesia and Fictional Japan.. and though the power of Imagination and fueled by laziness and limited energy it turned out that this island was a heck of a lot closer to Japan.  Chibi Pinkie and Manager Pinkie did have a bonding moment though where the little version enjoyed flying on the big version. I Imagine you should imagine something like that scene from the Never Ending Story movie, with the song Bastian’s Happy Flight being covered on the Kazoo.. with just enough difference to not be deemed the same song. Landing somewhere in Tokyo the pair immediately spotted a green little turtle. “Oh look it’s our friend Mallow” Chibi Pinkie said.  Manager Pinkie nodded “How convenient, he is always willing to help, I am sure it will be no different this time”. Chibi Pinki, Mallow and the manager shared some takoyaki together.. because… when in Rome and all that. Mallow had revealed to them that the item they would need was at Sony’s headquarters.

Making their way through town the Pinkie’s wondered why it was Sony’s headquarters. Sony is more a Periwinkle thing.. maybe Kuro and even Indigo. Pinkie rarely even touched her PlayStation… was it that? Was she catering to a wrong audience and tapping into the playstation crowd would save her?!  She still felt more like a Nintendo person and most of the content she had planned for the future would be Nintendo as well!. Inside Sony’s headquarters everything seems odd.. as if everything was a really bad anime. Everything looked a lot cheaper. “Have we run out of budget?”  Pinkie wondered to herself?.  They took an elevator up and Manager Pinkie promised to find a place for Chibi Pinkie by her side as a mascot of sorts. Rantan , her current mascot, kept floating off. When the elevator doors openend the delegation of Sony was ready for Pinkie.. they bowed to her. “Weird? Why are you bowing to me?” The Sony delegation cracked a smile at her. “Periwinkle..puray… baaaad peeeeee -eeesss tuuuuoooo game-uuuh, he spenda… lot of money on.. Pee-essss tuooo. So.. if Paradisuuuu remain…….we…..get money….. so we helpuuu. 

Pinkie pondered and then figured, they could be right. Her “employing”  Periwinkle did lead to someone buying American Chopper on PS2, not many people of sound mind would do that , so in a way she was helping Sony get rid of a lot of unwanted stock, maybe he could tempt people into buying these.. like their own Angry Video Game Nerd.. but.. ..with a lot of urine in her pool. But what item could PlayStation have to make her Non-Copyrighted-Digivolve into something beyond a manager?  Did they have some magic power?!  Was it because they have the best Digimon games? When the president came out with a mysterious box it suddenly dawned on Pinkie… as he bowed in front of her and opened the box and a smile appeared on her face and a sparkle returned to her eyes as she uttered the words. “Yes, I think that will do nicely’